Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
~~398~~~ In Scotland, a wisp of straw upon a pole, is or was some years
ago the indication of an alehouse; and to this day a ship or vessel for
sale may be discovered by a birch broom at the mast head. I remember
reading, that in Fleet Market, on the eastern side, there were some
small houses, with a sign post, representing two hands conjoined, with
words, “Marriages performed within” written beneath them, whilst a dirty
fellow assailed the ears of the passengers with the reiterated and loud
address of, “Sir, will you walk in and be married,” (as if the dread of
any stoppage in the trade of conjugality was threatening mankind with
premature extinction,) and the parson was seen walking before his shop,
ready to couple you for a dram of gin or a roll of tobacco.”
“Those were the times for getting married,” exclaimed Bob, “no
affidavits, certificates, and exposures at church doors!”
“No,” continued Sparkle, “those are signs of altered times. A witty
wigmaker adopted the sign of Absolom hanging to a tree, with King David
lamenting at a distance, who was represented with a label issuing from
his mouth, containing these words--
“O Absolom! my Son! my Son!
Had'st thou a peruke worn, thou had'st not been undone.”
This sign, if I remember right, was to be seen a few years since in
Union-street, Borough, and is not uncommon even now in France, where you
may also find the 'Cochon sans Tete,' (the pig without a head,) which is
generally a restaurateur's sign, indicating that 'good pork is here--the
useless animal's head is off,' illustrative of the Negro's opinion of
a pig in England--“de pig,” said Mungo, “is de only gentleman in
England--man workee, woman workee, horse workee, ass workee, ox workee,
and dog workee--pig do nothing but eat and sleep--pig derefore de only
gentleman in England.'”
~~399~~~ The conversation increased in interest as they proceeded, and
Tallyho was all attention; for it must be observed, that as his inquiry
had occasioned it, he was willing to listen to all that could be
advanced on the subject; and the Hon. Tom Dashall determined to have his
share in the explanation.
“The 'Man in the Moon,'” said he, “is derived from the old observation,
that a tipsy person is 'in the wind,' or 'in the moon,' (a lunatic.) The
sign may therefore be thought to give this advice, 'Here is good drink,
gentlemen, walk in and taste it; it will make you as happy as the man in
the moon; that is to say, steep your senses in forgetfulness.'--'The
Bag of Nails' was the sign of an Inn at Chelsea, which may perhaps
be noticed as the _ne plus ultra_ of ludicrous corruption, having
originally been a group of _Bacchanals_.”
Here risibility could no longer be restrained, and a general laugh
ensued.
“A group of Bacchanals, however,” continued Tom, “is certainly not an
out of the way sign for an Inn, nor do I conceive its corruption so
very _outre_, when we look at others that have suffered much stranger
metamorphoses; for who would have thought that time could have performed
such wonderful changes as to have transformed a view of Boulogne Harbour
into a Black Bull, and a tremendous mouth sufficiently large to
swallow its neighbours, horns and all; or the name La Belle Sauvage, or
Beautiful Savage, into a bell, and a gigantic wild man of the woods.”
“Then again,” said Sparkle, “taking up the subject, “the pole and bason,
though no longer the exhibited emblems of a barber's occupation in
London, are still very often to be met with in its environs and in the
country, where they are ostentatiously protruded from the front of
the house, and denote that one of those facetious and intelligent
individuals, who will crop your head or mow your beard, 'dwelleth here.'
Like all other signs, that of the barber is of remote antiquity, and has
been the subject of many learned conjectures: some have conceived it
to originate from the word poll, or head; but the true intention of
the party-coloured staff, was to indicate that the master of the shop
practised surgery, and could breathe a vein, as well as shave a beard;
such a staff being to this day used by practitioners, and put into the
hand of the patient while undergoing the operation of phlebotomy: the
white band, which no doubt you have observed encompassing the staff, was
meant to represent the fillet, thus elegantly twined about it.
~~400~~~ “And this,” said Sparkle, “appears to be the most reasonable
conjecture of any I ever heard, as it is well known the two businesses
were in former times incorporated together, and the practiser was termed
'A Barber Surgeon.' Then as to their utility: the choice of a
witty device, or splendid enluminure, was formerly thought of great
consequence to a young beginner in the world; and I remember reading of
an Innkeeper at Cassel, who having considerably profited by his numerous
customers under the sign of 'The Grey Ass,' supposing himself well
established in his trade and his house, began to be tired of the vulgar
sign over his door, and availed himself of the arrival of the Landgrave
of Hesse, to make (as he thought) a very advantageous change. In an
evil hour, therefore, 'The Grey Ass' was taken down and thrown aside,
in order to give place to a well painted and faithful likeness of the
Prince, which was substituted for it as a most loyal sign.
“A small and almost unfrequented house in the same town, immediately
took up the discarded sign, and speculatively hoisted 'The Grey Ass.'
What was the consequence? Old codgers, married men with scolding Avives
at home, straggling young fellows, and all the 'fraternity of free
topers,' resorted to the house, filled the tap-room, crammed the
parlour, and assailed the bar: the Grey Ass had the run, and was all
the vogue; whilst the venerable Prince of Hesse swung mournfully
and deserted at the other place, and enticed no visitors, foreign
or domestic; for it should be observed, that 'The Grey Ass' had such
reputation all over Germany, that every foreign nobleman or gentleman
who came to Cassel, was sure to order his coach or chaise to be driven
to the inn of that name; and this order of course was still continued,
for how was it to be known by travellers coming from Vienna, Hungary, or
Bohemia, that a certain innkeeper at Cassel had altered his sign? To the
inn, therefore, which was denominated 'The Grey Ass,' they still went.
“What could the poor deserted innkeeper do in such a case? To deface the
fine portrait of his master, would have been high treason; yet losing
his customers on the other hand was downright starvation. In this cruel
dilemma he dreamt of a new scheme, and had it executed.
~~401~~~ The portrait of the Prince was preserved, but he had written
under it, in large characters,
'This is the Original Grey Ass.'
“Excellent!” exclaimed the Hon. Tom Dashall, “though I must confess
you have travelled a long way for your illustration, which is quite
sufficient to shew the utility of signs. But I would ask you if you can
explain or point out the derivation of many we have in London--such for
instance as 'The Pig and Tinder-Box'--'The Prad and Blower'--'The Bird
and Baby'--'The Tyrant and Trembler'--'The Fist and Fragrance'”
“Hold,” cried Sparkle, “I confess I am not quite so learned.”
“They are novel at least,” observed Tallyho, “for I do not recollect to
have met with any of them.”
“Ha, ha, ha!” exclaimed Tom, “then you are not fly, and I must add
something to your stock of knowledge after all. The Pig and Tinder-Box
is no other than the Elephant and Castle--The Prad and Blower, the Horse
and Trumpeter--The Bird and Baby, the Eagle and Child--The Tyrant
and Trembler, the Lion and Lamb--The Fist and Fragrance, the Hand and
Flowers. Then we have the Book, Bauble, and holler, which is intended to
signify the Bible, Crown, and Cushion.”
At this moment a thundering knock at the door announced a visitor, and
put an end to their conversation.
In a few minutes a letter was delivered to Dashall, which required an
immediate answer: he broke the seal, and read as follows:--
“Dear Tom, “Come to me immediately--no time to be lost--insulted and
abused--determined to fight Bluster--You must be my second--I'll blow
his blustering brains out at one pop, never fear. At home at 7, dine at
half-past; don't fail to come: I will explain all over a cool bottle of
claret--then I shall be calm, at present I am all fire and fury--don't
fail to come--half-past seven to a moment on table. You and I alone--toe
to toe, my boy--I'll finish him, and remain, as ever,
“Yours, sincerely,
“Lionel Laconic.”
~~402~~~ “Here's a breeze,” said Tom; “desire the messenger to say I
shall attend at the appointed hour. Death and the devil, this defeats
all previous arrangement; but Laconic is an old college friend, whom I
dare not desert in a moment of emergency. I fear I shall not be able,
under such circumstances, to leave town so early as was proposed.”
“Sorry for it,” replied Sparkle, “and more sorry to be deprived of your
company now our time is so short; however, I depart according to the
time appointed.”
“And I,” said Tallyho, “having no honorable business to detain me in
town, intend to accompany you.”
“If that be the case,” said Tom, “I may perhaps be almost obliged to
delay a few days, in order to adjust this difference between Bluster and
Laconic, and will follow at the earliest moment. It is, however, a duty
we owe each other to render what assistance we can in such cases.” “I
thought,” continued Tallyho, “you were no friend to duelling.”
“By no means,” was the reply; “and that is the very reason why I think
it necessary to delay my departure. I know them both, and may be able
to bring matters to an amicable conclusion; for to tell you the truth, I
don't think either of them particularly partial to the smell of powder;
but of that I shall be able to inform you hereafter; for the present
excuse me--I must prepare for the visit, while you prepare yourselves
for your departure.”
Sparkle and Tallyho wished Tom a pleasant evening, took their dinner
at the Bedford Coffee-house, and spent the evening at Covent-Garden
Theatre, much to their satisfaction, though not without many
anticipations as to the result of their friend's interference between
the two hot-headed duellists.
CHAPTER XXXI
“The music, and the wine,
The garlands, the rose odours, and the flowers,
The sparkling eyes, and flashing ornaments,
The white arms, and the raven hair--the braids
And bracelets--swan-like bosoms, and the necklace,
An India in itself, yet dazzling not the eye
Like what it circled.
All the delusions of the gaudy scene,
Its false and true enchantments--all which
Swam before the giddy eyes.”
~~403~~~
Dashall being wholly occupied by the unexpected affair noticed in our
last Chapter, had left his Cousin and friends to amuse themselves in
the best way they could, prior to the completion of the necessary
arrangements for quitting the metropolis. The party were undecided upon
what object to fix their choice, or how to bend their course; and
while warmly discussing the subject, were suddenly interrupted by the
appearance of Gayfield, who learning that Dashall was from home, and
upon what occasion, broke out with his usual volubility.
“Well, these affairs of honor certainly are imperious, and no doubt
ought to take precedence of every thing else. My object in calling was
chiefly to give him a description of the Countess of ------'s rout on
Saturday last, in Berkeley-square, where I intimated I should be, when
I last fell in with him. '_Oh Ciélo Empireo_.' I'm enchanted yet,
positively enchanted! I ought to have Petrarch's pen to describe such