Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
As the prisoners were being taken out of court, the Hibernian followed
them. “Arrah,” said he, “my lads, as I have procured you a lodging for
nothing, here's the half-a-crown, what the good-looking Jontleman gave
me; it may sarve you in time of need, so take it along with you, perhaps
you may want it more than I do; and if you know the pleasure of spending
money that is honestly come by, it may teach you a lesson that may keep
you out of the clutches of Jock Ketch, and save
1 Blue toggery--Toggery is a flash term for clothing in
general, but is made use of to describe a blue coat.
2 Mizzled--Ran away.
3 Grabb'd--Took, or stole.
4 Shewing a leg--or, as it is sometimes called, giving leg-
bail--making the best use of legs to escape detection.
~90~~you from dying in a horse's night-cap{1}--there, be off wid you.”
The Hon. Tom Dashall, who had carefully watched the proceedings of Pat,
could not help moralizing upon this last act of the Irishman, and the
advice which accompanied it. “Here,” said he to himself, “is a
genuine display of national character. Here is the heat, the fire, the
effervescence, blended with the generosity and open-heartedness, so much
boasted of by the sons of Erin, and so much eulogized by travellers who
have visited the Emerald Isle.” And slipping a sovereign into his hand,
after the execution of a bond to prosecute the offenders, each of them
taking an arm of Sparkle, they passed down Bow-street, conversing on the
occurrences in which they had been engaged, of which the extraordinary
appearance of Sparkle was the most prominent and interesting.
“How in the name of wonder came you in such a scrape?” said Tom.
“Innocently enough, I can assure you,” replied Sparkle--“with my usual
luck--a bit of gig, a lark, and a turn up.{2}
“... 'Twas waxing rather late,
And reeling bucks the street began to scour,
While guardian watchmen, with a tottering gait,
Cried every thing quite clear, except the hour.”
1 Horse's night-cap--A halter.
2 A bit of gig--a lark--a turn up--are terms made use of to
signify a bit of fun of any kind, though the latter more
generally means a fight. Among the bucks and bloods of the
Metropolis, a bit of fun or a lark, as they term it, ending
in a milling match, a night's lodging in the watch-house,
and a composition with the Charleys in the morning, to avoid
exposure before the Magistrate, is a proof of high spirit--a
prime delight, and serves in many cases to stamp a man's
character. Some, however, who have not courage enough to
brave a street-row and its consequences, are fond of fun of
other kinds, heedless of the consequences to others. “Go it,
my boys,” says one of the latter description, “keep it up,
huzza! I loves fun--for I made such a fool of my father last
April day:--but what do you think I did now, eh?--Ha! ha!
ha!--I will tell you what makes me laugh so: we were
keeping it up in prime twig, faith, so about four o'clock in
the morning 1 went down into the kitchen, and there was Dick
the waiter snoring like a pig before a blazing fire--done
up, for the fellow can't keep it up as we jolly boys do: So
thinks 1, I'll have you, my boy--and what does I do, but I
goes softly and takes the tongs, and gets a red hot coal as
big as my head, and plumpt it upon the fellow's foot and run
away, because I loves fun, you know: So it has lamed him,
and that makes me laugh so--Ha! ha! ha!--it was what I call
better than your _rappartees_ and your _bobinâtes_. I'll
tell you more too: you must know I was in high tip-top
spirits, faith, so I stole a dog from a blind man--for I do
loves fun: so then the blind man cried for his dog, and that
made me laugh heartily: So says I to the blind man--Hallo,
Master, what a you a'ter, what is you up to? does you want
your dog?--Yes, Sir, says he. Now only you mark what I said
to the blind man--Then go and look for him, old chap, says
I--Ha! ha! ha!--that's your sort, my boy, keep it up, keep
it up, d---- me. That's the worst of it, I always turn
sick when I think of a Parson--I always do; and my brother
he is a parson too, and he hates to hear any body swear: so
you know I always swear like a trooper when I am near him,
on purpose to roast him. I went to dine with him one day
last week, and there was my sisters, and two or three more
of what you call your modest women; but I sent 'em all from
the table, and then laugh'd at 'em, for I loves fun, and
that was fun alive 0. And so there was nobody in the room
but my brother and me, and I begun to swear most sweetly: I
never swore so well in all my life--I swore all my new
oaths; it would have done you good to have heard me swear;
till at last my brother looked frightened, and d---- me that
was good fun. At last, he lifted up his hands and eyes to
Heaven, and calls out _O tempora, O mores!_ But I was not to
be done so. Oh! oh! Brother, says I, what you think to
frighten me by calling all your family about you; but I
don't care for you, nor your family neither--so stow it--
I'll mill the whole troop--Only bring your Tempora and Mores
here, that's all--let us have fair play, I'll tip 'em the
Gas in a flash of lightning--I'll box 'em for five pounds,
d---- me: here, where's Tempora and Mores, where are they?
My eyes, how he did stare when he see me ready for a set to--
I never laugh'd so in my life--he made but two steps out of
the room, and left me master of the field. What d'ye
think of that for a lark, eh?--Keep it up--keep it up, d----
me, says I--so I sets down to the table, drank as much as I
could--then I mix'd the heel-taps all in one bottle, and
broke all the empty ones--then bid adieu to Tempora and
Mores, and rolled home in a hackney-coach in prime and
plummy order, d---- me.”
“Coming along Piccadilly last night after leaving you, I was overtaken
at the corner of Rupert-street by our old college-companion Harry
Hartwell, pursuing his way to the Hummums, where it seems he has taken
up his abode. Harry, you remember, never was exactly one of us; he
studies too much, and pores everlastingly over musty old volumes of
Law Cases, Blackstone's Commentaries, and other black books, to qualify
himself for the black art, and as fit and proper person to appear at
the Bar. The length of time that had elapsed since our last meeting was
sufficient inducement for us to crack a bottle together; ~92~~so taking
his arm, we proceeded to the place of destination, where we sat talking
over past times, and indulging our humour till half-past one o'clock,
when I sallied forth on my return to Long's, having altogether abandoned
my original intention of calling in Golden-square. At the corner of
Leicester-square, my ears were assailed with a little of the night
music--the rattles were in full chorus, and the Charleys, in prime
twig,{1} were mustering from all quarters.
“The street was all alive, and I made my way through the crowd to the
immediate scene of action, which was rendered peculiarly interesting by
the discovery of a dainty bit of female beauty shewing fight with half
a dozen watchmen, in order to extricate herself from the grasp of these
guardians of our peace. She was evidently under the influence of
the Bacchanalian god, which invigorated her arm, without imparting
discretion to her head, and she laid about her with such dexterity, that
the old files{2} were fearful of losing their prey; but the odds were
fearfully against her, and never did I feel my indignation more aroused,
than when I beheld a sturdy ruffian aim a desperate blow at her head
with his rattle, which in all probability, had it taken the intended
effect, would have sent her in search of that peace in the other world,
of which she was experiencing so little in this. It was not possible
for me to stand by, an idle spectator of the destruction of a female
who appeared to have no defender, whatever might be the nature of the
offence alleged or committed. I therefore warded off the blow with my
left arm, and with my right gave him a well-planted blow on the conk,{3}
which sent him piping into the kennel. In a moment I was surrounded and
charged with a violent assault upon the charley,{4} and interfering with
the guardians of the night in the execution of their duty. A complete
diversion took place from the original object of their fury, and in the
bustle to secure me, the unfortunate girl made her escape, where to, or
how, heaven
1 Prime twig--Any thing accomplished in good order, or with
dexterity: a person well dressed, or in high spirits, is
considered to be in prime twig.
2 Old Jiles--A person who has had a long course of
experience in the arts of fraud, so as to become an adept in
the manouvres of the town, is termed a deep file--a rum
file, or an old file.
3 Conk--The nose.
4 Charley--A watchman.
~93~~only knows. Upon finding this, I made no resistance, but marched
boldly along with the scouts{1} to St. Martin's watch-house, where we
arrived just as a hackney coach drew up to the door.
“Take her in, d----n her eyes, she shall _stump up the rubbish_{2}
before I leave her, or give me the address of her _flash covey_,{3}
and so here goes.” By this time we had entered the watch-house, where
I perceived the awful representative of justice seated in an arm chair,
with a good blazing fire, smoking his pipe in consequential ease.
A crowd of Charleys, with broken lanterns, broken heads, and other
symptoms of a row, together with several casual spectators, had gained
admittance, when Jarvis entered, declaring--By G----he wouldn't be
choused by any wh----re or cull in Christendom, and he would make 'em
come down pretty handsomely, or he'd know the reason why: “And so please
your Worship, Sir”--then turning round, “hallo,” said he, “Sam, what's
becom'd of that there voman--eh--vhat, you've been playing booty eh, and
let her escape.” The man to whom this was intended to be addressed did
not appear to be present, as no reply was made. However, the case was
briefly explained.
“But, by G----, I von't put any thing in Sam's vay again,” cried
Jarvey.{4} For my own part, as I knew nothing of the occurrences
adverted to, I was as much in the dark as if I had gone home without
interruption. The representations of the Charleys proved decisive
against me--in vain I urged the cause of humanity, and the necessity
I felt of protecting a defenceless female from the violence of
accumulating numbers, and that I had done no more than every man ought
to have done upon such an occasion. _Old puff and swill_, the lord
of the night, declared that I must have acted with malice
afore-thought--that I was a pal in the concern, and that I had been
instrumental in the design of effecting a rescue; and, after a very
short deliberation, he concluded that I must be a notorious rascal, and
desired me to make up my mind to remain with him for the remainder of
the night. Not relishing this, I proposed to send for bail, assuring him
of my
1 Scouts--Watchmen.
3 Stump up the rubbish--Meaning she (or he) shall pay, or
find money.
3 Flash covey--A fancy man, partner or protector
4 Jarvey--A coachman.
~94~~attendance in the morning; but was informed it could not be
accepted of, as it was clearly made out against me that I had committed