Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
a violent breach of the peace, and nothing at that time could be
produced that would prove satisfactory. Under these circumstances, and
partly induced by a desire to avoid being troublesome in other quarters,
I submitted to a restraint which it appeared I could not very well
avoid, and, taking my seat in an arm-chair by the fire-side, I soon fell
fast asleep, from which I was only aroused by the occasional entrances
and exits of the guardians, until between four and five o'clock, when
a sort of general muster of the Charleys took place, and each one
depositing his nightly paraphernalia, proceeded to his own habitation.
Finding the liberation of others from their duties would not have the
effect of emancipating me from my confinement, which was likely to
be prolonged to eleven, or perhaps twelve o'clock, I began to feel
my situation as a truly uncomfortable one, when I was informed by the
watch-house keeper, who resides upon the spot, that he was going to
_turn in_,{1} that there was fire enough to last till his wife turn'd
out, which would be about six o'clock, and, as I had the appearance of a
gentleman, if there was any thing I wanted, she would endeavour to make
herself useful in obtaining it. “But Lord,” said he, “there is no such
thing as believing any body now-a-days--there was such sets out, and
such manouvering, that nobody knew nothing of nobody.”
“I am obliged to you, my friend,” said I, “for this piece of
information, and in order that you may understand something of the
person you are speaking to beyond the mere exterior view, here is
half-a-crown for your communication.”
“Why, Sir,” said he, laying on at the same moment a shovel of coals,
“this here makes out what I said--Don't you see, said I, that 'are
Gentleman is a gentleman every inch of him, says I--as don't want
nothing at all no more nor what is right, and if so be as how he's got
himself in a bit of a hobble, I knows very well as how he's got
the tip{2} in his pocket, and does'nt want for spirit to pull it
out--Perhaps you might like some breakfast, sir?”
1 Turn in--Going to bed. This is a term most in use among
seafaring men.
2 Tip is synonymous with blunt, and means money.
~95~~“Why yes,” said I--for I began to feel a little inclined that way.
“O my wife, Sir,” said he, “will do all you want, when she rouses
herself.”
“I suppose,” continued I, “you frequently have occasion to accommodate
persons in similar situations?”
“Lord bless you! yes, sir, and a strange set of rum customers we have
too sometimes--why it was but a few nights ago we had 'em stowed here
as thick as three in a bed. We had 'em all upon the _hop_{1}--you never
see'd such fun in all your life, and this here place was as full of
curiosities as Pidcock's at Exeter Change, or Bartlemy-fair--Show 'em up
here, all alive alive O!”
“Indeed!” said I, feeling a little inquisitive on the subject; “and how
did this happen?”
“Why it was a _rummish_ piece of business altogether. There was a large
party of dancing fashionables all met together for a little jig in St.
Martin's lane, and a very pretty medley there was of them. The fiddlers
wagg'd their elbows, and the lads and lasses their trotters, till about
one o'clock, when, just as they were in the midst of a quadrille, in
burst the officers, and quickly changed the tune. The appearance of
these gentlemen had an instantaneous effect upon all parties present:
the cause of their visit was explained, and the whole squad taken into
custody, to give an account of themselves, and was brought here in
hackney-coaches. The delicate Miss and her assiduous partner, who, a
short time before had been all spirits and animation, were now sunk in
gloomy reflections upon the awkwardness of their situation; and many of
our inhabitants would have fainted when they were informed they would
have to appear before the Magistrate in the morning, but for the
well-timed introduction of a little drap of the _cratur_, which an Irish
lady ax'd me to fetch for her. But the best of the fun was, that in the
group we had a Lord and a Parson! For the dignity of the one, and the
honour of the other, they were admitted to bail--Lord have mercy upon
us! said the Parson--Amen, said the Lord; and this had the desired
effect upon the Constable of the night, for he let them off on the sly,
you understand: But my eyes what work there was in the morning! sixteen
Jarveys, full of live lumber,
1 Hop--A dance.
~96~~were taken to Bow-street, in a nice pickle you may be sure,
dancing-pumps and silk-stockings, after setting in the watch-house all
night, and surrounded by lots of people that hooted and howled, as the
procession passed along, in good style. They were safely landed at the
Brown Bear, from which they were handed over in groups to be examined
by the Magistrate, when the men were discharged upon giving satisfactory
accounts, and the women after some questions being put to them. You see
all this took place because they were dancing in an unlicensed room. It
was altogether a laughable set-out as ever you see'd--the Dandys and
the Dandyzettes--the Exquisites--the Shopmen--the Ladies' maid and the
Prentice Boys--my Lord and his Reverence--mingled up higgledy-piggledy,
pigs in the straw, with Bow-street Officers, Runners and
Watchmen--Ladies squalling and fainting, Men swearing and almost
fighting. It would have been a pleasure to have kick'd up a row that
night, a purpose to get admission--you would have been highly amused,
I'll assure you--good morning, Sir.” And thus saying, he turned the lock
upon me, and left me to my meditations. In about a couple of hours
the old woman made her appearance, and prepared me some coffee; and at
eleven o'clock came the Constable of the night, to accompany me before
the Magistrate.
“Aware that the circumstances were rather against me, and that I had no
right to interfere in other persons' business or quarrels, I consulted
him upon the best mode of making up the matter; for although I had
really done no more than becomes a man in protecting a female, I had
certainly infringed upon the law, in effecting the escape of a person in
custody, and consequently was liable to the penalty or penalties in such
cases made and provided. On our arrival at the Brown Bear, I was met
by a genteel-looking man, who delivered me a letter, and immediately
disappeared. Upon breaking the seal, I found its contents as follows:
Dear Sir, Although unknown to me, I have learned enough of your
character to pronounce you a trump, a prime cock, and nothing but a good
one. I am detained by John Doe and Richard Roe with their d----d _fieri
facias_, or I should be with you. However, I trust you will excuse the
liberty I take in requesting you will make use of the enclosed for the
purpose of shaking yourself out of the ~97~~hands of the scouts and
their pals. We shall have some opportunities of meeting, when I will
explain: in the mean time, believe me I am
Your's truly,
Tom.
“With this advice, so consonant with my own opinion, I immediately
complied; and having satisfied the broken-headed Charley, and paid all
expences incurred, I was induced to walk into the office merely to give
a look around me, when by a lucky chance I saw you enter. And thus you
have a full, true, and particular account of the peregrinations of your
humble servant.”
Listening with close attention to this narrative of Sparkle's, all other
subjects had escaped observation, till they found themselves in the
Strand.
“Whither are we bound?” inquired Sparkle.
“On a voyage of discoveries,” replied Dashall, “and we just wanted you
to act as pilot.”
“What place is this?” inquired Bob.
“That,” continued Sparkle, “is Somerset-house. It is a fine old
building; it stands on the banks of the Thames, raised on piers and
arches, and is now appropriated to various public offices, and houses
belonging to the various offices of the Government.”
“The terrace, which lies on the river, is very fine, and may be well
viewed from Waterloo Bridge. The front in the Strand, you perceive,
has a noble aspect, being composed of a rustic basement, supporting a
Corinthian order of columns crowned with an attic in the centre, and at
the extremities with a balustrade. The south front, which looks into the
court, is very elegant in its composition.
“The basement consists of nine large arches; and three in the centre
open, forming the principal entrance; and three at each end, filled with
windows of the Doric order, are adorned with pilasters, entablatures,
and pediments. On the key-stones of the nine arches are carved, in alto
relievo, nine colossal masks, representing the Ocean, and the eight main
Rivers of England, viz. _Thames, Humber, Mersey, Dee, Medway, Tweed,
Tyne, and Severn_, with appropriate emblems to denote their various
characters.
“Over the basement the Corinthian order consists of ten columns upon
pedestals, having their regular entablature. It comprehends two
floors, and the attic in the centre of the front extends over three
intercolomniations, and is divided into three parts by four colossal
statues placed on ~98~~the columns of the order. It terminates with a
group consisting of the arms of the British empire, supported on one
side by the Genius of England, and by Fame, sounding the trumpet, on the
other. These three open arches in the front form the principal entrance
to the whole of the structure, and lead to an elegant vestibule
decorated with Doric columns.
“The terrace, which fronts the Thames, is spacious, and commands a
beautiful view of part of the river, including Blackfriars, Waterloo,
and Westminster Bridges. It is reared on a grand rustic basement,
having thirty-two spacious arches. The arcade thus formed is judiciously
relieved by projections ornamented with rusticated columns, and the
effect of the whole of the terrace from the water is truly grand and
noble. There is however, at present, no admission for the public to
it; but, in all probability, it will be open to all when the edifice is
completed, which would form one of the finest promenades in the world,
and prove to be one of the first luxuries of the metropolis.
“That statue in the centre is a representation of our late King, George
the Third, with the Thames at his feet, pouring wealth and plenty from
a large Cornucopia. It is executed by Bacon, and has his characteristic
cast of expression. It is in a most ludicrous situation, being placed
behind, and on the brink of a deep area.
“In the vestibule are the rooms of the Royal Society, the Society of
Antiquarians, and the Royal Academy of Arts, all in a very grand and
beautiful style. Over the door of the Royal Academy is a bust of Michael
Angelo; and over the door leading to the Royal Society and Society of
Antiquarians, you will find the bust of Sir Isaac Newton.
“The Government-offices, to which this building is devoted, are objects
of great astonishment to strangers, being at once commodious and
elegant, and worthy the wealth of the nation to which they belong. The
hall of the Navy office is a fine room with two fronts, one facing the
terrace and river, and the other facing the court. On the right is the
Stamp-office: it consists of a multitude of apartments: the room in
which the stamping is executed is very interesting to the curious. On
the left you see the Pay-office of the Navy.
“The principal thing to attract notice in this edifice is 99~~the
solidity and completeness of the workmanship in the masonry, and indeed
in every other part.”
After taking a rather prolonged view of this elegant edifice, they again
sallied forth into the Strand, mingling with all the noise and bustle
of a crowded street, where by turns were to be discovered, justling each