Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
have their teeth drawn, and substitute his minerals: and it
is wonderful to relate, that although his charges were
enormous, and the operation (as may be supposed) not the
most pleasant, yet people could not resist the ingenious
Chevalier's fascinating and drawing puffs; in consequence of
which he soon became possessed of a large surplus of
capital, with which he determined to speculate in the Funds.
For this purpose he employed old Tom Bish, the Stockbroker,
to purchase stock for the amount; but owing to a sudden
fluctuation in the market, a considerable depreciation took
place between the time of purchase and that of payment; a
circumstance which made the Chevalier grin and show his
teeth: Determining however, not to become a victim to the
fangs of Bulls and Bears, but rather to dive like a duck, he
declared the bargain was not legal, and that he would not be
bound by it. Bish upon this occasion proved a hard-mouthed
customer to the man of teeth, and was not a quiet subject to
be drawn, but brought an action against the mineral monger,
and recovered the debt. Tom's counsel, in stating the case,
observed, that the Defendant would find the law could bite
sharper aud hold tighter than any teeth he could make; and
so it turned out.
The Chevalier de R--sp--ni is another character who has cut
no small figure in this line, but has recently made his
appearance in the Gazette, not exactly on so happy an
occasion as such a circumstance would be to his brother
chip, Dr. D--n--ll, now (we suppose) Sir Francis--though
perhaps equally entitled to the honour of knighthood. The
Chevalier has for some years looked Royalty in the face by
residing opposite Carlton House, and taken every precaution
to let the public know that such an important public
character was there to be found, by displaying his name as
conspicuously as possible on brass plates, &c. so that the
visitors to Carlton House could hardly fail to notice him as
the second greatest Character of that great neighbourhood.
But what could induce so great a man to sport his figure in
the Gazette, is as unaccountable as the means by which he
obtained such happy celebrity. Had it occurred immediately
after the war, it might have been concluded without much
stretch of imagination, that the Chevalier, who prides
himself on his intimacy with all the great men of the day,
had, through the friendship of the Duke of Wellington, made
a contract for the teeth and jaw-bones of all who fell at
the battle of Waterloo, and that by bringing to market so
great a stock at one time, the article had fallen in value,
and left the speculating Chevalier so great a loser as to
cause his bankruptcy. Whether such is the real cause or not,
it is difficult to ascertain what could induce the Chevalier
to descend from his dealings with the head to dabble with
lower commodities.
Among other modes of obtaining notoriety, usually resorted
to by Empirics, the Chevalier used to job a very genteel
carriage and pair, but his management was so excellent, that
the expenses of his equipage were very trifling; for as it
was not intended to run, but merely to stand at the door
like a barker at a broker's shop, or a direction-post, he
had the loan on very moderate terms, the job-master taking
into account that the wind of the cattle was not likely to
be injured, or the wheels rattled to pieces by velocity, or
smashed by any violent concussion.
The Chevalier had a Son, who unfortunately was not endowed
by nature with so much ambition or information as his
father; for, frequently when the carriage has been standing
at the door, he has been seen drinking gin most cordially
with Coachee, without once thinking of the evils of example,
or recollecting that he was one of the family. Papa used to
be very angry on these occasions, because, as he said, it
was letting people know that Coachee was only hired as &job,
and not as a family domestic.
For the great benefit and advantage of the community,
Medical Boards have recently been announced in various parts
of the Metropolis, where, according to the assertions of the
Principals, in their advertisements, every disease incident
to human nature is treated by men of skilful practice; and
among these truly useful establishments, those of Drs.
Cooper, Munro, and Co. of Charlotte house, Blackfriars, and
Woodstock-house, Oxford-road, are not the least conspicuous.
Who these worthies are, it is perhaps difficult to
ascertain. One thing however is certain, that Sir
F----s C----e D--n--ll, M.D. is announced as Treasurer,
therefore there can be no doubt but that all is fair above
board, for
“Brutus is an honourable man,
So are they all--all honourable men.”
And where so much skill derived from experience is
exercised, it cannot be doubted but great and important
benefits may result to a liberal and enlightened people. Of
the establishment itself we are informed by a friend, that
having occasion to call on the Treasurer, upon some
business, the door was opened by a copper-coloured servant,
a good-looking young Indian--not a fuscus Hydaspes, but a
serving man of good appearance, who ushered him up stairs,
and introduced him to the front room on the first floor,
where all was quackery, bronze and brass, an electrical
machine, images, pictures and diplomas framed and glazed,
and a table covered with books and papers. In a short time,
a person of very imposing appearance entered the room, with
his hair profusely powdered, and his person, from his chin
to his toes, enveloped in a sort of plaid roquelaure, who,
apologizing for the absence of the Doctor, began to assure
him of his being in the entire confidence of the Board, and
in all probability would have proceeded to the operation of
feeling the pulse in a very short time, had not the visitor
discovered in the features of this disciple of Esculapius a
person he had known in former times. 'Why, good God!'
cried he, 'is that you?--What have you done with the Magic-
lantern, and the Lecture on Heads?--am I right, or am I in
fairy-land?' calling him by his name. It was in vain to
hesitate, it was impossible to escape, the discovery was
complete. It was plain however that the dealer in magical
delusions had not altogether given up the art of
legerdemain, which, perhaps, he finds the most profitable of
the two.
Of the worthy Knight himself, (and perhaps the Coopers and
Munros have been consumed by the electrical fluid of their
own Board) much might be said. He is the inventor of a life-
preserver, with which it may be fairly presumed he has
effected valuable services to his country by the
preservation of Royalty, as a proof of deserving the honour
he has obtained. He is patriotic and independent, masonic
and benevolent, a great admirer of fancy horses and fancy
ladies, a curer of incurables, and has recently published
one of the most extraordinary Memoirs that has ever been
laid before the public, embellished with two portraits:
which of the two is most interesting must be left to the
discrimination of those who view them. It must however be
acknowledged, that after reading the following extract,
ingratitude is not yet eradicated from our nature, since,
notwithstanding he has obtained the dignified appellation of
Sir Francis, the Gazette says, that “in future no improper
person shall be admitted to the honour of knighthood, in
consequence of two surreptitious presentations lately”--the
one an M.D. the other F.R.C. Surgeons, particularly if it
were possible that this Gentleman may be one of the persons
alluded to. For, what says the Memoir?
“The utility of Sir Francis's invention being thus fully
established, and its ingenuity universally admired, it
excited the interest of the first characters among the
nobility, and an introduction to Court was repeatedly
offered to Sir Francis on this account. After a previous
communication with one of the Royal Family, and also with
the Secretary of State, on the 14th June last, he had the
honour of being presented to His Majesty, who, justly
appreciating the merit of the discovery, was pleased to
confer upon him the honour of knighthood.
“Thus it is pleasing, in the distribution of honours by the
hand of the Sovereign, to mark where they are conferred on
real merit. This is the true intention of their origin; but
it has been too often departed from, and they have been
given where no other title existed than being the friend of
those who had influence to gain the Royal ear. From the
above statement, it will be seen this honour was conferred
on Sir Francis by his Majesty for an invention, which has
saved since its discovery the lives of many hundreds, and
which may be considered as having given the original idea to
the similar inventions that have been attempted since that
time. Its utility and importance we have also seen
acknowledged and rewarded by the two leading Societies in
this country, and perhaps in Europe, viz. the Royal Humane,
and the Society of Arts. The Sovereign therefore was only
recognizing merit which had been previously established; and
the honour of knighthood, to the credit of the individual,
was conferred by his Majesty in the most liberal and
handsome manner, without any other influence being used by
Sir Francis than simply preferring the claim.”
Thus the subject of Knighthood is to be nursed; and as the
Doctor and the Nurse are generally to be recognized
together, no one can read this part of the Memoir without
exclaiming--Well done, Nussey. But why not Gazetted, after
this liberal and hand-some manner of being rewarded? or why
an allusion to two surreptitious presentations, the names of
which two persons, so pointedly omitted, cannot well be
misunderstood? This is but doing things by halves, though no
such an observation can be applied to the proceedings of
Charlotte-house, where Cooper, Munro, and Co. (being well
explained) means two or three persons, viz. a black, a white
man, and a mahogany-coloured Knight--a barber by trade, and
a skinner by company--a dealer in mercurials--a puff by
practice and an advertiser well versed in all the arts of
his prototype--a practitioner in panygyric--the puff direct--
the puff preliminary--the puff collateral--the puff
collusive--and the puff oblique, or puff by implication.
Whether this will apply to Sir Charles Althis or not, is
perhaps not so easy to ascertain; but as birds of a feather
like to flock together, so these medical Knights in
misfortune deserve to be noticed in the same column,
although the one is said to be a Shaver, and the other a
Quaker. It seems they have both been moved by the same
spirit, and both follow (a good way off) the profession of
medicine.
Among the various improvements of these improving times, for
we are still improving, notwithstanding complaint, a learned