Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
it is probable that all its properties and powers are not
yet discovered, and that we may some day or other witness
the ascension of a cast-iron balloon inflated with steam!
~126~~coaches running, and barges, packets, and sailing-boats navigated,
by Steam{1}--St. Paul's, as you perceive, without its ball--smoke
burning itself, and money burning men's consciences.”
“Well done, Sparkle!” cried Tom; “your ideas seem to flow like gas,
touch but the valve and off you go; and you are equally diffusive, for
you throw a light upon all subjects.”
Bob was now suddenly attracted by a full view of himself and his friends
at the further end of Everington's{2}
1 Steam--Here is a subject that evaporates as we approach;
it soars beyond finite comprehension, and appears to be
inexhaustible--every thing is done by it--machinery of every
kind is set in motion by it--a newspaper of the most
extensive circulation in the kingdom is printed by it, and
the paper supplied sheet by sheet to receive the impression.
Tobacco is manufactured, and sausage-meat cut, by steam--
nay, a celebrated Vender of the latter article had asserted,
that his machinery was in such a state of progressive
improvement, that he had little doubt before long of making
it supply the demands of his customers, and thereby save the
expense of a Shopman; but, it is much to be regretted, his
apparatus made sausage-meat of him before the accomplishment
of his project.
Considering the increasing, and by some Philosophers almost
overwhelming population of the country at the present
moment, it is certainly an alarming circumstance, that when
employment is so much required, mechanical science should so
completely supersede it to the injury of thousands,
independent of the many who have lost their lives by the
blowing up of steam-engines. It is a malady however which
must be left to our political economists, who will
doubtless at the same time determine which would prove the
most effectual remedy--the recommendation of Mr. Malthus to
condemn the lower orders to celibacy--the Jack Tars to a
good war--or the Ministers to emigration.
2 If an estimate of the wealth or poverty of the nation
were to lie formed from the appearance of the houses in the
Metropolis, no one could be induced to believe that the
latter had any existence among us. The splendour and taste
of our streets is indescribable, and the vast improvements
in the West are equally indicative of the former.
The enormous increase of rents for Shops, particularly in
the leading thoroughfares of London, may in a great measure
be attributed to the Linen-drapers. The usual method
practised by some of these gentry, is to take a shop in the
first-rate situation, pull down the old front, and erect a
new one, regardless of expense, a good outside being
considered the first and indispensable requisite. This is
often effected, either upon credit with a builder, or, if
they have a capital of a few hundreds, it is all exhausted
in external decorations. Goods are obtained upon credit, and
customers procured by puffing advertisements, and exciting
astonishment at the splendid appearance of the front. Thus
the concern is generally carried on till the credit obtained
has expired, and the wonder and novelty of the concern has
evaporated; when the stock is _sold off at 30 per cent,
under prime cost for the benefit of the creditors_! This is
so common an occurrence, that it is scarcely possible to
walk through London any day in the year, without being
attracted by numerous Linen-drapers' shops, whose windows
are decorated with bills, indicating that they are actually
selling off under prime cost, as the premises must be
cleared in a few days.
The most elegant Shop of this description in the Metropolis
is supposed to be one not a hundred miles from Ludgate-hill,
the front and fitting up of which alone is said to have cost
several thousand pounds. The interior is nearly all of
looking-glass, with gilt mouldings; even the ceiling is
looking-glass, from which is appended splendid cut-glass
chandeliers, which when lighted give to the whole the
brilliance of enchantment; however it is not very easy to
form an idea of what is sold, for, with the exception of a
shawl or two carelessly thrown into the window, there is
nothing to be seen, (the stock being all concealed in
drawers, cupboards, &c. ) except the decorations and the
Dandy Shopmen, who parade up and down in a state of ecstasy
at the reflection of their own pretty persons from every
part of the premises!
This concealment of the stock has occasioned some laughable
occurrences. It is said that a gentleman from the country
accidentally passing, took it for a looking-glass
manufactory, and went in to inquire the price of a glass.
The Shopmen gathered round him with evident surprise,
assured him of his mistake, and directed him to go to
Blades,{1} lower down the Hill. The Countryman was not
disconcerted, but, after surveying them somewhat minutely,
informed them it was glass he wanted, not cutlery; but as
for blades, he thought there were enow there for one street,
at least.
Another is said to have been so pleased with a row of
grotesque Indian-China jars, which embellish one side of the
entrance, and which he mistook for _pots de chambre_, that
after returning home and consulting his rib, he sent an
order per post for one of the most elegant pattern to be
forwarded to him!
There is a similar Shop to this, though on a smaller scale,
to be seen in a great leading thoroughfare at the West end
of the Town; the owner of which, from his swarthy complexion
and extravagant mode of dress, has been denominated The
Black Prince, a name by which he is well known in his own
neighbourhood, and among the gentlemen of the cloth. This
dandy gentleman, who affects the dress and air of a military
officer, has the egregious vanity to boast that the numerous
families of rank and fashion who frequent his shop, are
principally attracted to view his elegant person, and seems
to consider that upon this principally depends the success
of his trade.
1 A large Glass-manufacturer.
128--shop, and without observing the other persons about him, saw
himself surrounded with spectators, unconscious of being in their
company. He look'd up--he look'd down--he gazed around him, and all was
inconceivable light. Tom's allusion to the gas flashed upon him in a
moment--“What--what is this?” said he--“where, in the name of wonder, am
I?” A flash of lightning could not have operated more suddenly upon him.
“Why,” said Sparkle, “don't you see?
“You are not here, for you are there,”
pointing to his reflection, in the looking-glass.
“Egad,” said Bob, under evident surprise, and perhaps not without
some apprehension they were playing tricks with him--“I wish you would
explain--is this a Drawing-room, or is it the _Phantasmagoria_ we have
heard so much of in the country?”
“No, no, it is not the Phantasmagoria, but it forms a part of
metropolitan magic, which you shall be better acquainted with before we
part. That is no other than a Linen-draper's shop, '_papered_,' as
an Irishman one day remarked, 'vvid nothing at all at all but
looking-glass, my dear '--one of the most superb things of the kind that
perhaps ever was seen--But come, I perceive it is getting late, let us
proceed directly to Dolly's, take our chop, then a _rattler_,{1} and hey
for the Spell.”{2}
Bob appeared almost to be spell-bound at the moment, and, as they moved
onward, could not help casting
“One longing, lingering look behind.”
1 Rattler--A coach.
2 Spell--The Play-house; so denominated from its variety of
attractions, both before and behind the curtain.
CHAPTER X
“What various swains our motley walls contain!
Fashion from Moorfields, honour from Chick-lane;
Bankers from Paper-buildings here resort,
Bankrupts from Golden-square and Riches-court;
From the Haymarket canting rogues in grain,
Gulls from the Poultry, sots from Water-lane;
The lottery cormorant, the auction shark,
The full-price master, and the half-price clerk;
Boys, who long linger at the gallery-door,
With pence twice live, they want but twopence more,
Till some Samaritan the twopence spares,
And sends them jumping up the gallery-stairs.
Critics we boast, who ne'er their malice baulk,
But talk their minds--we wish they'd mind their talk;
Big-worded bullies, who by quarrels live,
Who give the lie, and tell the lie they give;
Jews from St. Mary-Axe, for jobs so wary,
That for old clothes they'd even axe St. Mary;
And Bucks with pockets empty as their pate,
Lax in their gaiters, laxer in their gait.
Say, why these Babel strains from Babel tongues?
Who's that calls “Silence” with such leathern lungs?
He, who, in quest of quiet, “Silence” hoots,
Is apt to make the hubbub he imputes.”
IN a few minutes they entered Dolly's, from whence, after partaking of a
cheerful repast and an exhilarating glass of wine, a coach conveyed them
to Drury-lane. ',
“Now,” said the Hon. Tom Dashall, “I shall introduce you to a new scene
in Real Life, well worth your close observation. We have already taken
a promiscuous ramble from the West towards the East, and it has afforded
some amusement; but our stock is abundant, and many objects of curiosity
are still in view.”
“Yes, yes,” continued Sparkle, “every day produces novelty; for although
London itself is always the same, the inhabitants assume various forms,
as inclination or necessity may induce or compel. The Charioteer of
~130~~to-day, dashing along with four in hand, may be an inhabitant of
the King's-bench to-morrow, and--but here we are, and Marino Faliero is
the order of the night. The character of its author is so well known, as
to require no observation; but you will be introduced to a great variety
of other characters, both in High and Low Life, of an interesting
nature.”
By this time they had alighted, and were entering the House. The rapid
succession of carriages arriving with the company, the splendour of the
equipages, the general elegance of the dresses, and the blazing of the
lamps, alternately became objects of attraction to Bob, whose eyes were
kept in constant motion--while “A Bill of the Play for Covent Garden or
Drury Lane,” still resounded in their ears.
On arriving at the Box-lobby, Tom, who was well known, was immediately
shewn into the centre box with great politeness by the Box-keeper,{1}
the second scene of the Tragedy being just over. The appearance of the
House was a delicious treat to Bob, whose visual orbs wandered more
among the delighted and delightful faces which surrounded him, than to
the plot or the progress of the performances before him. It was a scene
of splendour of which lie had not the least conception; and Sparkle
perceiving the principal objects of attraction, could not resist the
impulse to deliver, in a sort of half-whisper, the following lines:--
“When Woman's soft smile all our senses bewilders,