Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
And gilds while it carves her dear form on the heart,
What need has new Drury of carvers and gilders?
With nature so bounteous, why call upon art?
1 The Box-keeper to a public Theatre has many duties to
perform to the public, his employer, and himself; but,
perhaps, in order to be strictly correct, we ought to have
reversed the order in which we have noticed them, since of
the three, the latter appears to be the most important, (at
least) in his consideration; for he takes care before the
commencement of the performance to place one of his
automaton figures on the second row of every box, which
commands a good view of the House, who are merely intended
to sit with their hats off, and to signify that the two
first seats are taken, till the conclusion of the second
act; and so in point of fact they are taken by himself, for
the accommodation of such friends as he is quite aware are
willing to accommodate him with _a quid pro quo_.
How well would our Actors attend to their duties,
Our House save in oil, and our Authors in wit,
In lieu of yon lamps, if a row of young Beauties
Glanc'd light from their eyes between us and the Pit.
The apples that grew on the fruit-tree of knowledge
By Woman were pluck'd, and she still wears the prize,
To tempt us in Theatre, Senate, or College--
I mean the Love-apples that bloom in the eyes.
There too is the lash which, all statutes controlling,
Still governs the slaves that are made by the Fair,
For Man is the pupil who, while her eye's rolling,
Is lifted to rapture, or sunk in despair.”
~131~~Tallyho eagerly listened to his friend's recitation of lines so
consonant with his own enraptured feelings; while his Cousin Dashall was
holding a conversation in dumb-show with some person at a distance,
who was presently recognized by Sparkle to be Mrs. G----den,{1} a
well-known frequenter of the House.
“Come,” said he, “I see how it is with Tom--you may rely upon it he
will not stop long where he is, there is other game in view--he has but
little taste for Tragedy fiction, the Realities of Life are the objects
of his regard.
“Tis a fine Tragedy,” continued he, addressing himself to Tom.
“Yes--yes,” replied the other, “I dare say it is, but, upon my soul,
I know nothing about it--that is--I have seen it before, and I mean to
read it.”
“Bless my heart!” said a fat lady in a back seat, “what a noise them
'are gentlemen does make--they talk so loud there 'ant no such thing
as seeing what is said--I wonder they don't make these here boxes more
bigger, for I declare I'm so scrouged I'm all in a--Fanny, did you bring
the rumperella for fear it should rain as we goes home?”
“Hush, Mother,” said a plump-faced little girl, who sat along side of
her--“don't talk so loud, or otherwise every body will hear you instead
of the Performers, and that would be quite preposterous.”
“Don't call me _posterous_ Miss; because you have been to school, and
learnt some _edification_, you thinks you are to do as you please with
me.”
1 Mrs. G----den, a dashing Cyprian of the first order, well
known in the House, a fine, well-made woman, always ready
for a lark, and generally well togged.
~132~~This interesting conversation was interrupted by loud
vociferations of Bravo, Bravo, from all parts of the House, as the
drop-scene fell upon the conclusion of the second act. The clapping of
hands, the whistling and noise that ensued for a few minutes, appeared
to astonish Tallyho. “I don't much like my seat,” said Dashall. “No,”
said Sparkle, “I did not much expect you would remain long--you are a
mighty ambitious sort of fellow, and I perceive you have a desire to be
exalted.”
“I confess the situation, is too confined,” replied Tom--“come, it is
excessively warm here, let us take a turn and catch a little air.”
The House was crowded in every part; for the announcement of a new
Tragedy from the pen of Lord Byron, particularly under the circumstances
of its introduction to the Stage, against the expressed inclination of
its Author, the
1 At an early hour on the evening this Tragedy was first
pro-duced at Drury Lane, Hand-bills were plentifully
distributed through the Theatre, of which the following is a
copy:
“The public are respectfully informed, that the
representation of Lord Byron's Tragedy, The Doge of Venice,
this evening, takes place in defiance of the injunction from
the Lord Chancellor, which was not applied for until the
remonstrance of the Publisher, at the earnest desire of the
noble Author, had failed in protecting that Drama from its
intrusion on the Stage, for which it was never intended.”
This announcement had the effect of exciting public
expectation beyond its usual pitch upon such occasions. The
circumstances were somewhat new in the history of the Drama:
the question being, whether a published Flay could be
legally brought on the Stage without the consent, or rather
we should say, in defiance of the Author. “We are not aware
whether this question has been absolutely decided, but this
we do know, that the Piece was performed several nights, and
underwent all the puffing of the adventurous Manager, as
well as all the severity of the Critics. The newspapers of
the day were filled with histories and observations upon it.
No subject engrossed the conversation of the polite and
play-going part of the community but Lord Byron, The Doge of
Venice, and Mr. Elliston. They were all bepraised and
beplastered--exalted and debased--acquitted and condemned;
but it was generally allowed on all hands, that the printed
Tragedy contained many striking beauties, notwithstanding
its alleged resemblance to Venice Preserved. We are,
however, speaking of the acted Tragedy, and the magnanimous
Manager, who with such promptitude produced it in an altered
shape; and having already alluded to the theatrical puffing
so constantly resorted to upon all occasions, we shall drop
the curtain upon the subject, after merely remarking, that
the Times of the same day has been known to contain the
Manager's puff, declaring the piece to have been
received with rapturous applause, in direct opposition
to the Editor's critique, which as unequivocally pronounced
its complete failure!
~133~~will of its publisher, and the injunction{1} of the Lord
Chancellor, were attractions of no ordinary nature; and
1 Injunction--The word injunction implies a great deal, and
has in its sound so much of the terrific, as in many
instances to paralyze exertion on the part of the supposed
offending person or persons. It has been made the instrument
of artful, designing, and malicious persons, aided by
pettifogging or pretended attorneys, to obtain money for
themselves and clients by way of compromise; and in numerous
instances it is well known that fear has been construed into
actual guilt. Injunctions are become so common, that even
penny printsellers have lately issued threats, and promised
actual proceedings, against the venders of articles said to
be copies from their original drawings, and even carried it
so far as to withhold (kind souls!) the execution of their
promises, upon the payment of a 5L. from those who were
easily to be duped, having no inclination to encounter the
glorious uncertainty of the law, or no time to spare for
litigation. We have recently been furnished with a curious
case which occurred in Utopia, where it appears by our
informant, that the laws hold great similarity with our own.
A certain house of considerable respectability had imported
a large quantity of Welsh cheese, which were packed in
wooden boxes, and offered them for sale (a great rarity in
Eutopia) as double Gloucester.
It is said that two of a trade seldom agree; how far the
adage may apply to Eutopia, will be seen in the sequel. A
tradesman, residing in the next street, a short time after,
received an importation from Gloucester, of the favourite
double production of that place, packed in a similar way,
and (as was very natural for a tradesman to do, at least we
know it is so here,) the latter immediately began to vend
his cheese as the real Double Gloucester. This was an
offence beyond bearing. The High Court of Equity was moved,
similar we suppose to our High Court of Chancery, to
suppress the sale of the latter; but as no proof of
deception could be produced, it was not granted. This only
increased the flame already excited in the breasts of the
first importers; every effort was made use of to find a good
and sufficient excuse to petition the Court again, and at
length they found out one of the craft to swear, that as the
real Gloucester had been imported in boxes of a similar
shape, make, and wood, it was quite evident that the
possessor must have bought similar cheeses, and was imposing
on the public to their great disadvantage, notwithstanding
they could not find a similarity either of taste, smell, or
appearance. In the mean time the real Gloucester cheese
became a general favourite with the inhabit-ants of Utopia,
and upon this, though slender ground, the innocent tradesman
was served with a process, enjoining him not to do that,
which, poor man, he never intended to do; and besides if he
had, the people of that country were not such ignoramuses as
to be so deceived; it was merely to restrain him from
selling his own real double Gloucester as their Welsh
cheeses, purporting, as they did, to be double Gloucester,
or of mixing them together (than which nothing could be
further from his thoughts,) and charging him at the same
time with having sold his cheeses under their name. But the
most curious part of the business was, the real cheeseman
brought the investigation before the Court, cheeses in boxes
were produced, and evidence was brought forward, when, as
the charges alleged could not be substantiated, the
restraint was removed, and the three importers of Welsh
cheese hung their heads, and retired in dudgeon.
134~~the Hon. Tom availed himself of the circumstance to leave the Box,
though the truth was, there were other attractions of a more enlivening
cast in his view.
“Come,” said he, “we shall have a better opportunity of seeing the
House, and its decorations, by getting nearer to the curtain; besides,
Ave shall have a bird's-eye view of the company in all quarters, from
the seat of the Gods to the Pit.”
The influx of company, (it being the time of half-price), and the
rush and confusion which took place in all parts at this moment, were
indescribable. Jumping over boxes and obtaining seats by any means,
regardless of politeness or even of decorum--Bucks and Bloods warm
from the pleasures of the bottle--dashing Belles and flaming Beaux,
squabbling and almost fighting--rendered the amusements before the
curtain of a momentary interest, which appeared to obliterate the
recollection of what they had previously witnessed. In the mean time,
the Gods in the Gallery issued forth an abundant variety of discordant
sounds, from their elevated situation. Growling of bears, grunting of
hogs, braying of donkeys, gobbling of turkeys, hissing of geese,