Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
the catcall, and the loud shrill whistle, were heard in one mingling
concatenation of excellent imitation and undistinguished variety: During
which, Tom led the way to the upper Boxes, where upon arriving, he
was evidently disappointed at not meeting the party who had been
seen occupying a seat on the left side of the House, besides having
sacrificed a front seat, to be now compelled to take one at the very
back part of a side Box, an exchange by no means advantageous for a view
of the performance. However, this was compensated in some degree by a
more extensive prospect round the House; and his eyes were seen moving
in all directions, without seeming to know where to fix, while Sparkle
and Bob were attracted by a fight in the Gallery, between a Soldier and
a Gentleman's Servant in livery, for some supposed ~135~~insult offered
to the companion of the latter, and which promised serious results
from the repeated vociferations of those around them, of “Throw 'em
over--throw 'em over;” while the gifts of the Gods were plentifully
showered down upon the inhabitants of the lower regions in the shape
of orange-peelings, apples, &c. The drawing up of the curtain however
seemed to have some little effect upon the audience, and in a moment the
Babel of tongues was changed into a pretty general cry of “Down--down
in the front--hats off--silence, &c. which at length subsided in every
quarter but the Gallery, where still some mutterings and murmurings were
at intervals to be heard.
“----one fiddle will
Produce a tiny flourish still.”
Sparkle could neither see nor hear the performance--Tom was wholly
engaged in observing the company, and Bob alternately straining his neck
to get a view of the Stage, and then towards the noisy inhabitants of
the upper regions. “We dined at the Hummums,” said a finicking little
Gentleman just below him--“Bill, and I, and Harry--drank claret like
fishes--Harry was half-sprung--fell out with a Parson about chopping
logic; you know Harry's father was a butcher, and used to chopping,
so it was all prime--the Parson would'n't be convinced, though Harry
knock'd down his argument with his knuckles on the table, almost hard
enough to split it--it was a bang-up lark--Harry got in a passion,
doff'd his toggery, and was going to show fight--so then the Parson
sneak'd off--Such a bit of gig.'”
“Silence there, behind.”
“So then,” continued the Dandy, “we went to the Billiard-rooms, in Fleet
Street, played three games, diddled the Flats, bilk'd the Marker, and
bolted--I say, when did you see Dolly?”{1}
1 To the frequenters of Drury-lane Theatre, who occasionally
lounge away a little of their time between the acts in
sipping soda-water, negus, &c. the party here alluded to
cannot but be well known--we mean particularly the laffing-
boys and the lads of the village. We are aware that
fictitious names are assumed or given to the Ladies of
Saloon notoriety, originating in particular circum-stances,
and we have reason to believe that Dolly K----lly has been
so denominated from the propensity she almost invariably
manifests of painting, as remarked particularly by one of
the parties in conversation.
~136~~“Last night,” replied the other--“she'll be here
presently--d----nd fine girl, arn't she?”
“Very well,” said the first; “a nice plump face, but then she paints
so d--n--bly, I hate your painted Dollys, give me natural flesh and
blood--Polly H--ward for me.”
“Gallows Tom{1} will speak to you in plain terms if you trespass there,
my boy; you know he has out-general'd the Captain in that quarter, and
came off victorious, so----”
“Come,” said Sparkle, “let us adjourn into the Saloon, for, Heaven
knows, it is useless staying here.” And taking their arms, they
immediately left the Box.
“The theatre,” continued he, “is a sort of enchanted island, where
nothing appears as it really is, nor what it should be. In London, it is
a sort of time-killer, or exchange of looks and smiles. It is frequented
by persons of all degrees and qualities whatsoever. Here Lords come
to laugh and be laughed at--Knights to learn the amorous smirk and
a-la-mode grin, the newest fashion in the cut of his garments, the twist
of his body, and the adjustment of his phiz.
“This House{2} was built upon a grand and extensive scale, designed and
executed under the inspection of Mr. Benj. Wyatt, the architect, whose
skill was powerfully and liberally aided by an intelligent and public
spirited Committee, of which the late Mr. Whitbread was the Chairman. It
is altogether a master-piece of art, and an ornament to the Metropolis.
You perceive the interior is truly delightful, and the exterior presents
the idea of solidity and security: it affords sitting room for 2810
persons, that is, 1200 in the Boxes, 850 in the Pit, 480
1 It appears that the adoption of fictitious names is not
wholly confined to the female visitors of these regions of
fashion and folly. Gallows Tom is a character well known,
and is a sort of general friend, at all times full of fun,
fire, and spirit. We have not been able to discover whether
he holds any official situation under government, though it
is generally believed he is safely anchored under the croum,
a stanch friend to the British constitution--probably more
so than to his own. And we should judge from what is to be
inferred from the conversation overheard, that he is the
acknowledged friend of Miss H----d. Capt. T----pe is
supposed to hold a Commission in the Navy, a gay and gallant
frequenter of the Saloon, and, till a short time back, the
chere ami of Miss H----d.
2 The building of this Theatre was completed for 112,000L.
Including lamps, furniture, &c. 125,000L.; and including
scent ry, wardrobe, properties, &c. 150,000L.
~137~~in the Lower Gallery, and 280 in the Upper Gallery. The talents of
the celebrated Mr. Kean (who has recently left us for the shores of the
Atlantic) first blazed forth to astonish the world beneath this roof.
Old Drury immortalized the name of Garrick, and has also established the
fame of Mr. Kean; and the House at the present moment has to boast of a
combination of histrionic{1} talent, rich and excellent.”
“Come along, come along,” said Tom, interrupting him, “leave these
explanations for another opportunity--here is the Saloon. Now for a peep
at old particulars. There is no seeing nor hearing the Play--I have no
inclination for histories, I am just alive for a bit of gig.”
On entering the Saloon, Bob was additionally gratified at viewing
the splendour of its decorations. The arched ceiling, the two massy
Corinthian columns of _vera antique_, and the ten corresponding
pilasters on each side, struck him as particularly beautiful, and he was
for some moments lost in contemplation, while his friends Sparkle and
Tom were in immediate request to receive the congratulations of their
acquaintance.
“Where the d----l have you been to?” was the first question addressed
to Dashall--“rusticating, I suppose, to the serious loss of all polished
society.”
“You are right in the first part of your reply,” said Tom; “but, as I
conceive, not exactly so in the inference you draw from it.”
“Modesty, by Jove! well done Dashall, this travelling appears to improve
your manners wonderfully; and I dare say if you had staid away another
month, your old friends would not have known you.”
This created a laugh among the party, which roused Bob from his reverie,
who, turning round rather hastily, trod with considerable force upon
the gouty toe of an old debauchee in spectacles, who, in the height
of ecstasy, was at that moment entering into a treaty of amity with a
pretty rosy-faced little girl, and chucking her under the
1 The names of Elliston, Pope, Johnston, Powell, Dowton,
Munden, Holland, Wallack, Knight, T. Cooke, Oxberry, Smith,
Bromley, &c. are to be found on the male list of Performers,
and it is sincerely to be hoped that of Mr. Kean will not
long be absent. The females are, Mrs. Davison, Mrs. Glover,
Miss Kelly, Mrs. Bland, Mrs. Orger, Mrs. Sparks, Miss
Wilson, Miss Byrne, Miss Cubitt, &c.
~138~~chin, as a sort of preliminary, to be succeeded by a ratification;
for in all probability gratification was out of the question. However
this might be, the pain occasioned by the sudden movement of Tallyho,
who had not yet learned to trip it lightly along the _mutton walk_,{1}
induced the sufferer to roar out most lustily, a circumstance which
immediately attracted the attention of every one in the room, and in a
moment they were surrounded by a group of lads and lasses.
“Upon my soul, Sir,” stammer'd out Bob, “I beg your pardon, I--I--did
not mean--”
“Oh! oh! oh!” continued the gouty Amoroso. Mother K----p{2} came
running like lightning with a glass of water; the frail sisterhood
were laughing, nodding, whispering, and winking at each other; while
St----ns,{3} who pick'd up the spectacles the unfortunate victim of
the gout had dropp'd, swore that fellow in the green coat and white
hat ought to be sent to some dancing-school, to learn to step without
kicking people's shins.
Another declared he was a Johnny-raw,{4} just catched, and what could be
expected.
Tom, who, however, kept himself alive to the passing occurrences,
stepping up to Bob, was immediately recognized by all around him, and
passing a significant wink, declared it was an accident, and begged to
assist the Old Buck to a seat, which being accomplished, he declared
he had not had his shoe on for a week, but as he found himself able to
walk, he could not resist the temptation of taking a look around him.
Over a bottle of wine the unpleasant impressions made by this
unfortunate occurrence appeared to be removed. In the mean time, Tom
received a hundred congratulations and salutations; while Sparkle, after
a glass or two, was missing.
Dashall informed the friends around him, that his Cousin was a pupil of
his, and begged to introduce him
1 Mutton Walk--A flash term recently adopted to denominate
the Saloon.
2 A well known fruit-woman, who is in constant attendance,
well acquainted with the girls and their protectors, and
ready upon all occasions to give or convey information for
the benefit of both parties.
3 St----ns--A very pretty round-faced young lady-bird, of
rather small figure, inclining to be lusty.
4 Johnny Raw--A country bumpkin.
~139~~as a future visitor to this gay scene. This had an instantaneous
effect upon the trading fair ones, who began immediately to throw out
their lures. One declared he had a sweet pretty brooch; another, that
she knew he was a trump by the cut of his jib; a third, that he look'd
like a gentleman, for she liked the make of his mug; a fourth, that his
hat was a very pretty shaped one, although it was of a radical colour;
and while Tom and the ladybird{l} were soothing the pains of the
grey-headed wanton, Bob was as busily employed in handing about the
contents of the bottle. A second and a third succeeded, and it was not
a little astonishing to him that every bottle improved his appearance;
for, though not one of his admirers remained long with him, yet the
absence of one only brought another, equally attracted by his look and
manner: every one declared he was really a gentleman in every respect,
and in the course of their short parley, did not fail to slip a card
into his hand. By this time he began to grow chatty, and was enabled
to rally in turn the observations they made. He swore he lov'd them all
round, and once or twice hummed over,