Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
trifling expense of a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. The Monthly
and Quarterly Reviews, and the provincial papers, are also kept for the
accommodation of the customers, and constitute an extensive and valuable
library; it is the frequent resort of Authors and Critics, who meet to
pore over the news of the day, or search the records of past times.”
“An excellent way of passing an hour,” said Bob, “and a proof of the
studied attention which is paid not only to the comforts and convenience
of their customers, but also to their instruction.”
“You are right,” replied Tom; “in London every man has an opportunity
of living according to his wishes and ~253~~the powers of his pocket;
he may dive, like Roderick Random, into a cellar, and fill his belly for
four pence, or regale himself with the more exquisite delicacies of the
London Tavern at a guinea; while the moderate tradesman can be supplied
at a chop-house for a couple of shillings; and the mechanic by a call at
the shop over the way at the corner of Water Lane,{1} may purchase his
half pound of ham or beef, and retire to a public-house to eat it; where
he obtains his pint of porter, and in turn has an opportunity of reading
the _Morning Advertiser_, the _Times_, or the _Chronicle_. Up this court
is a well-known house, the sign of the Old Cheshire Cheese; it has long
been established as a chop-house, and provides daily for a considerable
number of persons; but similar accommodations are to be found in almost
every street in London. Then again, there are cook-shops of a still
humbler description where a dinner may be procured at a still more
moderate price; so that in this great Metropolis there is accommodation
for all ranks and descriptions of persons, who may be served according
to the delicacy of their appetites and the state of their finances.
“A Chop-house is productive of all the pleasures in life; it is a
combination of the most agreeable and satisfactory amusements: indeed,
those who have never had an opportunity of experiencing the true
happiness therein to be found, have a large portion of delight and
gratification to discover: the heart, the mind and the constitution
are to be mended upon crossing its threshold; and description must
fall short in its efforts to pourtray its enlivening and invigorating
influence; it is, in a word, a little world within itself, absolutely
a universe in miniature, possessing a system peculiar to itself, of
planets and satellites,
1 This allusion was made by the Hon. Tom Dashall to the Shop
of Mr. Cantis, who was formerly in the employ of Mr. Epps,
and whose appearance in opposition to him at Temple Bar a
few years back excited a great deal of public attention, and
had the effect of reducing the prices of their ham and beef.
Mr. Epps generally has from fourteen to twenty Shops, and
sometimes more, situated in different parts of the
Metropolis, and there is scarcely a street in London where
there is not some similar place of accommodation; but Mr.
Epps is the most extensive purveyor for the public appetite.
At these shops, families may be supplied with any quantity,
from an ounce to a pound, of hot boiled beef and ham at
moderate prices; while the poor are regaled with a plate of
cuttings at a penny or twopence each.
and fixed stars and revolutions, and its motions are annual, rotatory
and diurnal, in all its extensive diversity of waiters, cooks,
saucepans, fryingpans, gridirons, salamanders, stoves and smoke-jacks;
so that if you wish to know true and uncloying delight, you are now
acquainted with where it is to be found. Not all the sages of the
ancient or the modern world ever dreamed of a theory half so exquisite,
or calculated to afford man a treat so truly delicious.
“Within the doors of a Chop-house are to be found food for both body
and soul-mortal and mental appetites-feasting for corporeal cravings and
cravings intellectual-nourishment at once for the faculties both of mind
and body: there, in fact, the brain may be invigorated, and the mind fed
with good things; while the palate is satisfied by devouring a mutton
chop, a veal cutlet, or a beef steak; and huge draughts of wisdom may be
imbibed while drinking a bottle of soda or a pint of humble porter.
“In this delightful place of amusement and convenience, there is
provender for philosophers or fools, stoics or epicureans; contemplation
for genius of all denominations; and it embraces every species of
science and of art, (having an especial eye to the important art of
Cookery;) it encompasses all that is worthy of the sublimest faculties
and capacities of the soul; it is the resort of all that is truly good
and glorious on earth, the needy and the noble, the wealthy and the
wise. Its high estimation is universally acknowledged; it has the
suffrage of the whole world, so much so, that at all times and in all
seasons its supremacy is admitted and its influence recognized. The
name, the very name alone, is sufficient to excite all that is
pleasant to our senses (five or seven, how many soever there may be.) A
Chop-house! at that word what delightful prospects are presented to the
mind's eye-what a clashing of knives and forks and plates and pewter
pots, and rushing of footsteps and murmurings of expectant hosts enter
into our delighted ears--what gay scenes of varied beauty, and many
natured viands and viscous soups, tarts, puddings and pies, rise before
our visual nerves-what fragrant perfumes, sweet scented odours,
and grateful gales of delicate dainties stream into our olfactory
perceptions,
“. . . Like the sweet south
Upon a bank-a hank of violets, giving
And taking odour.”
~255~~Its powers are as vast as wonderful and goodly, and extend over
all animal and animated nature, biped and quadruped, the earth, the air,
and all that therein is. By its high decree, the beast may no longer
bask in the noon tide of its nature, the birds must forsake their pure
ether, and the piscatory dwellers in the vasty deep may spread no more
their finny sails towards their caves of coral. The fruits, the herbs,
and the other upgrowings of the habitable world, and all created things,
by one wave of the mighty wand are brought together into this their
common tomb. It is creative also of the lordliest independence of
spirit. It excites the best passions of the heart--it calls into action
every kind and generous feeling of our nature--it begets fraternal
affection and unanimity and cordiality of soul, and excellent
neighbourhood among men-it will correct antipodes, for its ministerial
effects will produce a Radical advantage-its component parts go down
with the world, and are well digested.”
“Your description,” said Bob, “has already had the effect of awakening
appetite, and I feel almost as hungry as if I were just returning from a
fox-chace.”
“Then,” continued the Hon. Tom Dashall, “it is not only admirable as
a whole, its constituent and individual beauties are as provocative of
respect as the mass is of our veneration. From among its innumerable
excellencies--I will mention one which deserves to be held in
recollection and kept in our contemplation-what is more delightful
than a fine beef-steak?-spite of Lexicographers, there is something
of harmony even in its name, it seems to be the key-note of our best
constructed organs, (organs differing from all others, only because they
have no stops,) it circles all that is full, rich and sonorous--I do
not mean in its articulated enunciation, but in its internal
acceptation--there--there we feel all its strength and diapas, or force
and quantity.”
“Admirable arrangements, indeed,” said Bob. “True,” continued
Tom; “and all of them comparatively comfortable, according to their
gradations ana the rank or circumstances of their customers. The Tavern
furnishes wines, &c.; the Pot-house, porter, ale, and liquors suitable
to the high or low. The sturdy Porter, sweating beneath his load,
may here refresh himself with heavy wet;{l} the Dustman, or the
Chimney-sweep, may sluice
1 Heavy wet-A well-known appellation for beer, porter, or
ale.
~256~~Am ivory{1} with the Elixir of Life, now fashionably termed
Daffy's.”
“Daffy's,” said Tallyho-“that is somewhat new to me, I don't recollect
hearing it before?”
“Daffy's Elixir,” replied Dashall, “was a celebrated quack medicine,
formerly sold by a celebrated Doctor of that name, and recommended by
him as a cure for all diseases incident to the human frame. This Gin,
Old Tom, and Blue Ruin, are equally recommended in the present day; in
consequence of which, some of the learned gentlemen of the sporting'
world have given it the title of Daffy's, though this excellent beverage
is known by many other names.
“For instance, the Lady of refined sentiments and delicate nerves, feels
the necessity of a little cordial refreshment, to brighten the one and
enliven the other, and therefore takes it on the sly, under the polite
appellation of white wine. The knowing Kids and dashing Swells are for
a drap of blue ruin, to keep all things in good twig. The Laundress, who
disdains to be termed a dry washer,--dearly loves a dollop {2} of Old
Tom, because, while she is up to her elbows in suds, and surrounded with
steam, she thinks a drap of the old gemman (having no pretensions to
a young one) would comfort and strengthen her inside, and consequently
swallows the inspiring dram. The travelling Gat-gut Scraper, and the
Hurdy-Grinder, think there is music in the sound of max, and can toss
off their kevartern to any tune in good time. The Painter considers it
desirable to produce effect by mingling his dead white with a little
sky blue. The Donkey driver and the Fish-fag are bang-up for a flash
of lightning, to illumine their ideas. The Cyprian, whose marchings and
counter marchings in search of custom are productive of extreme fatigue,
may, in some degree, be said to owe her existence to Jockey; at least
she considers him a dear boy, and deserving her best attentions, so long
as she has any power. The Link-boys, the Mud-larks, and the Watermen,
who hang round public-house doors to feed horses, &c. club up their
brads for a kevartern of Stark-naked in three outs. The Sempstress and
Straw Bonnet-maker are for a yard of White Tape; and
1 Sluice the ivory--Is originally derived from sluicery, and
means washing, or passing over the teeth.
2 Dollop--Is a large or good quantity of any thing: the whole
dollop means the whole quantity.
~256~~the Swell Covies and Out and Outers, find nothing so refreshing
after a night's spree, when the victualling-office is out of order, as
a little Fuller's-earth, or a dose of Daffy's; so that it may fairly
be presumed it is a universal beverage--nay, so much so, that a certain
gentleman of City notoriety, though he has not yet obtained a seat
in St. Stephen's Chapel, with an ingenuity equal to that of the
_Bug-destroyer to the King_,{1} has latterly decorated his house, not a
hundred miles from Cripplegate, with the words Wine and Brandy Merchant
to her Majesty, in large letters, from which circumstance his depository
of the refreshing and invigorating articles of life has obtained the
appellation of the Queen's Gin Shop.”
Bob laughed heartily at his Cousin's interpretation of Daffy's.
While Tom humm'd, in an under tone, the fag end of a song, by way of
conclusion--
“Why, there's old Mother Jones, of St. Thomas's Street,
If a jovial companion she chances to meet,
Away to the gin-shop they fly for some max,
And for it they'd pawn the last smock from their backs;
For the juniper berry,
It makes their hearts merry,