Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
House, the King's Palace, and the Regent's Bomb--The Horse-guards,
the Body-guards, and the Black-guards--The Black-legs, and the
Bluestockings--The Horn-blower, and the Flying Pie-man--The Indian
Juggler--Punch and Judy--(imitating the well-known Show-man)--The young
and the old, the grave and the gay--The modest Maid and the willing
Cyprian--The Theatres--The Fives Court and the Court of Chancery--~268~~
1 Flue Faker--A cant term for Chimney-sweep.
The Giants in Guildhall, to be seen by great and small, and,
what's more than all, the Coronation Ball--
Mirth, fun, frolic, and frivolity,
To please the folks of quality:
For all that can please the eye, the ear, the taste, the touch,
the smell,
Whether bang-up in life, unfriended or undone,
No place has such charms as the gay town of London.
Oh, Loudon! dear London! &c.
The quaint peculiarities of the Singer gave indescribable interest to
this song, as he altered his voice to give effect to the various cries
of the inhabitants, and it was knock'd down with three times three
rounds of applause; when Merrywell, being named for the next, sung,
accompanied with Dashall and Frank Harry, the following
GLEE.
“Wine, bring me wine--come fill the sparkling glass,
Brisk let the bottle circulate;
Name, quickly name each one his fav'rite lass,
Drive from your brows the clouds of fate:
Fill the sparkling bumper high,
Let us drain the bottom dry.
Come, thou grape-encircled Boy!
From thy blissful seats above,
Crown the present hours with joy,
Bring me wine and bring me love:
Fill the sparkling bumper high,
Let us drain the bottom dry.
Bacchus, o'er my yielding lip
Spread the produce of thy vine;
Love, thy arrows gently dip,
Temp'ring them with generous wine:
Fill the sparkling bumper high,
Let us drain the bottom dry.”
In the mean time, the enemy of life was making rapid strides upon them
unheeded, till Dashall reminded Merrywell of their intended visit to
the East; and that as he expected a large portion of amusement in that
quarter, he proposed a move.
They were by this time all well primed--ripe for a rumpus--bang-up for a
lark or spree, any where, any how, or with any body; they therefore took
leave of their present scene of gaiety.~269~~
CHAPTER XVIII
“Wand'ring with listless gait and spirits gay,
They Eastward next pursued their jocund way;
With story, joke, smart repartee and pun,
Their business pleasure, and their object fun.”
IT was a fine moonlight evening, and upon leaving the Globe, they again
found themselves in the hurry, bustle, and noise of the world. The glare
of the gas-lights, and the rattling of coaches, carts and vehicles of
various-descriptions, mingled with
“The busy hum of men,”
attracted the attention of their eyes and ears, while the exhilarating
juice of the bottle had given a circulation to the blood which
enlivened imagination and invigorated fancy. Bob conceived himself in
Elysium, and Frank Harry was as frisky as a kitten. The first object
that arrested their progress was the house of Mr. Hone, whose political
Parodies, and whose trials on their account, have given him so much
celebrity. His window at the moment exhibited his recent satirical
publication entitled a Slap at Slop and the Bridge Street Gang.{1}
1 The great wit and humour displayed in this publication
have deservedly entitled it to rank high among the jeu
desprit productions of this lively age--to describe it were
impossible--to enjoy it must be to possess it; but for the
information of such of our readers as are remote from the
Metropolis, it may perhaps be necessary to give something
like a key of explanation to its title. A certain learned
Gentleman, formerly the Editor of the Times, said now to be
the Conductor of the New Times, who has by his writings
rendered himself obnoxious to a numerous class of readers,
has been long known by the title of Dr. Slop; in his
publication, denominated the mock Times, and the Slop Pail,
he has been strenuous in his endeavours to support and
uphold a Society said to mis-call themselves The
Constitutional Society, but now denominated The Bridge
Street Gang; and the publication alluded to, contains
humorous and satirical parodies, and sketches of the usual
contents of his Slop Pail; with a Life of the learned
Doctor, and an account of the origin of the Gang.
~270~~ “Here,” said Tom, “we are introduced at once into a fine field
of observation. The inhabitant of this house defended himself in three
different trials for the publication of alleged impious, profane, and
scandalous libels on the Catechism, the Litany, and the Creed of St.
Athanasius, with a boldness, intrepidity, and perseverance, almost
unparalleled, as they followed in immediate succession, without even an
allowance of time for bodily rest or mental refreshment.”
“Yes,” continued Frank Harry, “and gained a verdict on each occasion,
notwithstanding the combined efforts of men in power, and those whose
constant practice in our Courts of Law, with learning and information at
their fingers ends, rendered his enemies fearful antagonists.”
“It was a noble struggle,” said Tallyho; “I remember we had accounts
of it in the country, and we did not fail to express our opinions by
subscriptions to remunerate the dauntless defender of the rights and
privileges of the British subject.”
“_Tip us your flipper_“{1} said Harry---“then I see you are a true bit
of the bull breed--one of us, as I may say. Well, now you see the spot
of earth he inhabits--zounds, man, in his shop you will find amusement
for a month--see here is The House that Jack Built--there is the Queen's
Matrimonial Ladder, do you mark?--What think you of these qualifications
for a Gentleman?
“In love, and in liquor, and o'ertoppled with debt, With women, with
wine, and with duns on the fret.”
There you have the Nondescript--
“A something, a nothing--what none understand,
Be-mitred, be-crowned, but without heart or hand;
There's Jack in the Green too, and Noodles, alas!
“Who doodle John Bull of gold, silver, and brass.
“Come,” said Dashall, “you must cut your story short; I know if you
begin to preach, we shall have a sermon as long as from here to South
America, so allons;” and with this impelling his Cousin forward, they
1 Tip us your Flipper--your mawley--your daddle, or your
thieving hook; are terms made use of as occasions may suit
the company in which they are introduced, to signify a desire
to shake hands.
~271~~ approached towards Saint Paul's, chiefly occupied in conversation
on the great merit displayed in the excellent designs of Mr. Cruikshank,
which embellish the work they had just been viewing; nor did they
discover any thing further worthy of notice, till Bob's ears were
suddenly attracted by a noise somewhat like that of a rattle, and
turning sharply round to discover from whence it came, was amused with
the sight of several small busts of great men, apparently dancing to the
music of a weaver's shuttle.{1}
“What the devil do you call this?” said he--“is it an exhibition of
wax-work, or a model academy?”
“Neither,” replied Dashall; “this is no other than the shop of a
well-known dealer in stockings and nightcaps, who takes this ingenious
mode of making himself popular, and informing the passengers that
“Here you may be served with all patterns and sizes,
From the foot to the head, at moderate prices;”
with woolens for winter, and cottons for summer--Let us move on, for
there generally is a crowd at the door, and there is little doubt but he
profits by those who are induced to gaze, as most people do in London,
if they can but entrap attention. Romanis is one of those gentlemen who
has contrived to make some noise in the world by puffing advertisements,
and the circulation of poetical handbills. He formerly kept a very small
shop for the sale of hosiery nearly opposite the East-India House, where
he supplied the Sailors after receiving their pay for a long voyage, as
well as their Doxies, with the articles in which he deals, by obtaining
permission to style himself “Hosier to the Rt. Hon. East India Company.”
Since which, finding his trade increase and his purse extended, he has
extended his patriotic views of clothing the whole population of London
by opening shops in various parts, and has at almost all times two or
three depositories for
1 Romanis, the eccentric Hosier, generally places a loom near the door
of his shops decorated with small busts; some of which being attached
to the upper movements of the machinery, and grotesquely attired in
patchwork and feathers, bend backwards and forwards with the motion of
the works, apparently to salute the spectators, and present to the idea
persons dancing; while every passing of the shuttle produces a noise
which may be assimilated to that of the Rattlesnake, accompanied with
sounds something like those of a dancing-master beating time to his
scholars. ~272~~ his stock. At this moment, besides what we have just
seen, there is one in Gracechurch Street, and another in Shoreditch,
where the passengers are constantly assailed by a little boy, who stands
at the door with some bills in his hand, vociferating--Cheap, cheap.”
“Then,” said Bob, “wherever he resides I suppose may really be called
Cheapside?”
“With quite as much propriety,” continued Ton, “as the place we are now
in; for, as the Irishman says in his song,
“At a place called Cheapside they sell every thing dear.”
During this conversation, Mortimer, Merrywell, and Harry were amusing
themselves by occasionally addressing the numerous Ladies who were
passing, and taking a peep at the shops--giggling with girls, or
admiring the taste and elegance displayed in the sale of fashionable and
useful articles--justled and impeded every now and then by the throng.
Approaching Bow Church, they made a dead stop for a moment.
“What a beautiful steeple!” exclaimed Bob; “I should, though no
architect, prefer this to any I have yet seen in London.”
“Your remark,” replied Dashall, “does credit to your taste; it is
considered the finest in the Metropolis. St. Paul's displays the grand
effort of Sir Christopher Wren; but there are many other fine specimens
of his genius to be seen in the City. His Latin Epitaph in St. Paul's
may be translated thus: 'If you seek his monument, look around you;' and
we may say of this steeple, 'If you wish a pillar to his fame, look
up.' The interior of the little church, Walbrook,{1} (St. Stephen's) is
likewise considered a
1 This church is perhaps unrivalled, for the beauty of the
architecture of its interior. For harmony of proportion,
grace, airiness, variety, and elegance, it is not to be
surpassed. It is a small church, built in the form of a
cross. The roof is supported by Corinthian columns, so
disposed as to raise an idea of grandeur, which the
dimensions of the structure do not seem to promise. Over the
centre, at which the principal aisles cross, is a dome
divided into compartments, the roof being partitioned in a
similar manner, and the whole finely decorated. The effect
of this build-ing is inexpressibly delightful; the eye at
one glance embracing a plan full and distinct, and