Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
Danish, the Skipper knew him, and looking at him with love
and reverence, said in a low, subdued tone of voice--”
Forgive me, Sire, but I cannot forbear my tears to see you
exposed to the temptations of this extensive and wicked
Metropolis, under the pilotage of the most dissolute
nobleman of Denmark.” Upon which he retired, bowing
profoundly to his Sovereign, and casting at Count Holcke a
look full of defiance and reproach. Holcke's embarrassment
was considerably increased by this, and he was visibly hurt,
seeing the King in a manner countenanced the rudeness of the
Skipper.
This King, who it should seem determined to see _Real Life
in London_, mingled in all societies, participating in their
gaieties and follies, and by practices alike injurious to
body and soul, abandoned himself to destructive habits,
whose rapid progress within a couple of years left nothing
but a shattered and debilitated hulk afflicted in the
morning of life with all the imbecility of body and mind
incidental to extreme old age.
~283~~ who are particularly partial to the brown stout, which they can
obtain there in higher perfection than in any other house in London.
Brokers and others, whose business calls them to the Royal Exchange, are
also pretty constant visitors, to meet captains and traders--dispose of
different articles of merchandise--engage shipping and bind bargains--it
is a sort of under Exchange, where business and refreshment go hand in
hand with the news of the day, and the clamour of the moment; beside
which, the respectable tradesmen of the neighbourhood meet in an evening
to drive dull care away, and converse on promiscuous subjects; it is
generally a mixed company, but, being intimately connected with our
object of seeing _Real Life in London_, deserves a visit. On the first
floor is a good room for dining, where sometimes eighty persons in a
day are provided with that necessary meal in a genteel style, and at a
moderate price--besides other rooms for private parties. Above these is
perhaps one of the handsomest rooms in London, of its size, capable of
dining from eighty to a hundred persons. But you will now partake of its
accommodations, and mingle with some of its company.”
By this time they had passed the Royal Exchange, and Tom was enlarging
upon the new erections lately completed; when all at once,
“Hallo,” said Bob, “what is become of our party?” “All right,” replied
his Cousin; “they have given us the slip without slipping from us--I
know their movements to a moment, we shall very soon be with them--this
way--this way,” said he, drawing Bob into the narrow passage which leads
to the back of St. Peter's Church, Cornhill--“this is the track we must
follow.”
Tallyho followed in silence till they entered the house, and were
greeted by the Landlord at the bar with a bow of welcome; passing
quickly to the right, they were saluted with immoderate volumes of
smoke, conveying to their olfactory nerves the refreshing fumes of
tobacco, and almost taking from them the power of sight, except to
observe a bright flame burning in the middle of the room. Tom darted
forward, and knowing his way well, was quickly seated by the side of
Merrywell, Mortimer, and Harry; while Tallyho was seen by those who were
invisible to him', groping his way in the same direction, amidst the
laughter of the company, occasionally interlarded with scraps which
caught his ear from a gentleman who was at the moment reading some of
the comments from the columns of the Courier, in which he made frequent
pauses and observations.
~284~~ “Why, you can't see yourself for smoke,” said one; “D------n it
how hard you tread,” said another. And then a line from the Reader came
as follows--“The worthy Alderman fought his battles o'er again--Ha, ha,
ha--Who comes here 1 upon my word, Sir, I thought you had lost your way,
and tumbled into the Woolpack instead of the Skin-market.--' It is a
friend of mine, Sir.'--That's a good joke, upon my soul; not arrived
yet, why St. Martin's bells have been ringing all day; perhaps he is
only half-seas over--Don't tell me, I know better than that--D------n
that paper, it ought to be burnt by--The fish are all poison'd by the
Gas-light Company--Six weeks imprisonment for stealing two dogs!--Hides
and bark--How's sugars to-day?--Stocks down indeed--Yes, Sir, and bread
up--Presto, be gone--What d'ye think of that now, eh?--Gammon, nothing
but gammon--On table at four o'clock ready dressed and--Well done, my
boy, that's prime.”
These sentences were uttered from different parts of the room in
almost as great a variety of voices as there must have been subjects
of conversation; but as they fell upon the ear of Tallyho without
connection, he almost fancied himself transported to the tower of Babel
amidst the confusion of tongues.
“Beg pardon,” said Tallyho, who by this time had gained a seat by his
Cousin, and was gasping like a turtle for air--“I am not used to this
travelling in the dark; but I shall be able to see presently.”
“See,” said Frank Harry, “who the devil wants to see more than their
friends around them? and here we are _at home to a peg_.”
~285~~ “I shall have finished in two minutes, Gentlemen,” said the
Reader,{1} cocking up a red nose, that shone with resplendent lustre
between his spectacles, and then continuing to read on, only listened
to by a few of those around him, while a sort of general buz of
conversation was indistinctly heard from all quarters.
They were quickly supplied with grog and segars, and Bob, finding
himself a little better able to make use of his eyes, was throwing
his glances to every part of the room, in order to take a view of the
company: and while Tom was congratulated by those who knew him at the
_Round Table_--Merrywell and Harry were in close conversation with
Mortimer.
At a distant part of the room, one could perceive boxes containing small
parties of convivials, smoking and drinking, every one seeming to have
some business of importance to claim occasional attention, or engaged
in,
“The loud laugh that speaks the vacant mind.” In one corner was a stout
swarthy-looking man, with large whiskers and of ferocious appearance,
amusing those around him with conjuring tricks, to their great
satisfaction and delight; nearly opposite the Reader of the Courier, sat
an elderly Gentleman{2} with grey hair, who heard
1 To those who are in the habit of visiting this room in an
evening, the character alluded to here will immediately be
familiar. He is a gentleman well known in the neighbourhood
as an Auctioneer, and he has a peculiar manner of reading
with strong emphasis certain passages, at the end of which
he makes long pauses, laughs with inward satisfaction, and
not infrequently infuses a degree of pleasantry in others.
The Courier is his favourite paper, and if drawn into an
argument, he is not to be easily subdued.
“At arguing too each person own'd his skill,
For e'en tho' vanquish'd, he can argue still.”
2 This gentleman, who is also well known in the room, where
he generally smokes his pipe of an evening, is plain and
blunt, but affable and communicative in his manners--bold in
his assertions, and has proved himself courageous in
defending them--asthmatic, and by some termed phlegmatic;
but an intelligent and agreeable companion, unless thwarted
in his argument--a stanch friend to the late Queen and the
constitution of his country, with a desire to have the
_Constitution, the whole Constitution, and nothing but the
Constitution_.
~286~~ what was passing, but said nothing; he however puffed away large
quantities of smoke at every pause of the Reader, and occasionally
grinn'd at the contents of the paper, from which. Tallyho readily
concluded that he was in direct political opposition to its sentiments.
The acquisition of new company was not lost upon to those who were
seated at the round table, and it was not long before the Hon. Tom
Dashall was informed that they hoped to have the honour of his Cousin's
name as a member; nor were they backward in conveying a similar hint
to Frank Harry, who immediately proposed his two friends, Mortimer and
Merry well; an example which was followed by Tom's proposing his Cousin.
Such respectable introductions could not fail to meet the approbation
of the Gentlemen present,--consequently they were unanimously elected
Knights of the Round Table, which was almost as quickly supplied by the
Waiter with a capacious bowl of punch, and the healths of the newmade
Members drank with three times three; when their attention was suddenly
drawn to a distant part of the room, where a sprightly Stripling, who
was seated by the swarthy Conjuror before mentioned, was singing the
following Song:
THE JOYS OF A MILL,
OR
A TODDLE TO A FIGHT.
“Now's the time for milling, boys, since all the world's agog
for it,
Away to Copthorne, Moulsey Hurst, or Slipperton they go;
Or grave or gay, they post away, nay pawn their very togs
for it,
And determined to be up to all, go down to see the show:
Giddy pated, hearts elated, cash and courage all to view it,
Ev'ry one to learn a bit, and tell his neighbours how to do it;
E'en little Sprites in lily whites, are fibbing it and rushing it,
Your dashing Swells from Bagnigge Wells, are flooring it and
flushing it:
Oh! 'tis a sight so gay and so uproarious,
That all the world is up in arms, and ready for a fight.
The roads are so clogg'd, that they beggar all description now,
With lads and lasses, prim'd and grogg'd for bang-up fun and
glee;
Here's carts and gigs, and knowing prigs all ready to kick up a row,
And ev'ry one is anxious to obtain a place to see;
Here's a noted sprig of life, who sports his tits and clumner too,
And there is Cribb and Gully, Belcher, Oliver, and H armer too,
With Shelton, Bitton, Turner, Hales, and all the lads to go it well,
Who now and then, to please the Fancy, make opponents know it
well:
Oh! 'tis a sight, &c.
But now the fight's begun, and the Combatants are setting to,
Silence is aloud proclaim'd by voices base and shrill;
Facing, stopping---fibbing, dropping--claret tapping--betting too--
Reeling, rapping--physic napping, all to grace the mill;
Losing, winning--horse-laugh, grinning--mind you do not glance
away,
Or somebody may mill your mug, and of your nob in Chancery;
For nobs and bobs, and empty fobs, the like no tongue could ever
tell--
See, here's the heavy-handed Gas, and there's the mighty Non-
pareil:
Oh! 'tis a sight, &c.
Thus milling is the fashion grown, and ev'ry one a closer is;
With lessons from the lads of fist to turn out quite the thing;
True science may be learn'd where'er the fam'd Mendoza is,
And gallantry and bottom too from Scroggins, Martin, Spring;
For sparring now is all the rage in town, and country places
too,
And collar-bones and claret-mugs are often seen at races too;
While counter-hits, and give and take, as long as strength can
hold her seat,
Afford the best amusement in a bit of pugilistic treat:
Oh! 'tis a sight, &c.
While this song was singing, universal silence prevailed, but an uproar
of approbation followed, which lasted for some minutes, with a general
call of encore, which however soon subsided, and the company was again