Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
followed by a definitive treaty of peace, but the dæmon of discord again
made its appearance in the tangible shape of a diminutive personage,
who, hitherto silently occupying a snug out-of-the-way corner by the
fireplace, had escaped observation.
Dashall and his Cousin emerging from the Sanctum Sanctorum, where
their presence seemed to have operated as a check on the freedom of
discussion, had just seated themselves in the room allotted to the
private soldiers, when, in a broad northern accent, the aforesaid
taciturn gentleman, selecting the two strangers, who, of all the
company, seemed alone worthy the honour of his notice, thus addressed
them:
“I crave your pardon, Sirs--but I guess frae your manner that ye are
no unacquainted wi' the movements o' high life--do you ken how lang the
King means to prolong his abode amang our neebors owre the water, his
hair-brain'd Irish subjects, whase notions o' loyalty hae excited sae
mony preposterously antic exhibitions by that volatile race O' people?”
“I am not in possession,” answered Dashall, “of any information on the
subject.”
“By the manes of the Priest,” exclaimed Mr. O'Shaughnessy, “but the King
(God bless him) has visited the land of green Erin, accompanied by the
spirit of harmony, and praties without the sauce of butter-milk be his
portion, who does not give them both a hearty welcome!--Arrah, what mane
you by a preposterous exhibition? By hecky, the warm hearts of the sons
and daughters of St. Patrick have exhibited an unsophisticated feeling
of loyalty, very opposite indeed to the chilling indifference, not to
say worse of it, of those his subjects at home; and as Sir William, the
big Baronet of the City, said in the House ~336~~ that gives laws to the
land, Why should not his Majesty be cheered up a little?”
This effusion of loyalty was well received, and Dashall and his Cousin
cordially united in the general expression of approbation.
“This is a' vera weel,” said the Northern; “but an overstrained civility
wears ay the semblance o' suspicion, and fulsome adulation canna be vera
acceptable to the mind o' delicate feeling: for instance, there is
my ain country, and a mair ancient or a mair loyal to its legitimate
Sovereign there disna exist on the face o' the whole earth; wad the King
condescend to honor wi' his presence the palace o' Holyrod House, he
wad experience as ardent a manifestation o' fidelity to his person and
government in Auld Reekie as that shown him in Dublin, though aiblins
no quite sae tumultuous; forbye, it wadna hae been amiss to hae gaen
the preference to a nation whare his ancestors held sway during sae mony
centuries, and whare, in the castle of Edinburgh, is still preserved the
sacred regalia, with which it migh no hae been unapropos to hae graced
his royal head and hand amidst the gratifying pageantry o' a Scotch
coronation. Sure I am that North Britain has never been honored publicly
wi' a royal visit.--Whether ony branch o' the present reigning family
hae been there incognita they best ken themselves.”
“You seem to have forgot,” observed Tallyho, “the visit of the Duke of
Cumberland to Scotland in the year 1745.”
“Begging your pardon for setting you right in that particular,” answered
the cynic, with a most significant expression of countenance, “that,
Sir, was not a visit, but a visitation!”
“Appropriate enough,” whispered Dashall to Tallyho.
“Augh, boderation to nice distinctions!” exclaimed O'Shaughnessy; “here,
Mister Suttler be after tipping over anoder half quartern of the cratur,
wid which to drink success to the royal visitant.”
“And that the company may participate in the gratifying expression of
attachment to their Sovereign, Landlord,” said Dashall, “let the glass
go round.”
“Testifying our regard for the Sovereign,” resumed the Northern, “it
canna be understood that we include a' the underlings o' Government. We
ought, as in duty bound, to venerate and obey the maister o' the house;
bat it is ~337~~ by no means necessary that we should pay a similar
respect to his ox and his ass, his man-servant and his maid-servant.
May be, had he been at hame on a late occasion o' melancholy solemnity,
blood wadna hae been spilt, and mickle dool and sorrow wad hae been
avoided.”
“We perfectly understand your allusion,” said one from the group of
Life-guardsmen: “Of us now present there were none implicated in the
unfortunate occurrences either of that day or a subsequent one: yet we
must not silently hear our comrades traduced--perhaps then it may be as
well to drop the subject.”
“I canna think o' relinquishing a topic 0' discourse,” answered the
Northern, “replete wi' mickle interest, merely at your suggestion; it
may be ye did your duty in obeying the commands, on that lamentable
occasion, O' your superior officers, and it is to be hoped that the duty
O' the country, towards those with whom originated the mischief, will
not be forgotten; there is already on record against the honour 0' your
corps a vera serious verdick.”
Here the Life-guardsmen spontaneously started up; but the immediate
interposition of Dashall averted me impending storm; while Tallyho,
imitating the generosity of his Cousin, ordered the circulation once
more of the bottle, to Unanimity betwixt the military and the people.
Harmony thus restored, the two friends took their leave, amidst the
grateful acknowledgments of the company, O'Shaughnessy swearing on
their departure, that doubtless the two strangers were begot in Ireland,
although they might have come over to England to be born! While the
pertinacious Northern observed, that appearances were aften deceitful,
although, to be sure, the twa friends had vera mickle the manners 0'
perfectly well-bred gentlemen, and seem'd, forbye, to hae a proper sense
o' national honor.
Proceeding into Whitehall, Tallyho much admired the statue-like figures
of the mounted sentries in the recesses by the gate of the Horse-guards;
the relief had just approached; the precision of retirement of the one
party, and advance to its post of the other: the interesting appearance
of the appropriately caparisoned and steady demeanour of the horses,
and their instinctive knowledge of military duty, excited deservedly
prolonged attention,
~338~~ “One would think,” said Tallyho, “that these noble animals are
really actuated by reasoning faculties.”
“Hereafter,” replied Dashall, “you will still more incline to this
opinion, when we have an opportunity of being present on a cavalry
field-day in Hyde Park, where manoeuvre will appear to have attained its
acme of perfection, as much from the wonderful docility of the horse as
the discipline of the rider.”{l}
“But hold, who have we here?--Our friend Sparkle, gazing about him with
an eye of inquisitive incertitude, as if in search of lost property.”
As his two friends approached, he seemed bewildered in the labyrinth
of conjecture.--“I have lost my horse!” he exclaimed, in answer to the
inquiry of Dashall. “Having occasion to stop half an hour at Drummond's,
I gave the animal in charge of an Israelite urchin, and now neither are
to be seen.”
Casting a look down the street, they at last discerned the Jew lad,
quickly, yet carefully leading the horse along, with two boys mounted on
its back. Thoroughly instructed in the maxim--Get money, honestly if
you can, but get it by any means! young Moses had made the most of the
present opportunity, by letting out the horse, at a penny a ride, from
Charing Cross to the Horse Guards; this, by his own confession, was
the fifteenth trip! Sparkle, highly exasperated, was about to apply the
discipline of the whip to the shoulders of the thrifty speculator, when
Tallyho, interceding in his behalf, he was released, with a suitable
admonition.
1 Not long since some cavalry horses, deemed “unfit for
further service,” were sold at Tattersal's. Of one of these
a Miller happened to be the purchaser. Subservient now to
the ignoble purposes of burthen, the horse one day was
led, 'with a sack of flour on his back, to the next market-
town; there while the Miller entered a house for a few
moments, and the animal quietly waited at the door, a
squadron of dragoons drew up in an adjacent street, forming
by sound of trumpet; the instant that the Miller's horse
heard the well-known signal, it started off with as much
celerity as its burthen admitted, and, to the great
amusement of the troop, and astonishment of the spectators,
took its station in the ranks, dressing in line, with the
accustomed precision of an experienced veteran in the
service; and it was with considerable difficulty that the
Miller, who had now hastened to the spot, could induce the
animal to relinquish its military ardour, to which it still
appeared to cling with renewed and fond pertinacity!
Sparkle, mounting his recovered charger, left his ~339~~ pedestrian
friends for the present, to continue their excursion; who, proceeding up
St. Martin's Lane, and admiring that noble edifice, the Church, reached,
without other remarkable occurrence, the quietude of Leicester Square.
Close by is Barker's Panorama, an object of attraction too prominent to
be passed without inspection. They now entered, and Tallyho stood mute
with delight at the astonishing effect of the perspective; while, as if
by the powers of enchantment, he seemed to have been transported into
other regions. Amidst scenes of rich sublimity, in the centre of a vast
amphitheatre, bounded only by the distant horizon, far remote from the
noisy bustle of the Metropolis, he gave full scope to his imagination;
and after an hour of pleasing reverie, left the fascinating delusion
with evident reluctance.
Emerging once more into the gay world, the two associates, in search
of Real Life in London, proceeded through Covent Garden Market, where
fruit, flowers, and exotics in profusion, invite alike the eye and the
appetite.
Onwards they reached the classic ground of Drury, “Where Catherine
Street descends into the Strand.”
“I never,” said the Hon. Tom Dashall, “pass this spot without a feeling
of veneration--the scenes of “olden times” rise on my view, and the
shades of Garrick, and our late loss, and not less illustrious
Sheridan, flit before me! This was then, as now, the seat of Cyprian
indulgence--the magnet of sensual attraction, where feminine youth and
beauty in their most fascinating and voluptuous forms were let out by
the unprincipled procuress, and the shrines of Venus and Apollo invited
the votaries of each to nocturnal sacrifice.{1}
1 The avenue to the boxes of Drury Lane Theatre was, in the
time of Garrick, through Vinegar Yard. In this passage an
old spider, better known, perhaps, by the name of a
Procuress, had spread her web, alias, opened a Bagnio, and
obtained a plentiful living by preying on those who
unfortunately or imprudently fell into her clutches. Those
who are not unacquainted with haddocks, will understand the
loose fish alluded to, who beset her doors, and accosted
with smiles or insults every one that passed. It happened
that a noble Lord, in his way to the theatre, with his two
daughters under his arm, was most grossly attacked by this
band of “flaming ministers.” He immediately went behind the
scenes, and insisted on seeing Mr. Garrick, to whom he
represented his case, and so roused the vengeance of the
little Manager, that he instantly, full of wrath, betook
himself to this unholy Sybil:--
“Twin-child of Cacus; Vulcan was their sire, Full offspring
both of healthless fume and fire!”
Finding her at the mouth of her cavern, he quickly gave veut