Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.

C****s, though scant thy sense, yet Heaven To thee the better boon hast given Or wealth--then sense despise, And deem not Fate's decrees amiss, For still “where ignorance is bliss 'Tis folly to be wise!” ~350~~ “Bravo!” exclaimed Dashall; “re-issue your Prospectus, my friend, and we will accelerate, with our best interest and influence, the publication of your volume. Let it be dedicated to the Hon. Tom Dashall and his Cousin Bob Tallyho. In the meanwhile, accept this trifle, as a complimentary _douceur_ uniformly given on such occasions; and, amidst the varied scenes of Real Life in London, I shall frequently recur to the present as the most gratifying to my feelings.” “By this the sun was out of sight, And darker gloamin brought the night.” The benevolent associates now departed, pleased with the occurrences of the day, and, more than all, with the last, wherein the opportunity was afforded them of extending consolation and relief to genius in adversity!~351~~ CHAPTER XXII ........“Mark! He who would cut the knot that does entwine And link two loving hearts in unison, May have man's form; but at his birth, be sure on't, Some devil thrust sweet nature's hand aside Ere she had pour'd her balm within his breast, To warm his gross and earthly mould with pity. .......I know what 'tis When worldly knaves step in with silver beards, To poison bliss, and pluck young souls asunder.” TOM and his Cousin were surprised the next morning by a visit from Mr. Mortimer and his friend Merrywell, whose dismal features and long visages plainly indicated some unpleasant disaster, and Tom began to fear blame would be attached to them for leaving his party at Darkhouse Lane. “Pray,” said Merrywell, “can you tell me where to find your friend Sparkle?” “Indeed,” replied Dashall, a little relieved by this question, “I am not Sparkle's keeper; but pray be seated--what is the matter, is it a duel, do you want a second?--I know he is a good shot.” “This levity, Sir,” said Mortimer, “is not to be borne. The honour of a respectable family is at stake, and must be satisfied. No doubt you, as his very oldest friend, know where he is; and I desire you will immediately inform me, or------” “Sir,” said Dashall, who was as averse as unused to be desired by any person--“do you know whom you address, and that I am in my own house? if you do, you have certainly discarded all propriety of conduct and language before you cross'd the threshold.” “Gentlemen,” said Merrywell, “perhaps some explanation is really necessary here. My friend Mortimer speaks under agonized feelings, for which, I am sure, your good sense will make every allowance. Miss Mortimer------” “Miss Mortimer,” exclaimed Dashall, rising from his ~352~~ seat, “you interest me strongly, say, what of Miss Mortimer?” “Alas,” said Mortimer, evidently endeavouring to suppress emotions which appeared to agitate his whole frame, and absorb every mental faculty, “we are unable to account for her absence, and strongly suspect she is in company with your friend Sparkle--can you give us any information relative to either of them?” Dashall assured them he knew nothing of the fugitives, but that he would certainly make every inquiry in his power, if possible to find out Sparkle. Upon which they departed, though not without hinting they expected Tom had the power of making a search more effectually than either Mortimer or Merrywell. “Egad!” said Tom to Tallyho, “this absence of Sparkle means something more than I can at present conceive; and it appears that we must now venture forth in search of our guide. I hope he has taken a good direction himself.” “Mortimer appears hurt,” continued Bob, “and I can scarcely wonder at it.” “It is a trifle in high life now-a-days,” replied Dashall, “and my life for it we shall obtain some clue to his mode of operation before the day is out. Love is a species of madness, and oftentimes induces extraordinary movements. I have discovered its existence in his breast for some time past, and if he is really with the lady, I wonder myself that he has not given some sort of intimation; though I know he is very cautious in laying his plans, and very tenacious of admitting too many persons to know his intentions, for fear of some indiscreet friend unintentionally frustrating his designs.” “I apprehend we shall have a wild-goose chase of it,” rejoined Bob. “It serves however,” continued Tom, “to diversify our peregrinations; and if it is his pleasure to be in love, we will endeavour to chase pleasure in pursuit of the Lover, and if guided by honourable motives, which I cannot doubt, we will wish him all the success he can wish himself, only regretting that we are deprived of his agreeable company. “Still free as air the active mind will rove, And search out proper objects for its love; But that once fix'd, 'tis past the pow'r of art To chase the dear idea from the heart. 'Tis liberty of choice that sweetens life, Makes the glad husband and the happy wife.” ~353~~ “But come, let us forth and see how the land lies; many persons obtain all their notoriety from an elopement; it makes a noise in the world, and even though frequently announced in our newspapers under fictitious titles, the parties soon become known and are recollected ever after; and some even acquire fame by the insertion of a paragraph announcing an elopement, in which they insinuate that themselves are parties; so that an elopement in high life may be considered as one of the sure roads to popularity.” “But not always a safe one,” replied Bob. “Life is full of casualties,” rejoined Dashall, “and you are by this time fully aware that it requires something almost beyond human foresight to continue in the line of safety, while you are in pursuit of Real Life in London. Though it may fairly be said, 'That all the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely passengers,' still they have their inside and their outside places, and each man in his time meets with strange adventures. It may also very properly be termed a Camera Obscura, reflecting not merely trees, sign-posts, houses, &c. but the human heart in all its folds, its feelings, its passions, and its motives. In it you may perceive conceit flirting its fan--arrogance adjusting its cravat--pedantry perverting its dictionary--vacuity humming a tune--vanity humming his neighbour--cunning shutting his eyes while listening to a pedagogue--and credulity opening his eyes and ears, willing and anxious to be deceived and duped.” “It is a strange world, indeed,” said Tallyho; “and of all that I have ever heard or seen, this London of your's is the most extraordinary part.” “Yes,-- “This world is a well-cover'd table, Where guests are promiscuously set; We all eat as long as we're able, And scramble for what we can get--” answered his Cousin; “in fact, it is like every thing, and at the same time like nothing--~354~~ “The world is all nonsense and noise, Fantoccini, or Ombres Chinoises, Mere pantomime mummery Puppet-show flummery; A magical lantern, confounding the sight; Like players or puppets, we move On the wires of ambition and love; Poets write wittily, Maidens look prettily, 'Till death drops the curtain --all's over--good night!” By this time they were at Long's, where, upon inquiry, all trace of Sparkle had been lost for two days. All was mystery and surprise, not so much that he should be absent, as that his servant could give no account of him, which was rather extraordinary. Tom ascertained, however, that no suspicion appeared to have been excited as to Miss Mortimer, and, with commendable discretion, avoided expressing a word which could create such an idea, merely observing, that most likely he had taken an unexpected trip into the country, and would be heard of before the day was out. On leaving Long's however they were met again by Mortimer in breathless anxiety, evidently labouring under some new calamity. “I am glad I have found you,” said he, addressing himself to Dashall; “for I am left in this d------d wilderness of a place without a friend to speak to.” “How,” inquired Ton, “what the d------l is the matter with you?” “Why, you must know that Merry well is gone--” “Gone--where to?” “To--to--zounds, I've forgot the name of the people; but two genteel looking fellows just now very genteely told him he was wanted, and must come.” “Indeed!” “Yes, and he told me to find you out, and let you know that he must become a bencher; and, without more todo, walked away with his new friends, leaving me forlorn enough. My Sister run away, my Uncle run after her--Sparkle absent, and Merrywell--” “In the hands of the Nab-men--I see it all clear enough; and you have given a very concise, but comprehensive picture of your own situation; but don't despair, man, you will yet find all right, be assured; put yourself under my guidance, let the world wag as it will; it is useless to torment yourself with things you cannot prevent or cure. “The right end of life is to live and be jolly.” ~355~~ Mortimer scarcely knew how to relish this advice, and seemed to doubt within himself whether it was meant satirically or feelingly, till Dashall whispered in his ear a caution not to betray the circumstances that had transpired, for his Sister's sake. “But,” continued he, “I never suffer these things, which are by no means uncommon in London, to interfere with my pursuits, though we are all somewhat at a loss. However, as the post is in by this time, some news may be expected, and we will call at home before we proceed any further.--Where do you think the Colonel is gone to?” “Heaven only knows,” replied Mortimer; “the whole family is in an uproar of surmise and alarm,--what may be the end of it I know not.” “A pretty breeze Master Sparkle has kick'd up, indeed,” continued Tom; “but I have for some time noticed an alteration in him. He always was a gay trump, and whenever I find him seriously inclined, I suspect some mischief brewing; for rapid transitions always wear portentous appearances, and your serious files are generally sly dogs. My life for it they have stolen a march upon your Uncle, queered some country Parson, and are by this time snugly stowed away in the harbour of matrimony. As for Merrywell, I dare be sworn his friends will take care of him.” Expectation was on tiptoe as Dashall broke the seal of a letter that was handed to him on arrival at home. Mortimer was on the fidget, and Tallyho straining his neck upon the full stretch of anxiety to hear the news, when Dashall burst into a laugh, but in which neither of the others could join in consequence of not knowing the cause of it. In a few minutes however the mystery was in some degree explained. “Here,” said Tom, “is news--extraordinary news--an official dispatch from head-quarters, but without any information as to where the tents are pitched. It is but a short epistle.” He then read aloud, “Dear Dashall, “Please inform the Mortimer family and friends that all's well. Your's truly, C. Sparkle.” Then handing the laconic epistle to Mortimer--“I trust,” said he, “you will now be a little more at ease.” ~356~~ Mortimer eagerly examined the letter for the postmark, but was not able to make out from whence it came.