Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
“I confess,” said he, “I am better satisfied than I was, but am yet at
a loss to judge of the motives which have induced them to pursue so
strange a course.”
“The motive,” cried Tom, “that may be easily explained; and I doubt
not but you will find, although it may at present appear a little
mysterious, Sparkle will be fully able to shew cause and produce effect.
He is however a man of honour and of property, and most likely we may by
this time congratulate you upon the change of your Sister's name. What
a blaze it will make, and she will now most certainly become a sparkling
subject. Hang it, man, don't look so dull upon a bright occasion.
“To prove pleasure but pain, some have hit on a project,
We're duller the merrier we grow,
Exactly the same unaccountable logic
That talks of cold fire and warm snow.
For me, born by nature
For humour and satire,
I sing and I roar and I quaff;
Each muscle I twist it,
I cannot resist it,
A finger held up makes me laugh.
For since pleasure's joy's parent, and joy begets mirth,
Should the subtlest casuist or sophist on earth
Contradict me, I'd call him an ass and a calf,
And boldly insist once for all,
That the only criterion of pleasure's to laugh,
And sing tol de rol, loi de rol lol.”
This mirth of Dash all's did not seem to be in consonance with the
feelings of Mortimer, who hastily took his departure.
“Come,” said Tom to his Cousin, “having gained some information
respecting one friend, we will now take a stroll through Temple Bar, and
have a peep at Merrywell; he may perhaps want assistance in his present
situation, though I will answer for it he is in a place of perfect
security.”
“How,” said Bob--“what do you mean?”
“Mean, why the traps have nibbled him. He is arrested, and gone to a
lock-up shop, a place of mere accommodation for gentlemen to take up
their abode, for the purpose of ~357~~ arranging their affairs, and
where they can uninterruptedly make up their minds whether to give
bail, put in appearance and defend the suit, or take a trip to Abbott's
Priory; become a three months' student in the college of art, and
undergo the fashionable ceremony of white-washing.”
“I begin to understand you now,” said Bob, “and the only difference
between our two friends is, that one has willingly put on a chain for
life--”
“And the other may in all probability (continued Tom,) have to chaff his
time away with a chum--perhaps not quite so agreeable, though it really
is possible to be very comfortable, if a man can reconcile himself to
the loss of liberty, even in “durance vile.”
By this time they were walking leisurely along Piccadilly,
“And marching without any cumbersome load,
They mark'd every singular sight on the road.”
“Who is that meagre looking man and waddling woman, who just passed us?”
inquired Tallyho.
“An old Bencher,” was the reply; “there you see all that is left of a
man of _haut ton_, one who has moved in the highest circles; but alas!
bad company and bad play have reduced him to what he now is. He has cut
up and turn'd down very well among the usurers and attornies; but it is
impossible to say of him, as of his sirloin of a wife (for she cannot be
called a rib, or at all events a spare rib) that there is any thing like
cut and come again. The poor worn-out Exquisite tack'd himself to his
Lady, to enable him to wipe out a long score, and she determined on
taking him for better for worse, after a little rural felicity in a walk
to have her fortune told by a gipsy at Norwood. He is now crippled in
pocket and person, and wholly dependent upon bounty for the chance of
prolonging a miserable existence. His game is up. But what is life but a
game, at which every one is willing to play? one wins and another loses:
why there have been as many moves among titled persons, Kings, Queens,
Bishops, Lords and Knights, within the last century, as there are in a
game at chess. Pawns have been taken and restored in all classes,
from the Sovereign, who pawns or loses his crown, to the Lady whose
reputation is in pawn, and becomes at last not worth half a crown.
Shuffling, cutting, dealing out and ~358~~ dealing in, double dealing
and double faces, have long been the order of the day. Some men's cards
are all trumps, whilst others have _carte blanche_; some honours count,
whilst others stand for nothing. For instance, did not the little man
who cast up his final accounts a short time back at St. Helena, like a
Corsican conjurer, shuffle and cut about among kings and queens, knaves
and asses, (aces I mean) dealing out honours when he liked, and taking
trumps as he thought fit?--did he not deal and take up again almost as
he pleased, having generally an honour in his sleeve to be played at
command, or _un roi dans le marche_; by which cheating, it was scarcely
possible for any one to get fair play with him, till, flushed by
success, and not knowing how to bear his prosperity, he played too
desperately and too long? The tables were turned upon him, and his
enemies cheated him, first of his liberty, and ultimately of his life.”
At this moment Tallyho, who was listening in close attention to his
Cousin, struck his foot against a brown paper parcel which rolled before
him.--“Hallo!” exclaimed he, “what have we here?--somebody has dropped a
prize.”
“It is mine, Sir,” said an old woman, dropping them a curtsey with a
smile which shone through her features, though thickly begrimed with
snuff.
“A bite,” said Tom.
“I dropp'd it from my pocket, Sir, just now.”
“And pray,” inquired Tom, “what does it contain?” picking it up.
“Snuff, Sir,” was the reply; “a kind, good-hearted Gentleman gave it to
me--God bless him, and bless your Honour too!” with an additional smile,
and a still lower curtsey.
Upon examining the paper, which had been broken by the kick, Tom
perceived, that by some magic or other, the old woman's snuff had become
sugar.
“Zounds!” said he, “they have played some trick upon you, and given you
brimstone instead of snuff, or else you are throwing dust in our eyes.”
The parcel, which contained a sample of sugar, was carefully rolled up
again and tied, then dropped to be found by any body else who chose to
stoop for it.
“This,” said Dashall, “does not turn out to be what I first expected;
for the practices of ring and money ~359~~ dropping{1} have, at various
times, been carried on with great success, and to the serious injury
of the unsuspecting. The persons who generally apply themselves to this
species of cheating are no other than gamblers who ingeniously contrive,
by dropping a purse or a ring, to draw in some customer with a view to
induce him to play; and notwithstanding their arts have frequently been
exposed, we every now and then hear of some flat being done by these
sharps, and indeed there are constantly customers in London to be had
one way or another.”
“Then you had an idea that that parcel was a bait of this kind,”
rejoined Bob.
“I did,” replied his Cousin; “but it appears to be a legitimate letter
from some industrious mechanic to his friend, and is a curious specimen
of epistolary correspondence; and you perceive there was a person ready
to claim it, which conspired rather to confirm my suspicions, being a
little in the style of the gentry I have alluded to. They vary their
mode of proceeding according to situation and circumstance. Your
money-dropper contrives to find his own property, as if by chance.
He picks up the purse with an exclamation of 'Hallo! what have we
here?--Zounds! if here is not a prize--I'm in rare luck to-day--Ha,
ha, ha, let's have a peep at it--it feels heavy, and no doubt is worth
having.' While he is examining its contents, up comes his confederate,
who claims a share on account of having been present at the finding.
'Nay, nay,' replies the finder, 'you are not in it. This Gentleman is
the only person that was near me--was not you, Sir? 'By this means the
novice is induced to assent, or perhaps assert his prior claim. The
finder declares,
1 The practice of ring-dropping is not wholly confined to
London, as the following paragraph from the Glasgow Courier,
a very short time ago, will sufficiently prove:--'On Monday
afternoon, when three Highland women, who had been employed
at a distance from home in the harvest, were returning to
their habitations, they were accosted by a fellow who had
walked out a short way with them, 'till he picked up a pair
of ear-rings and a key for a watch. The fellow politely
informed the females that they should have half the value of
the articles, as they were in his company when they were
found. While they were examining them, another fellow came
up, who declared at once they were gold, and worth at least
thirty shillings. After some conversation, the women were
induced to give fifteen shillings for the articles, and came
and offered them to a watch-maker for sale, when they
learned to their mortification that they were not worth
eighteen pence!'
~360~~ that sooner than have any dispute about it, he will divide the
contents in three parts; recommends an adjournment to a public-house in
the neighbourhood, to wet the business and drink over their good luck.
This being consented to, the leading points are accomplished. The
purse of course is found to contain counterfeit money--Flash-screens or
Fleet-notes,{1} and the division cannot well be made without change can
be procured. Now comes the touch-stone. The Countryman, for such they
generally contrive to inveigle, is perhaps in cash, having sold his hay,
or his cattle, tells them he can give change; which being understood,
the draught-board, cards, or la bagatelle, are introduced, and as the
job is a good one, they can afford to sport some of their newly-acquired
wealth in this way. They drink and play, and fill their grog again. The
Countryman bets; if he loses, he is called upon to pay; if he wins, 'tis
added to what is coming to him out of the purse.
“If, after an experiment or two, they find he has but little money, or
fight shy, they bolt, that is, brush off in quick time, leaving him to
answer for the reckoning. But if he is what they term well-breeched,
and full of cash, they stick to him until he is cleaned out,{2} make him
drunk, and, if he turns restive, they mill him. If he should be an
easy cove,{3} he perhaps give them change for their flash notes, or
counterfeit coin, and they leave him as soon as possible, highly pleased
with his fancied success, while they laugh in their sleeves at the dupe
of their artifice.”
“And is it possible?” inquired Tallyho--
“Can such things be, and overcome us
Like a summer's cloud?”
“Not without our special wonder,” continued Dashall; “but such things
have been practised. Then again, your ring-droppers, or practisers of
the fawney rig, are more cunning in their manoeuvres to turn their wares
into the ready blunt.{4} The pretending to find a ring being one of the
meanest and least profitable exercises of their ingenuity, it forms a
part of their art to find articles of much more
1 Flash-screens or Fleet-notes--Forged notes.
2 Cleaned out--Having lost all your money.
3 Easy cove--One whom there is no difficulty in gulling.
4 Ready blunt--Cash in hand.
~361~~ value, such as rich jewelry, broaches, ear-rings, necklaces set
with diamonds, pearls, &c. sometimes made into a paper parcel, at others
in a small neat red morocco case, in which is stuck a bill of parcels,