Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.

was chanting “The stormy winds do blow,” a fellow cut off his tail. This was worse than all the rest; it was, as it were, a part of his working tools, and the loss of it was likely to injure his business by an alteration of his appearance, and could not be tacitly submitted to. The magistrates gravely considering this a most serious charge of unprovoked attack upon an industrious individual, ordered the parties to find bail, in default of fully satisfying the inoffensive dealer in pastry, which was accordingly done. In the year 1804, scorning to be behindhand in loyalty as well as activity, he became a member of the Clerkenwell Volunteers, and was placed in the light company, in which capacity he obtained the character not only of being the cleanest man, but the best soldier in the regiment. It is said, that for amusement, or the gratification of a whim, he will sometimes walk a distance of fifty or a hundred miles from the Metropolis, and return the same way. On such occasions he always manages to take some companion or friend out with him, but was never known to come back in the same company; for so irresistibly are they allured forward by his inexhaustible fund of humour and sprightliness of conversation, that they seldom think of the distance till they find themselves too far from home to return on foot. ~41~~“Then,” said Bob, “he is not like some of the London dealers, who invite their customers to taste and try before they buy, for he scarcely seems to afford a chance of seeing what he sells.” “You did not try him,” replied Tom, “nor would he have expected you to be a customer. He is a remarkable character, well known all over the Metropolis. Particularly noted for his activity in disposing of his goods; never standing still for a moment, but accosting with extraordinary ease and fluency every person who appears likely to be a purchaser; always ready with an answer to any question, but delivering it with so much volubility, that it is impossible to propose a second enquiry, suiting at the same time his answer to the apparent quality of the querist, though frequently leaving it unfinished in search of a customer, and moving on with so much rapidity, that you may almost find him at the same moment at Tower Hill, Billingsgate, and Spa Fields; at Smithfield, Temple Bar, and Piccadilly; indeed he may be said to be in all quarters of the town in a space of time incredibly short for a man who obtains a livelihood by seeking customers as he moves along.” “Zounds,” cried Bob, “this walking genius, this credible incredible, and visible invisible pedestrian dealer in portable eatables, has almost blinded me. “For, by this flying pieman, I've nearly lost an eye, man.” “Come,” said Tom, “I've no fear of your eye while you can muster a couplet; so let us proceed.” Crossing Black friars Bridge, and approaching the road, Bob, who had assuaged the pain of which he had previously ~42~~ been complaining, could not help admiring the extensive range of nouses on each side of the way, terminated by a handsome building in the distance. “That Building,” said Dashall, “will be the extent of our journey, for very near to it is the habitation of Merrywell, where I entertain no doubt you will find enough for observation of a useful as well as a humorous nature: for an epitome of men and manners is there to be obtained.” “Here are abundance of subjects worthy of inspection in this quarter,” replied Tom, “and we therefore ought not to exhaust too much time on one, so let us proceed: do you see that high wall to the right? That is the Magdalen Hospital,{1} established for the relief and 1 The Magdalen Hospital in Blackfriars Road, enclosed from public view, occupies an extensive space of ground, and is from the nature of its inhabitants very properly so enclosed. It was opened in the year 1758, and it must be a delightful reflection to its governors, that during the period it has subsisted, more than two-thirds of the women who have been admitted have been reconciled to their friends, or placed in honest employments or reputable services: besides which, a very considerable portion have since been married, and are at this moment respectable members of society: circumstances which prove the great and important utility of this admirable institution. There is no prescribed time for the objects of this charity to remain in the house, it being varied according to circumstances. Every effort is made use of to find out their relations and friends, if possible, to bring about a reconciliation with them, and if they prove to be persons of character, to put them under their protection. If, however, the young women are destitute of such friends, they are kept in the house till an opportunity offers of placing them in reputable services, or otherwise procuring them the means of obtaining an honest livelihood, and they never discharge any one without providing for her. There have been but few discharged beyond the age of twenty years. The general business of the establishment is conducted by a Committee consisting of 32 Governors, who meet at the Hospital every Thursday at twelve o'clock precisely, except on the first Thursday of every mouth, when they meet at eleven. Two of them attend at the Chapel in rotation every Sunday at morning and evening service, when a collection is made at the door on entrance. The hours of divine service are a quarter after eleven in the forenoon, and a quarter after six in the evening; and on account of the fascination of the singing, no place of worship in the Metropolis is more worthy of the notice of strangers. An opportunity is afforded to companies who wish to visit this charity, by addressing a request by letter to the Committee any Thursday, or to A. Bonnet, Esq. the Treasurer, any day in the week, and no fees are allowed to be taken. reformation of wretched outcasts from society. The principle on which it is founded, entitles it to the countenance and support of the public, and particularly of the female sex, the object being to reclaim and restore to virtue such wanderers in the labyrinths of vice as are not totally depraved.”~43~~ “Admirable intentions indeed,” cried Tallyho, “if they are but as well carried into effect.” “The records of the establishment have proved its advantages to society, or rather, I should say, to its conductors, for they are of a nature which cannot be publicly exposed, without much private injury to the individuals who partake of them. It is, however, not a little remarkable, that till lately, on the very opposite side of the road, the neighbourhood has exhibited scenes of vice, immorality, and indecency, which it is the great object of this Charity if possible to prevent, by an endeavour to reclaim the miserable and deluded wretches from their evil ways. I remember the late John Home Tooke related in the House of Commons a curious anecdote, in allusion to himself and his situation at the time, in which this institution was mentioned, and which excited considerable interest. “It is well known that the late John Home Tooke, of political memory as the reputed tutor of a certain patriotic Baronet of the present day, as well as the author of the Diversions of Purley, and a correspondent of the yet undiscovered Junius, was a reverend divine of the Church of England; and when he became a Member of Parliament, it was objected against him that no person in Holy Orders could hold a seat in the honourable House of Commons. In his reply, he very ingeniously observed, that this objection reminded him of an applicant for admission to the Magdalen, who, upon being exhorted by the Chaplain to forsake her evil ways, replied that she was not aware of his meaning, and upon explanation she was excluded from the Charity, because she was not bad enough to require reforming. 'This,' said Mr. Home Tooke, 'is exactly my case; because I am in Holy Orders I must leave the House, and after committing some act of impropriety to lose my gown, I may yet be eligible for a Member of this Assembly.'” “Pointed enough,” said Bob Tallyho. “Yes,” replied Tom; “and having mentioned the name of the man, you may perhaps recollect the order of the day, ~44~~ as well as the curious definition (before the Commissioners of the Income Tax) as to how a man lives who has no income at all. Being interrogated by the Commissioners, as to how he obtained his living, Mr. Home Tooke replied as follows:--'Why, it appears to me, Gentlemen, that there are three modes by which a person may obtain a living; the first is by begging--now this I am too proud to submit to;--the second, by stealing--this I don't choose to resort to;--and the third is by the exercise of the wits--and this, Gentlemen, I presume, you know nothing about.' “Here,” said Dashall, “is the Surrey Theatre, formerly denominated the Royal Circus. I shall, however, dispatch my description of it in a very few words, as we will ere long pay a visit to its interior. It is a neat building, and shews a good front to the road; is fitted up with a considerable degree of elegance, and is a very convenient theatre. It was originally conducted by Hughes and Jones, and its exhibitions were both scenic and equestrian, something in the style of what Astley's Amphitheatre is now; but you must see the one in order to form an idea of the other. Horses are now banished at this place, where, under an annual license from the magistrates of the county, burlettas, melodramas, dancing, and pantomimes are got up, and performed in a style which would not disgrace even the patent theatres. It is at present under the management of Mr. Dibdin, a son of the celebrated writer of so many of our national, patriotic, and characteristic ballads.--Just through the turnpike, the building which gives a sort of finish to the road, is the School for the Indigent Blind; at the back of which is the Philanthropic Institution, calculated to unite the purposes of charity with those of industry and police, to rescue from destruction the offspring of the vicious and criminal; and Bethlem Hospital, for the care and cure of insane persons, well deserving of minute inspection; and to the right, at the corner of a road which leads from Westminster Bridge towards Vauxhall, is an Asylum for Female Orphans, which, as the Magdalen was intended to reclaim prostitutes, was originally intended to prevent prostitution. To the left again is the King's Bench; and as that is our present place of destination, we will forego any further description, till another opportunity. “I cannot, however, refrain a few remarks on the ~45~~situation we are now in, for from this place may be seen the children of penance (the Magdalen); the children of darkness (the School for the Indigent Blind); the insane (New Bethlem); the infatuated and fanatic (the congregations of the Zoar Chapel, and the faithful of mewses, garrets, and wooden tabernacles); the children of Thespis and Terpsichore (the Surrey Theatre), mingled together as it were with the debtor and the captive (the King's Bench): at least, placing ourselves at this obelisk in the centre of the road, the mind's eye can comprehend them within a short distance of each other.” “And a curious admixture of the useful and the sweet it certainly is,” exclaimed Tallyho, anxious to give his Cousin a little respite, while they turned to the left on their way to the Bench.