Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
“You will find,” continued Tom, “all the before-mentioned infirmities,
blindness, infatuation, madness, and profligacy, within the walls that
we shall shortly enter, without the repentant spirit of the Sisters
within the walls we have just passed. You will also find there is
a plenty of self-interest and hypocrisy combined with them; nay, an
hospital of incurables is only wanting to complete the scene. It is not
till lately that a little reform has been effected in this quarter, for
Dover Street and its vicinity, as I before observed, so near to these
benevolent charities and to the walls of a prison, have been the sink
of female profligacy, of the lowest, most dangerous, and most disgusting
kind; and suffered too long to pollute the streams of charity and impede
the road to reform. However, at length the nuisance is removed, at least
the public appearance of it, though the neighbourhood is not altogether
bereft of its private negociations and stolen accommodations. But come,
now for an interior view of the. Abbott's Park, its interesting scenery,
and its multi-farious characters. There you shall see what you shall
see, and Merrywell will tell you more in ten minutes than you might wish
to know in your whole life, I mean practically, though it is well to
know in theory what ought never to be reduced to experiment.”~46~~
CHAPTER IV
“----Give me leave to ask a question;
Pray, in the King's Bench have you ever been?
The Bench! Good Heaven! how shocking a suggestion!
Was e'er so saucy a companion seen?
Well, you ne'er saw the place; or if you did,
'Twere better not too closely to surmise;
Enough, enough, those frowns the thought forbid,
Who sees too much is rarely counted wise;
I rather boast that mine are prudent eyes;
Persons and things so quietly they read,
Nor by a glance confess they scrutinize,
That thoughtless lookers think me blind indeed,
When of themselves I take the strictest heed.
But since you wish me to believe that College
Ne'er gave its finish to your education,
I, of its laws and customs having knowledge,
Ere I take up the thread of my narration,
Must say a little for your information.”
THEY had now passed the outer gates of the prison, and entered a court
yard surrounded by a wall, which enclosed some good looking houses.
“These houses,” said Dashall, “are occupied by the principal officers of
the place, and devoted to purposes of business, or let out by them for
the accommodation of those who' have purchased the privilege of the
Rules. This door directly opposite the gate, is the only entrance to the
Park.”
They next passed up the steps, and entered a gloomy apartment, where
after a few minutes a Turnkey, surveying their persons rather minutely,
opened the ponderous door, which admitted them to an inner court of
confined dimensions. Bob looked around him with surprise after the
description of his Cousin, and began to think he had been vamping up
imaginary pictures of what was not to be realized; however, hearing
a variety of voices, and perceiving another gate, he quelled his
conjectures and ~47~~ followed Dashall, who, upon knocking at the door,
was surveyed from a sort of loop-hole by the keeper within, who quickly
gave them entrance; and the spacious appearance of the parade, racquet
ground, and habitations, and a moving panorama of personages of both
sexes, attracted his immediate attention.
Gazing with enquiring eyes upon this world-within-walls,{1} they
scarcely heeded the variety of salutations with which they were greeted
on entering, such as nods, winks, and touches on the shoulder from one
who appeared as unconscious of such familiarity as if he had for some
time been wholly absorbed in the solution of a mathematical problem,
or the horse-laugh of the ignorant and vulgar, by whom they found
themselves surrounded. Struggling through the throng, Dashall impelled
his Cousin forward, repeating as he proceeded,
“How many o'er this threshold pass that mouru,
Wanting our power at pleasure to return;
A moment let us pause ere we ascend
The gallery that leads us to our friend;
Survey the place, where all that meets your view,
Is full of interest, and strangely new.
Could we but hide those grinning spikes awhile,
Borne spacious barrack we might think the pile.”
“However,” continued he, “I perceive we are quizzed, we will just take
a turn round, and probably we may meet Merrywell, if not, we will soon
find him out by enquiry. You perceive, they have the accommodation of
a butcher's shop, and a baker's, besides green stalls, fish stalls,
and chandlers' shops, which give the place the appearance of a public
market, while the racquet players and others amusing themselves in
various ways, resemble that of a fair.”
“Indeed,” said Tallyho, “your description is just, for I have as yet
seen but few sorrowful faces, every one seems to have some object in
view, either of business or pleasure, almost as attractive as those
without the walls.”
~48~~ “And in many instances,” continued Dashall, “of as much, nay, more
interest. However, you perceive the
1 The walls of the King's Bench are about thirty feet high,
sur-mounted by a _chevaux de frieze_, and as a place of
confinement, it is of great though uncertain antiquity.
accommodation of the inmates has been studied by the founders of the
College. Water is well supplied from four pumps, and were it not that
the walls intercept the views, a man here might almost consider himself
in his own habitation, with only one drawback.”
“And what is that?” enquired Tallyho.
“Merely, that like the starling, he can't get out.”
“How now,” said Merry well, who had espied the entrance of his friends
from the window of his apartment, and immediately descended to greet
them--touching the Honourable Tom Dashall on the shoulder, while he
seized Bob by the opposite arm.
“What are you a'ter, exploring the secrets of the prison-house?”
Mutual congratulations having passed, Merrywell welcomed them to
his habitation, significantly informing them at the same time, that
notwithstanding his powers of entertainment were just then not what he
could wish, all was right, the trick was done, that he was arranging
for a house in the Rules, _pro tempore_, and that it would not be long
before he should have the honour of meeting them in a way that would be
more agreeable to all parties. “However,” continued he, “if you can bear
a confined apartment, I promise you shall have nothing else to complain
of. Can you put up with pot-luck in a prison?”
“Certainly,” was the reply, “our object was to spend a convivial hour
with you, to wile away a little of the time, to see and learn, to take
a peep at things as they are, and to form our judgments upon their
existence.”
“Then,” replied Merrywell, “you have arrived _en bon heure_, for in this
place a volume of information may be obtained, which, if judiciously
applied, must prove beneficial; and while dinner is preparing, I can
afford you abundance of amusement; so come along, we must move round
this way to the gate again, in order to take any thing like an accurate
survey, and I can furnish some anecdotes of the paraders, the players,
the officers of the Court, and the visitors, which cannot fail to prove
interesting. This, however, must be done with caution, for suspicion is
ever active, and jealousy constantly awake within these walls; and as
I mean to give you sketches of individual characters, rather than a
general view of ~49~~ the society with which I am now in association, a
little discretion may be well made use of.”
“Now let us analyse, but not too loud,
If wise, the composition of this crowd;
Made up from native soil and foreign clime,
Of waste and folly, accident and crime.
Here join the Speculator and the Fool,
Greybeards, and youngsters rather tit for school,
(At least for any school but this alone,
Where College vices in the shade are thrown.)
Of pugilists, of haberdashers, jugglers,
Horse jockeys, swindlers, Bond Street beaux, and smugglers,
By hollow friendship some in prison thrown,
By others' follies some--more by their own.”
By this time they had traversed round the open walk of the prison, and
on arriving at the place of entrance--
“Do you observe that small building on the right? it is called the State
House, and contains the largest and most convenient rooms; it is usually
devoted to the accommodation of such as are best enabled to pay; and
there are persons residing here, who live as well, and in as dashing
a style as those without the walls, or at least pay as much for their
living. On the left hand you may also perceive the chapel, for the
spiritual wants of those confined are not to be forgotten.”
“There, in the centre, is the chapel door,
With ever changing notices spread o'er:
Whatever doctrines may within be taught,
With words of peace that door is rarely fraught:
For there, mid notices of beds for hire,
Of concerts in the state-house by desire,
Some ill-spelt scrawl demands the mighty debt
Of half a crown, with a ferocious threat;
Some traitorous agent is denounced; some spy,
That blabb'd of gin, is hung in effigy;
Here angry fools proclaim the petty jar,
And clumsy pasquinades provoke to war.”
By this time they had reached the door of the Chapel, which, by the
various placards pasted against it, fully confirmed the description of
Merrywell.
Bob, casting his eyes around him, discovered much for enquiry. “Who are
those in the corner in close conversation together?”
“The farthest from us,” replied Merrywell, “is a Jew attorney, well
acquainted with all the shuffling arts of the ~50~~ place; one who can
explain the whole game, from raising the wind, down to the White-washing
Act, for the knowledge and experience of gentlemen in these days are
astonishing. You would scarcely believe it, but such is the fact, there
are rakes of quality and of fashion, who are their own farriers,
horse dealers, who know every trick upon the cards and dice--cutting,
shuffling, slipping, cogging, securing; who have cards and dice always
at hand, and ready made to their hand; who, although they are awake to a
good thing, know the odds to a nicety, and can give or take according
as it may best suit their purpose, yet are not properly initiated in all
requisite mysteries, till a sort of finish is given to their education,
by a temporary retirement here; where they learn a sufficiency of the
law to give information on all the quirks and quibbles of the arrest
laws, of bailing, demurring, justifying bail, putting in bail above, of
writs of error, county and Marshalsea writs, of letters of licence, the
laws against usury, the bankrupt laws, and finally of acts of grace;
perhaps the last and only one in their lives bearing that name: but we
must walk on, or we may be overheard.”
“Then,” said Dashall, “you are by this time pretty well acquainted with
the characters of your companions, and expect to leave the College with
more information than you previously possessed.”
“No doubt of it,” was the reply; “but as my case was not desperate,
I have not sought desperate remedies. I am at this moment supposed by
certain friends of mine to be in the gay city of Paris, enjoying all