About this book

Roughing It

Mark Twain

CHAPTER L. Captain Ned Blakely—Bill Nookes Receives Desired Information—Killing of Blakely’s Mate—A Walking Battery—Blakely Secures Nookes—Hang First and Be Tried Afterwards—Captain Blakely as a Chaplain—The First Chapter of Genesis Read at a Hanging—Nookes Hung—Blakely’s Regrets CHAPTER LI. The Weekly Occidental—A Ready Editor—A Novel—A Concentration of Talent—The Heroes and the Heroines—The Dissolute Author Engaged—Extraordinary Havoc With the Novel—A Highly Romantic Chapter—The Lovers Separated—Jonah Out-done—A Lost Poem—The Aged Pilot Man—Storm On the Erie Canal—Dollinger the Pilot Man—Terrific Gale—Danger Increases—A Crisis Arrived—Saved as if by a Miracle CHAPTER LII. Freights to California—Silver Bricks—Under Ground Mines—Timber Supports—A Visit to the Mines—The Caved Mines—Total of Shipments in 1863 CHAPTER LIII. Jim Blaine and his Grandfather’s Ram—Filkin’s Mistake—Old Miss Wagner and her Glass Eye—Jacobs, the Coffin Dealer—Waiting for a Customer—His Bargain With Old Robbins—Robbins Sues for Damage and Collects—A New Use for Missionaries—The Effect—His Uncle Lem and the Use Providence Made of Him—Sad Fate of Wheeler—Devotion of His Wife—A Model Monument—What About the Ram? CHAPTER LIV. Chinese in Virginia City—Washing Bills—Habit of Imitation—Chinese Immigration—A Visit to Chinatown—Messrs. Ah Sing, Hong Wo, See Yup, &c. CHAPTER LV. Tired of Virginia City—An Old Schoolmate—A Two Years’ Loan—Acting as an Editor—Almost Receive an Offer—An Accident—Three Drunken Anecdotes—Last Look at Mt. Davidson—A Beautiful Incident CHAPTER LVI. Off for San Francisco—Western and Eastern Landscapes—The Hottest place on Earth—Summer and Winter CHAPTER LVII. California—Novelty of Seeing a Woman—“Well if it ain’t a Child!”—One Hundred and Fifty Dollars for a Kiss—Waiting for a turn CHAPTER LVIII. Life in San Francisco—Worthless Stocks—My First Earthquake—Reportorial Instincts—Effects of the Shocks—Incidents and Curiosities—Sabbath Breakers—The Lodger and the Chambermaid—A Sensible Fashion to Follow—Effects of the Earthquake on the Ministers CHAPTER LIX. Poor Again—Slinking as a Business—A Model Collector—Misery loves Company—Comparing Notes for Comfort—A Streak of Luck—Finding a Dime—Wealthy by Comparison—Two Sumptuous Dinners CHAPTER LX. An Old Friend—An Educated Miner—Pocket Mining—Freaks of Fortune CHAPTER LXI. Dick Baker and his Cat—Tom Quartz’s Peculiarities—On an Excursion—Appearance On His Return—A Prejudiced Cat—Empty Pockets and a Roving Life CHAPTER LXII. Bound for the Sandwich Islands—The Three Captains—The Old Admiral—His Daily Habits—His Well Fought Fields—An Unexpected Opponent—The Admiral Overpowered—The Victor Declared a Hero CHAPTER LXIII. Arrival at the Islands—Honolulu—What I Saw There—Dress and Habits of the Inhabitants—The Animal Kingdom—Fruits and Delightful Effects CHAPTER LXIV. An Excursion—Captain Phillips and his Turn-Out—A Horseback Ride—A Vicious Animal—Nature and Art—Interesting Ruins—All Praise to the Missionaries CHAPTER LXV. Interesting Mementoes and Relics—An Old Legend of a Frightful Leap—An Appreciative Horse—Horse Jockeys and Their Brothers—A New Trick—A Hay Merchant—Good Country for Horse Lovers CHAPTER LXVI. A Saturday Afternoon—Sandwich Island Girls on a Frolic—The Poi Merchant—Grand Gala Day—A Native Dance—Church Membership—Cats and Officials—An Overwhelming Discovery CHAPTER LXVII. The Legislature of the Island—What Its President Has Seen—Praying for an Enemy—Women’s Rights—Romantic Fashions—Worship of the Shark—Desire for Dress—Full Dress—Not Paris Style—Playing Empire—Officials and Foreign Ambassadors—Overwhelming Magnificence CHAPTER LXVIII. A Royal Funeral—Order of Procession—Pomp and Ceremony—A Striking Contrast—A Sick Monarch—Human Sacrifices at His Death—Burial Orgies CHAPTER LXIX. “Once more upon the Waters.”—A Noisy Passenger—Several Silent Ones—A Moonlight Scene—Fruits and Plantations CHAPTER LXX. A Droll Character—Mrs. Beazely and Her Son—Meditations on Turnips—A Letter from Horace Greeley—An Indignant Rejoinder—The Letter Translated but too Late CHAPTER LXXI. _Kealakekua_ Bay—Death of Captain Cook—His Monument—Its Construction—On Board the Schooner CHAPTER LXXII. Young Kanakas in New England—A Temple Built by Ghosts—Female Bathers—I Stood Guard—Women and Whiskey—A Fight for Religion—Arrival of Missionaries CHAPTER LXXIII. Native Canoes—Surf Bathing—A Sanctuary—How Built—The Queen’s Rock—Curiosities—Petrified Lava CHAPTER LXXIV. Visit to the Volcano—The Crater—Pillar of Fire—Magnificent Spectacle—A Lake of Fire CHAPTER LXXV. The North Lake—Fountains of Fire—Streams of Burning Lava—Tidal Waves CHAPTER LXXVI. A Reminiscence—Another Horse Story—My Ride with the Retired Milk Horse—A Picnicing Excursion—Dead Volcano of Holeakala—Comparison with Vesuvius—An Inside View CHAPTER LXXVII. A Curious Character—A Series of Stories—Sad Fate of a Liar—Evidence of Insanity CHAPTER LXXVIII. Return to San Francisco—Ship Amusements—Preparing for Lecturing—Valuable Assistance Secured—My First Attempt—The Audience Carried—“All’s Well that Ends Well.” CHAPTER LXXIX. Highwaymen—A Predicament—A Huge Joke—Farewell to California—At Home Again—Great Changes. Moral. APPENDIX. A.—Brief Sketch of Mormon History B.—The Mountain Meadows Massacre C.—Concerning a Frightful Assassination that was never Consummated LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS 1. THE MINERS’ DREAM 2. ENVIOUS CONTEMPLATIONS 3. INNOCENT DREAMS 4. LIGHT TRAVELING ORDER 5. THE “ALLEN” 6. INDUCEMENTS TO PURCHASE 7. THE FACETIOUS DRIVER 8. PLEASING NEWS 9. THE SPHYNX 10. MEDITATION 11. ON BUSINESS 12. AUTHOR AS GULLIVER 13. A TOUCH STATEMENT 14. THIRD TRIP OF THE UNABRIDGED 15. A POWERFUL GLASS 16. AN HEIRLOOM 17. OUR LANDLORD 18. DIGNIFIED EXILE 19. DRINKING SLUMGULLION 20. A JOKE WITHOUT CREAM 21. PULLMAN CAR DINING-SALOON 22. OUR MORNING RIDE 23. PRAIRIE DOGS 24. A CAYOTE 25. SHOWING RESPECT TO RELATIVES 26. THE CONDUCTOR 27. TEACHING A SUBORDINATE 28. JACK AND THE ELDERLY PILGRIM 29. CROSSING THE PLATTE 30. I BEGAN TO PRAY 31. A NEW DEPARTURE 32. SUSPENDED OPERATIONS 33. A WONDERFUL LIE 34. TALL PIECE 35. HERE HE COMES 36. CHANGING HORSES 37. RIDING THE AVALANCHE 38. INDIAN COUNTRY 39. A PROPOSED FIST FIGHT 40. FROM BEHIND THE DOOR 41. SLADE AS AN EXECUTIONER 42. AN UNPLEASANT VIEW 43. UNAPPRECIATED POLITENESS 44. SLADE IN COURT 45. A WIFE’S LAMENTATIONS 46. THE CONCENTRATED INHABITANT 47. THE SOUTH PASS 48. THE PARTED STREAMS 49. IT SPOILED THE MELON 50. THE CAYOTE AND THE RAVEN 51. “DON’T COME HERE ... 52. “THINK I’M A FOOL ... 53. THE “DESTROYING ANGEL... 54. EFFECTS OF “VALLEY TAN” 55. ONE CREST 56. THE OTHER 57. THE VAGRANT 58. PORTRAIT OF EBER KIMBALL 59. PORTRAIT OR BRIGHAM YOUNG 60. THE CONTRACTORS BEFORE THE KING 61. I WAS TOUCHED 62. THE ENDOWMENT 63. FAVORITE WIFE AND D.4 64. NEEDED MARKING 65. A REMARKABLE RESEMBLANCE 66. THE FAMILY BEDSTEAD 67. THE MIRACULOUS COMPASS 68. THREE SIDES TO A QUESTION 69. RESULT OF HFGH FREIGHTS 70. A SHRIVELED QUARTER 71. AN OBJECT OF PITY 72. TAIL-PIECE 73. TAIL-PIECE 74. GOSHOTT INDIANS HANGING AROUND 75. THE DRIVE FOR LIFE 76. GREELEY’S RIDE 77. BOTTLING AN ANECDOTE 78. TAIL-PIECE 79. CONTEMPLATION 80. THE WASHOE ZEPHYR 81. THE GOVERNOR’S HOUSE 82. DARK DISCLOSURES 83. THE IRISH BRIGADE 84. RECREATION 85. THE TARANTULA 86. LIGHT THROWN ON THE SUBJECT 87. I STEERED 88. THE INVALID 89. THE RESTORED 90. OUR HOUSE 91. AT BUSINESS 92. FIGHT AT LAKE TAHOE 93. “THINK HIM AN AMERICAN HORSE” 94. UNEXPECTED ELEVATION 95. UNIVERSALLY UNSETTLED 96. RIDING THE PLUG 97. WANTED EXERCISE 98. BORROWING MADE EASY 99. FREE RIDES 100. SATISFACTORY VOUCHERS 101. NEEDS PRAYING FOR 102. MAP OF TOLL ROADS 103. UNLOADING SILVER BRICKS 104. VIEW IN HUMBOLDT MOUNTAINS 105. GOING TO HUMBOLDT 106. BALLOU’S BEDFELLOW 107. PLEASURES OF CAMPING OUT 108. THE SECRET SEARCH 109. “CAST YOUR EYE ON THAT ... 110. “WE’VE GOT IT” 111. INCIPIENT MILLIONAIRES 112. ROCKS-TAIL-PIECE 113. “DO YOU SEE IT?” 114. FAREWELL SWEET RIVER 115. THE RESCUE 116. “MR. ARKANSAS ... 117. AN ARMED ALLY 118. CROSSING THE FLOOD 119. ADVANCE IN A CIRCLE 120, THE SONGSTER 121. THE FOXES HAVE HOLES-TAIL-PIECE 122. A FLAT FAILURE 123. THE LAST MATCH 124. DISCARDED VICES 125. FLAMES-TAIL-PIECE 127. IT WAS THUS WE MET 128. TAKING POSSESSION 129. A GREAT EFFORT 130. REARRANGING AND SHIFTING 131. WE LEFT LAMENTED 132. PICTURE OF TOWNSEND’S TUNNEL 133. QUARTZ MILL 134. ANOTHER PROCESS OF AMALGAMATION 135. FIRST QUARTZ MILL IN NEVADA 136. A SLICE OF RICH ORE 137. THE SAVED BROTHER 138. ON A SECRET EXPEDITION 139. LAKE MONO 140. RATHER SOAPY 141. A BARK UNDER FULL SAIL 142. A MODEL BOARDING HOUSE 143. LIFE AMID DEATH 144. A JUMP FOR LIFE 145. “STOVE HEAP GONE” 146. INTERVIEWING THE “WIDE WEST” 147. WORTH A MILLION 148. MILLIONAIRES LAYING PLANS 149. DANGEROUSLY SICK 150. WORTH NOTHING 151. THE COMPROMISE 152. ONE OF MY FAILURES 153. TARGET SHOOTING 154. AS CITY EDITOR 155. THE ENTIRE MARKET 156. A FRIEND INDEED 157. UNION-TAIL-PIECE 158. AN EDUCATIONAL REPORT 159. NO PARTICULAR HURRY 160. VIEW OF VIRGINIA CITY AND MT. DAVIDSON 161. A NEW MINE 162. TRY A FEW 163. PORTRAIT OF MR. STEWART 164. SELLING A MINE 165. COULDN’T WAIT 166. THE GREAT “FLOUR SACS” PROCESSION 167. TAIL-PIECE 168. A NABOB 169. MAGNIFICENCE AND MISERY 170. A FRIENDLY DRIVER 171. ASTONISHES THE NATIVES 172. COL. JACK WEAKENS 173. SCOTTY BRIGGS AND THE MINISTER 174. REGULATING MATTERS 175. DIDN’T SHOOK HIS MOTHER 176. SCOTTY AS S. S. TEACHER 177. THE MAN WHO HAD KILLED HIS DOZEN 178. THE UNPREJUDICED JURY 179. A DESPERADO GIVING REFERENCE 180. SATISFYING A FOE 181. TAIL-PIECE 182. GIVING INFORMATION 183. A WALKING BATTERY 184. OVERHAULING HIS MANIFEST 185. SHIP-TAIL-PIECE 186. THE HEROES AND HEROINES OF THE STORY 187. DISSOLUTE AUTHOR 188. THERE SAT THE LAWYER 189. JONAH OUTDONE 190. DOLLINGER 191. LOW BRIDGE 192. SHORTENING SAIL 193. LIGHTENING SHIP 194. THE MARVELLOUS RESCUE 195. SILVER BRICKS 196. TIMBER SUPPORTS 197. FROM GALLERY TO GALLERY 198. JIM BLAINE 199. HURRAH FOR NIXON 200. MISS WAGNER 201. WAITING FOR A CUSTOMER 202. WAS TO BE THERE 209. THE MONUMENT 205. WHERE IS THE RAM-TAIL-PIECE 205. CHINESE WASH BILL 206. IMITATION 207. CHINESE LOTTERY 208. CHINESE MERCHANT AT HOME 209. AN OLD FRIEND 210. FAREWELL AND ACCIDENT 211. “GIMME A CIGAR” 212. THE HERALD OF GLAD NEWS 213. FLAG-TAIL-PIECE 214. A NEW ENGLAND SCENE 215. A VARIABLE CLIMATE 216. SACRAMENTO AND THREE NODES AWAY 217. “FETCH HER OUT ... 218. “WELL IF IT AINT A CHILD ... 219. A GENUINE LIVE WOMAN 220. THE GRACE OF A KANGAROO 221. DREAMS DISSIPATED 222. THE “ONE HORSE SHAY” OUTDONE 223. HARD ON THE INNOCENTS 224. DRY BONES SHAKEN 225. “OH! WHAT, SHALL I DO!... 226. “GET OUT YOUR TOWEL MY DEAR” 227. “WE WILL OMIT THE BENEDICTION... 228. SLINKING 229. A PRIZE 230. A LOOK IN AT THE WINDOW 231. “DO IT STRANGER” 232. THE OLD COLLEGIATE 233. STRIKING A POCKET 234. TOM QUARTZ 235. AN ADVANTAGE TAKEN 236. AFTER AN EXCURSION 237. THE THREE CAPTAINS 238. THE OLD ADMIRAL 239. THE DESERTED FIELD 240. WILLIAMS 241. SCENE ON THE SANDWICH ISLANDS 242. FASHIONABLE ATTIRE 243. A BITE 244. RECONNOITERING 246. LOOKING FOR MISCHIEF