Society as I Have Found It
chosen solely for their fitness; on each of them promising to invite to
each ball only such people as would do credit to the ball. We then
resolved that the responsibility of inviting each batch of nine guests
should rest upon the shoulders of the Patriarch who invited them, and
that if any objectionable element was introduced, it was the
Management’s duty to at once let it be known by whom such objectionable
party was invited, and to notify the Patriarch so offending, that he had
done us an injury, and pray him to be more circumspect. He then stood
before the community as a sponsor of his guest, and all society, knowing
the offense he had committed, would so upbraid him, that he would go
and sin no more. We knew then, and we know now, that the whole secret of
the success of these Patriarch Balls lay in making them select; in
making them the most brilliant balls of each winter; in making it
extremely difficult to obtain an invitation to them, and to make such
invitations of great value; to make them the stepping-stone to the best
New York society, that one might be sure that any one repeatedly invited
to them had a secure social position, and to make them the best managed,
the best looked-after balls given in this city. I soon became as much
interested in them as if I were giving them in my own house; their
success I felt was my success, and their failure, my failure; and be
assured, this identifying oneself with any undertaking is the secret of
its success. One should never say, “Oh, it is a subscription ball; I’m
not responsible for it.” It must always be said, “I must be more careful
in doing this for others, than in doing it for myself.” Nothing must be
kept in view but the great result to be reached, i.e. the success of the
entertainment, the pleasure of the whole. When petitioned to curtail the
expense, lower the subscription, our reply has always been, “We cannot
do it if it endangers the success of the balls. While we give them, let
us make them the great social events in New York society; make our
suppers the best that can be given in this city; decorate our rooms as
lavishly as good taste permits, spare no expense to make them a credit
to ourselves and to the great city in which they are given.”
The social life of a great part of our community, in my opinion, hinges
on this and similar organizations, for it and they are organized social
power, capable of giving a passport to society to all worthy of it. We
thought it would not be wise to allow a handful of men having royal
fortunes to have a sovereign’s prerogative, i.e. to say whom society
shall receive, and whom society shall shut out. We thought it better to
try and place such power in the hands of representative men, the choice
falling on them solely because of their worth, respectability, and
responsibility.
A GOLDEN AGE OF FEASTING.
CHAPTER XVII.
_A Lady who has led Society for many Years--A Grand Dame
indeed--The Patriarchs a great social Feature--Organizing the F. C.
D. C.--Their Rise and Fall--The Mother Goose Ball--My Encounters
with socially ambitious Workers--I try to Please all--The Famous
“Swan Dinner”--It cost $10,000--A Lake on the Dinner-table--The
Swans have a mortal Combat._
As a rule, in this city, heads of families came to the front, and took
an active part in society when they wished to introduce their daughters
into it.
The first Patriarch Balls were given in the winters of 1872 and 1873. At
this period, a great personage (representing a silent power that had
always been recognized and felt in this community, so long as I
remember, by not only fashionable people, but by the solid old quiet
element as well) had daughters to introduce into society, which brought
her prominently forward and caused her at once to take a leading
position. She possessed great administrative power, and it was soon put
to good use and felt by society. I then, for the first time, was brought
in contact with this _grande dame_, and at once recognized her ability,
and felt that she would become society’s leader, and that she was
admirably qualified for the position.
It was not long before circumstances forced her to assume the
leadership, which she did, and which she has held with marked ability
ever since, having all the qualities necessary,--good judgment and a
great power of analysis of men and women, a thorough knowledge of all
their surroundings, a just appreciation of the rights of others, and,
coming herself from an old Colonial family, a good appreciation of the
value of ancestry; always keeping it near her, and bringing it in, in
all social matters, but also understanding the importance and power of
the new element; recognizing it, and fairly and generously awarding to
it a prominent place. Having a great fortune, she had the ability to
conceive and carry out social projects; and this she has done, always
with success, ever ready to recognize ability and worth, and give to it
advice and assistance. Above all things, a true and loyal friend in
sunshine or shower. Deeply interested in the welfare of this city, she
lent herself to any undertaking she felt worthy of her support, and once
promising it her aid, she could be always relied on and always found
most willing to advance its interests. With such a friend, we felt the
Patriarchs had an additional social strength that would give them the
solidity and lasting powers which they have shown they possess. Whenever
we required advice and assistance on or about them, we went to her, and
always found ourselves rewarded in so doing by receiving suggestions
that were invaluable. Quick to criticise any defect of lighting or
ornamentation, or arrangement, she was not backward in chiding the
management for it, and in this way made these balls what they were in
the past, what they are in the present, and what we hope they may be in
the future.
The Patriarchs, from their very birth, became a great social feature.
You could but read the list of those who gave these balls, to see at a
glance that they embraced not only the smart set, but the old
Knickerbocker families as well; and that they would, from the very
nature of the case, representing the best society of this great
commercial city, have to grow and enlarge. Applications to be made
Patriarchs poured in from all sides; every influence was brought to bear
to secure a place in this little band, and the pressure was so great
that we feared the struggle would be too fierce and engender too much
rancor and bad feeling, and that this might of itself destroy them. The
argument against them, the one most strongly urged, was that they were
overturning all old customs; that New Yorkers had been in the habit of
taking an active part in society only when they had daughters to bring
out, _lancée-ing_ their daughters, and they themselves taking a back
seat. But that here in this new association, the married women took a
more prominent place than the young girls; _they_ were the belles of the
balls, and not the young girls. This was Europeanizing New York too
rapidly.
Hearing all this, and fearing we would grow unpopular, to satisfy the
public we at once got up a new association, wholly for the young girls,
and called it The Family Circle Dancing Class. Its name would in itself
explain what it was, a small gathering of people in a very small and
intimate way, so that unless one was in close intimacy with those
getting up these dances, they would have no possible claim to be
included in them. Any number of small subscription parties had been
formed, such as “The Ancient and Honorables,” “The New and Notables,”
“The Mysterious,” and “The Fortnightlies.” All had been most enjoyable,
but short-lived. The F. C. D. C’s. were to be, in fact, “Junior
Patriarchs,” under the same management, and were to be cherished and
nourished by the same organization. They were given at first in six
private houses. The first was held at Mr. William Butler Duncan’s; the
second at Mr. Ward McAllister’s; the third at Mr. De Lancey Kane’s; the
fourth at Mr. William Astor’s; the fifth at Mr. George Henry Warren’s,
and the sixth at Mr. Lewis Colford Jones’s. I gave mine in my house in
West Nineteenth Street, and then saw what it was to turn a house inside
out for a ball, and how contracted everything must necessarily be in a
twenty-five foot house, to receive guests in it, give them a _salle de
danse_ and a supper room, and then concluded that we must go in most
cases to a good-sized ball-room to give an enjoyable dance.
From the first, these dances were very popular. They gave the Patriarch
balls the relief they required, and were rapidly growing in favor and
threatened in the end to become formidable rivals of the Patriarchs. The
same pains were taken in getting them up, as were given to the
Patriarchs. We had them but for one season in private houses, and then
gave them at Dodworth’s, now Delmonico’s. Later on, when this house
changed hands and became Delmonico’s, we gave them all there, with the
exception of one winter when we gave them in the foyers of the
Metropolitan Opera House. We made the subscription to them an individual
subscription, each lady and gentleman subscribing $12.00 for the three
balls. One of them at Delmonico’s we made a “Mother Goose” Ball. It was
a species of fancy dress ball, powdered hair being _de rigueur_ for all
ladies who did not wear fancy costumes, and the feature of the occasion
was the “Mother Goose” Quadrille, which had been planned and prepared
with much skill and taste. This Quadrille was made up of sixteen
couples and was danced at eleven o’clock. As those who danced in it
passed you as they marched from the hall into the ball-room, you found
it a beautiful sight truly. Many of the men wore pink. Some of the
characters were droll indeed. Among others, “Tom, Tom, the Piper’s son,”
with his traditional pig; “A man in the moon, who had come down too
soon”; one lady as “Twinkle, twinkle, little star”; “Mother Hubbard,” in
an artistic costume of scarlet chintz; “Mary, Mary, quite contrary”;
“Little Bo-Peep,” “The Maid in the garden hanging out the clothes,”
“Punch and Judy”; “Oranges and Lemons”; while M. de Talleyrand appeared
as a _mignon_ of Henry the Second. “Mother Goose” herself was also
there. The feature of the evening was the singing of the nursery rhymes.
The second was the “Pinafore” Quadrille introducing the music of that
operetta. All the men who danced in it were in sailor’s dress. Then
followed a Hunting Quadrille, in which every man wore a scarlet coat.
I little knew what I was undertaking when I started these F. C. D. C.
Balls. From the giving of the first of these dances, out of a private
house, to the time of my giving them up, I had no peace either at home
or abroad. I was assailed on all sides, became in a sense a diplomat,
committed myself to nothing, promised much and performed as little as
possible. I saw at once the rock on which we must split: that the
pressure would be so great to get in, no one could resist it; that our
parties must become too general, and that in the end the smart set would
give up going to them. I knew that when this occurred, they were doomed;
but I fought for their existence manfully, and if I could here narrate
all I went through to keep these small parties select, I would fill a
volume. My mornings were given up to being interviewed of and about
them; mothers would call at my house, entirely unknown to me, the sole
words of introduction being, “Kind sir, I have a daughter.” These words
were cabalistic; I would spring up, bow to the ground, and reply: “My
dear madam, say no more, you have my sympathy; we are in accord; no
introduction is necessary; you have a daughter, and want her to go to