Society as I Have Found It
the F. C. D. C’s. I will do all in my power to accomplish this for you;
but my dear lady, please understand, that in all matters concerning
these little dances I must consult the powers that be. I am their humble
servant; I must take orders from them.” All of which was a figure of
speech on my part. “May I ask if you know any one in this great city,
and whom do you know? for to propitiate the powers that be, I must be
able to give them some account of your daughter.” This was enough to set
my fair visitor off. The family always went back to King John, and in
some instances to William the Conqueror. “My dear madam,” I would reply,
“does it not satisfy any one to come into existence with the birth of
one’s country? In my opinion, four generations of gentlemen make as good
and true a gentleman as forty. I know my English brethren will not agree
with me in this, but, in spite of them, it is my belief.” With disdain,
my fair visitor would reply, “You are easily satisfied, sir.” And so on,
from day to day, these interviews would go on; all were Huguenots,
Pilgrims, or Puritans. I would sometimes call one a Pilgrim in place of
a Puritan, and by this would uncork the vials of wrath. If they had ever
lived south of Mason and Dixon’s line, their ancestor was always a near
relative of Washington, or a Fairfax, or of the “first families of
Virginia.” Others were more frank, and claimed no ancestry, but simply
wished to know “how the thing was to be done.” When our list was full,
all comers were told this, but this did not stop them. I was then daily
solicited and prayed to give them the first vacancy. I did the best in
my power, found out who people were, and if it was possible asked them
to join.
The little dances were most successful. Year by year they improved. They
were handsomer each season. We were not content with the small buffet in
the upper ball-room at Delmonico’s, but supped, as did the Patriarchs,
in the large room on Fifth Avenue and Twenty-sixth Street, and literally
had equally as good suppers, leaving out terrapin and canvasback. But
when the ladies organized Assembly Balls, we then thought that there
would perhaps be too many subscription balls, and the F. C. D. C. was
given up.
At this time, when the F. C. D. C.’s were in high favor, I received the
following amusing anonymous lines of and about them:
He does not reign in Russia cold,
Nor yet in far Cathay,
But o’er this town he’s come to hold
An undisputed sway.
When in their might the ladies rose,
“To put the Despot down,”
As blandly as Ah Sin, he goes
His way without a frown.
Alas! though he’s but one alone,
He’s one too many still--
He’s fought the fight, he’s held his own,
And to the end he will.
--_From a Lady after the Ball of 25th February, 1884._
Just at this time a man of wealth, who had accumulated a fortune here,
resolved to give New Yorkers a sensation; to give them a banquet which
should exceed in luxury and expense anything before seen in this
country. As he expressed it, “I knew it would be a folly, a piece of
unheard-of extravagance, but as the United States Government had just
refunded me $10,000, exacted from me for duties upon importations
(which, being excessive, I had petitioned to be returned me, and had
quite unexpectedly received this sum back), I resolved to appropriate it
to giving a banquet that would always be remembered.” Accordingly, he
went to Charles Delmonico, who in turn went to his _cuisine classique_
to see how they could possibly spend this sum on this feast. Success
crowned their efforts. The sum in such skillful hands soon melted away,
and a banquet was given of such beauty and magnificence, that even New
Yorkers, accustomed as they were to every species of novel expenditure,
were astonished at its lavishness, its luxury. The banquet was given at
Delmonico’s, in Fourteenth Street. There were seventy-two guests in the
large ball-room, looking on Fifth Avenue. The table covered the whole
length and breadth of the room, only leaving a passageway for the
waiters to pass around it. It was a long extended oval table, and every
inch of it was covered with flowers, excepting a space in the centre,
left for a lake, and a border around the table for the plates. This lake
was indeed a work of art; it was an oval pond, thirty feet in length, by
nearly the width of the table, inclosed by a delicate golden wire
network, reaching from table to ceiling, making the whole one grand
cage; four superb swans, brought from Prospect Park, swam in it,
surrounded by high banks of flowers of every species and variety, which
prevented them from splashing the water on the table. There were hills
and dale; the modest little violet carpeting the valleys, and other
bolder sorts climbing up and covering the tops of those miniature
mountains. Then, all around the inclosure, and in fact above the entire
table, hung little golden cages, with fine songsters, who filled the
room with their melody, occasionally interrupted by the splashing of the
waters of the lake by the swans, and the cooing of these noble birds,
and at one time by a fierce combat between these stately, graceful,
gliding white creatures. The surface of the whole table, by clever art,
was one unbroken series of undulations, rising and falling like the
billows of the sea, but all clothed and carpeted with every form of
blossom. It seemed like the abode of fairies; and when surrounding this
fairyland with lovely young American womanhood, you had indeed an
unequaled scene of enchantment. But this was not to be alone a feast for
the eye; all that art could do, all that the cleverest men could devise
to spread before the guests, such a feast as the gods should enjoy, was
done, and so well done that all present felt, in the way of feasting,
that man could do no more! The wines were perfect. Blue seal
Johannisberg flowed like water. Incomparable ’48 claret, superb
Burgundies, and amber-colored Madeira, all were there to add to the
intoxicating delight of the scene. Then, soft music stole over one’s
senses; lovely women’s eyes sparkled with delight at the beauty of their
surroundings, and I felt that the fair being who sat next to me would
have graced Alexander’s feast
“Sitting by my side,
Like a lovely Eastern bride,
In flower of youth and beauty’s pride.”
ENTERING SOCIETY.
CHAPTER XVIII.
_How to introduce a young Girl into Society--I make the Daughter of
a Relative a reigning Belle--First Offers of Marriage generally the
Best--Wives should flirt with their Husbands--How to be
fashionable--“Nobs” and “Swells”--The Prince of Wales’s
Aphorism--The value of a pleasant Manner--How a Gentleman should
dress--I might have made a Fortune--Commodore Vanderbilt gives me a
straight “Tip.”_
I would now make some suggestions as to the proper way of introducing a
young girl into New York society, particularly if she is not well
supported by an old family connection. It is cruel to take a girl to a
ball where she knows no one,
“And to subject her to
The fashionable stare of twenty score
Of well-bred persons, called the world.”
Had I charged a fee for every consultation with anxious mothers on this
subject, I would be a rich man. I well remember a near relative of mine
once writing me from Paris, as follows: “I consign my wife and daughter
to your care. They will spend the winter in New York; at once give them
a ball at Delmonico’s, and draw on me for the outlay.” I replied, “My
dear fellow, how many people do you know in this city whom you could
invite to a ball? The funds you send me will be used, but not in giving
a ball.” The girl being a beauty, all the rest was easy enough. I gave
her theatre party after theatre party, followed by charming little
suppers, asked to them the _jeunesse dorée_ of the day; took her
repeatedly to the opera, and saw that she was there always surrounded by
admirers; incessantly talked of her fascinations; assured my young
friends that she was endowed with a fortune equal to the mines of Ophir,
that she danced like a dream, and possessed all the graces, a sunbeam
across one’s path; then saw to it that she had a prominent place in
every cotillion, and a fitting partner; showed her whom to smile upon,
and on whom to frown; gave her the _entrée_ to all the nice houses;
criticised severely her toilet until it became perfect; daily met her on
the Avenue with the most charming man in town, who by one pretext or
another I turned over to her; made her the constant subject of
conversation; insisted upon it that she was to be the belle of the
coming winter; advised her parents that she should have her first season
at Bar Harbor, where she could learn to flirt to her heart’s content,
and vie with other girls. Her second summer, when she was older, I
suggested her passing at Newport, where she should have a pair of
ponies, a pretty trap, with a well-gotten-up groom, and Worth to dress
her. Here I hinted that much must depend on her father’s purse, as to
her wardrobe. As a friend of mine once said to me, “Your pace is
charming, but can you keep it up?” I also advised keeping the young girl
well in hand and not letting her give offense to the powers that be; to
see to it that she was not the first to arrive and the last to leave a
ball, and further, that nothing was more winning in a girl than a
pleasant bow and a gracious smile given to either young or old. The
fashion now for women is to hold themselves erect. The modern manner of
shaking hands I do not like, but yet it is adopted. Being interested in
the girl’s success, I further impressed upon her the importance of
making herself agreeable to older people, remembering that much of her
enjoyment would be derived from them. If asked to dance a cotillion, let
it be conditional that no bouquet be sent her; to be cautious how she
refused the first offers of marriage made her, as they were generally
the best.
A word, just here, to the newly married. It works well to have the man
more in love with you than you are with him. My advice to all young
married women is to keep up flirting with their husbands as much after
marriage as before; to make themselves as attractive to their husbands
after their marriage as they were when they captivated them; not to
neglect their toilet, but rather improve it; to be as coquettish and coy
after they are bound together as before, when no ties held them. The
more they are appreciated by the world, the more will their husbands
value them. In fashionable life, conspicuous jealousy is a mistake. A
woman is bound to take and hold a high social position. In this way she
advances and strengthens her husband. How many women we see who have
benefited their husbands, and secured for them these advantages.
A young girl should be treated like a bride when she makes her _débût_
into society. Her relatives should rally around her and give her
entertainments to welcome her into the world which she is to adorn. It
is in excessive bad taste for such relatives to in any way refer to the
cost of these dinners, balls, etc. Every one in society knows how to
estimate such things. Again, at such dinners, it is not in good taste
to load your table with _bonbonnières_ and other articles intended to be
taken away by your guests. This reminds me of a dear old lady, who, when
I dined with her, always insisted on my putting in my dress coat pocket
a large hothouse peach, which never reached home in a perfect state.
The launching of a beautiful young girl into society is one thing; it is
another to place her family on a good, sound social footing. You can
launch them into the social sea, but can they float? “Manners maketh