The Adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom — Complete
apprehension, and praying fervently to God for his deliverance, when he
heard the jeweller thundering at the door, and calling to his daughter
for admittance. Wilhelmina, who was already undressed, and had
purposely extinguished the light, pretended to be suddenly waked from
her sleep, and starting up, exclaimed in a tone of surprise and
affright, “Jesu, Maria! what is the matter?”—“Hussy!” replied the
German in a terrible accent, “open the door this instant; there is a
man in your bedchamber, and, by the lightning and thunder! I will wash
away the stain he has cast upon my honour with the schellum’s
heart’s-blood.”
Not at all intimidated by this boisterous threat, she admitted him
without hesitation, and, with a shrillness of voice peculiar to
herself, began to hold forth upon her own innocence and his unjust
suspicion, mingling in her harangue sundry oblique hints against her
mother-in-law, importing, that some people were so viciously inclined
by their own natures, that she did not wonder at their doubting the
virtue of other people; but that these people despised the insinuations
of such people, who ought to be more circumspect in their own conduct,
lest they themselves should suffer reprisals from those people whom
they had so maliciously slandered.
Having uttered these flowers of rhetoric, which were calculated for the
hearing of her step-dame, who stood with a light at her husband’s back,
the young lady assumed an ironical air, and admonished her father to
search every corner of her apartment. She even affected to assist his
inquiry; with her own hands pulled out a parcel of small drawers, in
which her trinkets were contained; desired him to look into her
needlecase and thimble, and, seeing his examination fruitless,
earnestly intreated him to rummage her closet also, saying, with a
sneer, that, in all probability, the dishonourer would be found in that
lurking-place. The manner in which she pretended to ridicule his
apprehensions made an impression upon the jeweller, who was very well
disposed to retreat into his own nest, when his wife, with a certain
slyness in her countenance, besought him to comply with his daughter’s
request, and look into that same closet, by which means Wilhelmina’s
virtue would obtain a complete triumph.
Our adventurer, who overheard the conversation, was immediately seized
with a palsy of fear. He trembled at every joint, the sweat trickled
down his forehead, his teeth began to chatter, his hair to stand on
end; and he, in his heart, bitterly cursed the daughter’s petulance,
the mother’s malice, together with his own precipitation, by which he
was involved in an adventure so pregnant with danger and disgrace.
Indeed, the reader may easily conceive his disorder, when he heard the
key turning in the lock, and the German swearing that he would make him
food for the beasts of the field and the fowls of the air.
Fathom had come unprepared with weapons of defence, was naturally an
economist of his person, and saw himself on the brink of forfeiting not
only the promised harvest of his double intrigue, but also the
reputation of a man of honour, upon which all his future hopes
depended. His agony was therefore unspeakable, when the door flew open;
and it was not till after a considerable pause of recollection, that he
perceived the candle extinguished by the motion of the air produced
from the German’s sudden irruption. This accident, which disconcerted
him so much as to put a full stop to his charge, was very favourable to
our hero, who, summoning all his presence of mind, crept up into the
chimney, while the jeweller stood at the door, waiting for his wife’s
return with another light; so that, when the closet was examined, there
was nothing found to justify the report which the stepmother had made;
and the father, after having made a slight apology to Wilhelmina for
his intrusion, retired with his yoke-fellow into their own chamber.
The young lady, who little thought that her papa would have taken her
at her word, was overwhelmed with confusion and dismay, when she saw
him enter the closet; and, had her lover been discovered, would, in all
probability, have been the loudest in his reproach, and, perhaps, have
accused him of an intention to rob the house; but she was altogether
astonished when she found he had made shift to elude the inquiry of her
parents, because she could not conceive the possibility of his escaping
by the window, which was in the third storey, at a prodigious distance
from the ground; and how he should conceal himself in the apartment,
was a mystery which she could by no means unfold. Before her father and
mother retired, she lighted her lamp, on pretence of being afraid to be
in the dark, after the perturbation of spirits she had undergone; and
her room was no sooner evacuated of such troublesome visitants, than
she secured the doors, and went in quest of her lover.
Accordingly, every corner of the closet underwent a new search, and she
called upon his name with a soft voice, which she thought no other
person would overhear. But Ferdinand did not think proper to gratify
her impatience, because he could not judge of the predicament in which
he stood by the evidence of all his senses, and would not relinquish
his post, until he should be better certified that the coast was clear.
Meanwhile, his Dulcinea, having performed her inquiry to no purpose,
imagined there was something preternatural in the circumstance of his
vanishing so unaccountably, and began to cross herself with great
devotion. She returned to her chamber, fixed the lamp in the fireplace,
and, throwing herself upon the bed, gave way to the suggestions of her
superstition, which were reinforced by the silence that prevailed, and
the gloomy glimmering of the light. She reflected upon the trespass she
had already committed in her heart, and, in the conjectures of her
fear, believed that her lover was no other than the devil himself, who
had assumed the appearance of Fathom, in order to tempt and seduce her
virtue.
While her imagination teemed with those horrible ideas, our adventurer,
concluding, from the general stillness, that the jeweller and his wife
were at last happily asleep, ventured to come forth from his
hiding-place, and stood before his mistress all begrimed with soot.
Wilhelmina, lifting up her eyes, and seeing this sable apparition,
which she mistook for Satan in propria persona, instantly screamed, and
began to repeat her pater-noster with an audible voice. Upon which
Ferdinand, foreseeing that her parents would be again alarmed, would
not stay to undeceive her and explain himself, but, unlocking the door
with great expedition, ran downstairs, and luckily accomplished his
escape. This was undoubtedly the wisest measure he could have taken;
for he had not performed one half of his descent toward the street,
when the German was at his daughter’s bedside, demanding to know the
cause of her exclamation. She then gave him an account of what she had
seen, with all the exaggerations of her own fancy, and, after having
weighed the circumstances of her story, he interpreted the apparition
into a thief, who had found means to open the door that communicated
with the stair; but, having been scared by Wilhelmina’s shriek, had
been obliged to retreat before he could execute his purpose.
Our hero’s spirits were so wofully disturbed by this adventure, that,
for a whole week, he felt no inclination to visit his inamorata, and
was not without apprehension that the affair had terminated in an
explanation very little to his advantage. He was, however, delivered
from this disagreeable suspense, by an accidental meeting with the
jeweller himself, who kindly chid him for his long absence, and
entertained him in the street with an account of the alarm which his
family had sustained, by a thief who broke into Wilhelmina’s apartment.
Glad to find his apprehension mistaken, he renewed his correspondence
with the family, and, in a little time, found reason to console himself
for the jeopardy and panic he had undergone.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
HE IS REDUCED TO A DREADFUL DILEMMA, IN CONSEQUENCE OF AN ASSIGNATION
WITH THE WIFE.
Nor was his whole care and attention engrossed by the execution of this
scheme upon the daughter. While he managed his concerns in that quarter
with incredible ardour and application, he was not the less
indefatigable in the prosecution of his design upon the mother-in-law,
which he forwarded with all his art during those opportunities he
enjoyed in the absence of Wilhelmina, who was frequently called away by
the domestic duties of the house. The passions of the jeweller’s wife
were in such a state of exaltation, as exempted our hero from the
repulses and fatigue attending a long siege.
We have already observed how cunningly he catered for the gratification
of her ruling appetite, and have exhibited pregnant proofs of his
ability in gaining upon the human heart; the reader will not therefore
be surprised at the rapidity of his conquest over the affections of a
lady whose complexion was perfectly amorous, and whose vanity laid her
open to all the attempts of adulation. In a word, matters were quickly
brought to such a mutual understanding, that, one evening, while they
amused themselves at lansquenet, Fathom conjured her to give him the
rendezvous next day at the house of any third person of her own sex, in
whose discretion she could confide; and, after a few affected scruples
on her side, which he well knew how to surmount, she complied with his
request, and the circumstances of the appointment were settled
accordingly. After this treaty, their satisfaction rose to such a
warmth, and the conversation became so reciprocally endearing, that our
gallant expressed his impatience of waiting so long for the
accomplishment of his wishes, and, with the most eager transport,
begged she would, if possible, curtail the term of his expectation,
that his brain might not suffer by his standing so many tedious hours
on the giddy verge of rapture.
The dame, who was naturally compassionate, sympathised with his
condition, and, unable to resist his pathetic supplications, gave him
to understand that his desire could not be granted, without subjecting
them both to some hazard, but that she was disposed to run any risk in
behalf of his happiness and peace. After this affectionate preamble,
she told him that her husband was then engaged in a quarterly meeting
of the jewellers, from whence he never failed to return quite
overwhelmed with wine, tobacco, and the phlegm of his own constitution;
so that he would fall fast asleep as soon as his head should touch the
pillow, and she be at liberty to entertain the lover without
interruption, provided he could find means to deceive the jealous
vigilance of Wilhelmina, and conceal himself in some corner of the
house, unsuspected and unperceived.
Our lover, remembering his adventure with the daughter, would have
willingly dispensed with this expedient, and began to repent of the
eagerness with which he had preferred his solicitation; but, seeing
there was now no opportunity of retracting with honour, he affected to
enter heartily into the conversation, and, after much canvassing, it
was determined, that, while Wilhelmina was employed in the kitchen, the
mother should conduct our adventurer to the outer door, where he should
pay the compliment of parting, so as to be overheard by the young lady;
but, in the meantime, glide softly into the jeweller’s bedchamber,
which was a place they imagined least liable to the effects of a
daughter’s prying disposition, and conceal himself in a large press or
wardrobe, that stood in one corner of the apartment. The scene was
immediately acted with great success, and our hero cooped up in his