The Adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom — Complete
other chamber, where, finding his band besmeared with his own blood, he
began to caper about the apartment, in a transport of rage and
vexation.
Meanwhile, the old gentlewoman being alarmed with the noise of the
battle, and apprehensive that it would end in murder, to the danger and
discredit of herself and family, immediately mustered up her myrmidons,
of whom she always retained a formidable band, and, putting herself at
their head, lighted them to the scene of uproar. Ferdinand, who had
hitherto observed a strict neutrality, no sooner perceived them
approach, than he leaped in between the disputants, that he might be
found acting in the character of a peacemaker; and, indeed, by this
time, victory had declared for the baronet, who had treated his
antagonist with a cross-buttock, which laid him almost breathless on
the floor. The victor was prevailed upon, by the entreaties of Fathom,
to quit the field of battle, and adjourn into another room, where, in
less than half an hour, he received a billet from the count, defying
him to single combat on the frontiers of Flanders, at an appointed time
and place. The challenge was immediately accepted by the knight, who,
being flushed with conquest, treated his adversary with great contempt.
But, next day, when the fumes of the burgundy were quite exhaled, and
the adventure recurred to his remembrance and sober reflection, he
waited upon our adventurer at his lodgings, and solicited his advice in
such a manner, as gave him to understand that he looked upon what had
happened as a drunken brawl, which ought to have no serious
consequences. Fathom foreseeing that the affair might be managed for
his own interest, professed himself of the baronet’s opinion; and,
without hesitation, undertook the office of a mediator, assuring his
principal, that his honour should suffer no stain in the course of his
negotiation.
Having received the Englishman’s acknowledgments for this instance of
friendship, he forthwith set out for the place of the German’s
habitation, and understanding he was still asleep, insisted upon his
being immediately waked, and told, that a gentleman from the chevalier
desired to see him, upon business of importance which could not be
delayed. Accordingly, his valet-de-chambre, pressed by Fathom’s
importunities and remonstrances, ventured to go in and shake the count
by the shoulder; when this furious Teutonian, still agitated by the
fever of the preceding night, leaped out of bed in a frenzy, and
seizing his sword that lay upon a table, would have severely punished
the presumption of his servant, had not he been restrained by the
entrance of Ferdinand, who, with a peremptory countenance, gave him to
understand that the valet had acted at his immediate instigation; and
that he was come, as the Englishman’s friend, to concert with him
proper measures for keeping the appointment they had made at their last
meeting.
This message effectually calmed the German, who was not a little
mortified to find himself so disagreeably disturbed. He could not help
cursing the impatience of his antagonist, and even hinting that he
would have acted more like a gentleman and good Christian, in
expressing a desire of seeing the affair accommodated, as he knew
himself to be the aggressor, consequently the first offender against
the laws of politeness and good-fellowship. Fathom, finding him in a
fit temper of mind, took the opportunity of assenting to the
reasonableness of his observation. He ventured to condemn the
impetuosity of the baronet, who, he perceived, was extremely nice and
scrupulous in the punctilios of honour; and said it was a pity that two
gentlemen should forfeit each other’s friendship, much less expose
their lives, for such a frivolous cause. “My dear count,” cried the
Westphalian, “I am charmed to find your sentiments so conformable to my
own. In an honourable cause, I despise all danger; my courage, thank
Heaven! has been manifested in many public engagements as well as in
private rencounters; but, to break with my friend, whose eminent
virtues I admire, and even to seek his life, on such a scandalous
occasion, for a little insignificant w—-e, who, I suppose, took the
advantage of our intoxication, to foment the quarrel: by Heaven! my
conscience cannot digest it.”
Having expressed himself to this purpose, he waited impatiently for the
reply of Ferdinand, who, after a pause of deliberation, offered his
services in the way of mediation; though, he observed, it was a matter
of great delicacy, and the event altogether uncertain. “Nevertheless,”
added our adventurer, “I will strive to appease the knight, who, I
hope, will be induced by my remonstrances to forget the unlucky
accident, which hath so disagreeably interrupted your mutual
friendship.” The German thanked him for this proof of his regard, which
yielded him more satisfaction on account of the chevalier than of
himself. “For, by the tombs of my fathers,” cried he, “I have so little
concern for my personal safety, that, if my honour were interested, I
durst oppose myself singly to the whole ban of the empire; and I am now
ready, if the chevalier requires it, to give him the rendezvous in the
forest of Senlis, either on horseback or on foot, where this contest
may be terminated with the life of one or both of us.”
Count Fathom, with a view to chastise the Westphalian for this
rhodomontade, told him, with a mortifying air of indifference, that if
they were both bent upon taking the field, he would save himself the
trouble of interposing farther in the affair; and desired to know the
hour at which it would suit him to take the air with the baronet. The
other, not a little embarrassed by this question, said, with a
faltering tongue, he should be proud to obey the chevalier’s orders;
but, at the same time, owned he should be much better pleased if our
hero would execute the pacific proposal he had made. Fathom accordingly
promised to exert himself for that purpose, and returned to the knight,
with whom he assumed the merit of having tranquillised the rage of an
incensed barbarian, who was now disposed to a reconciliation upon equal
terms. The baronet overwhelmed him with caresses and compliments upon
his friendship and address; the parties met that same forenoon, as if
by accident, in Fathom’s apartment, where they embraced each other
cordially, exchanged apologies, and renewed their former
correspondence.
Our adventurer thought he had good reason to congratulate himself upon
the part he had acted in this pacification. He was treated by both with
signal marks of particular affection and esteem. The count pressed him
to accept, as a token of his attachment, a sword of very curious
workmanship, which he had received in a present from a certain prince
of the empire. The knight forced upon his finger a very splendid
diamond ring, as a testimony of his gratitude and esteem. But there was
still another person to be appeased, before the peace of the whole
company could be established. This was no other than the abbe, from
whom each of the reconciled friends received at dinner a billet couched
in these words:—
“I have the honour to lament the infinite chagrin and mortification
that compels me to address myself in this manner to a person of your
rank and eminence, whom I should do myself the pleasure of waiting upon
in person, were I not prevented by the misfortune of my nose, which was
last night most cruelly disarranged, by a violent contusion I had the
honour to receive, in attempting to compose that unhappy fracas, at the
house of Madame la Maquerelle; and what puts the finishing stroke to my
mishap, is my being rendered incapable of keeping three or four
assignations with ladies of fashion, by whom I have the honour to be
particularly esteemed. The disfiguration of my nose, the pain I have
undergone, with the discomposure of brain which it produced, I could
bear as a philosopher; but the disappointment of the ladies, my glory
will not permit me to overlook. And as you know the injury was
sustained in your service, I have the pleasure to hope you will not
refuse to grant such reparation as will be acceptable to a gentleman,
who has the honour to be with inviolable attachment,—
Sir, your most devoted slave,
PEPIN CLOTHAIRE CHARLE HENRI LOOUIS BARNABE DE FUMIER.”
This epistle was so equivocal, that the persons to whom it was
addressed did not know whether or not they ought to interpret the
contents into a challenge; when our hero observed, that the ambiguity
of his expressions plainly proved there was a door left open for
accommodation; and proposed that they should forthwith visit the writer
at his own apartment. They accordingly followed his advice, and found
the abbe in his morning gown and slippers, with three huge nightcaps on
his head, and a crape hat-band tied over the middle of his face, by way
of bandage to his nose. He received his visitors with the most
ridiculous solemnity, being still a stranger to the purport of their
errand; but soon as the Westphalian declared they were come in
consequence of his billet, in order to ask pardon for the undesigned
offence they had given, his features retrieved their natural vivacity,
and he professed himself perfectly satisfied with their polite
acknowledgment. Then they condoled him upon the evil plight of his
nose, and seeing some marks upon his shirt, asked with seeming concern,
if he had lost any blood in the fray? To this interrogation he replied,
that he had still a sufficient quantity left for the occasions of his
friends; and that he should deem it his greatest glory to expend the
last drop of it in their service.
Matters being thus amicably adjusted, they prevailed upon him to unease
his nose, which retained no signs of the outrage he had suffered; and
the amusements of the day were concerted. It was in consequence of this
plan, that, after the comedy, they were entertained at the count’s
lodgings, where quadrille was proposed by the abbe, as the most
innocent pastime, and the proposal was immediately embraced by all
present, and by none with more alacrity than by our adventurer, who,
without putting forth a moiety of his skill, went home with twenty
louis clear gain. Though, far from believing himself greatly superior
to the rest of the party, in the artifices of play, he justly suspected
that they had concealed their skill, with a view of stripping him on
some other occasion; for he could not suppose that persons of their
figure and character should be, in reality, such novices as they
affected to appear.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
HE OVERLOOKS THE ADVANCES OF HIS FRIENDS, AND SMARTS SEVERELY FOR HIS
NEGLECT.
Steeled with this cautious maxim, he guarded himself from their united
endeavours, in sundry subsequent attacks, by which his first conjecture
was confirmed, and still came off conqueror, by virtue of his
unparalleled finesse and discretion; till at length they seemed to
despair of making him their prey, and the count began to drop some
hints, importing a desire of seeing him more closely united to the
views and interest of their triumvirate. But Ferdinand, who was
altogether selfish, and quite solitary in his prospects, discouraged
all those advances, being resolved to trade upon his own bottom only,
and to avoid all such connexions with any person or society whatever;
much more, with a set of raw adventurers whose talents he despised.
With these sentiments, he still maintained the dignity and reserve of
his first appearance among them, and rather enhanced than diminished
that idea of importance which he had inspired at the beginning;
because, besides his other qualifications, they gave him credit for the
address with which he kept himself superior to their united designs.