The Adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom — Complete
ourselves at all-fours, brag, cribbage, tetotum, husslecap, and
chuck-varthing, and, thof I say it, that should n’t say it, I won’t
turn my back to e’er a he in England, at any of these pastimes. And so,
Count, if you are so disposed, I am your man, that is, in the way of
friendship, at which of these you shall please to pitch upon.”
To this proposal Fathom replied, he was quite ignorant of all the games
he had mentioned; but, in order to amuse Sir Stentor, he would play
with him at lansquenet, for a trifle, as he had laid it down for a
maxim, to risk nothing considerable at play. “Waunds!” answered the
knight, “I hope you don’t think I come here in quest of money. Thank
God! I have a good landed estate worth five thousand a year, and owe no
man a halfpenny; and I question whether there be many counts in your
nation—no offence, I hope—that can say a bolder word. As for your
lambskin net, I know nothing of the matter; but I will toss up with you
for a guinea, cross or pile, as the saying is; or, if there’s such a
thing in this country as a box and dice, I love to hear the bones
rattle sometimes.”
Fathom found some difficulty in concealing his joy at the mention of
this last amusement, which had been one of his chief studies, and in
which he had made such progress, that he could calculate all the
chances with the utmost exactness and certainty. However, he made shift
to contain himself within due bounds, and, with seeming indifference,
consented to pass away an hour at hazard, provided the implements could
be procured. Accordingly, the landlord was consulted, and their desire
gratified; the dice were produced, and the table resounded with the
effects of their mutual eagerness. Fortune, at first, declared for the
Englishman, who was permitted by our adventurer to win twenty broad
pieces; and he was so elated with his success, as to accompany every
lucky throw with a loud burst of laughter, and other savage and simple
manifestations of excessive joy, exclaiming, in a tone something less
sweet than the bellowing of a bull, “Now for the main, Count,—odd! here
they come—here are the seven black stars, i’faith. Come along, my
yellow boys—odd’s heart! I never liked the face of Lewis before.”
Fathom drew happy presages from these boyish raptures, and, after
having indulged them for some time, began to avail himself of his
arithmetic, in consequence of which the knight was obliged to refund
the greatest part of his winning. Then he altered his note, and became
as intemperate in his chagrin, as he had been before immoderate in his
mirth. He cursed himself and his whole generation, d—-ed his bad luck,
stamped with his feet upon the floor, and challenged Ferdinand to
double stakes. This was a very welcome proposal to our hero, who found
Sir Stentor just such a subject as he had long desired to encounter
with; the more the Englishman laid, the more he lost, and Fathom took
care to inflame his passions, by certain well-timed sarcasms upon his
want of judgment, till at length he became quite outrageous, swore the
dice were false, and threw them out at the window; pulled off his
periwig, and committed it to the flames, spoke with the most rancorous
contempt of his adversary’s skill, insisted upon his having stripped
many a better man, for all he was a Count, and threatening that, before
they parted, he should not only look like a Pole, but also smell like a
pole-cat.
This was a spirit which our adventurer industriously kept up, observing
that the English were dupes to all the world; and that, in point of
genius and address, they were no more than noisy braggadocios. In
short, another pair of dice was procured, the stakes were again raised,
and, after several vicissitudes, fortune declared so much in favour of
the knight, that Fathom lost all the money in his pocket, amounting to
a pretty considerable sum. By this time he was warmed into uncommon
eagerness and impatience; being equally piqued at the success and
provoking exultations of his antagonist, whom he now invited to his
lodgings, in order to decide the contest. Sir Stentor complied with
this request; the dispute was renewed with various success, till,
towards daylight, Ferdinand saw this noisy, raw, inexperienced
simpleton, carry off all his ready cash, together with his jewels, and
almost everything that was valuable about his person; and, to crown the
whole, the victor at parting told him with a most intolerable sneer,
that as soon as the Count should receive another remittance from
Poland, he would give him his revenge.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
HE BEARS HIS FATE LIKE A PHILOSOPHER; AND CONTRACTS ACQUAINTANCE WITH A
VERY REMARKABLE PERSONAGE.
This was a proper subject for our hero to moralise upon; and
accordingly it did not pass without his remarks; he found himself
fairly foiled at his own weapons, reduced to indigence in a foreign
land, and, what he chiefly regretted, robbed of all those gay
expectations he had indulged from his own supposed excellence in the
wiles of fraud; for, upon a little recollection, he plainly perceived
he had fallen a sacrifice to the confederacy he had refused to join;
and did not at all doubt that the dice were loaded for his destruction.
But, instead of beating his head against the wall, tearing his hair,
imprecating vain curses upon himself, or betraying other frantic
symptoms of despair, he resolved to accommodate himself to his fate,
and profit by the lesson he had so dearly bought.
With this intention, he immediately dismissed his valet, quitted his
lodgings, retired to an obscure street on the other side of the river,
and, covering one eye with a large patch of black silk, presented
himself in quality of a musician to the director of the opera, who,
upon hearing a trial of his skill, received him into the band without
further question. While he continued in this situation, he not only
improved his taste and execution in music, but likewise found frequent
opportunities to extend his knowledge of mankind; for, besides the
employment he exercised in public, he was often concerned in private
concerts that were given in the hotels of noblemen; by which means he
became more and more acquainted with the persons, manners, and
characters of high life, which he contemplated with the most
industrious attention, as a spectator, who, being altogether
unconcerned in the performance, is at more liberty to observe and enjoy
the particulars of the entertainment.
It was in one of those assemblies he had the pleasure of seeing his
friend Sir Stentor, dressed in the most fashionable manner, and
behaving with all the overstrained politesse of a native Frenchman. He
was accompanied by his brother knight and the abbe; and this
triumvirate, even in Fathom’s hearing, gave a most ludicrous detail of
the finesse they had practised upon the Polish Count, to their
entertainer, who was ambassador from a certain court, and made himself
extremely merry with the particulars of the relation. Indeed, they made
shift to describe some of the circumstances in such a ridiculous light,
that our adventurer himself, smarting as he was with the disgrace,
could not help laughing in secret at the account. He afterwards made it
his business to inquire into the characters of the two British knights,
and understood they were notorious sharpers, who had come abroad for
the good of their country, and now hunted in couple among a French
pack, that dispersed themselves through the public ordinaries, walks,
and spectacles, in order to make a prey of incautious strangers.
The pride of Ferdinand was piqued at this information; and he was even
animated with the desire of making reprisals upon this fraternity, from
which he ardently longed to retrieve his honour and effects. But the
issue of his last adventure had reinforced his caution; and, for the
present, he found means to suppress the dictates of his avarice and
ambition; resolving to employ his whole penetration in reconnoitring
the ground, before he should venture to take the field again. He
therefore continued to act the part of a one-eyed fiddler, under the
name of Fadini, and lived with incredible frugality, that he might save
a purse for his future operations. In this manner had he proceeded for
the space of ten months, during which he acquired a competent knowledge
of the city of Paris, when his curiosity was attracted by certain
peculiarities in the appearance of a man who lived in one of the upper
apartments belonging to the house in which he himself had fixed his
habitation.
This was a tall, thin, meagre figure, with a long black beard, an
aquiline nose, a brown complexion, and a most piercing vivacity in his
eyes. He seemed to be about the age of fifty, wore the Persian habit,
and there was a remarkable severity in his aspect and demeanour. He and
our adventurer had been fellow-lodgers for some time, and, according to
the laudable custom in these days, had hitherto remained as much
estranged to one another, as if they had lived on opposite sides of the
globe; but of late the Persian seemed to regard our hero with
particular attention; when they chanced to meet on the staircase, or
elsewhere, he bowed to Ferdinand with great solemnity, and complimented
him with the pas. He even proceeded, in the course of this
communication, to open his mouth, and salute him with a good-morrow,
and sometimes made the common remarks upon the weather. Fathom, who was
naturally complaisant, did not discourage these advances. On the
contrary, he behaved to him with marks of particular respect, and one
day desired the favour of his company to breakfast.
This invitation the stranger declined with due acknowledgment, on
pretence of being out of order; and, in the meantime, our adventurer
bethought himself of questioning the landlord concerning his outlandish
guest. His curiosity was rather inflamed than satisfied with the
information he could obtain from this quarter; for all he learned was,
that the Persian went by the name of Ali Beker, and that he had lived
in the house for the space of four months, in a most solitary and
parsimonious manner, without being visited by one living soul; that,
for some time after his arrival, he had been often heard to groan
dismally in the night, and even to exclaim in an unknown language, as
if he had laboured under some grievous affliction; and though the first
transports of his grief had subsided, it was easy to perceive he still
indulged a deep-rooted melancholy; for the tears were frequently
observed to trickle down his beard. The commissaire of the quarter had
at first ordered this Oriental to be watched in his outgoings,
according to the maxims of the French police; but his life was found so
regular and inoffensive, that this precaution was soon set aside.
Any man of humane sentiments, from the knowledge of these particulars,
would have been prompted to offer his services to the forlorn stranger;
but as our hero was devoid of all these infirmities of human nature, it
was necessary that other motives should produce the same effect. His
curiosity, therefore, joined with the hopes of converting the
confidence of Ali to his own emolument, effectually impelled him
towards his acquaintance; and, in a little time, they began to relish
the conversation of each other. For, as the reader may have already
observed, Fathom possessed all the arts of insinuation, and had
discernment enough to perceive an air of dignity in the Persian, which
the humility of his circumstances could not conceal. He was, moreover,
a man of good understanding, not without a tincture of letters,
perfectly well bred, though in a ceremonious style, extremely moral in
his discourse, and scrupulously nice in his notions of honour.
Our hero conformed himself in all respects to the other’s opinions, and