The Adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom — Complete
treated him with his morning’s whet.
That affair being negotiated, he adjourned into another room with
Renaldo and his companion, who were not a little surprised to see this
minister of Plutus in the shape of a young sprightly beau, trimmed up
in all the foppery of the fashion; for they had hitherto always
associated with the idea of an usurer old age and rusty apparel. After
divers modish congees, he begged to know to what he should attribute
the honour of their message; when Ferdinand, who acted the orator, told
him, that his friend Count Melvil, having occasion for a sum of money,
had been directed to a gentleman of his name, “and, I suppose,” added
he, “you are the son of the person with whom the affair is to be
negotiated.”
“Sir,” said this petit-maitre, with a smile, “I perceive you are
surprised to see one of my profession in the appearance of a gentleman;
and perhaps your wonder will not cease, when I tell you, that my
education was liberal, and that I once had the honour to bear a
commission in the British army. I was indeed a first lieutenant of
marines, and will venture to say, that no officer in the service was
more delicate than myself in observing all the punctilios of honour. I
entertained the utmost contempt for all the trading part of the nation,
and suffered myself to be run through the body in a duel, rather than
roll with a brother-lieutenant, who was a broker’s son. But, thank
Heaven! I have long ago conquered all those ridiculous prejudices. I
soon observed, that without money there was no respect, honour, or
convenience to be acquired in life; that wealth amply supplied the want
of wit, merit, and pedigree, having influence and pleasure ever at
command; and that the world never failed to worship the flood of
affluence, without examining the dirty channels through which it
commonly flowed.
“At the end of the war, finding my appointments reduced to two
shillings and fourpence per day, and being addicted to pleasures which
I could not possibly purchase from such a fund, I sold my half-pay for
two hundred pounds, which I lent upon bond to a young officer of the
same regiment, on condition that he should insure his life, and restore
one-fourth part of the sum by way of premium. I happened to be lucky in
this first essay; for the borrower, having in six weeks expended the
money, made an excursion on the highway, was apprehended, tried,
convicted of felony, and cut his own throat, to prevent the shame of a
public execution; so that his bond was discharged by the insurers.
“In short, gentlemen, when I engaged in this business, I determined to
carry it on with such spirit, as would either make my fortune, or
entirely ruin me in a little time; and hitherto my endeavours have been
tolerably successful. Nor do I think my proceedings a whit more
criminal or unjust than those of other merchants, who strive to turn
their money to the best account. The commodity I deal in is cash; and
it is my business to sell it to the best advantage. A London factor
sends a cargo of goods to market, and if he gets two hundred per cent
upon the sale, he is commended for industry and address. If I sell
money for one-fourth part of that profit, certain persons will be so
unjust as to cry, Shame upon me, for taking such advantage of my
neighbour’s distress; not considering, that the trader took four times
the same advantage of those people who bought his cargo, though his
risk was not half so great as mine, and although the money I sold
perhaps retrieved the borrower from the very jaws of destruction. For
example, it was but yesterday I saved a worthy man from being arrested
for a sum of money, for which he had bailed a friend who treacherously
left him in the lurch. As he did not foresee what would happen, he had
made no provision for the demand, and his sphere of life secluding him
from all sorts of monied intercourse, he could not raise the cash by
his credit in the usual way of borrowing; so that, without my
assistance, he must have gone to jail; a disgrace which would have
proved fatal to the peace of his family, and utterly ruined his
reputation.—Nay, that very young gentleman, from whom I am just now
parted, will, in all probability, be indebted to me for a very genteel
livelihood. He had obtained the absolute promise of being provided for
by a great man, who sits at the helm of affairs in a neighbouring
kingdom; but, being destitute of all other resources, he could not have
equipped himself for the voyage, in order to profit by his lordship’s
intention, unless I had enabled him to pursue his good fortune.”
Renaldo was not a little pleased to hear this harangue, to which Fathom
replied with many florid encomiums upon the usurer’s good sense and
humane disposition; then he explained the errand of his friend, which
was to borrow three hundred pounds, in order to retrieve his
inheritance, of which he had been defrauded in his absence.
“Sir,” said the lender, addressing himself to Count Melvil, “I pretend
to have acquired by experience some skill in physiognomy; and though
there are some faces so deeply disguised as to baffle all the
penetration of our art, there are others, in which the heart appears
with such nakedness of integrity, as at once to recommend it to our
goodwill. I own your countenance prepossesses me in your favour; and
you shall be accommodated, upon those terms from which I never deviate,
provided you can find proper security, that you shall not quit the
British dominions; for that, with me, is a condition sine qua non.”
This was a very disagreeable declaration to Renaldo, who candidly
owned, that, as his concerns lay upon the Continent, his purpose was to
leave England without delay. The usurer professed himself sorry that it
was not in his power to oblige him; and, in order to prevent any
further importunity, assured them, he had laid it down as a maxim, from
which he would never swerve, to avoid all dealings with people whom, if
need should be, he could not sue by the laws of this realm.
Thus the intervention of one unlucky and unforeseen circumstance
blasted in an instant the budding hopes of Melvil, who, while his
visage exhibited the most sorrowful disappointment, begged to know, if
there was any person of his acquaintance who might be less scrupulous
in that particular.
The young gentleman directed them to another member of his profession,
and wishing them success, took his leave with great form and
complaisance. This instance of politeness was, however, no more than a
shift to disengage himself the more easily from their entreaties; for,
when the case was opened to the second usurer, he blessed himself from
such customers, and dismissed them with the most mortifying and boorish
refusal. Notwithstanding these repulses, Renaldo resolved to make one
desperate push; and, without allowing himself the least respite,
solicited, one by one, not fewer than fifteen persons who dealt in this
kind of traffic, and his proposals were rejected by each. At last,
fatigued by the toil, and exasperated at the ill success of his
expedition, and half mad with the recollection of his finances, which
were now drained to half-a-crown, “Since we have nothing to expect,”
cried he, “from the favour of Christians, let us have recourse to the
descendants of Judah. Though they lie under the general reproach of
nations, as a people dead to virtue and benevolence, and wholly devoted
to avarice, fraud, and extortion, the most savage of their tribe cannot
treat me with more barbarity of indifference, than I have experienced
among those who are the authors of their reproach.”
Although Fathom looked upon this proposal as an extravagant symptom of
despair, he affected to approve of the scheme, and encouraged Renaldo
with the hope of succeeding in another quarter, even if this expedition
should fail; for, by this time, our adventurer was half resolved to
export him at his own charge, rather than he should be much longer
restricted in his designs upon Monimia.
Meanwhile, being resolved to try the experiment upon the children of
Israel, they betook themselves to the house of a rich Jew, whose wealth
they considered as a proof of his rapaciousness; and, being admitted
into his counting-house, they found him in the midst of half a dozen
clerks, when Renaldo, in his imagination, likened him unto a minister
of darkness surrounded by his familiars, and planning schemes of misery
to be executed upon the hapless sons of men. In spite of these
suggestions, which were not at all mitigated by the forbidding aspect
of the Hebrew, he demanded a private audience; and, being ushered into
another apartment, he explained his business with manifest marks of
disorder and affliction. Indeed, his confusion was in some measure
owing to the looks of the Jew, who, in the midst of this exordium,
pulled down his eyebrows, which were surprisingly black and bushy, so
as, in appearance, totally to extinguish his visage, though he was all
the time observing our youth from behind those almost impenetrable
thickets.
Melvil, having signified his request, “Young gentleman,” said the
Israelite, with a most discordant voice, “what in the name of goodness
could induce you to come to me upon such an errand? Did you ever hear
that I lent money to strangers without security?” “No,” replied
Renaldo, “nor did I believe I should profit by my application; but my
affairs are desperate; and my proposals having been rejected by every
Christian to whom they were offered, I was resolved to try my fate
among the Jews, who are reckoned another species of men.”
Fathom, alarmed at this abrupt reply, which he supposed could not fail
to disgust the merchant, interposed in the conversation, by making an
apology for the plain dealing of his friend, who, he said, was soured
and ruffled by his misfortunes; then exerting that power of eloquence
which he had at command, he expostulated upon Renaldo’s claim and
expectations, described the wrongs he had suffered, extolled his
virtue, and drew a most pathetic picture of his distress.
The Jew listened attentively for some time; then his eyebrows began to
rise and fall alternately; he coughed, sneezed, and winking hard, “I’m
plagued,” said he, “with a salt rheum that trickles from my eyes
without intermission.” So saying, he wiped the moisture from his face,
and proceeded in these words: “Sir, your story is plausible; and your
friend is a good advocate; but before I give an answer to your demand,
I must beg leave to ask if you can produce undeniable evidence of your
being the identical person you really assume? If you are really the
Count de Melvil, you will excuse my caution. We cannot be too much on
our guard against fraud; though I must own you have not the air of an
impostor.”
Renaldo’s eyes began to sparkle at this preliminary question; to which
he replied, that he could procure the testimony of the Emperor’s
minister, to whom he had occasionally paid his respects since his first
arrival in England.
“If that be the case,” said the Jew, “take the trouble to call here
to-morrow morning, at eight o’clock, and I will carry you in my own
coach to the house of his excellency, with whom I have the honour to be
acquainted; and, if he has nothing to object against your character or
pretensions, I will contribute my assistance towards your obtaining
justice at the Imperial court.”
The Hungarian was so much confounded at this unexpected reception, that
he had not power to thank the merchant for his promised favour, but
stood motionless and silent, while the streams of emotion of the heart
was of more weight with the Jew, than the eloquent acknowledgment which
Ferdinand took the opportunity of making for his friend; and he was
fain to dismiss them a little abruptly, in order to prevent a second