The Adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom — Complete
trowel!”—The public is astonished into liberality—the scullion eats
from those trenchers he scoured before—the footman is admitted into the
coach behind which he was wont to stand—and the bricklayer, instead of
plastering walls, bedaubs his illustrious partner with the mortar of
his praise. Thus, lifted into a higher sphere, their talents receive
cultivation; they become professed bards, and though their subsequent
works bear evident marks of improvement, they are neglected among the
rest of their brethren, because that novelty, which recommended them in
the beginning, no longer remains.
So it fared with our adventurer in his new occupation. There was
something so extraordinary in a nobleman’s understanding medicine, and
so uncommon in a physician’s prescribing gratis, that the curiosity and
admiration of the company at Bristol were engaged, and they followed
his advice, as the direction of some supernatural intelligence. But,
now that he professed himself one of the faculty, and might be supposed
to have refreshed his memory, and reinforced his knowledge for the
occasion, he was as much overlooked as any other physician unsupported
by interest or cabal; or, at least, the notice he attracted was not at
all to the advantage of his character, because it wholly regarded the
decline of his fortune, which is a never-failing fund of disgrace.
These mortifications did not overcome the patience and perseverance of
Fathom, who foresaw, that the soothing hand of time would cast a veil
of oblivion over those scenes which were remembered to his prejudice;
and that, in the meantime, though he was excluded from the private
parties of the fair sex, in which his main hope of success was placed,
he should be able to insinuate himself into some degree of favour and
practice among the male patients; and some lucky cure, properly
displayed, might be the means of propagating his fame, and banishing
that reserve which at present interfered with his purpose. Accordingly,
it was not long before he found means to break that spell of universal
prejudice that hedged him in. At the ordinary which he frequented, his
polite carriage, facetious remarks, and agreeable stories soon
conciliated the regard of his fellow-guests, among whom he sometimes
rallied his own transformation with singular good-humour and success.
He was even witty upon his want of employment, and used to observe,
that a physician without practice had one comfort to which his brethren
were strangers, namely, that the seldomer he had occasion to prescribe,
the less he had upon his conscience on account of being accessory to
the death of his fellow-creatures.
Nothing so effectually blunts the shafts of ridicule, and defeats the
aims of slander, as this method of anticipation. In spite of the arrows
that were levelled against his reputation from every tea-table at
Tunbridge, he made his party good among almost all the gay young
gentlemen that frequented the place. Far from avoiding his company,
they began to court his conversation, and he was commonly seen in the
walks surrounded with a group of admirers.
Having thus paved the way for a total removal of the invidious
prepossession that obstructed his views, he, one night, while every
person was lulled in the arms of repose, and universal silence
prevailed, tuned his violin, and began to play some masterly airs, in a
tone so uncommonly expressive, and with such ravishing dexterity of
execution, that a certain lady, who lodged in the same house, being
waked by the music, and ignorant of the source from which it flowed,
listened with rapture, as to the harp of an angel, and, wrapping
herself in a loose gown, rose and opened her chamber door, in order to
discover in what apartment the musician resided. She no sooner entered
the passage, than she found her fellow-lodgers already assembled on the
same occasion; and there they remained during the best part of the
night, transported by the harmony which our hero produced.
Doctor Fathom was immediately known to be the author of this
entertainment; and thus retrieved the benefit of that admiration which
he had forfeited by appearing in the shape of a physician. For, as
people had formerly wondered to see a count skilled in medicine, they
were now amazed to find a physician such a master in music.
The good effects of this stratagem were almost instantaneous. His
performance became the topic of discourse among all the fashionable
company. His male friends complimented him from the information of the
other sex; and that lady whom he had regaled, instead of that shyness
and disdain with which she used to receive his salutation, at their
very next meeting in the thoroughfare, returned his bow with marks of
profound respect. Nay, at midnight, she, with the rest, took post in
the same place where they had been stationed before; and, by frequent
tittering, and repeated whispers, gave intimation to Fathom, that they
would be glad of a second serenade. But he was too well acquainted with
the human passions to indulge this their desire. It was his interest to
inflame their impatience, rather than to gratify their expectation; and
therefore he tantalised them for some hours, by tuning his violin, and
playing some flourishes, which, however, produced nothing to fulfil
their wishes.
At the ordinary, he was accosted by a gentleman, a lodger in the same
house, who assured him, that the ladies would take it as a great favour
if he would let them know when he intended to amuse himself again with
his instrument, that they might not, by falling asleep beforehand,
deprive themselves of the pleasure of hearing his music. To this
message he replied, with an air of consequence and reserve, that,
though music was not the art he professed, he should be always
complaisant enough to entertain the ladies to the utmost of his power,
when their commands were signified to him in a manner suited to his
character; but that he would never put himself on the footing of an
itinerate harper, whose music is tolerated through the medium of a
board partition. The gentleman having reported this answer to his
constituents, they empowered him to invite Doctor Fathom to breakfast,
and he was next morning introduced with the usual ceremony, and treated
with uncommon regard by all the females of the house, assembled for his
reception.
Having thus broken the ice of their aversion in one part, so as that
the beams of his personal accomplishments had room to operate, he soon
effected a general thaw in his favour, and found himself growing once
more into request amongst the most amiable part of the creation. His
company was coveted, and his taste consulted in their balls, concerts,
and private assemblies; and he recompensed the regard they paid to him
with an incessant exertion of his agreeable talents, politeness, and
good-humour.
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
TRIUMPHS OVER A MEDICAL RIVAL.
Yet, in the midst of all this attention, his medical capacity seemed to
be quite forgot. They respected his good breeding, were charmed with
his voice, and admired the fine touches of his hand upon the violin;
but in cultivating the fiddler, they utterly neglected the physician;
and in vain did he attempt to divide their regard, by taking all
opportunities to turn the conversation into a more interesting channel.
It was to little purpose he endeavoured to arouse the wonder of his
audience with frequent descriptions of portentous maladies and amazing
cures he had seen and performed in the course of his study and practice
abroad; and to no effect did he publicly busy himself in making
experiments on the mineral water, in which he pretended to have made
several new and important discoveries. These efforts did not make a
lasting impression upon the minds of the company; because they saw
nothing surprising in a physician’s being acquainted with all the
mysteries of his art; and, as their custom was already bespoke for
others of the profession, whom it was their interest to employ, our
adventurer might have starved amidst the caresses of his acquaintance,
had not he derived considerable advantage from a lucky accident in the
course of his expectancy.
A gentlewoman’s daughter, of a weakly constitution, by drinking the
waters, had so far recovered her health and complexion, as to allure
the affection of a young squire in the neighbourhood, who amused her
for some time with his addresses, until his heart was seduced by the
charms of another young lady lately arrived at the wells. The forsaken
nymph, shocked at this disgrace and mortification, relapsed into her
former languishing disorder; and was by her mother put under the
management and prescription of a physician, who had been an industrious
enemy of Fathom from his first appearance at Tunbridge. The patient,
though violently chagrined at the levity of her quondam admirer, was
not altogether without hope, that the very same inconstancy which had
prompted him to leave her, might in time induce him to return, after
the novelty of his new passion should be wore off; and this hope served
to support her under the sorrow and disgrace of her disappointment. At
length, however, the squire and his new mistress disappeared; and some
busybody was officious enough to communicate this piece of news to the
forlorn shepherdess, with this additional circumstance, that they were
gone to a neighbouring parish to be joined in the bands of wedlock.
These fatal tidings were no sooner imparted to the abandoned Phillis,
than she was seized with an hysteric fit; and, what rendered the
accident more unfortunate, her physician had been called to the
country, and was not expected at Tunbridge till next day. The
apothecary was immediately summoned; and, being either puzzled by the
symptoms, or afraid of encroaching upon the province of his superiors,
advised the old lady to send for Doctor Fathom without delay. She had
no other objection to this expedient, but the enmity which she knew
subsisted between the two leeches; yet, hearing that her own doctor
would not consult with Fathom upon his return but, perhaps renounce the
patient, by which means her daughter’s health might be endangered, she
would not solicit our hero’s assistance, until the young lady had
remained seven hours speechless and insensible; when, her fear
prevailing over every other consideration, she implored the advice of
our adventurer, who, having made the necessary interrogations, and felt
the patient’s pulse, which was regular and distinct, found reason to
conclude that the fit would not last much longer, and, after having
observed that she was in a very dangerous way, prescribed some
medicines for external application; and, to enhance their opinion of
his diligence and humanity, resolved to stay in the room and observe
their effect.
His judgment did not fail him on this occasion. In less than half an
hour after his embrocations had been applied, she recovered the use of
her tongue, opened her eyes, and having, in delirious exclamations,
upbraided her perfidious lover, became quite sensible and composed,
though she continued extremely low and dejected. To remedy these
sinkings, certain cordials were immediately administered, according to
the prescription of Doctor Fathom, upon whom extraordinary encomiums
were bestowed by all present, who believed he had actually rescued her
from the jaws of death; and as he was by this time let into the secrets
of the family, he found himself in a fair way of being an egregious
favourite of the old gentlewoman; when, unluckily, his brother, having
dismissed his country patient with uncommon despatch, entered the
apartment, and eyed his rival with looks of inexpressible rage; then,
surveying the patient, and the phials that stood upon the table, by