The Adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom — Complete
been used, and, luckily for him, succeeded in the trial; so that the
empiric, in the midst of his satisfaction, began to reflect, that this
same Fathom, who pretended to be in possession of a great many
remedies, equally efficacious, would certainly become a formidable
rival to him in his business, should he ever be able to extricate
himself from his present difficulties.
In consequence of these suggestions, he resolved to keep our
adventurer’s head under water, by maintaining him in the most abject
dependence. Accordingly he had, from time to time, accommodated him
with small trifles, which barely served to support his existence, and
even for these had taken notes of hand, that he might have a scourge
over his head, in case he should prove insolent or refractory. To this
benefactor Fathom applied for a reinforcement of twenty guineas, which
he solicited with the more confidence, as that sum would certainly
enable him to repay all other obligations. The quack would advance the
money upon no other condition, than that of knowing the scheme, which
being explained, he complied with Ferdinand’s request; but, at the same
time, privately despatched an express to the young lady’s uncle, with a
full account of the whole conspiracy; so that, when the doctor arrived
at the inn, according to appointment, he was received by his worship in
person, who gave him to understand, that his niece had changed her
mind, and gone fifty miles farther into the country to visit a
relation. This was a grievous disappointment to Fathom, who really
believed his mistress had forsaken him through mere levity and caprice,
and was not undeceived till several months after her marriage with her
cousin, when, at an accidental meeting in London, she explained the
story of the secret intelligence, and excused her marriage, as the
effect of rigorous usage and compulsion.
Had our hero been really enamoured of her person, he might have
probably accomplished his wishes, notwithstanding the steps she had
taken. But this was not the case. His passion was of a different
nature, and the object of it effectually without his reach. With regard
to his appetite for women, as it was an infirmity of his constitution,
which he could not overcome, and as he was in no condition to gratify
it at a great expense, he had of late chosen a housekeeper from the
hundreds of Drury, and, to avoid scandal, allowed her to assume his
name. As to the intimation which had been sent to the country justice,
he immediately imputed it to the true author, whom he marked for his
vengeance accordingly; but, in the meantime, suppressed his resentment,
because he in some measure depended upon him for subsistence. On the
other hand, the quack, dreading the forwardness and plausibility of our
hero, which might, one time or other, render him independent, put a
stop to those supplies, on pretence of finding them inconvenient; but,
out of his friendship and goodwill to Fathom, undertook to procure for
him such letters of recommendation as would infallibly make his fortune
in the West Indies, and even to set him out in a genteel manner for the
voyage. Ferdinand perceived his drift, and thanked him for his generous
offer, which he would not fail to consider with all due deliberation;
though he was determined against the proposal, but obliged to
temporise, that he might not incur the displeasure of this man, at
whose mercy he lay. Meanwhile the prosecution against him in Doctors’
Commons drew near a period, and the lawyers were clamorous for money,
without which, he foresaw he should lose the advantage which his cause
had lately acquired by the death of his antagonist’s chief evidence; he
therefore, seeing every other channel shut up, began to doubt, whether
the risk of being apprehended or slain in the character of a
highwayman, was not overbalanced by the prospect of being acquitted of
a charge which had ruined his reputation and fortune, and actually
entertained thoughts of taking the air on Hounslow Heath, when he was
diverted from this expedient by a very singular adventure.
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
AFTER DIVERS UNSUCCESSFUL EFFORTS, HE HAS RECOURSE TO THE MATRIMONIAL
NOOSE.
Chancing to meet with one of his acquaintance at a certain
coffee-house, the discourse turned upon the characters of mankind,
when, among other oddities, his friend brought upon the carpet a
certain old gentlewoman of such a rapacious disposition, that, like a
jackdaw, she never beheld any metalline substance, without an
inclination, and even an effort to secrete it for her own use and
contemplation. Nor was this infirmity originally produced from
indigence, inasmuch as her circumstances had been always affluent, and
she was now possessed of a considerable sum of money in the funds;
notwithstanding which, the avarice of her nature tempted her to let
lodgings, though few people could live under the same roof with such an
original, who, rather than be idle, had often filched pieces of her own
plate, and charged her servants with the theft, or hinted suspicion of
her lodgers. Fathom, struck with the description, soon perceived how
this woman’s disease might be converted to his advantage; and after
having obtained sufficient intelligence, on pretence of satisfying his
curiosity, he visited the widow, in consequence of a bill at her door,
and actually hired an apartment in her house, whither he forthwith
repaired with his inamorata.
It was not long before he perceived that his landlady’s character had
not been misrepresented. He fed her distemper with divers
inconsiderable trinkets, such as copper medals, corkscrews, odd
buckles, and a paltry seal set in silver, which were, at different
times, laid as baits for her infirmity, and always conveyed away with
remarkable eagerness, which he and his Dulcinea took pleasure in
observing from an unsuspected place. Thus confirmed in his opinion, he,
at length, took an opportunity of exposing a metal watch that belonged
to his mistress, and saw it seized with great satisfaction, in the
absence of his helpmate, who had gone abroad on purpose. According to
instruction, she soon returned, and began to raise a terrible clamour
about the loss of her watch; upon which she was condoled by her
landlady, who seemed to doubt the integrity of the maid, and even
proposed that Mrs. Fathom should apply to some justice of the peace for
a warrant to search the servant’s trunk. The lady thanked her for the
good advice, in compliance with which she had immediate recourse to a
magistrate, who granted a search warrant, not against the maid, but the
mistress; and she, in a little time, returned with the constable at her
back.
These precautions being taken, Doctor Fathom desired a private
conference with the old gentlewoman, in which he gave her to
understand, that he had undoubted proofs of her having secreted, not
only the watch, but also several other odd things of less consequence,
which he lost since his residence in her house. He then showed the
warrant he had obtained against her, and asked if she had anything to
offer why the constable should not do his duty? Inexpressible were the
anguish and confusion of the defendant, when she found herself thus
entrapped, and reflected, that she was on the point of being detected
of felony; for she at once concluded, that the snare was laid for her,
and knew that the officer of justice would certainly find the unlucky
watch in one of the drawers of her scrutoire.
Tortured with these suggestions, afraid of public disgrace, and
dreading the consequence of legal conviction, she fell on her knees
before the injured Fathom, and, after having imputed her crime to the
temptations of necessity, implored his compassion, promised to restore
the watch, and everything she had taken, and begged he would dismiss
the constable, that her reputation might not suffer in the eye of the
world.
Ferdinand, with a severity of countenance purposely assumed, observed
that, were she really indigent, he had charity enough to forgive what
she had done; but, as he knew her circumstances were opulent, he looked
upon this excuse as an aggravation of her guilt, which was certainly
the effect of a vicious inclination; and he was therefore determined to
prosecute her with the utmost severity of the law, as an example and
terror to others, who might be infected with the same evil disposition.
Finding him deaf to all her tears and entreaties, she changed her note,
and offered him one hundred guineas, if he would compromise the affair,
and drop the prosecution, so as that her character should sustain no
damage. After much argumentation, he consented to accept of double the
sum, which being instantly paid in East India bonds, Doctor Fathom told
the constable, that the watch was found; and for once her reputation
was patched up. This seasonable supply enabled our hero to stand trial
with his adversary, who was nonsuited, and also to mend his external
appearance, which of late had not been extremely magnificent.
Soon after this gleam of good fortune, a tradesman, to whom he was
considerably indebted, seeing no other probable means to recover his
money, introduced Fathom to the acquaintance of a young widow who
lodged at his house, and was said to be in possession of a considerable
fortune. Considering the steps that were taken, it would have been
almost impossible for him to miscarry in his addresses. The lady had
been bred in the country, was unacquainted with the world, and of a
very sanguine disposition, which her short trial of matrimony had not
served to cool. Our adventurer was instructed to call at the
tradesman’s house, as if by accident, at an appointed time, when the
widow was drinking tea with her landlady. On these occasions he always
behaved to admiration. She liked his person, and praised his
politeness, good-humour, and good sense; his confederates extolled him
as a prodigy of learning, taste, and good-nature; they likewise
represented him as a person on the eve of eclipsing all his competitors
in physic. An acquaintance and intimacy soon ensued, nor was he
restricted in point of opportunity. In a word, he succeeded in his
endeavours, and, one evening, on pretence of attending her to the play,
he accompanied her to the Fleet, where they were married, in presence
of the tradesman and his wife, who were of the party.
This grand affair being accomplished to his satisfaction, he, next day,
visited her brother, who was a counsellor of the Temple, to make him
acquainted with the step his sister had taken; and though the lawyer
was not a little mortified to find that she had made such a clandestine
match, he behaved civilly to his new brother-in-law, and gave him to
understand, that his wife’s fortune consisted of a jointure of one
hundred and fifty pounds a year, and fifteen hundred pounds bequeathed
to her during her widowhood, by her own father, who had taken the
precaution of settling it in the hands of trustees, in such a manner as
that any husband she might afterwards espouse should be restricted from
encroaching upon the capital, which was reserved for the benefit of her
heirs. This intimation was far from being agreeable to our hero, who
had been informed, that this sum was absolutely at the lady’s disposal,
and had actually destined the greatest part of it for the payment of
his debts, for defraying the expense of furnishing an elegant house,
and setting up a new equipage.
Notwithstanding this disappointment, he resolved to carry on his plan
upon the credit of his marriage, which was published in a very pompous
article of the newspapers; a chariot was bespoke, a ready furnished
house immediately taken, and Doctor Fathom began to reappear in all his
former splendour.
His good friend the empiric, alarmed at this event, which not only