The Adventures of Roderick Random
that she cried, “D—n your pitiful soul, you are as arrant a poltroon,
as ever was drummed out of a regiment. Stop the waggon, Joey—let me
out, and by G—d, if I have rhetoric enough, the thief shall not only
take your purse, but your skin also.” So saying she leaped out with
great agility. By this time the horseman came up and happened to be a
gentleman’s servant well known to Joey, who communicated the scheme,
and desired him to carry it on a little further, by going into the
waggon, and questioning those within. The stranger, consenting for the
sake of diversion, approached it, and in a terrible tone demanded, “Who
have we got here?” Isaac replied, with a lamentable voice, “Here’s a
poor miserable sinner, who has got a small family to maintain, and
nothing in the world wherewithal, but these fifteen shillings which if
you rob me of we must all starve together.” “Who’s that sobbing in the
other corner?” said the supposed highwayman. “A poor unfortunate
woman,” answered Mrs. Weazle, “upon whom I beg you, for Christ’s sake,
to have compassion.” “Are you maid or wife,” said he. “Wife, to my
sorrow,” said she. “Who, or where is your husband?” continued he. “My
husband,” replied Mrs. Weazel, “is an officer in the army and was left
sick at the last inn where we dined.” “You must be mistaken, madam,”
said he, “for I myself saw him get into the waggon this afternoon. But
pray what smell is that? Sure your lapdog has befouled himself; let me
catch hold of the nasty cur, I’ll teach him better manners.” Here he
laid hold of one of Weazel’s legs, and pulled him out from under his
wife’s petticoat, where he had concealed himself. The poor trembling
captain, being detected in his inglorious situation, rubbed his eyes,
and affecting to wake out of sleep, cried, “What’s the matter? What’s
the matter?” “The matter is not much,” answered the horseman; “I only
called in to inquire after your health, and so adieu, most noble
captain.” He clapped spurs to his horse, and was out of sight in a
moment.
It was some time before Weazel could recollect himself, but at length
reassuming the big look, he said, “D—n the fellow! why did he ride away
before I had time to ask him how his lord and lady do? Don’t you
remember Tom, my dear?” addressing himself to his wife. “Yes,” replied
she, “I think I do remember something of the fellow, but you know I
seldom converse with people of his station.” “Hey-day!” cried Joey, “do
yaw knaw the young mon, coptain?” “Know him,” said Weazel, “many a time
has he filled a glass of Burgundy for me, at my Lord Trippett’s table.”
“And what may his name be, coptain?” said Joey. “His name!—his name,”
replied Weazel, “is Tom Rinser.” “Waunds,” cried Joey, “a has changed
his own neame then! for I’se lay a wager he was christened John
Trotter.” This observation raised a laugh against the captain, who
seemed very much disconcerted; when Isaac broke silence, and said, “It
is no matter who or what he was, since he has not proved the robber we
suspected, and we ought to bless God for our narrow escape.” “Bless
God,” said Weazel, “bless the devil! for what? Had he been a
highwayman, I should have eaten his blood, body, and guts, before he
had robbed me, or any one in this diligence.” “Ha, ha, ha,” cried Miss
Jenny, “I believe you will eat all you kill, indeed, captain.” The
usurer was so well pleased at the event of this adventure, that he
could not refrain from being severe, and took notice that Captain
Weazel seemed to be a good Christian, for he had armed himself with
patience and resignation, instead of carnal weapons; and worked out his
salvation with fear and trembling. This piece of satire occasioned a
great deal of mirth at Weazel’s expense, who muttered a great many
oaths, and threatened to cut Isaac’s throat. The usurer, taking hold of
this menace, said, “Gentlemen and ladies, I take you all to witness,
that my life is in danger from this bloody-minded officer; I’ll have
him bound over to the peace.” This second sneer produced another laugh
against him, and he remained crestfallen during the remaining part of
our journey.
CHAPTER XIII
Strap and I are terrified by an Apparition—Strap’s Conjecture—the
Mystery explained by Joey—we arrive in London—our Dress and Appearance
described—we are insulted in the Street—an Adventure in an Alehouse—we
are imposed upon by a waggish Footman—set to rights by a
Tobacconist—take Lodgings—dive for a Dinner—an Accident at our Ordinary
We arrived at our inn, supped, and went to bed; but Strap’s distemper
continuing, he was obliged to rise in the middle of the night, and
taking the candle in his hand, which he had left burning for the
purpose, he went down to the house of office, whence in a short time he
returned in a great hurry, with his hair standing on end, and a look
betokening horror and astonishment. Without speaking a word, he set
down the light and jumped into bed behind me, where he lay and trembled
with great violence. When I asked him what was the matter, he replied,
with a broken accent, “God have mercy on us! I have seen the devil!”
Though my prejudice was not quite so strong as his, I was not a little
alarmed at this exclamation, and much more so when I heard the sound of
bells approaching our chamber, and felt my bedfellow cling close to me,
uttering these words, “Christ have mercy upon us; there he comes!” At
that instance a monstrous overgrown raven entered our chamber, with
bells at his feet, and made directly towards our bed. As this creature
is reckoned in our country a common vehicle for the devil and witches
to play their pranks in, I verily believed we were haunted; and, in a
violent fright, shrank under the bedclothes. This terrible apparition
leaped upon the bed, and after giving us several severe dabs with its
beak through the blankets, hopped away, and vanished. Strap and I
recommended ourselves to the protection of heaven with great devotion,
and, when we no longer heard the noise, ventured to peep up and take
breath. But we had not been long freed from this phantom, when another
appeared, that had well nigh deprived us both of our senses. We
perceived an old man enter the room, with a long white beard that
reached to his middle; there was a certain wild peculiarity in his eyes
and countenance that did not savour of this world; and his dress
consisted of a brown stuff coat, buttoned behind and at the wrists,
with an odd-fashioned cap of the same stuff upon his head. I was so
amazed that I had not power to move my eyes from such a ghastly object,
but lay motionless and saw him come straight up to me: when he reached
the bed, he wrung his hands, and cried, with a voice that did not seem
to belong to a human creature, “Where is Ralph?” I made no reply: upon
which he repeated, in an accent still more preternatural, “Where is
Ralpho?” He had no sooner pronounced these words than I heard the sound
of the bells at a distance; which the apparition, having listened to,
tripped away, and left me almost petrified with fear. It was a good
while before I could recover myself so far as to speak; and, when at
length I turned to Strap, I found him in a fit, which, however, did not
last long. When he came to himself, I asked his opinion of what had
happened; and he assured me that the first must certainly be the soul
of some person damned, which appeared by the chain about his legs (for
his fears had magnified the creature to the bigness of a horse, and the
sound of small morice-bells to the clanking of massy chains). As for
the old man, he took it to be the spirit of somebody murdered long ago
in this place, which had power granted to torment the assassin in the
shape of a raven, and that Ralpho was the name of the said murderer.
Although I had not much faith in this interpretation, I was too much
troubled to enjoy any sleep: and in all my future adventures never
passed a night so ill.
In the morning Strap imparted the whole affair to Joey, who, after an
immoderate fit of laughter, explained the matter, by telling him that
the old man was the landlord’s father, who had been an idiot some
years, and diverted himself with a tame raven, which, it seems, had
hopped away from his apartment in the night, and induced him to follow
it to our chamber, where he had inquired after it under the name of
Ralpho.
Nothing remarkable happened during the remaining part of our journey,
which continued six or seven days longer: at length we entered the
great city, and lodged all night at the inn where the waggon put up.
Next morning all the passengers parted different ways, while my
companion and I sallied out to inquire for the member of parliament, to
whom I had a letter of recommendation from Mr. Crab. As we had
discharged our lodging at the inn, Strap took up our baggage and,
marched behind me in the street with the knapsack on his back, as
usual, so that we made a very whimsical appearance. I had dressed
myself to the greatest advantage; that is, put on a clean ruffled
shirt, and my best thread stockings: my hair (which was of the deepest
red) hung down upon my shoulders, as lank and straight as a pound of
candles; and the skirts of my coat reached to the middle of my leg; my
waistcoat and breeches were of the same piece, and cut in the same
taste; and my hat very much resembled a barber’s basin, in the
shallowness of the crown and narrowness of the brim. Strap was habited
in a much less awkward manner: but a short crop-eared wig, that very
much resembled Scrub’s in the play, and the knapsack on his back, added
to what is called a queer phiz, occasioned by a long chin, a hook nose,
and high cheek bones, rendered him, on the whole, a very fit subject of
mirth and pleasantry. As he walked along, Strap, at my desire, inquired
of a carman, whom we met, whereabouts Mr. Cringer lived: and was
answered by a stare, accompanied with the word “Anan!” Upon which I
came up, in order to explain the question, but had the misfortune to be
unintelligible likewise, the carman damning us for a lousy Scotch
guard, whipping his horses with a “Gee ho!” which nettled me to the
quick, and roused the indignation of Strap so far that, after the
fellow was gone a good way, he told me he would fight him for a
farthing.
While we were deliberating upon what was to be done, a hackney
coachman, driving softly along, and perceiving us standing by the
kennel, came up close to us, and calling, “A coach, master!” by a
dexterous management of the reins made his horses stumble in the wet,
and bedaub us all over with mud. After which exploit he drove on,
applauding himself with a hearty laugh, in which several people joined,
to my great mortification; but one, more compassionate than the rest,
seeing us strangers, advised me to go into an alehouse, and dry myself.
I thanked him for his advice, which I immediately complied with; and,
going into the house he pointed out, called for a pot of beer, and sat
down by a fire in the public room where we cleaned ourselves as well as
we could. In the meantime, a wag, who sat in a box, smoking his pipe,
understanding, by our dialect, that we were from Scotland, came up to
me and, with a grave countenance asked how long I had been caught. As I
did not know the meaning of this question, I made no answer; and he
went on, saying it could not be a great while, for my tail was not yet
cut; at the same time taking hold of my hair, and tipping the wink to
the rest of the company, who seemed highly entertained with his wit. I
was incensed at this usage, but afraid of resenting it, because I
happened to be in a strange place, and perceived the person who spoke
to me was a brawny fellow, for whom I thought myself by no means a
match. However, Strap, having either more courage or less caution,
could not put up with the insults I suffered, but told him in a