The Adventures of Roderick Random
with the merchant, that he was desired twenty times to leave the shop,
and see if he could get one cheaper elsewhere. At length I made choice
(if a good handsome bob), for which I paid ten shillings, and returned
to our lodging, where Strap in a moment rid me of that hair which had
given the schoolmaster so much offence.
We got up next day betimes, having been informed that Mr. Cringer gave
audience by candle-light to all his dependents, he himself being
obliged to attend the levee of my Lord Terrier at break of day, because
his lordship made one at the minister’s between eight and nine o’clock.
When we came to Mr. Cringer’s door, Strap, to give me all instance of
his politeness, ran to the knocker, which he employed so loud and so
long, that he alarmed the whole street; and a window opening in the
second story of the next house, a vessel was discharged upon him so
successfully, that the poor barber was wet to the skin, while I, being
luckily at some distance, escaped the unsavoury deluge. In the
meantime, a footman opening the door, and seeing nobody in the street
but us, asked, with a stern countenance, if it was I who made such a
noise, and what I wanted. I told him I had business with his master,
whom I desired to see. Upon which he slapped the door in my face,
telling me I must learn better manners before I could have access to
his master. Vexed at this disappointment, I turned my resentment
against Strap, whom I sharply reprimanded for his presumption; but he,
not in the least regarding what I said, wrung the wet out of his
periwig, and lifting up a large stone, flung it with such force against
the street door of that house from whence he had been bedewed, that the
lock giving way, it flew wide open, and he took to his heels, leaving
me to follow him as I could. Indeed, there was no time for
deliberation; I therefore pursued him with all the speed I could exert,
until we found ourselves about the dawn in a street we did not know.
Here, as we wandered along gaping about, a very decent sort of a man,
passing by me, stopped of a sudden and took up something, which having
examined, he turned and presented to me with these words: “Sir, you
have dropped half-a-crown.” I was not a little surprised at this
instance of honesty, and told him it did not belong to me; but he bade
me recollect, and see if all my money was safe; upon which I pulled out
my purse, for I had bought one since I came to town, and, reckoning my
money in my hand, which was now reduced to five guineas seven shillings
and twopence, assured him I had lost nothing. “Well, then, says he, so
much the better; this is a godsend, and as you two were present when I
picked it up, you are entitled to equal shares with me.” I was
astonished at these words, and looked upon this person to be a prodigy
of integrity, but absolutely refused to take any part of the sum.
“Come, gentlemen,” said he, “you are too modest—I see you are
strangers, but you shall give me leave to treat you with a whet this
cold raw morning.” I would have declined the invitation, but Strap
whispered to me that the gentleman would be affronted, and I complied.
“Where shall we go?” said the stranger; “I am quite ignorant of this
part of the town.” I informed him that we were in the same situation;
upon which he proposed to go into the first public-house we should find
open; and as we walked together, he began in this manner: “I find by
your tongues you are from Scotland, gentlemen; my grandmother by the
father’s side was of your country, and I am so prepossessed in its
favour, that I never meet a Scotchman but my heart warms. The Scots are
very brave people. There is scarce a great family in the kingdom that
cannot boast of some exploits performed by its ancestors many hundred
years ago. There’s your Douglasses, Gordons, Campbells, Hamiltons. We
have no such ancient families here in England. Then you are all very
well educated. I have known a pedlar talk in Greek and Hebrew as well
as if they had been his mother-tongue. And for honesty—I once had a
servant, his name was Gregor Macgregor, I would have trusted him with
untold gold.”
This eulogium of my native country gained my affections so strongly,
that I believe I could have gone to death to serve the author; and
Strap’s eyes swam in tears. At length, as we passed through a dark
narrow lane, we perceived a public-house, which we entered, and found a
man sitting by the fire, smoking a pipe, with a pint of purl before
him. Our new acquaintance asked us if ever we had drunk egg-flip? To
which question we answering in the negative, he assured us of a regale,
and ordered a quart to be prepared, calling for pipes and tobacco at
the same time. We found this composition very palateable, and drank
heartily; the conversation, which was introduced by the gentleman,
turning upon the snares that young inexperienced people are exposed to
in this metropolis. He described a thousand cheats that are daily
practised upon the ignorant and unwary, and warned us of them with so
much good nature and concern, that we blessed the opportunity which
threw us in his way. After we had put the can about for some time, our
new friend began to yawn, telling us he had been up all night with a
sick person; and proposed we should have recourse to some diversion to
keep him awake. “Suppose,” said he, “we should take a hand at whist for
pastime. But let me see: that won’t do, there’s only three of us; and I
cannot play at any other game. The truth is, I seldom or never play,
but out of complaisance, or at such a time as this, when I am in danger
of falling asleep.”
Although I was not much inclined to gaming, I felt no aversion to pass
an hour or two at cards with a friend; and knowing that Strap
understood as much of the matter as I, made no scruple of saying, “I
wish we could find a fourth hand.” While we were in this perplexity the
person whom we found in the house at our entrance, overhearing our
discourse, took the pipe from his mouth very gravely, and accosted us
thus: “Gentlemen, my pipe is out, you see,” shaking the ashes into the
fire, “and rather than you should be balked, I don’t care if I take a
hand with you for a trifle—but remember I won’t play for anything of
consequence.” We accepted his proffer with pleasure. Having cut for
partners, it fell to my lot to play with him against our friend and
Strap, for threepence a game. We were so successful, that in a short
time I was half-a-crown gainer; when the gentleman whom we had met in
the street observing he had no luck to-day, proposed to leave off, or
change partners. By this time I was inflamed with my good fortune and
the expectation of improving it, as I perceived the two strangers
played but indifferently; therefore I voted for giving him his revenge:
and cutting again, Strap and I, to our mutual satisfaction, happened to
be partners. My good fortune attended me still, and in less than an
hour we had got thirty shillings of their money, for as they lost they
grew the keener, and doubled stakes every time. At last the inconstant
goddess began to veer about, and we were very soon stripped of all our
gains, and about forty shillings of our own money. This loss mortified
me extremely, and had a visible effect on the muscles of Strap’s face,
which lengthened apace; but our antagonists perceiving our condition,
kindly permitted us to retrieve our loss, and console ourselves with a
new acquisition. Then my companion wisely suggested it was time to be
gone; upon which the person who had joined us in the house began to
curse the cards, and muttered that we were indebted to fortune only for
what we had got, no part of our success being owing to our good play.
This insinuation nettled me so much that I challenged him to a game at
piquet for a crown: and he was with difficulty persuaded to accept the
invitation. This contest ended in less than an hour to my inexpressible
affliction, who lost every shilling of my own money, Strap absolutely
refusing to supply me with a sixpence.
The gentleman at whose request we had come in, perceiving by my
disconsolate looks the situation of my heart, which well nigh burst
with grief and resentment, when the other stranger got up, and went
away with my money, began in this manner:—“I am truly afflicted at your
bad luck, and would willingly repair it, were it in my power. But what
in the name of goodness could provoke you to tempt your fate so long?
It is always a maxim with gamesters to pursue success as far us it will
go, and to stop whenever fortune shifts about. You are a young man, and
your passions are too impetuous; you must learn to govern them better.
However, there is no experience like that which is bought; you will be
the better for this the longest day you have to live. As for the fellow
who has got your money, I don’t half like him. Did not you see me tip
you the wink to leave off in time?” I answered, “No.” “No,” continued
he; “you was too eager to mind anything but the game. But, harkee,”
said he in a whisper, “are you satisfied of that young man’s honesty?
His looks are a little suspicious—but I may be mistaken; he made a
great many grimaces while he stood behind you, this is a very wicked
town.” I told him I was very well convinced of my comrade’s integrity
and, that the grimaces he mentioned were doubtless owing to his anxiety
of my loss. “Oh ho! if that be the case, I ask his pardon. Landlord,
see what’s to pay.” The reckoning amounted to eighteenpence, which,
having discharged, the gentleman shook us both by the hand, and, saying
he should be very glad to see us again, departed.
CHAPTER XV
Strap moralises—presents his purse to me—we inform our landlord of our
misfortune—he unravels the mystery—I present myself to Cringer—he
recommends and turns me over to Mr. Staytape—I become acquainted with a
fellow dependent, who explains the character of Cringer and
Staytape—and informs me of the method to be pursued at the Navy Office
and Surgeons’ Hall—Strap is employed
In our way to our lodging, after a profound silence on both sides,
Strap, with a hideous groan, observed that we had brought our pigs to a
fine market. To this observation I made no reply, and he went on: “God
send us well out of this place; we have not been in London eight and
forty hours, and I believe we have met with eight and forty thousand
misfortunes. We have been jeered, reproached, buffeted, and at last
stript of our money; and I suppose by and bye we shall be stript of our
skins. Indeed as to the money part of it, that was owing to our own
folly.—Solomon says, ‘Bray a fool in a mortar, and he will never be
wise.’ Ah! God help us, an ounce of prudence is worth a pound of gold.”
This was no time for him to tamper with my disposition, already mad
with my loss, and inflamed with resentment against him for having
refused me a little money to attempt to retrieve it. I therefore turned
towards him with a stern countenance, and asked, who he called fool?
Being altogether unaccustomed to such looks from me, he stood still,
and stared in my face for some time; then, with some confusion,
uttered, “Fool! I called nobody fool but myself; I am sure I am the
greatest fool of the two, for being so much concerned at other people’s
misfortunes; but ‘Nemo omnibus horis sapit’—that’s all, that’s all.”
Upon which a silence ensued, which brought us to our lodging, where I
threw myself upon the bed in an agony of despair, resolved to perish
rather than apply to my companion, or any other body, for relief; but
Strap, who knew my temper, and whose heart bled within him for my
distress, after some pause came to the bedside, and, putting a leathern
purse into my hand, burst into tears, crying, “I know what you think,
but I scorn your thought. There’s all I have in the world, take it, and