The Adventures of Roderick Random
affair, out of which he is extricated by me—he marries my master’s
daughter—they conspire against me—I am found guilty of theft,
discharged—deserted by my friends, I hire a room in St. Gile’s—where,
by accident, I find the lady to whom I paid my addresses in a miserable
condition—I relieve her
When I enjoyed myself at large in this temper of mind, Lavement let his
first floor to my countryman and acquaintance, Squire Gawky, who by
this time had got a lieutenancy in the army, and such a martial
ferocity in his appearance that I was afraid he would remember what
happened between us in Scotland, and atone for his breach of
appointment then by his punctuality now; but whether he had actually
forgot me, or was willing to make me believe so, he betrayed not the
least symptom of recognition at sight of me, and I remained quite cured
of my apprehension; though I had occasion not long after to be
convinced, that howsoever his externals might be altered, he was at
bottom the same individual Gawky, whom I have already described. For
coming home late one night from the house of a patient, I heard a noise
in the street, and as I approached, perceived two gentlemen in custody,
of three watchmen. The prisoners, who were miserable, disfigured with
dirt, complained bitterly of the loss of their hats and wigs; and one
of them, whom by his tongue I know to be a Scotchman, lamented most
piteously, offering a guinea for his liberty, which the watchman
refused, alleging that one of his companions was wounded grievously,
and that he must stand to the consequence. My prejudice in favour of my
native country was so strong, that I could not bear to see anybody
belonging to it in distress, and therefore, with one blow of my
faithful cudgel, knocked down the watchman who had hold of the person
for whom I was chiefly concerned. He was no sooner disengaged, than he
betook himself to his heels, and left me to maintain the dispute as I
should think proper; and, indeed, I came off but scurvily, for, before
I could avail myself of my speed, I received a blow on the eye, from
one of the other two, that had well nigh deprived me of the use of that
organ. However, I made shift to get home, where I was informed of
Captain Gawky’s being robbed and abused by a company of footpads, and
was ordered by my master to prepare an emollient glyster and paregoric
draught, in order to allay and compose the ferment of his spirits,
occasioned by the barbarous treatment he had undergone, while he took
twelve ounces of blood from him immediately.
When I inquired into the particulars of this adventure, and understood
by the servant that he came in just before me, without hat and wig, I
made no scruple of believing him to be the person I had released, and
was confirmed in my belief upon hearing his voice, to which (before
that event) I had long been a stranger.
My eye being considerably swelled and inflamed, I could not reflect
upon my enterprise without cursing my own folly, and even resolving to
declare the truth of the whole story in order to be revenged on the
cowardly wretch for whom I had suffered: accordingly, next day after he
had told, in presence of my master, his wife and daughter, who came to
him, a thousand lies concerning the prowess he had shown in making his
escape, I ventured to explain the mystery, and, calling in the evidence
of my contused eye, upbraided him with cowardice and ingratitude. Gawky
was so astonished at this that he could not answer one word, and the
rest of the company stared at one another; till at length my mistress
reprimanded me for my insolent behaviour, and threatened to turn me
away for my presumption. Upon which, Gawky (having recollected himself)
observed, as the young man might have mistaken another person for him,
he could forgive his insinuations, more especially as he seemed to have
suffered for his incivility; but advised me to be more certain in my
conjectures for the future, before I ventured to publish them to the
prejudice of any man. Miss applauded the Captain’s generosity in
pardoning one who had so villainously aspersed him, and I began to
imagine her praise was not at all disinterested. But the apothecary,
who perhaps had more penetration or less partiality than his wife and
daughter, differed from them in their sentiments of the matter, and
expressed himself to me in the shop in this manner: “Ah mon pauvre
Roderique! you have more of de veracite dan of de prudence—bot mine
vife and dater be diablement sage, and Monsieur le Capitaine un
fanfaron, pardieu!”
This eulogium on his wife and daughter, though spoken ironically by
him, was nevertheless literally just; by espousing the cause of Gawky,
the one obliged a valuable lodger, and the other acquired a husband at
a juncture when one was absolutely necessary. The young lady insinuated
herself so artfully into the affection of this new lodger, that in less
than a fortnight, on pretence of going to the play, they drove away
together to the Fleet, where they were married; and in the morning came
home, where they asked her father’s and mother’s blessing. The prudent
parents, notwithstanding the precipitation with which the match was
carried on, did not think fit to refuse their approbation; for the
apothecary was not ill pleased to find his daughter married to a young
man of a good prospect, who had not mentioned one syllable on the
article of her dowry; and his wife was rejoiced at being rid of a rival
and a spy upon her. Whatever face Gawky put on the matter, my discovery
of the adventure before related, and the reproaches I vented against
him, had stung him to the soul, and cherished the seeds of enmity so
strongly in his breast, that he imparted his indignation to his wife,
who being as desirous as himself to accomplish the ruin of one that not
only slighted her caresses, but was able on any occasion to discover
particulars not at all advantageous to her character, readily joined in
a conspiracy against me, which (had it taken effect as they expected)
would infallibly have brought me to an ignominious death.
My master having several times missed large quantities of medicines, of
which I could give no account, at last lost all patience, and in plain
terms taxed me with having embezzled them for my own use. As I could
only oppose my single asseveration to his suspicion, he told me one
day, “Your vord not be give me de satisfaction—me find necessaire to
chercher for my medicine; pardonnez moi—il faut chercher—me demand le
clef of your coffre a cette heure.” Then raising his voice to conceal
the fright he was in lest I should make any opposition, he went on,
“Oui! I charge you rendez le clef of your coffre—moi—si, moi qui vous
parle.” I was fired with so much resentment and disdain at this
accusation, that I burst into tears, which he took for a sign of guilt;
and pulling out my key, told him he might satisfy himself immediately,
though he would not find it so easy to satisfy me for the injury my
reputation had suffered from his unjust suspicion. He took the key and
mounted up to my chamber, attended by the whole family, saying, “Eh
bien, nous verrons—nous verrons.” But what was my horror and amazement,
when, opening my chest, he pulled out a handful of the very things that
were missing, and pronounced, “Ah, ha, vous etes bienvenu—mardy, Mons.
Roderique, you be fort innocent!” I had not power to utter one word in
my own vindication, but stood motionless and silent, while everybody
present made their respective remarks on what appeared against me. The
servants said they were sorry for my misfortune, and went away
repeating, “Who would have thought it?” My mistress took occasion from
this detection to rail against the practice of employing strangers in
general; and Mrs. Gawky, after having observed that she never had a
good opinion of my fidelity, proposed to have me carried before the
justice and committed to Newgate immediately. Her husband was actually
upon the stairs in his way for a constable, when Mr. Lavement knowing
the cost and trouble of a prosecution to which he must bind himself,
and at the same time dreading lest some particulars of my confession
might affect his practice, called out. “Restez, mon fils! restez, it be
veritablement one grand crime which dis pauvre diable have
committed—bot peut-etre de good God give him de penitence, and me vill
not have upon mine head de blood of one sinner.” The captain and his
lady used all the Christian arguments their zeal could suggest to
prevail upon the apothecary to pursue me to destruction, and
represented the injustice he did to the community of which he was a
member, in letting a villain escape, who would not fail of doing more
mischief in the world when he should reflect on his coming off so
easily now; but their eloquence made no impression on my master, who
turning to me said, “Go, miserable, go from mine house quick,
quick!—and make reparation for your mauvaise actions.” By this time my
indignation had roused me from the stupefaction in which I had hitherto
remained and I began in this manner:—“Sir, appearances I own condemn
me; but you are imposed upon as much as I am abused: I have fallen a
sacrifice to the rancour of that scoundrel” (pointing to Gawky) “who
has found means to convey your goods hither, that the detection of them
might blast my reputation, and accomplish my destruction. His hatred to
me is owing to a consciousness of his having wronged me in my own
country—for which injury he in a cowardly manner, refused me the
satisfaction of a gentleman; he knows, moreover, that I am no stranger
to his dastardly behaviour in this town, which I have recounted before,
and he is unwilling that such a testimony of his ingratitude and
pusillanimity should live upon the earth; for this reason he is guilty
of the most infernal malice to bring about my ruin. And I am afraid,
madam (turning to Mrs. Gawky) you have too easily entered into the
sentiments of your husband. I have often found you my enemy, and am
well acquainted with the occasion of your being so, which I don’t at
present think proper to declare; but I would advise you, for your own
sake, not to drive me to extremity.” This address enraged her so much
that with a face as red us scarlet and the eyes of a fury, she strutted
up to me and putting her hands in her side, spat in my face, saying, I
was a scandalous villain, but she defied my malice; and that unless her
papa would not prosecute me like a thief as I was, she would not stay
another night under his roof. At the same time, Gawky assuming a big
look, told me, he scorned what lies I could invent against him; but
that, if I pretended to asperse his wife, he would put me to death. To
this threat I answered, “I wish I could meet with thee in a desert,
that I might have an opportunity of punishing thee for thy perfidy
towards me, and rid the world of such a rascal. What hinders me this
moment,” said I, seizing an old bottle that stood by, “from doing
myself that justice?” I had no sooner armed myself in this manner, than
Gawky and his father-in-law retired in such a hurry, that the one
overturned the other, and they rolled together down stairs, while my
mistress swooned away with fear, and her daughter asked if I intended
to murder her. I gave her to understand, that nothing was farther from
my intention, that I would leave her to the stings of her own
conscience; but was firmly resolved to slit her husband’s nose,
whenever fortune should offer a convenient opportunity. Then going down
stairs, I met Lavement coming up trembling with the pestle in his hand,
and Gawky behind armed with his sword, pushing him forward. I demanded
a parley: and having assured him of my pacific disposition, Gawky
exclaimed, “Ah, villain! you have killed my dear wife.” And the