The Adventures of Roderick Random
butt-end of his whip laid him prostrate on the ground before he could
use the other, which his antagonist immediately seized, and, clapping
to the squire’s breast, threatened to put him to death for his
cowardice and treachery. In this dilemma I interposed and begged his
life, which was granted to my request, after he had asked pardon, and
swore his intention was only to obtain a kiss. However, my defender
thought proper to unload the other pistol, and throw away the flints,
before he gave him his liberty. This courteous stranger conducted me
home, where my father having learned the signal service he had done me,
loaded him with caresses, and insisted on his lodging that night at our
house. If the obligation he had conferred upon me justly inspired me
with sentiments of gratitude, his appearance and conversation seemed to
entitle him to somewhat more. He was about the age of two-and-twenty,
among the tallest of the middle size; had chestnut-coloured hair, which
he wore tied up in a ribbon; a high polished forehead, a nose inclining
to the aquiline, lively blue eyes, red pouting lips, teeth as white as
snow, and a certain openness of countenance—but why need I describe any
more particulars of his person? I hope you will do me the justice to
believe I do not flatter, when I say he was the exact resemblance of
you; and if I had not been well acquainted with his family and degree,
I should have made no scruple of concluding that you was his brother.
He spoke and seemed to have no reserve: for what he said was ingenuous,
sensible, and uncommon. “In short,” said she, bursting into tears, “he
was formed for the ruin of our sex. His behaviour was modest and
respectful, but his looks were so significant, that I could easily
observe he secretly blessed the occasion that introduced him to my
acquaintance. We learned from his discourse that he was the eldest son
of a wealthy gentleman in the neighbourhood, to whose name we were no
strangers—that he had been to visit an acquaintance in the country,
from whose house he was returning home, when my shrieks brought him to
my rescue.”
‘All night long my imagination formed a thousand ridiculous
expectations: there was so much of knight-errantry in this gentleman’s
coming to the relief of a damsel in distress, with whom he immediately
became enamoured, that all I had read of love and chivalry recurred to
my fancy; and I looked upon myself as a princess in some region of
romance, who being delivered from the power of some brutal giant or
satyr, by a generous Oroondates, was bound in gratitude, as well as led
by inclination, to yield up my affections to him without reserve. In
vain did I endeavour to chastise these foolish conceits by reflections
more reasonable and severe: the amusing images took full possession of
my mind, and my dreams represented my hero sighing at my feet, in the
language of a despairing lover. Next morning after breakfast he took
his leave, when my father begged the favour of further acquaintance
with him; to which request he replied by a compliment to him, and a
look to me so full of eloquence and tenderness, that my whole soul
received the soft impression. In a short time he repeated his visit;
and as a recital of the particular steps he pursued to ruin me would be
tedious and impertinent, let it suffice to say, he made it his business
to insinuate himself into my esteem, by convincing me of his own good
sense, and at the same time flattering my understanding. This task he
performed in the most artful manner, by seeming to contradict me often
through misapprehension, that I might have an opportunity of clearing
myself the more to my own honour. Having thus secured my good opinion,
he began to give me some tokens of a particular passion, founded on a
veneration of the qualities of my mind, and, as an accidental ornament,
admired the beauties of my person; till at being fully persuaded of his
conquest, he chose a proper season for the theme, and disclosed his
love in terms so ardent and sincere, that it was impossible for me to
disguise the sentiments of my heart, and he received my approbation
with the most lively transport. After this mutual declaration, we
contrived to meet more frequently in private interviews, where we
enjoyed the conversation of one another, in all the elevation of fancy
and impatience of hope that reciprocal adoration can inspire. He
professed his honourable intentions, of which I made no question;
lamented the avaricious disposition of his father, who had destined him
for the arms of another, and vowed eternal fidelity with such an
appearance of candour and devotion—that I became a dupe to his deceit.
Cursed be the day on which I gave away my innocence and peace! Cursed
be my beauty that first attracted the attention of the seducer! Cursed
be my education, that, by refining my sentiments, made my heart the
more susceptible! Cursed be my good sense, that fixed me to one object,
and taught me the preference I enjoyed was but my due! Had I been ugly,
nobody would have tempted me; had I been ignorant, the charms of my
person would not have atoned for the coarseness of my conversation; had
I been giddy, my vanity would have divided my inclinations, and my
ideas would have been so diffused, that I should never have listened to
the enchantments of one alone.
‘But to return to my unfortunate story. After some months, the visits
of my lover became less frequent, and his behaviour less warm: I
perceived his coldness, my heart took the alarm, my tears reproached
him, and I insisted upon the performance of his promise to espouse me,
that, whatever should happen, my reputation might be safe. He seemed to
acquiesce in my proposal, and left me on pretence of finding a proper
clergyman to unite us in the bands of wedlock. But alas! the inconstant
had no intention to return. I waited a whole week with the utmost
impatience; sometimes doubting his honour, at other times inventing
excuses for him, and condemning myself for harbouring suspicions of his
faith. At length I understood from a gentleman who dined at our house,
that this perfidious wretch was on the point of setting out for London
with his bride, to buy clothes for their approaching nuptials. This
information distracted me! Rage took possession of my soul; I denounced
a thousand imprecations, and formed as many schemes of revenge against
the traitor who had undone me. Then my resentment would subside to
silent sorrow. I recalled the tranquillity I lost, I wept over my
infatuation, and sometimes a ray of hope would intervene, and for a
moment cheer my drooping heart; I would revolve all the favourable
circumstances of his character, repeat the vows he made, ascribe his
absence to the vigilance of a suspicious father who compelled him to a
match his soul abhorred, and comfort myself with the expectation of
seeing him before the thing should be brought to any terms of
agreement. But how vain was my imagination! That villain left me
without remorse, and in a few days the news of his marriage were spread
all over the country. My horror was then inconceivable; and had not the
desire of revenge diverted the resolution, I should infallibly have put
an end to my miserable life. My father observed the symptoms of my
despair: and though I have good reason to believe he guessed the cause,
was at a great deal of pains to seem ignorant of my affliction, while
he endeavoured with parental fondness to alleviate my distress. I saw
his concern, which increased my anguish, and raised my fury against the
author of my calamity to an implacable degree.
‘Having furnished myself with a little money, I made an elopement from
this unhappy parent in the night-time, and about break of day arrived
at a small town, from whence a stage coach set out for London, in which
I embarked, and next day alighted in town; the spirit of revenge having
supported me all the way against every other reflection, My first care
was to hire a lodging, in which I kept myself very retired, assumed a
feigned name, that my character and situation might be better
concealed. It was not long before I found out the house of my lover,
whither I immediately repaired in a transport of rage, determined to
act some desperate deed for the satisfaction of my despair, though the
hurry of my spirits would not permit me to concert or resolve upon a
particular plan. When I demanded admission to Lothario (so let me call
him), I was desired to send up my name and business; but this I
refused, telling the porter I had business for his master’s private
ear; upon which I was conducted into a parlour until he should be
informed of my request. There I remained about a quarter of an hour,
when a servant entered and told me his master was engaged with company,
and begged to be excused at that time. My temper could hold out no
longer. I pulled out a poniard from my bosom, where I had concealed it,
and rushing out flew up stairs like a fury, exclaiming, “Where’s this
perfidious villain? could I plunge this dagger into his false heart, I
should then die satisfied!” The noise I made alarmed not only the
servants, but the company also, who hearing my threats came forward to
the staircase to see was the matter. I was seized, disarmed, and
withheld by two footmen; and in this situation felt the most exquisite
torture in beholding my undoer approach with his young wife. I could
not endure the sight, was deprived of my senses, and fell into a severe
fit, during which I know not how I was treated; but when I recovered
the use of reflection, found myself on a bed in a paltry apartment,
where I was attended by an old woman, who asked a thousand impertinent
questions relating to my condition, and informed me that my behaviour
had thrown the whole family into confusion; that Lothario affirmed I
was mad, and proposed to have me sent to Bedlam; but my lady persuaded
herself there was more in my conduct than he cared should be known, and
had taken to her bed on bare suspicion, having first ordered that I
should be narrowly looked to. I heard all she said without making any
other reply than desiring she would do me the favour to call a chair;
but this she told me could not be done without her master’s consent,
which, however, was easily procured, and I was conveyed to my lodgings
in a state of mind that baffles all description. The agitation of my
thoughts produced a fever, which brought on a miscarriage; and I
believe it is well for my conscience that heaven thus disposed of my
burden; for let me own to you with penitence and horror, if I had
brought a living child into the world, my frenzy would have prompted me
to sacrifice the little innocent to my resentment of the father’s
infidelity.
‘After this event my rage abated, and my hate became more deliberate
and calm: when one day my landlady informed me that there was a
gentleman below who desired to see me, he having something of
consequence to impart, which he was sure would contribute to my peace
of mind. I was exceedingly alarmed at this declaration, which I
attempted to interpret a thousand ways; and before I came to any
determination he entered my room, with an apology for intruding without
my knowledge or consent. I surveyed him some time, and not being able
to recollect his face, demanded, with a faltering accent, what his
business was with me? Upon which he desired I would give him a
particular audience, and he did not doubt of communicating something
that would conduce to my satisfaction and repose. As I thought myself
sufficiently guarded against any violence, I granted his request, and
bade the woman withdraw. The stranger, then advancing, gave me to
understand that he was well acquainted with the particulars of my
story, having been informed of them from Lothario’s own mouth—that from