The Adventures of Roderick Random
answered he, “but I’ll have further evidence that you are not the
person, before you and I part.” “Yes, yes,” said she, “you shall have
further evidence, to your cost.” Then we adjourned into the lodge, and
called for a bottle of wine, where my companion wrote a direction to
two of her acquaintance, and begged the favour of me to go to their
lodgings, and request them to come to her immediately. I found them
together at a house in Brydges Street, Drury Lane, and as they were
luckily unengaged, they set out with me in a hackney-coach without
hesitation, after I had related the circumstances of the affair, which
flattered them with the hopes of seeing a bailiff trounced; for there
is an antipathy as natural between women of that class and bailiffs, as
that subsisting between mice and cats. Accordingly, when they entered
the lodge, they embraced the prisoner very affectionately by the name
of Nancy Williams, and asked how long she had been nabbed, and for
what? On hearing the particulars of her adventure repeated, they
offered to swear before a justice of peace that she was not the person
mentioned in the writ, whom, it seems, they all knew; but the bailiff,
who was by the time convinced of his mistake, told them he would not
put them to that trouble. “Ladies,” said he, “there’s no harm done—you
shall give me leave to treat you with another bottle, and then we’ll
part friends.” This proposal was not at all relished by the sisterhood:
and Miss Williams told him, sure he did not imagine her such a fool as
to be satisfied with a paltry glass of sour wine? Here the turnkey
interrupted her by affirming with an oath, that the wine was as good as
ever was tipped over tongue. “Well,” continued she, “that may be, but
were it the best of champagne, it is no recompense for the damage I
have suffered both in character and health, by being wrongfully dragged
to jail; at this rate, no innocent person is safe, since an officer of
justice, out of malice, private pique, or mistake, may injure and
oppress the subject with impunity; but, thank heaven, I live under the
protection of laws that will not suffer such insults to pass
unpunished, and I know very well how to procure redress.” Mr. Vulture,
for that was the bailiff’s name, finding he had to deal with one who
would not be imposed upon, began to look very sullen and perplexed,
and, leaning his forehead on his hand, entered into a deliberation with
himself, which lasted a few minutes, and then broke out in a volley of
dreadful curses against the old jade our landlady, as he called her,
for having misinformed him. After much wrangling and swearing, the
matter was referred to the decision of the turnkey, who calling for the
other bottle, mulcted the bailiff in all the liquor that had been
drunk, coach hire, and a couple of guineas for the use of the
plaintiff. The money was immediately deposited; Miss Williams gratified
the two evidences with one half, and putting the other in her pocket
drove home with me, leaving the catchpole grumbling over his loss, yet
pleased in the main, for having so cheaply got clear of a business that
might have cost him ten times the sum, and his place to boot. This
guinea was a very seasonable relief to us, who were reduced to great
necessity, six of my shirts, and almost all my clothes, except those on
my back, having been either pawned or sold for our maintenance before
this happened. As we resented the behaviour of our landlady, our first
care was to provide ourselves with another lodging, whither we removed
next day, with an intention to keep ourselves as retired as possible,
until our cure should be completed. When we were fixed in our new
habitation, I entreated her to finish the story of her life, which she
pursued in this manner:—
‘The success of our experiment on the judge encouraged us to practice
the same deceit on others; but this harvest lasted not long, my
character taking air, and my directress deserting me for some new game.
Then I took lodgings near Charing-Cross, at two guineas a week, and
began to entertain company in a public manner; but my income being too
small to defray my expenses, I was obliged to retrench, and enter into
articles with the porters of certain taverns, who undertook to find
employment enough for me, provided I would share my profits with them.
Accordingly, I was almost every night engaged with company, among whom
I was exposed to every mortification, danger, and abuse, that flow from
drunkenness and brutality. As my spirit was not sufficiently humbled to
the will, nor my temper calculated for the conversation of my gallants,
it was impossible for me to overcome an aversion I felt for my
profession, which manifested itself in a settled gloom on my
countenance, and disgusted those sons of mirth and riot so much, that I
was frequently used in a shocking manner, and kicked down stairs with
disgrace. The messengers, seeing me disagreeable to their benefactors
and employers, seldom troubled me with a call, and I began to find
myself almost totally neglected.
‘To contribute towards my support I was fain to sell my watch, rings,
trinkets, with the best part of my clothes; and I was one evening
musing by myself on misery before me when I received a message from a
tavern, whither I repaired in a chair, and was introduced to a
gentleman dressed like an officer, with whom I supped in a sumptuous
manner. In the morning, when I awoke, I found my gallant had got up,
and, drawing aside the curtain, could not perceive him in the room. I
waited a full hour for his return, and then in the greatest perplexity,
rose up and rang the bell. When the waiter came to the door, he found
it locked, and desired admittance, which I granted, after observing,
with great surprise, that the key remained on the inside, as when we
went to bed. I no sooner inquired for the captain, than the fellow,
staring with a distracted look, cried, “How, madam, is he not abed?”
And when he was satisfied as to that particular, ran into a closet
adjoining to the chamber, the window of which he found open. Through
this the adventurer had got upon a wall, from whence he dropped down
into a court and escaped, leaving me to be answerable not only for the
reckoning, but also for a large silver tankard and posset-bowl, which
he had carried off with him.
‘It is impossible to describe the consternation I was under, when I saw
myself detained as a thief’s accomplice; for I was looked upon in that
light, and carried before a justice, who mistaking my confusion for a
sign of guilt committed me, after a short examination, to Bridewell,
having admonished me, as the only means to save my life, to turn
evidence, and impeach my confederate. I now concluded the vengeance of
Heaven had overtaken me, and that I must soon finish my career by an
ignominious death. This reflection sank so deep into my soul, that I
was for some days deprived of my reason, and actually believed myself
in hell, tormented by fiends. Indeed, there needs not a very
extravagant imagination to form that idea: for of all the scenes on
earth that of Bridewell approaches nearest the notion I had always
entertained of the regions. Here I saw nothing but rage, anguish and
impiety, and heard nothing but groans, curses, and blasphemy. In the
midst of this hellish crew, I was subjected to the tyranny of a
barbarian, who imposed upon me tasks that I could not possibly perform,
and then punished my incapacity with the utmost rigour and inhumanity.
I was often whipped into a swoon, and lashed out of it (during which
miserable interval, I was robbed by my fellow-prisoners of everything
about me, even to my cap, shoes, and stockings): I was not only
destitute of necessaries, but even of food, so that my wretchedness was
extreme. Not one of my acquaintance to whom I imparted my situation,
would grant me the least succour or regard, on pretence of my being
committed for theft, and my landlord refused to part with some of my
own clothes which I sent for, because I was indebted to him for a
week’s lodging.
‘Overwhelmed with calamity, I grew desperate, and resolved to put an
end to my grievances and life together: for this purpose I got up in
the middle of the night, when I thought everybody around me asleep, and
fixing one end of a large hook in the ceiling, that supported the
scales on which the hemp is weighed, I stood upon a chair, and making a
noose on the other end, put my neck into it, with an intention to hang
myself; but before I could adjust the knot I was surprised and
prevented by two women, who had been awake all the while and suspected
my design. In the morning, my attempt was published among the prisoners
and punished with thirty stripes, the pain of which, co-operating with
my disappointment and disgrace, bereft me of my senses, and threw me
into an ecstacy of madness, during which I tore the flesh from my bones
with my teeth, and dashed my head against the pavement; so that they
were obliged to set a watch over me, to restrain me from doing further
mischief to myself and others. This fit of frenzy continued three days,
at the end of which I grew calm and sullen: but as the desire of making
away with myself still remained, I came to a determination of starving
myself to death, and with that view refused all sustenance.
‘Whether it was owing to the want of opposition, or to the weakness of
nature, I know not; but on the second day of my fast, I found my
resolution considerably impaired, and the calls of hunger almost
insupportable. At this critical conjuncture a lady was brought into the
prison, with whom I had contracted an acquaintance while I lived with
Horatio; she was then on the same footing as I was, but afterwards
quarrelling with her gallant, and not finding another to her mind,
altered her scheme of life, and set up a coffee-house among the
hundreds in Drury, where she entertained gentlemen with claret, arrack,
and the choice of half-a-dozen damsels who lived in her house. This
serviceable matron having neglected to gratify a certain justice for
the connivance she enjoyed, was indicted at the quarter sessions, in
consequence of which her bevy was dispersed, and herself committed to
Bridewell. She had not been long there before she learned my disaster,
and coming up to me, after a compliment of condolence, inquired into
the particulars of my fate. While we were engaged in discourse
together, the master came and told me, that the fellow on whose account
I had suffered was taken, that he had confessed the theft, and cleared
me of any concern in the affair; for which reason he, the master, had
orders to discharge me, and that I was from that moment free.
‘This piece of news soon banished all thoughts of death, and had such
an instantaneous effect on my countenance, that Mrs. Coupler (the lady
then present), hoping to find her account in me, very generously
offered to furnish me with what necessaries I wanted, and take me into
her own house as soon as she could compromise matters with the
justices. The conditions of her offer were, that I should pay three
guineas weekly for my board, and a reasonable consideration besides,
for the use of such clothes and ornaments as she should supply me with,
to be deducted from the first profits of my occupation. These were hard
terms, but not to be rejected by one who was turned out helpless and
naked into the wide world, without a friend to pity or assist her. I
therefore embraced her proposal, and she being bailed in a few hours,
took me home with her in a coach. As I was by this time conscious of
having formerly disgusted my admirers by my reserved loud haughty
behaviour, I now endeavoured to conquer that disposition, and the
sudden change of my fortune giving me a flow of spirits, I appeared in