The Adventures of Roderick Random
the virtuoso, who protested she would stuff her ears with cotton when
she went to bed, and take a dose of opium to make her sleep the more
sound, that she might not be disturbed and distracted by the clamour of
the brutes.
When their dinner was over, I and my fellow servants sat down to ours
in the kitchen, where I understood that Sir Timothy Thicket was a
wealthy knight in the neighbourhood, between whom and Narcissa a match
had been projected by her brother, who promised at the same time to
espouse Sir Timothy’s sister; by which means, as their fortunes were
pretty equal, the young ladies would be provided for, and their
brothers be never the poorer; but that the ladies did not concur in the
scheme, each of them entertaining a hearty contempt for the person
allotted to her for a husband by this agreement. This information begat
in me a mortal aversion to Sir Timothy, whom I looked upon as my rival,
and cursed in my heart for his presumption.
Next morning, by daybreak, being awakened by the noise of the hunters
and hounds, I rose to view the cavalcade, and had a sight of my
competitor, whose accomplishments (the estate excluded) did not seem
brilliant enough to give me much uneasiness with respect to Narcissa,
who, I flattered myself, was not to be won by such qualifications as he
was master of, either as to person or mind. My mistress,
notwithstanding her precaution, was so much disturbed by her nephew’s
company, that she did not rise till five o’clock in the afternoon; so
that I had an opportunity of examining her study at leisure, to which
examination I was strongly prompted by my curiosity. Here I found a
thousand scraps of her own poetry, consisting of three, four, ten,
twelve, and twenty lines, on an infinity of subjects, which, as whim
inspired, she had begun, without constancy or capacity to bring to any
degree of composition: but, what was very extraordinary in a female
poet, there was not the least mention made of love in any of her
performances. I counted fragments of five tragedies, the titles of
which were “The Stern Philosopher,” “The Double,” “The Sacrilegious
Traitor,” “The Fall of Lucifer,” and “The Last Day.” From whence I
gathered, that her disposition was gloomy, and her imagination
delighted with objects of horror. Her library was composed of the best
English historians, poets, and philosophers; of all the French critics
and poets, and of a few books in Italian, chiefly poetry, at the head
of which were Tasso and Ariosto, pretty much used. Besides these,
translations of the classics into French, but not one book in Greek or
Latin; a circumstance that discovered her ignorance in these languages.
After having taken a full view of this collection, I retired, and at
the usual time was preparing to lay the cloth, when I was told by the
maid that her mistress was still in bed, and had been so affected with
the notes of the hounds in the morning, that she actually believed
herself a hare beset by the hunters, and begged a few greens to munch
for breakfast. When I expressed my surprise in this unaccountable
imagination she gave me to understand that her lady was very much
subject to whims of this nature; sometimes fancying herself an animal,
sometimes a piece of furniture, during which conceited transformations
it was very dangerous to come near her, especially when she represented
a beast; for that lately, in the character of a cat, she had flown at
her, and scratched her face in a terrible manner: that some months ago,
she prophesied the general conflagration was at hand, and nothing would
be able to quench it but her water, which therefore she kept so long,
that her life was in danger, and she must needs have died of the
retention, had they not found an expedient to make her evacuate, by
kindling a bonfire under her chamber window and persuading her that the
house was in flames: upon which, with great deliberation, she bade them
bring all the tubs and vessels they could find to be filled for the
preservation of the house, into one of which she immediately discharged
the cause of her distemper. I was also informed that nothing
contributed so much to the recovery of her reason as music, which was
always administered on those occasions by Narcissa, who played
perfectly well on the harpsichord, and to whom she (the maid) was just
then going to intimate her aunt’s disorder.
She was no sooner gone than I was summoned by the bell to my lady’s
chamber, where I found her sitting squat on her hands on the floor, in
the manner of puss when she listens to the outcries of her pursuers.
When I appeared, she started up with an alarmed look, and sprang to the
other side of the room to avoid me, whom, without doubt, she mistook
for a beagle thirsting after her life. Perceiving her extreme
confusion, I retired, and on the staircase met the adorable Narcissa
coming up, to whom I imparted the situation of my mistress; she said
not a word, but smiling with unspeakable grace, went into her aunt’s
apartment, and in a little time my ears were ravished with the efforts
of her skill. She accompanied the instrument with a voice so sweet and
melodious, that I did not wonder at the surprising change it produced
on the spirits of my mistress which composed to peace and sober
reflection.
About seven o’clock, the hunters arrived with the skins of two foxes
and one badger, carried before them as trophies of their success; and
when they were about to sit down to dinner (or supper) Sir Timothy
Thicket desired that Narcissa would honour the table with her presence;
but this request, notwithstanding her brother’s threats and entreaties,
she refused, on pretence of attending her aunt, who was indisposed; so
I enjoyed the satisfaction of seeing my rival mortified: but this
disappointment made no great impression on him, who consoled himself
with the bottle, of which the whole company became so enamoured that,
after a most horrid uproar of laughing, singing, swearing, and
fighting, they were all carried to bed in a state of utter oblivion. My
duty being altogether detached from the squire and his family, I led a
pretty easy and comfortable life, drinking daily intoxicating draughts
of love from the charms of Narcissa, which brightened on my
contemplation every day more and more. Inglorious as my station was, I
became blind to my own unworthiness, and even conceived hopes of one
day enjoying this amiable creature, whose, affability greatly
encouraged these presumptuous thoughts.
CHAPTER XL
My mistress is surprised at my learning—communicates her performances
to me—I impart some of mine to her—am mortified at her faint
praise—Narcissa approves of my conduct—I gain an involuntary conquest
over the cookwench and dairymaid—their mutual resentment and
insinuations—the jealousy of their lovers
During this season of love and tranquillity, my muse, which had lain
dormant so long, awoke, and produced several small performances on the
subject of my flame. But as it concerned me nearly to remain
undiscovered in my character and sentiments, I was under a necessity of
mortifying my desire of praise, by confining my works to my own perusal
and applause. In the meantime I strove to insinuate myself into the
good opinion of both ladies; and succeeded so well, by my diligence and
dutiful behaviour, that in a little time I was at least a favourite
servant; and frequently enjoyed the satisfaction of hearing myself
mentioned in French and Italian, with some degree of warmth and
surprise by the dear object of all my wishes, as a person who had so
much of the gentleman in my appearance and discourse, that she could
not for her soul treat me like a common lacquey. My prudence and
modesty were not long proof against these bewitching compliments. One
day, while I waited at dinner, the conversation turned upon a knotty
passage of Tasso’s Gierusalem, which, it seems, had puzzled them both:
after a great many unsatisfactory conjectures, my mistress, taking the
book out of her pocket, turned up the place in question, and read the
sentence over and over without success; at length, despairing of
finding the author’s meaning, she turned to me, saying, “Come hither,
Bruno; let us see what fortune will do for us: I will interpret to thee
what goes before, and what follows this obscure paragraph, the
particular words of which I will also explain, that thou mayst, by
comparing one with another, guess the sense of that which perplexes
us.” I was too vain to let slip this opportunity of displaying my
talents; therefore, without hesitation, read and explained the whole of
that which had disconcerted them, to the utter astonishment of both.
Narcissa’s face and lovely neck were overspread with blushes, from
which I drew a favourable opinion, while her aunt, after having stared
at me a good while with a look of amazement, exclaimed, “In the name of
heaven who art thou?” I told her I had picked up a smattering of
Italian, during a voyage up the Straits. At this explanation she shook
her head, and observed that no smatterer could read as I had done. She
then desired to know if I understood French. To which question I
answered in the affirmative. She asked if I was acquainted with the
Latin and Greek? I replied, “A little.” “Oho!” continued she, “and with
philosophy and mathematics, I suppose?” I owned I knew something of
each. Then she repeated her stare and interrogation. I began to repent
of my vanity, and in order to repair the fault I committed, said, it
was not to be wondered at if I had a tolerable education, for learning
was so cheap in my country, that every peasant was a scholar; but, I
hoped her Ladyship would think my understanding no exception to my
character. “No, no, God forbid.” But during the rest of the time they
sat at table, they behaved with remarkable reserve.
This alteration gave me great uneasiness; and I passed the night
without sleep, in melancholy reflections on the vanity of young men,
which prompts them to commit so many foolish actions, contrary to their
own sober judgment. Next day, however, instead of profiting by this
self-condemnation, I yielded still more to the dictates of the
principle I had endeavoured to chastise, and if fortune had not
befriended me more than prudence could expect, I should have been
treated with the contempt it deserved. After breakfast my lady, who was
a true author, bade me follow her into the study, where she expressed
herself thus: “Since you are so learned, you cannot be void of taste;
therefore I am to desire your opinion of a small performance in poetry,
which I lately composed. You must know that I have planned a tragedy,
the subject of which shall be, the murder of a prince before the altar,
where he is busy at his devotions. After the deed is perpetrated, the
regicide will harangue the people with the bloody dagger in his hand;
and I have already composed a speech, which, I think, will suit the
character extremely. Here it is.” Then, taking up a scrap of paper, she
read, with violent emphasis and gesture, as follows:—
“Thus have I sent the simple King to hell,
Without or coffin, shroud, or passing bell:
To me what are divine and human laws?
I court no sanction but my own applause!
Rapes, robberies, treasons, yield my soul delight,
And human carnage gratifies my sight:
I drag the parent by the hoary hair,
And toss the sprawling infant on the spear,
While the fond mother’s cries regale my ear.
I fight, I vanquish, murder friends and foes;
Nor dare the immortal gods my rage oppose.”
Though I did great violence to my understanding in praising this
unnatural rhapsody, I nevertheless extolled it as a production that of
itself deserved immortal fame; and besought her ladyship to bless the
world with the fruits of those uncommon talents Heaven had bestowed