The Adventures of Roderick Random
delivering the letters, and making me acquainted with the capuchin,
with whom I departed next morning by break of day.
It was not long before I discovered my fellow traveller to be a merry
facetious fellow, who, notwithstanding his profession and appearance of
mortification, loved good eating and drinking better than his rosary,
and paid more adoration to a pretty girl than to the Virgin Mary, or
St. Genevieve. He was a thick brawny young man, with red eyebrows, a
hook nose, a face covered with freckles; and his name was Frere
Balthazar. His order did not permit him to wear linen, so that, having
little occasion to undress himself, he was none of the cleanliest
animals in the world; and his constitution was naturally so strongly
scented that I always thought it convenient to keep to the windward of
him in our march. As he was perfectly well known on the road, we fared
sumptuously without any cost, and the fatigue of our journey was much
alleviated by the good humour of my companion, who sang an infinite
number of catches on the subjects of love and wine. We took up our
lodging the first night at a peasant’s house not far from Abbeville,
where we were entertained with an excellent ragout, cooked by our
landlord’s daughters, one of whom was very handsome. After having eaten
heartily and drank a sufficient quantity of small wine, we were
conducted to a barn, where we found a couple of carpets spread upon
clean straw for our reception. We had not lain in this situation above
half-an-hour, when we heard somebody knock softly at the door, upon
which Balthazar got up, and let in our host’s two daughters, who wanted
to have some private conversation with him in the dark. When they had
whispered together some time, the capuchin came to me, and asked if I
was insensible to love, and so hard-hearted as to refuse a share of my
bed to a pretty maid who had a tendre for me? I must own to my shame,
that I suffered myself to be overcome by my passion, and with great
eagerness seized the occasion, when I understood that the amiable
Nanette was to be my bedfellow. In vain did my reason suggest the
respect that I owed to my dear mistress Narcissa; the idea of that
lovely charmer rather increased than allayed the ferment of my spirits;
and the young paysanne had no reason to complain of my remembrance.
Early in the morning, the kind creatures left us to our repose, which
lasted till eight o’clock when we got up, and were treated at breakfast
with chocolate and l’eau-de-vie by our paramours, of whom we took a
tender leave, after my companion had confessed and given them
absolution.
While we proceeded on our journey, the conversation turned upon the
night’s adventure, being introduced by the capuchin, who asked me how I
liked my lodging; I declared my satisfaction, and talked in rapture of
the agreeable Nanette, at which he shook his head, and smiling said,
she was a morceau pour la bonne bouche. “I never valued myself,”
continued he, “upon anything so much as the conquest of Nanette; and,
vanity apart, I have been pretty fortunate in my amours.” This
information shocked me not a little, as I was well convinced of his
intimacy with her sister; and though I did not care to tax him with
downright incest, I professed my astonishment at his last night’s
choice, when, I supposed, the other was at his devotion. To this hint
he answered that, besides his natural complaisance to the sex, he had
another reason to distribute his favours equally between them, namely,
to preserve peace in the family, which could not otherwise be
maintained; that, moreover, Nanette had conceived an affection for me,
and he loved her too well to balk her inclination; more especially,
when he had an opportunity of obliging his friend at the same time. I
thanked him for this instance of his friendship, though I was extremely
disgusted at his want of delicacy, and cursed the occasion that threw
me in his way. Libertine as I was, I could not bear to see a man behave
so wide of the character he assumed. I looked upon him as a person of
very little worth or honesty, and should even have kept a wary eye upon
my pocket, if I had thought he could have had any temptation to steal.
But I could not conceive the use of money to a capuchin, who is
obliged, by the rules of his order, to appear like a beggar, and enjoy
all other necessaries of life gratis; besides, my fellow traveller
seemed to be of a complexion too careless and sanguine to give me any
apprehension on that score; so that I proceeded with great confidence,
in expectation of being soon at my journey’s end.
CHAPTER XLIII
We lodge at a House near Amiens, where I am robbed by the Capuchin, who
escapes while I am asleep—I go to Noyons in search of him, but without
Success—make my Condition known to several People, but find no
Relief—grow desperate—find a Company of Soldiers—Enlist in the Regiment
of Picardy—we are ordered into Germany—I find the Fatigues of the March
almost intolerable—Quarrel with my Comrade in a dispute about
Politics—he challenges me to the Field—wounds and disarms me
The third night of our pilgrimage we passed at a house near Amiens,
where being unknown, we supped upon indifferent fare and sour wine, and
were fain to be in a garret upon an old mattress, which, I believe had
been in the possession of ten thousand myriads of fleas time out of
mind. We did not invade their territory with impunity; in less than a
minute we were attacked by stings innumerable, in spite of which,
however, I fell fast asleep, being excessively fatigued with our day’s
march, and did not wake till nine next morning, when, seeing myself
alone, I started up in a terrible fright, and, examining my pockets,
found my presaging fear too true! My companion had made free with my
cash, and left me to seek my way to Paris by myself! I ran down stairs
immediately; and, with a look full of grief and amazement, inquired for
the mendicant, who, they gave me to understand, had set out four hours
before, after having told them I was a little indisposed, and desired I
might not be disturbed, but be informed when I should wake, that he had
taken the road to Noyons, where he would wait for my coming, at the Coq
d’Or. I spoke not a word, but with a heavy heart directed my course to
that place, at which I arrived in the afternoon, fainting with
weariness and hunger; but learned to my utter confusion, that no such
person had been there! It was happy for me that I had a good deal of
resentment in my constitution, which animated me on such occasions
against the villainy of mankind, and enabled me to bear misfortunes,
otherwise intolerable. Boiling with indignation, I discovered to the
host my deplorable condition, and inveighed with great bitterness
against the treachery of Balthazar; at which he shrugged up his
shoulders, and with a peculiar grimace on his countenance, said, he was
sorry for my misfortune, but there was no remedy like patience. At that
instant some guests arrived, to whom he hastened to offer his service,
leaving me mortified at his indifference, and fully persuaded that an
innkeeper is the same sordid animal all the world over.
While I stood in the porch forlorn and undetermined, venting
ejaculations of curses against the thief who had robbed me, and the old
priest who recommended him to my friendship, a young gentleman richly
dressed, attended by a valet de chambre and two servants in livery,
arrived at the inn. I thought I perceived a great deal of sweetness and
good-nature in his countenance; therefore he had no sooner alighted
than I accosted him, and, in a few words, explained my situation: he
listened with great politeness, and, when I made an end of my story,
said, “Well, monsieur, what would you have me to do?” I was effectually
abashed at this interrogation, which, I believe, no man of common sense
or generosity could make, and made no other compliment than a low bow:
he returned the compliment still lower, and tripped into an apartment,
while the landlord let me know that my standing there to interrupt
company gave offence, and might do him infinite prejudice. He had no
occasion to repeat his insinuation; I moved from the place immediately,
and was so much transported with grief, anger, and disdain, that a
torrent of blood gushed from my nostrils. In this ecstacy, I quitted
Noyons, and betook myself to the fields, where I wandered about like
one distracted, till my spirits were quite exhausted, and I was obliged
to throw myself down at the root of a tree, to rest my wearied limbs.
Here my rage forsook me: I began to feel the importunate cravings of
nature, and relapsed into silent sorrow and melancholy reflection. I
revolved all the crimes I had been guilty of and found them too few and
venial, that I could not comprehend the justice of that Providence,
which, after having exposed me to so much wretchedness and danger, left
me a prey to famine at last in a foreign country, where I had not one
friend or acquaintance to close my eyes, and do the last offices of
humanity to my miserable carcass. A thousand times I wished myself a
bear, that I might retreat to woods and deserts, far from the
inhospitable haunts of man, where I could live by my own talents,
independent of treacherous friends and supercilious scorn.
As I lay in this manner, groaning over my hapless fate, I heard the
sound of a violin, and raising my head, perceived a company of men and
women dancing on the grass at some distance from me. I looked upon this
to be a favourable season for distress to attract compassion, when
every selfish thought is banished, and the heart dilated with mirth and
social joy; wherefore I got up, and approached those happy people, whom
I soon discovered to be a party of soldiers, with their wives and
children, unbending and diverting themselves at this rate, after the
fatigue of a march. I had never before seen such a parcel of scarecrows
together, neither could I reconcile their meagre and gaunt looks, their
squalid and ragged attire, and every other external symptom of extreme
woe, with this appearance of festivity. I saluted them, however, and
was received with great politeness; after which they formed a ring, and
danced around me. This jollity had a wonderful effect upon my spirits.
I was infected with their gaiety, and in spite of my dismal situation,
forgot my cares, and joined in their extravagance. When we had
recreated ourselves a good while at this diversion, the ladies spread
their manteaus on the ground, upon which they emptied their knapsacks
of some onions, coarse bread, and a few flasks of poor wine: being
invited to a share of the banquet, I sat down with the rest, and, in
the whole course of my life, never made a more comfortable meal. When
our repast was ended, we got up again to dance, and, now that I found
myself refreshed I behaved to the admiration of everybody; I was loaded
with a thousand compliments and professions of friendship: the men
commended my person and agility, and the women were loud in the praise
of my bonne grace; the sergeant in particular expressed so much regard
for me, and described the pleasures of a soldier’s life to me with so
much art, that I began to listen to his proposal of enlisting me in the
service; and the more I considered my own condition, the more I was
convinced of the necessity I was under to come to a speedy
determination.
Having, therefore, maturely weighed the circumstances pro and con I
signified my consent, and was admitted into the regiment of Picardy,
said to be the oldest corps in Europe. The company to which this
commander belonged was quartered at a village not far off, whither we
marched next day, and I was presented to my captain, who seemed very
well pleased with my appearance, gave me a crown to drink, and ordered