The Adventures of Roderick Random
flattered her in the most sensible part, but at the same time argued my
own sagacity. As for the interview I desired, she assured me, that I
could not be more eager for such an occasion than she; but she must not
only sacrifice a little more to decorum, but be satisfied of my
honourable intentions, before she could grant that request. Meanwhile
she gave me to understand that, although she might owe some deference
to the opinion of certain persons, she was resolved, in an affair that
so nearly concerned her happiness, to consult her own inclination,
preferable to the advice of the whole world; especially as she was
urged to such condescension by no consideration of fortune, what she
depended upon being her own without restriction or control. Struck with
admiration at the philosophy and self-denial of my mistress, who seemed
insensible of the beauty she possessed, and in particular ravished with
that piece of intelligence by which I learned her fortune was
independent; I resumed the pen, launched out into encomiums on the
dignity of her sentiments, affected to undervalue the charms of
external beauty, pretended to ground my passion on the qualities of her
mind, complained of her rigour in sacrificing my repose to an
overscrupulous regard to decorum, and declared the purity of my designs
in the most solemn and pathetic vows. This performance being sealed and
directed, was sent to the place appointed by Strap, who, that we might
be still the more confirmed in our belief, renewed his watch, and in a
little time brought back the same information as before, with this
addition, that Miss Sparkle (the name of my correspondent), looking out
at the window, no sooner saw the messenger arrive, than she shut the
casement in a sort of beautiful confusion, and disappeared, eager no
doubt to hear from the dear object of her love.
My doubts now vanished, the long-expected port appeared, and I looked
upon myself as perfectly secure of that happiness I had been in quest
of so long. After dinner, I sauntered in company with Dr. Wagtail, to
that part of the town in which my inamorata lived; and, as he was a
mere register, inquired of him into the name, character, and fortune of
everybody who possessed a good house in the streets through which we
passed. When it came to his turn to mention Sir John Sparkle, he
represented him as a man of an immense estate and narrow disposition,
who mewed up his only child, a fine young lady, from the conversation
of mankind, under the strict watch and inspection of an old governante,
who was either so honest, envious, or insatiable, that nobody had been
as yet able to make her a friend, or get access to her charge, though
numbers attempted it every day; not so much on account of her
expectations from her father, who, being a widower, might marry again
and have sons, as for a fortune of twelve thousand pounds left her by
an uncle, of which she could not be deprived. This piece of news,
exactly tallying with the last part of the letter I had been honoured
with in the morning, had such an effect on me, that any man except
Wagtail might have observed my emotion; but his attention was too much
engrossed by the contemplation of his own importance to suffer him to
be affected with the deportment of any other body, unless it happened
to be so particular that he could not help taking notice of it.
When I had disengaged myself from him, whose conversation grew insipid
to me, I went home, and made Strap acquainted with the fruit of my
researches. This faithful squire was almost choked with transport, and
even wept with joy; but whether on account of himself or me, I shall
not pretend to determine. Next day a third billet-doux was brought to
me, containing many expressions of tenderness, mingled with some
affecting doubts about the artifice of man, the inconstancy of youth,
and the jealousy often attending the most sincere passion; withal
desiring I would excuse her, if she should try me a little longer,
before she declared herself beyond the power of retracting. These
interesting scruples added fuel to my flame and impatience to my hope;
I redoubled my complaints of her indifference, and pressed her to an
assignation with such fervent entreaties, that in a few days she
consented to meet me at the house of that milliner who had forwarded
all my letters. During the interval between the date of her promise and
the hour of appointment, my pride soared beyond all reason and
description; I lost all remembrance of the gentle Narcissa, and my
thoughts were wholly employed in planning triumphs over the malice and
contempt of the world.
At length the happy hour arrived. I flew to the place of rendezvous,
and was conducted into an apartment, where I had not waited ten
minutes, when I heard the rustling of silk, and the sound of feet
ascending the stairs; my heart took the alarm, and beat quick; my
cheeks glowed, my nerves thrilled, and my knees shook with ecstacy! I
perceived the door opening, saw a gold brocade petticoat advance, and
sprang forward to embrace my charmer. Heaven and earth! how shall I
paint my situation, when I found Miss Sparkle converted into a wrinkled
hag turned of seventy! I was struck dumb with amazement, and petrified
with horror! This ancient Urganda, perceived my disorder, and,
approaching with a languishing air, seized my hand, asking in a
squeaking tone, if I was indisposed. Her monstrous affectation
completed the disgust I had conceived for her at her first appearance,
and it was a long time before I could command myself so much as to
behave with common civility: at length, however, I recollected myself,
and pronounced an apology for my behaviour, which I said proceeded from
a dizziness that seized me all of a sudden. My hoary Dulcinea, who, no
doubt, had been alarmed at my confusion, no sooner learned the cause to
which I now ascribed it, than she discovered her joy in a thousand
amorous coquetries, and assumed the sprightly airs of a girl of
sixteen. One while she ogled me with her dim eyes, quenched in rheum;
then, as if she was ashamed of that freedom, she affected to look down,
blush, and play with her fan; then toss her head that I might not
perceive a palsy that shook it, ask some childish questions with a
lisping accent, giggle and grin with her mouth shut to conceal the
ravage of time upon her teeth, leer upon me again, sigh piteously,
fling herself about in her chair to show her agility, and act a great
many more absurdities that youth and beauty can alone excuse. Shocked
as I was at my disappointment, my disposition was incapable of
affronting any person who loved me; I therefore endeavoured to put a
good face to the matter for the present, resolved to drop the whole
affair as soon as I should get clear of her company; with this view, I
uttered some civil things, and in particular desired to know the name
and condition of the lady who had honoured me so much. She told me her
name was Withers, that she lived with Sir John Sparkle in quality of
governess to his only daughter, in which situation she had picked up a
comfortable sufficiency to make her easy for life; that she had the
pleasure of seeing me at church, where my appearance and deportment
made such an impression upon her heart, that she could enjoy no ease
until she had inquired into my character, which she found so amiable in
all respects, that she yielded to the violence of her inclination, and
ventured to declare her passion with too little regard perhaps to the
decorum of her sex; but she hoped I would forgive a trespass of which I
myself was in some measure the cause, and impute her intrusion to the
irresistible dictates of love. No decayed rake ever swallowed a bolus
with more reluctance than I felt in making a reply suitable to this
compliment, when, instead of the jewel, I found the crazy casket only
in my power; and yet my hopes began to revive a little, when I
considered, that, by carrying on the appearance of an intrigue with the
duenna, I might possibly obtain access to her charge. Encouraged by
this suggestion, my temper grew more serene, my reserve wore off, I
talked en cavalier, and even made love to this antiquated coquette, who
seemed extremely happy in her adorer, and spread all her allurements to
make her imagined conquest more secure. The good woman of the house
treated us with tea and sweetmeats, and afterwards withdrew, like a
civil experienced matron as she was.
Left thus to our mutual endearments, Miss Withers (for she was still a
maiden) began to talk of matrimony, and expressed so much impatience in
all her behaviour that, had she been fifty years younger, I might
possibly have gratified her longing without having recourse to the
church; but this step my virtue as well as interest forbade. When the
inclinations of an old maid settle upon a young fellow, he is
persecuted with her addresses; but, should he once grant her the
favour, he will never be able to disentangle himself from her
importunities and reproaches. It was my business to defer the ceremony
as long as possible, under the most specious pretences, with a view of
becoming acquainted with Miss Sparkle in the meantime; and I did not
despair of success, when I considered, that in the course of our
correspondence, I should, in all probability, be invited to visit my
mistress in her own apartment, and by these means have an opportunity
of conversing with her charming ward. Pleased with this prospect, my
heart dilated with joy; I talked in raptures to the state governante,
and kissed her shrivelled hand with great devotion, She was so much
transported with her good fortune, that she could not contain her
ecstacy, but flew upon me like a tigress, and pressed her skinny lips
to mine; when (as it was no doubt concerted by her evil genius) a dose
of garlic she had swallowed that morning, to dispel wind, I suppose,
began to operate with such a sudden explosion, that human nature,
circumstanced as I was, could not endure the shock with any degree of
temper. I lost all patience and reflection, flung away from her in an
instant, snatched my hat and cane, and ran downstairs as if the devil
had me in pursuit, and could scarcely retain the convulsion of my
bowels, which were grievously offended by the perfume that assaulted
me. Strap, who waited my return with impatience, seeing me arrive in
the utmost disorder, stood motionless with apprehension, and durst not
inquire into the cause.
After I had washed my mouth, more than once, and recruited my spirits
with a glass of wine, I recounted to him every particular of what had
happened; to which he made no other reply for some time than lifting up
his eyes, clasping his hands, and uttering a hollow groan. At length he
observed, in a melancholy tone, that it was a thousand pities my organs
were so delicate as to be offended with the smell of garlic. “Ah! God
help us,” said he, “’tis not the steams of garlic, no, nor of something
else, that would give me the least uneasiness—see what it is to be a
cobler’s son!” I replied hastily, “I wish then you would go and
retrieve my miscarriage.” At this suggestion he started, forced a
smile, and left the room, shaking his head. Whether the old gentlewoman
resented my abrupt departure so much that her love changed into
disdain, or was ashamed to see me on account of her infirmity, I know
not; but I was never troubled again with her passion.
CHAPTER LI
I cultivate an Acquaintance with two Noblemen—am introduced to earl
Strutwell—his kind Promise and Invitation—the Behaviour of his Porter
and Lacquey—he receives me with an Appearance of uncommon
Affection—undertakes to speak in my Behalf to the Minister—informs me
of his Success, and wishes me Joy—introduces a Conversation about