The Adventures of Roderick Random
thought there could not be a fitter opportunity than the present to
manifest, in some shape, my gratitude; I therefore begged he would do
me the honour to accept of the watch as a small testimony of the sense
I had of his lordship’s generosity; but, he refused it in a peremptory
manner, and said he was sorry I should entertain such a mercenary
opinion of him; observing at the same time, that it was the most
beautiful piece of workmanship he had ever seen, and desiring to know
where he could have such another. I begged a thousand pardons for the
freedom I had taken, which I hoped he would impute to nothing else than
the highest veneration for his person—told him, that, as it came to my
hand by accident in France, I could give him no information about the
maker, for there was no name on the inside; and once more humbly
entreated that he would indulge me so far as to use it for my sake. He
was still positive in refusing it; but was pleased to thank me for my
generous offer, saying, it was a present that no nobleman need be
ashamed of receiving: though he was resolved to show his
disinterestedness with regard to me, for whom he had conceived a
particular friendship; and insisted (if I were willing to part with the
watch) upon knowing what it had cost, that he might at least indemnify
me, by refunding the money. On the other hand, I assured his lordship
that I should look upon it as an uncommon mark of distinction, if he
would take it without further question; and, rather than disoblige me,
he was at last persuaded to put it in his pocket, to my no small
satisfaction, who took my leave immediately, after having received a
kind squeeze, and an injunction to depend upon his promise.
Buoyed up with this reception, my heart opened; I gave away a guinea,
among the lacqueys, who escorted me to the door, flew to the lodgings
of Lord Straddle, upon whom I forced my diamond ring as an
acknowledgment for the great service he had done me, and from thence
hied me home, with an intent of sharing my happiness with honest Strap.
I determined, however, to heighten his pleasure, by depressing his
spirits at first, and then bringing in good news with double relish.
For this purpose, I affected the appearance of disappointment and
chagrin, and told him in an abrupt manner that I had lost the watch and
diamond. Poor Hugh, who had been already harassed into a consumption by
intelligence of this sort, no sooner heard these words, than, unable to
contain himself, he cried, with distraction in his looks, “God in
heaven forbid!” I could carry on the farce no longer; but, laughing in
his face, told him everything that had passed, as above recited. His
features were immediately unbended, and the transition was so
affecting, that he wept with joy, calling my Lord Strutwell by the
appellations of Jewel, Phoenix, Rara avis; and praising God, that there
was still some virtue left among our nobility. Our mutual
congratulations being over, we gave way to our imagination, and
anticipated our happiness by prosecuting our success through the
different steps of promotion, till I arrived at the rank of a prime
minister, and he to that of my first secretary.
Intoxicated with these ideas, I went to the ordinary, where, meeting
with Banter, I communicated the whole affair in confidence to him,
concluding with an assurance that I would do him all the service in my
power. He heard me to an end with great patience, then regarding me a
good while with a look of disdain, pronounced, “So your business is
done, you think?” “As good as done. I believe,” said I. “I’ll tell
you,” replied he, “what will do it still more effectually—a halter!
’Sdeath! if I had been such a gull to two such scoundrels as Strutwell
and Straddle, I would, without any more ado, tuck myself up.” Shocked
at this exclamation, I desired him with some confusion to explain
himself; upon which he gave me to understand that Straddle was a poor
contemptible wretch, who lived by borrowing and pimping for his
fellow-peers; that in consequence of this last capacity, he had
doubtless introduced me to Strutwell, who was so notorious for a
passion for his own sex that he was amazed his character had never
reached my ears; and that, far from being able to obtain for me the
post he had promised, his interest at court was so low, that he could
scarce provide for a superannuated footman once a year in the customs
or excise; that it was a common thing for him to amuse strangers, whom
his jackals ran down, with such assurances and caresses as he had
bestowed on me, until he had stripped them of their cash, and
everything valuable about them, very often of their chastity, and then
leave them a prey to want and infamy: that he allowed his servants no
other wages than that part of the spoil which they could glean by their
industry; and the whole of his conduct towards me was so glaring, that
nobody who knew anything of mankind could have been imposed upon by his
insinuations.
I leave the reader to judge how I relished this piece of information,
which precipitated me from the most exalted pinnacle of hope to the
lowest abyss of despondence, and well nigh determined me to take
Banter’s advice and finish my chagrin with a halter. I had no room to
suspect the veracity of my friend, because, upon recollection, I found
every circumstance of Strutwell’s behaviour exactly tallying with the
character he had described; his hugs, embraces, squeezes, and eager
looks, were now no longer a mystery; no more than his defence of
Petronius, and the jealous frown of his valet-de-chambre, who, it
seems, had been the favourite pathic of his lord.
CHAPTER LII
I attempt to recover my Watch and Jewel, but to no Purpose—resolve to
revenge myself on Strutwell by my Importunity—am reduced to my last
Guinea—obliged to inform Strap of my Necessity, who is almost
distracted with the News, but nevertheless obliged to pawn my best
Sword for present Subsistence—that small Supply being exhausted, I am
almost stupified with my Misfortunes—go to the Gaming Table by the
Advice of Banter, and come off with unexpected Success—Strap’s
Ecstacy—Mrs. Gawky waits upon me, professes Remorse for her Perfidy,
and implores my Assistance—I do myself a Piece of Justice by her Means,
and afterwards reconcile her to her Father
I was so confounded that I could make no reply to Banter, who
reproached me with great indignation for having thrown away upon
rascals that which, had it been converted into ready money, would have
supported the rank of a gentleman for some months, and enabled me, at
the same time, to oblige my friends. Stupified as I was, I could easily
divine the source of his concern, but sneaked away in a solitary
manner, without yielding the least answer to his expostulations; and
began to deliberate within myself in what manner I should attempt to
retrieve the movables I had so foolishly lost. I should have thought it
no robbery to take them again by force, could I have done it without
any danger of being detected; but, as I could have no such opportunity,
I resolved to work by finesse, and go immediately to the lodgings of
Straddle, where I was so fortunate as to find him. “My Lord,” said I,
“I have just now recollected, that the diamond I had the honour of
presenting to you is loosened a little in the socket, and there is a
young fellow just arrived from Paris, who is reckoned the best jeweller
in Europe; I knew him in France; and, if your lordship will give me
leave, will carry the ring to him to be set to rights.” His lordship
was not to be caught in this snare; he thanked me for my offer, and
told me, that, having himself observed the defect, he had sent it to
his own jeweller to be mended; and, indeed, by this time I believe it
was in the jeweller’s hands, though not in order to be mended, for it
stood in need of no alteration.
Balked in this piece of politics, I cursed my simplicity; but resolved
to play a surer game with the earl, which I thus devised. I did not
doubt of being admitted into familiar conversation with him, as before,
and hoped by some means to get the watch into my hand; then, on
pretence of winding or playing with it, drop it on the floor, when, in
all probability, the fall would disorder the work so as to stop its
motion; this event would furnish me with an opportunity of insisting
upon carrying it away in order to be repaired, and then I should be in
no hurry to bring it back. What pity it was I could not find an
occasion of putting this fine scheme in execution! When I went to renew
my visit to his lordship, my access to the parlour was as free as ever;
but after I had waited for some time, the valet-de-chambre came in with
his lord’s compliments, and a desire to see me to-morrow at his levee,
he being at present so much indisposed that he could not see company. I
interpreted this message into a bad omen, and came away muttering
curses against his lordship’s politeness, and ready to go to
loggerheads with myself for being so egregiously duped. But, that I
might have some satisfaction for the loss I had sustained, I besieged
him so closely at his levee, and persecuted him with my solicitations;
not without faint hopes, indeed, of reaping something more from my
industry than the bare pleasure of making him uneasy; though I could
never obtain another private hearing the whole course of my attendance;
neither had I resolution enough to undeceive Strap, whose looks in a
little time were so whetted with impatience, that whenever I came home,
his eyes devoured me, as it were, with eagerness of attention.
At length, however, finding myself reduced to my last guinea, I was
compelled to disclose my necessity, though I endeavoured to sweeten the
discovery by rehearsing to him the daily assurances I received from my
patron. But these promises were not of efficacy sufficient to support
the spirits of my friend, who no sooner understood the lowness of my
finances, than, uttering a dreadful groan, he exclaimed, “In the name
of God, what shall we do?” In order to comfort him, I said, that many
of my acquaintances, who were in a worse condition than we, supported,
notwithstanding, the character of gentlemen; and advising him to thank
God that as yet we had incurred no debt, proposed he should pawn my
sword of steel, inlaid with gold, and trust to my discretion for the
rest. This expedient was wormwood and gall to poor Strap, who, in spite
of his invincible affection for me, still retained notions of economy
and expense suitable to the narrowness of his education; nevertheless
he complied with my request, and raised seven pieces on the sword in a
twinkling. This supply, inconsiderable as it was, made me as happy for
the present, as if I had kept five hundred pounds in bank; for by this
time I was so well skilled in procrastinating every troublesome
reflection, that the prospect of want seldom affected me very much, let
it be ever so near. And now indeed it was nearer than I imagined. My
landlord, having occasion for money, put me in mind of my being
indebted to him five guineas in lodging; and, telling me he had a sum
to make up, begged I would excuse his importunity, and discharge the
debt. Though I could ill spare so much cash, my pride took the
resolution of disbursing it. This I did in a cavalier manner, after he
had written a discharge, telling him with an air of scorn and
resentment, I saw he was resolved that I should not be long in his
books; while Strap, who stood by, and knew my circumstances, wrung his
hands in secret, gnawed his nether lip, and turned yellow with despair.
Whatever appearance of indifference my vanity enabled me to put on, I
was thunderstruck with this demand, which I had no sooner satisfied,
than I hastened into company, with a view of beguiling my cares with