The Adventures of Roderick Random
without all this bustle and loss of time, by a scheme, which my heat
and precipitation ruined. “For my own part,” continued he, “I am always
extremely cool on these occasions.” “So it appeared, by your
trembling,” said the young lady. “Death and d—ion!” cried he, “your sex
protects you, madam; if any man on earth durst tell me so much, I’d
send him to hell, d—n my heart! in an instant.” So saying, he fixed his
eyes upon me, and asked if I had seen him tremble? I answered without
hesitation, “Yes.” “D—me, sir!” said he, “d’ye doubt my courage?” I
replied, “Very much.” This declaration quite disconcerted him. He
looked blank, and pronounced with a faltering voice, “Oh! it’s very
well: d—n my blood! I shall find a time.” I signified my contempt of
him, by thrusting my tongue in my cheek, which humbled him so much,
that he scarce swore another oath aloud during the whole journey.
The precise lady, having recruited her spirits by the help of some
strong waters, began a soliloquy, in which she wondered that any man,
who pretended to maintain the character of a gentleman, could, for the
sake of a little paltry coin, throw persons of honour into such
quandaries as might endanger their lives; and professed her surprise
that women were not ashamed to commend such brutality. At the same time
vowing that for the future she would never set foot in a stage coach,
if a private convenience could be had for love or money.
Nettled at her remarks, I took the same method of conveying my
sentiments, and wondered in my turn, that any woman of common sense
should be so unreasonable as to expect that people, who had neither
acquaintance nor connection with her, would tamely allow themselves to
be robbed and maltreated, merely to indulge her capricious humour. I
likewise confessed my astonishment at her insolence and ingratitude in
taxing a person with brutality, who deserved her approbation and
acknowledgment; and vowed that, if ever she should be assaulted again,
I would leave her to the mercy of the spoiler, that she might know the
value of my protection.
This person of honour did not think fit to carry on the altercation any
further, but seemed to chew the cud of her resentment with the
crestfallen captain, while I entered into discourse with my charmer,
who was the more pleased with my conversation, as she had conceived a
very indifferent opinion of my intellects from my former silence. I
should have had cause to be equally satisfied with the sprightliness of
her genius, could she have curbed her imagination with judgment; but
she laboured under such a profusion of talk, that I dreaded her unruly
tongue, and felt by anticipation the horrors of an eternal clack!
However, when I considered, on the other hand, the joys attending the
possession of twenty thousand pounds, I forgot her imperfections,
seized occasion by the forelock, and tried to insinuate myself into her
affection. The careful mother kept a strict watch over her and though
she could not help behaving civilly to me, took frequent opportunities
of discouraging our communication, by reprimanding her for being so
free with strangers, and telling her she must learn to speak less and
think more. Abridged of the use of speech, we conversed with our eyes,
and I found the young lady very eloquent in this kind of discourse. In
short, I had reason to believe that she was sick of the old
gentlewoman’s tuition, and that I should find it no difficult matter to
supersede her authority.
When we arrived at the place where we were to breakfast, I alighted,
and helped my mistress out of the coach, as well as her mother who
called for a private room to which they withdrew in order to eat by
themselves. As they retired together, I perceived that Miss had got
more twists from nature than I had before observed for she was bent
sideways into the figure of an S, so that her progression very much
resembled that of a crab. The prude also chose the captain for her
messmate, and ordered breakfast for two only, to be brought into
another separate room: while the lawyer and I, deserted by the rest of
the company, were fain to put up with each other. I was a good deal
chagrined at the stately reserve of Mrs. Snapper, who, I thought, did
not use me with all the complaisance I deserved; and my companion
declared that he had been a traveller for twenty years, and never knew
the stage coach rules so much infringed before. As for the honourable
gentlewoman I could not conceive the meaning of her attachment to the
lieutenant; and asked the lawyer if he knew for which of the soldier’s
virtues she admired him? The counsellor facetiously replied, “I suppose
the lady knows him to be an able conveyancer, and wants him to make a
settlement in tail.” I could not help laughing at the archness of the
barrister, who entertained me during breakfast with a great deal of wit
of the same kind, at the expense of our fellow travellers; and among
other things said, he was sorry to find the young lady saddled with
such incumbrances.
When we had made an end of our repast, and paid our reckoning, we went
into the coach, took our places, and bribed the driver with sixpence to
revenge us on the rest of his fare, by hurrying them away in the midst
of their meal. This task he performed to our satisfaction, after he had
disturbed their enjoyment with his importunate clamour. The mother and
daughter obeyed the summons first, and, coming to the coach door, were
obliged to desire the coachman’s assistance to get in, because the
lawyer and I had agreed to show our resentment by our neglect. They
were no sooner seated, than the captain appeared, as much heated as if
he had been pursued a dozen miles by an enemy; and immediately after
him came the lady, not without some marks of disorder. Having helped
her up, he entered himself, growling a few oaths against the coachman
for his impertinent interruption; and the lawyer comforted him by
saying, that if he had suffered a nisi prius through the obstinacy of
the defendant, he might have an opportunity to join issue at the next
stage. This last expression gave offence to the grave gentlewoman, who
told him, if she was a man, she would make him repent of such
obscenity, and thanked God she had never been in such company before.
At this insinuation the captain thought himself under a necessity of
espousing the lady’s cause; and accordingly threatened to cut off the
lawyer’s ears, if he should give his tongue any such liberties for the
future. The poor counsellor begged pardon, and universal silence
ensued.
CHAPTER LV
I resolve to ingratiate myself with the Mother, and am favoured by
accident—the Precise Lady finds her husband, and quit the Coach—the
Captain is disappointed of his dinner—we arrive at Bath—I accompany
Miss Snapper to the Long-room, where she is attacked by beau Nash, and,
turns the Laugh against him—I make love to her, and receive a
check—Squire her to an Assembly, where I am blessed with a Sight of my
dear Narcissa, which discomposes me so much, that Miss Snapper,
observing my disorder, is at pains to discover the Cause—is piqued at
the Occasion, and, in our way home, pays me a sarcastic Compliment—I am
met by Miss Williams, who is the maid and Confidante of Narcissa—she
acquaints me with her Lady’s regard for me while under the disguise of
a Servant, and describes the Transports of Narcissa on seeing me at the
Assembly, in the Character of a Gentleman—I am surprised with an
Account of her Aunt’s Marriage, and make an Appointment to meet Miss
Williams the next day
During this unsocial interval, my pride and interest maintained a
severe conflict on the subject of Miss Snapper, whom the one
represented as unworthy of notice, and the other proposed as the object
of my whole attention: the advantages and disadvantages of such a match
were opposed to one another by my imagination; and, at length, my
judgment gave it so much in favour of the first, that I resolved to
prosecute my scheme with all the address in my power. I thought I
perceived some concern in her countenance, occasioned by my silence,
which she, no doubt, imputed to my disgust at her mother’s behaviour;
and, as I believed the old woman could not fail of ascribing my
muteness to the same motive, I determined to continue that sullen
conduct towards her, and fall upon some other method of manifesting my
esteem for the daughter, nor was it difficult for me to make her
acquainted with my sentiments by the expression of my looks, which I
modelled into the character of humanity and love; and which were
answered by her with all the sympathy and approbation I could desire.
But when I began to consider, that, without further opportunities of
improving my success, all the progress I had hitherto made would not
much avail, and that such opportunities could not be enjoyed without
the mother’s permission, I concluded it would be requisite to vanquish
her coldness and suspicion by my assiduities and respectful behaviour
on the road; and she would, in all likelihood, invite me to visit her
at Bath, where I did not fear of being able to cultivate her
acquaintance as much as would be necessary to the accomplishment of my
purpose. And indeed accident furnished me with an opportunity of
obliging her so much that she could not, with any appearance of good
manners, forbear to gratify my inclination.
When we arrived at our dining-place, we found all the eatables at the
inn bespoke by a certain nobleman, who had got the start of us and, in
all likelihood, my mistress and her mother must have dined with Duke
Humphrey, had I not exerted myself in their behalf, and bribed the
landlord with a glass of wine to curtail his lordship’s entertainment
of a couple of fowls and some bacon, which I sent with my compliments
to the ladies. They accepted my treat with a great many thanks, and
desired I would favour them with my company at dinner, where I amused
the old gentlewoman so successfully, by maintaining a seemingly
disinterested ease in the midst of my civility, that she signified a
desire of being better acquainted, and hoped I would be so kind as to
see her sometimes at Bath. While I enjoyed myself in this manner, the
precise lady had the good fortune to meet with her husband, who was no
other than gentleman, or, in other words, valet-de-chambre, to the very
nobleman whose coach stood at the door. Proud of the interest she had
in the house, she affected to show her power by introducing the captain
to her spouse as a person who had treated her with great civility upon
which he was invited to a share of their dinner; while the poor lawyer,
finding himself utterly abandoned, made application to me, and was
through my intercession admitted into our company. Having satisfied our
appetites, and made ourselves merry at the expense of the person of
honour, the civil captain, and complaisant husband, I did myself the
pleasure of discharging the bill by stealth, for which I received a
great many apologies and acknowledgments from my guests, and we
re-embarked at the first warning. The officer was obliged, at last, to
appease his hunger with a luncheon of bread and cheese, and a pint
bottle of brandy, which he dispatched in the coach, cursing the
inappetence of his lordship, who had ordered dinner to be put back a
whole hour.
Nothing remarkable happened during the remaining part of our journey,
which was finished next day, when I waited on the ladies to the house
of a relation, in which they intended to lodge, and, passing that night
at the inn, took lodgings in the morning for myself.
The forenoon was spent in visiting everything that was worth seeing in
the place, in company with a gentleman to whom Banter had given me a
letter of introduction; and in the afternoon I waited on the ladies,