The Adventures of Roderick Random
folly of laying the burden at my door, when she might dispose of it to
much better purpose with Mr. Crab. She listened to my advice, and next
day acquainted him with the pretended success of their mutual
endeavours. He was far from being overjoyed at this proof of his
vigour, which he foresaw might have very troublesome consequences; not
that he dreaded any domestic grumblings and reproaches from his wife,
whom he kept in perfect subjection; but because he knew it would
furnish his rival Potion with a handle for insulting and undermining
his reputation, there being no scandal equal to that of uncleanness, in
the opinion of those who inhabit the part of the island where he lived.
He therefore took a resolution worthy of himself, which was, to
persuade the girl that she was not with child, but only afflicted with
a disorder incidental to young women, which he could easily remove:
with this view (as he pretended) he prescribed for her such medicines
as he thought would infallibly procure abortion; but in this scheme he
was disappointed, for the maid, being advertised by me of his design,
and at the same time well acquainted with her own condition, absolutely
refused to follow his directions; and threatened to publish her
situation to the world if he would not immediately take some method of
providing for the important occasion, which she expected in a few
months. It was not long before I guessed the result of his
deliberation, by his addressing himself to me one day in this manner:
“I am surprised that a young fellow like you discovers no inclination
to push his fortune in the world. Before I was of your age I was
broiling on the coast of Guinea. D—e! what’s to hinder you from
profiting by the war which will certainly be declared in a short time
against Spain? You may easily get on board of a king’s ship in quality
of surgeon’s mate, where you will certainly see a great deal of
practice, and stand a good chance of getting prize-money.”
I laid hold of this declaration, which I had long wished for, and
assured him I would follow his advice with pleasure, if it were in my
power; but that it was impossible for me to embrace an opportunity of
that kind, as I had no friend to advance a little money to supply me
with what necessaries I should want, and defray the expenses of my
journey to London. He told me that few necessaries were required; and,
as for the expense of my journey, he would lend me money, sufficient
not only for that purpose, but also to maintain me comfortably in
London until I should procure a warrant for my provision on board of
some ship.
I gave him a thousand thanks for his obliging offer (although I was
very well apprised of his motive, which was no other than a design to
lay the bastard to my charge after my departure), and accordingly set
out in a few weeks for London; my whole fortune consisting of one suit
of clothes, half a dozen ruffled shirts, as many plain, two pair of
worsted and a like number of threaded stockings; a case of pocket
instruments, a small edition of Horace, Wiseman’s Surgery, and ten
guineas in cash; for which Crab took my bond, bearing five per cent
interest; at the same time giving me a letter to a member of parliament
for our town, which he said would do my business effectually.
CHAPTER VIII
I arrive at Newcastle—meet with my old Schoolfellow Strap—we determine
to walk together to London—set out on our Journey—put up at a solitary
Alehouse—are disturbed by a strange Adventure in the Night
There is no such convenience as a waggon in this country, and my
finances were too weak to support the expense of hiring a horse: I
determined therefore to set out with the carriers, who transport goods
from one place to another on horseback; and this scheme I accordingly
put in execution on the 1st day of September, 1739, sitting upon a
pack-saddle between two baskets, one of which contained my goods in a
knapsack. But by the time we arrived at Newcastle-upon-Tyne I was so
fatigued with the tediousness of the carriage, and benumbed with the
coldness of the weather, that I resolved to travel the rest of my
journey on foot, rather than proceed in such a disagreeable manner.
The ostler of the inn at which we put up, understanding I was bound for
London, advised me to take my passage in a collier which would be both
cheap and expeditious and withal much easier than to walk upwards of
three hundred miles through deep roads in the winter time, a journey
which he believed I had not strength enough to perform. I was almost
persuaded to take his advice, when one day, stepping into a barber’s
shop to be shaved, the young man, while he lathered my face, accosted
me thus: “Sir, I presume you are a Scotchman.” I answered in the
affirmative. “Pray,” continued he, “from what part of Scotland?” I no
sooner told him, than he discovered great emotion, and not confining
his operation to my chin and upper lip, besmeared my whole face with
great agitation. I was so offended at this profusion that starting up,
I asked him what the d—l he meant by using me so? He begged pardon,
telling me his joy at meeting with a countryman had occasioned some
confusion in him, and craved my name. But, when I declared my name was
Random, he exclaimed in rapture, “How! Rory Random?” “The same,” I
replied, looking at him with astonishment. “What!” cried he, “don’t you
know your old schoolfellow, Hugh Strap?”
At that instant recollecting his face, I flew into his arms, and in the
transport of my joy, gave him back one-half of the suds he had so
lavishly bestowed on my countenance; so that we made a very ludicrous
appearance, and furnished a great deal of mirth for his master and
shopmates, who were witnesses of this scene. When our mutual caresses
were over I sat down again to be shaved, but the poor fellow’s nerves
were so discomposed by this unexpected meeting that his hand could
scarcely hold the razor, with which, nevertheless, he found means to
cut me in three places in as many strokes. His master, perceiving his
disorder, bade another supply his place, and after the operation was
performed, gave Strap leave to pass the rest of the day with me.
We retired immediately to my lodgings, where, calling for some beer, I
desired to be informed of his adventures, which contained nothing more
than that his master dying before his time was out, he had come to
Newcastle about a year ago, in expectation of journeywork, along with
three young fellows of his acquaintance who worked in the keels; that
he had the good fortune of being employed by a very civil master, with
whom he intended to stay till the spring, at which time he proposed to
go to London, where he did not doubt of finding encouragement. When I
communicated to him my situation and design, he did not approve of my
taking a passage by sea, by reason of the danger of a winter voyage,
which is very hazardous along that coast, as well as the precariousness
of the wind, which might possibly detain me a great while, to the no
small detriment of my fortune; whereas, if I would venture by land, he
would bear me company, carry my baggage all the way, and if we should
be fatigued before we could perform the journey it would be no hard
matter for us to find on the road either return horses or waggons, of
which we might take the advantage for a very trifling expense.
I was so ravished at this proposal that I embraced him affectionately,
and assured him he might command my purse to the last farthing; but he
gave me to understand he had saved money sufficient to answer his own
occasions; and that he had a friend in London who would soon introduce
him into business in that capital, and possibly have it in his power to
serve me also.
Having concerted the plan and settled our affairs that night, we
departed next morning by daybreak, armed with a good cudgel each (my
companion being charged with the furniture of us both crammed into one
knapsack), and our money sewed between the linings and waistbands of
our breeches, except some loose silver for our immediate expenses on
the road, We travelled all day at a round pace, but, being ignorant of
the proper stages, were benighted at a good distance from any inn, so
that we were compelled to take up our lodging at a small hedge
alehouse, that stood on a byroad, about half-a-mile from the highway:
there we found a pedlar of our own country, in whose company we regaled
ourselves with bacon and eggs, and a glass of good ale, before a
comfortable fire, conversing all the while very sociably with the
landlord and his daughter, a hale buxom lass, who entertained us with
great good humour, and in whose affection I was vain enough to believe
I had made some progress. About eight o’clock we were all three, at our
own desire, shown into an apartment furnished with two beds, in one of
which Strap and I betook ourselves to rest, and the pedlar occupied the
other, though not before he had prayed a considerable time extempore,
searched into every corner of the room, and fastened the door on the
inside with a strong iron screw, which he carried about with him for
that use.
I slept very sound till midnight when I was disturbed by a violent
motion of the bed, which shook under me with a continual tremor.
Alarmed at this phenomenon, I jogged my companion, whom, to my no small
amazement, I found drenched in sweat, and quaking through every limb;
he told me, with a low faltering voice, that we were undone; for there
was a bloody highwayman, loaded with pistols, in the next room; then,
bidding me make as little noise as possible, he directed me to a small
chink in the board partition through which I could see a thick-set
brawny fellow, with a fierce countenance, sitting at a table with our
young landlady, having a bottle of ale and a brace of pistols before
him.
I listened with great attention, and heard him say, in a terrible tone,
“D—n that son of a b—h, Smack the coachman; he has served me a fine
trick, indeed! but d—ion seize me, if I don’t make him repent it! I’ll
teach the scoundrel to give intelligence to others while he is under
articles with me.”
Our landlady endeavoured to appease this exasperated robber, by saying
he might be mistaken in Smack, who perhaps kept no correspondence with
the other gentleman that robbed his coach; and that, if an accident had
disappointed him to-day, he might soon find opportunities enough to
atone for his lost trouble. “I’ll tell thee what, my dear Bet,” replied
he, “I never had, nor ever shall, while my name is Rifle, have such a
glorious booty as I missed to-day. Z—s! there was £400 in cash to
recruit men for the king’s service, besides the jewels, watches,
swords, and money belonging to the passengers. Had it been my fortune
to have got clear off with so much treasure, I would have purchased a
commission in the army, and made you an officer’s lady, you jade, I
would.” “Well, well,” cries Betty, “we must trust to Providence for
that. But did you find nothing worth taking which escaped the other
gentlemen of the road?” “Not much, faith,” said the lover; “I gleaned a
few things, such as a pair of pops, silver mounted (here they are): I
took them loaded from the captain who had the charge of the money,
together with a gold watch which he had concealed in his breeches. I
likewise found ten Portugal pieces in the shoes of a quaker, whom the
spirit moved to revile me with great bitterness and devotion; but what
I value myself mostly for is, this here purchase, a gold snuffbox, my
girl, with a picture on the inside of the lid; which I untied out of
the tail of a pretty lady’s smock.”
Here, as the devil would have it, the pedlar snored so loud, that the
highwayman, snatching his pistols, started up, crying, “Hell and d-n-n!