The Adventures of Roderick Random
from engaging in it. He then proposed that I should write something in
the poetical way, which I might dispose of to a bookseller for a pretty
sum of ready money, and, perhaps, establish my own character into the
bargain. This event would infallibly procure friends, and my tragedy
would appear next season to the best advantage, by being supported both
by interest and reputation. I was charmed with this prospect, and
having heard what friends Mr. Pope acquired by his pastorals, set about
a work of that kind, and in less than six weeks composed as many
eclogues, which I forthwith offered to an eminent bookseller, who
desired me to leave them for his perusal, and he would give an answer
in two days. At the end of that time, I went to him, when he returned
the poems, telling me, they would not answer his purpose, and sweetened
his refusal by saying there were some good clever lines in them. Not a
little dejected at this rebuff, which, I learned from Mr. O’Varnish,
was owing to the opinion of another author whom this bookseller always
consulted on these occasions, I applied to another person of the same
profession, who told me the town was cloyed with pastorals, and advised
me, if I intended to profit by my talents, to write something satirical
or luscious, such as the Button Hole, Shockey and Towner, The Leaky
Vessel, etc, and yet this was a man in years, who wore a reverend
periwig, looked like a senator, and went regularly to church. Be that
as it will, I scorned to prostitute my pen in the manner proposed, and
carried my papers to a third, who assured me that poetry was entirely
out of his way; and asked me if I had got never a piece of secret
history, thrown into a series of letters, or a volume of adventures,
such as those of Robinson Crusoe, and Colonel Jack, or a collection of
Conundrums, wherewith to entertain the plantations. Being quite
unfurnished for this dealer, I had recourse to another with as little
success; and I verily believe, was rejected by the whole trade.
“I was afterwards persuaded to offer myself as a translator, and
accordingly repaired to a person who was said to entertain numbers of
that class in his pay; he assured me, he had already a great deal of
that work on his hands, which he did not know what to do with; observed
that translations were a mere drug, that branch of literature being
overstocked with an inundation of authors from North Britain; and asked
what I would expect per sheet for rendering the Latin classics into
English. That I might not make myself too cheap, I determined to set a
high price upon my qualifications, and demanded half-a-guinea for every
translated sheet. “Half-a-guinea!” cried he, staring at me; then paused
a little, and said, he had no occasion for my service at present. I
found my error, and, resolving to make amends, fell one-half in my
demand; upon which he stared at me and told me his hands were full. I
attempted others without finding employment, and was actually reduced
to a very uncomfortable prospect, when I bethought myself of offering
my talents to the printers of half-penny ballads and other such
occasional essays, as are hawked about the streets. With this in view I
applied to one of the most noted and vociferous of this tribe, who
directed me to a person whom I found entertaining a whole crowd of them
with gin, bread, and cheese; he carried me into a little back parlour,
very neatly furnished, where I signified my desire of being enrolled
among his writers; and was asked what kind of composition I professed.
Understanding that my inclination leaned towards poetry, he expressed
his satisfaction, telling me one of his poets had lost his senses, and
was confined in Bedlam, and the other was become dozed with drinking
drams; so that he had not done anything tolerable these many weeks.
When I proposed that we should enter into terms of agreement, he gave
me to understand that his bargains were always conditional, and his
authors paid in proportion to the sale of their works.
“Having therefore settled these conditions, which (I do assure you)
were not very advantageous to me, he assigned me a subject for a
ballad, which was to be finished in two hours; and I retired to my
garret in order to perform his injunction. As the theme happened to
suit my fancy, I completed a pretty sort of an ode within the time
prescribed, and brought it to him, big with hope of profit and
applause. He read it in a twinkling, and, to my utter astonishment,
told me it would not do; though indeed he owned I wrote a good hand,
and spelled very well, but my language was too high flown, and of
consequence not at all adapted to the capacity and taste of his
customers. I promised to rectify that mistake and in half an hour
humbled my style to the comprehension of vulgar readers; he approved of
the alteration, and gave me some hopes of succeeding in time, though he
observed that my performance was very deficient in the quaintness of
expression that pleases the multitude: however, to encourage me, he
ventured the expense of printing and paper, and, if I remember aright,
my share of the sale amounted to fourpence halfpenny.
“From that day I studied the Grub Street manner with great diligence,
and at length became such a proficient that my works were in great
request among the most polite of the chairmen, draymen,
hackney-coachmen, footmen, and servant maids: nay, I have enjoyed the
pleasure of seeing my productions adorned with cuts, pasted upon the
walls as ornaments in beer cellars and cobblers’ stalls; and have
actually heard them sung in clubs of substantial tradesmen—but empty
praise (you know, my dear friend) will not supply the cravings of
nature. I found myself in danger of starving in the midst of all my
fame; for of ten songs I composed, it was well if two had the good
fortune to please. For this reason I turned my thoughts to prose, and,
during a tract of gloomy weather, published an apparition, on the
substance of which I subsisted very comfortably a whole month; I have
made many a good meal upon a monster; a rape has often afforded me
great satisfaction; but a murder, well timed, was my never-failing
resource. What then? I was almost a slave to my employers, who expected
to be furnished at a minute’s warning with prose and verse, just as
they thought the circumstances of the times required, whether the
inclination was absent or present. Upon my sincerity, Mr. Random, I
have been so much pestered and besieged by those children of clamour,
that life became a burden to me.”
CHAPTER LXIII
The Continuation and Conclusion of Mr. Melopoyn’s Story
‘I made shift, notwithstanding, to maintain myself till the beginning
of next winter, when I renewed my addresses to my friend Mr. Supple,
and was most graciously received. “I have been thinking of your affair,
Mr. Melopoyn,” said he, “and am determined to show how far I have your
interest at heart, by introducing you to a young nobleman of my
acquaintance, who is remarkable for his fine taste in dramatic
writings, and is besides a man of such influence that, if once he
should approve of your play, his patronage will support it against all
the efforts of envy and ignorance; for, I do assure you, that merit
alone will not bring success. I have already spoken of your performance
to Lord Rattle, and if you will call at my house in a day or two, you
shall have a letter of introduction to his lordship.” I was sensibly
touched with this mark of Mr. Supple’s friendship; and looking upon my
affair as already done, went home and imparted my good fortune to my
landlord, who, to render my appearance more acceptable to my patron,
procured a suit of new clothes for me on his own credit.
“Not to trouble you with idle particulars, I carried my tragedy to his
lordship’s lodgings, and sent it up along with Mr. Supple’s letter by
one of his servants, who desired me, by his lord’s order, to return in
a week. I did so, and was admitted to his lordship, who received me
very courteously, told me he had perused my play, which he thought, on
the whole, was the best coup d’essai he had ever seen; but that he had
marked some places in the margin, which he imagined might be altered
for the better. I was transported with this reception, and promised
(with many acknowledgments of his lordship’s generosity) to be governed
solely by his advice and direction.”
“Well, then,” said he, “write another fair copy with the alterations I
have proposed, and bring it to me as soon as possible; for I am
resolved to have it brought on the stage this winter.” You may be sure
I set about this task with alacrity; and although I found his
lordship’s remarks much more numerous and of less importance than I
expected, I thought it was not my interest to dispute upon trifles with
my patron; therefore new modelled it according to his desire in less
than a month.
“When I waited upon him with the manuscript, I found one of the actors
at breakfast with his lordship, who immediately introduced him to my
acquaintance, and desired him to read a scene of my play. This task he
performed very much to my satisfaction, with regard to emphasis and
pronunciation; but he signified his disgust at several words in every
page, which I presuming to defend, Lord Rattle told me, with a
peremptory look, I must not pretend to dispute with him, who had been a
player these twenty years, and understood the economy of the stage
better than any man living. I was forced to submit; and his lordship
proposed the same actor should read the whole play in the evening,
before some gentlemen of his acquaintance, whom he would convene to his
lodgings for that purpose.
“I was present at the reading; and I protest to you, my dear friend, I
never underwent such a severe trial in the whole course of my life at
that juncture; for although the player might be a very honest man and a
good performer, he was excessively illiterate and assuming, and made a
thousand frivolous objections, which I was not permitted to answer.
However, the piece was very much applauded on the whole; the gentlemen
present, who, I understood, were men of fortune, promised to
countenance and support it as much as they could; and Lord Rattle,
assuring me that he would act the part of a careful nurse to it,
desired me to carry it home, and alter it immediately according to
their remarks. I was fain to acquiesce in his determination, and
fulfilled his injunctions with all the expedition in my power; but,
before I could present the new copy, my good friend Mr. Supple had
disposed of his property and patent to one Mr. Brayer; so that fresh
interest was to be made with the new manager. This task Lord Rattle
undertook, having some acquaintance with him, and recommended my
performance so strongly that it was received.
“I looked upon myself now as upon the eve of reaping the fruits of all
my labour. I waited a few days in expectation of its being put in
rehearsal, and wondering at the delay, applied to my worthy patron, who
excused Mr. Brayer on account of the multiplicity of business in which
he was involved, and bade me beware of teasing the patentee. I
treasured up this caution, and exerted my particular three weeks
longer; at the end of which his lordship gave me to understand that Mr.
Brayer had read my play, and owned it had indubitable merit; but, as he
had long been pre-engaged to another author, he could not possibly
represent it that season; though, if I would reserve it for the next,
and in the interim make such alterations as he had proposed by
observations on the margin, I might depend upon his compliance.
“Thunderstruck at this disappointment, I could not, for some minutes,
utter one syllable. At length, however, I complained bitterly of the