The Adventures of Roderick Random
pardon for this tedious narration of trivial circumstances, which,
however interesting they may be to me, must certainly be very dry and
insipid to the ear of one unconcerned in the affair. But I understand
the meaning of your looks, and will proceed.
“Well, sir, Mr. Marmozet, upon his return to town, treated me with
uncommon complaisance, and invited me to his lodgings, where he
proposed to communicate his remarks, which, I confess, were more
unfavourable than I expected; but I answered his objections, and, as I
thought, brought him over to my opinion; for, on the whole, he
signified the highest approbation of the performance. In the course of
our dispute, I was not a little surprised to find this poor gentleman’s
memory so treacherous, as to let him forget what he had said to me,
before he went out of town, in regard to Earl Sheerwit’s opinion of my
play, which he now professed himself ignorant of; and I was extremely
mortified at hearing from his own mouth, that his interest with Mr.
Vandal was so very low as to be insufficient of itself to bring a new
piece upon the stage. I then begged his advice, and he counselled me to
apply to Earl Sheerwit, for a message in my favour to the manager, who
would not presume to refuse anything recommended by so great man; and
he was so kind as to promise to second this message with all his power.
I had immediate recourse to the worthy gentlewoman my friend, already
mentioned, who opened the channels of her conveyance with such
expedition, that in a few days I had a promise of the message, provided
I could assure myself of Mr. Vandal’s being unengaged to any other
writer; for his lordship did not choose to condescend so far, until he
should understand that there was a probability (at least) of
succeeding; at the same time that blessed me with this piece of news, I
was startled at another, by the same channel of communication; which
was, that Mr. Marmozet, before he advised me to this application, had
informed the earl that he had read my play, and found it altogether
unfit for the stage. Though I could not doubt the certainty of this
intelligence, I believed there was some inapprehension in the case;
and, without taking any notice of it, told Mr. Marmozet the answer I
had been favoured with; and he promised to ask Mr. Vandal the question
proposed. I waited upon him in a day or two, when he gave me to
understand, that Mr. Vandal having professed himself free of all
engagements, he had put my play into his hands, and represented it as a
piece strongly recommended by Earl Sheerwit, who (he assured him) would
honour him with a message in its favour; and he desired me to call for
an answer at Mr. Vandal’s house in three days. I followed his
directions, and found the manager, who being made acquainted with my
business, owned that Mr. Marmozet had given him a manuscript play, but
denied that he had mentioned Earl Sheerwit’s name. When I informed him
of the circumstances of the affair, he said, he had no engagement with
any author; that he would read my tragedy forthwith; and did not
believe he should venture to reject it in contradiction to his
lordship’s opinion, for which he had the utmost veneration, but put it
into rehearsal without loss of time. I was so much intoxicated with
this encouragement, that I overlooked the mysterious conduct of Mr.
Marmozet, and attended the manager at the time appointed, when, to my
infinite confusion, he pronounced my play improper for the stage, and
rejected it accordingly. As soon as I could recollect myself from the
disorder into which this unexpected refusal had thrown me, I expressed
a desire of hearing his objections, which were so groundless,
indistinct, and unintelligible, that I persuaded myself he had not at
all perused the piece, but had been prompted by somebody whose lessons
he had not rightly retained. However, I have been since informed that
the poor man’s head, which was not naturally very clear, had been
disordered with superstition, and that he laboured under the tyranny of
a wife, and the terrors of hellfire at the same time.
“Precipitated in this manner from the highest pinnacle of hope to the
abyss of despondence, I was ready to sink under the burden of my
affliction, and, in the bitterness of my anguish, could not help
entertaining some doubts of Mr. Marmozet’s integrity, when I
recollected and compared the circumstances of his conduct towards me. I
was encouraged in this suspicion by being told that my Lord Sheerwit
had spoken of his character with great contempt: and, in particular,
resented his insolence in opposing his own taste to that of his
lordship, concerning my tragedy. While I hesitated between different
opinions of the matter, that friend, who (as I told you before) was a
little hot-headed, favoured me with a visit, and, having heard a
circumstantial account of the whole affair, could not contain his
indignation, but affirmed without ceremony that Mr. Marmozet was the
sole occasion of my disappointment; that he acted from first to last
with the most perfidious dissimulation, cajoling me with insinuating
civilities, while he underhand employed all his art and influence to
prejudice the ignorant manager against my performance; that nothing
could equal his hypocrisy but his avarice, which engrossed the
faculties of his soul so much, that he scrupled not to be guilty of the
meanest practices to gratify that sordid appetite; that, in consequence
of this disposition, he had prostituted his honour in betraying my
inexperience, and in undermining the interest of another author of
established reputation, who had also offered a tragedy to the stage,
which he thought would interfere with the success of the comedy he had
bought, and determined to bring on at all events.
“I was shocked at the description of such a monster, which I could not
believe existed in the world, bad as it is, and argued against the
asseverations of my friend, by demonstrating the bad policy of such
behaviour, which could not fail of entailing infamy upon the author;
and the small temptation that a man of Mr. Marmozet’s figure and
success could have to consult his interest in such a grovelling manner,
which must create contempt and abhorrence of him in his patrons, and
effectually deprive him of the countenance and protection he now enjoys
in such an eminent degree. He pretended to laugh at my simplicity, and
asked, if I knew for which of his virtues he was so much caressed by
the people of fashion. “It is not,” said he, “for the qualities of his
heart, that this little parasite is invited to the tables of dukes and
lords, who hire extraordinary cooks for his entertainment. His avarice
they see not, his ingratitude they feel not, his hypocrisy accommodates
itself to their humours, and is of consequence pleasing; but he is
chiefly courted for his buffoonery, and will be admitted into the
choicest parties of quality for his talent of mimicking Punch and his
wife Joan, when a poet of the most excellent genius is not able to
attract the least regard.” God forbid, Mr. Random, that I should credit
assertions that degrade the dignity of our superiors so much, and
represent the poor man as the most abject of all beings! No, I looked
upon them as the hyperboles of passion; and though that comedy of which
he spoke did actually appear, I dare not doubt the innocence of Mr.
Marmozet, who, I am told, is as much as ever in favour with the earl; a
circumstance that, surely, could not be, unless he had vindicated his
character to the satisfaction of his lordship. Pray forgive this long
digression, and give me the hearing a little longer; for, thank heaven!
I am now near the goal.
“Baffled in all my attempts, I despaired of seeing my play acted; and
bethought myself of choosing some employment that might afford a sure,
though mean subsistence; but my landlord, to whom I was by this time
considerably indebted, and who had laid his account with having his
money paid all in a heap from the profits of my third night, could not
brook his disappointment, therefore made another effort in my behalf,
and, by dint of interest, procured a message from a lady of fashion to
Mr. Brayer, who had always professed a great veneration for her,
desiring that he would set up my play forthwith, and assuring him that
she and all her friends would support it in the performance. To
strengthen my interest, she engaged his best actors in my cause; and,
in short, exerted herself so much, that it was again received, and my
hopes began to revive. But Mr. Brayer, honest man, was so much
engrossed by business of vast consequence, though to appearance he had
nothing at all to do, that he could not find time to read it until the
season was pretty far advanced; and read it he must, for
notwithstanding his having perused it before, his memory did not retain
one circumstance of the matter.
“At length he favoured it with his attention, and having proposed
certain alterations, sent his duty to the lady who patronised it, and
promised, on his honour, to bring it on next winter, provided these
alterations should be made, and the copy delivered to him before the
end of April. With an aching heart, I submitted to these conditions,
and performed them accordingly: but fortune owed me another unforeseen
mortification; Mr. Marmozet, during the summer, became joint patentee
with Mr. Brayer, so that when I claimed performance of articles, I was
told he could do nothing without the consent of his partner, who was
pre-engaged to another author.
“My condition was rendered desperate by the death of my good friend and
landlord, whose executors obtained a judgment against my effects, which
they seized, turned me out into the streets naked, friendless, and
forlorn: there I was arrested at the suit of my tailor, and thrown into
the prison, where I have made shift to live these five weeks on the
bounty of my fellow prisoners, who, I hope, are not the worse for the
instruction and good offices by which I manifest my gratitude; but in
spite of all their charitable endeavours, my life was scarce tolerable,
until your uncommon benevolence enabled me to enjoy it with comfort.”
CHAPTER LXIV
I am seized with a deep Melancholy, and become a Sloven—am relieved by
my Uncle—he prevails upon me to engage with his Owners, as a Surgeon of
the Ship which he commands—he makes me a considerable Present—entertain
Strap as his steward—I take leave of my Friends, and go on Board—the
Ship arrives in the Downs
I shall not make any reflection on this story, in the course of which
the reader must perceive how egregiously the simplicity and milky
disposition of this worthy man had been duped and abused by a set of
scoundrels, who were so habituated to falsehood and equivocation, that
I verily believed they would have found the utmost difficulty in
uttering one syllable of truth, though their lives had depended upon
their sincerity. Notwithstanding all I had suffered from the knavery
and selfishness of mankind, I was amazed and incensed by the base
indifference which suffered such uncommon merit as he possessed to
languish in obscurity, and struggle with all the miseries of a
loathsome gaol; and should have blessed the occasion that secluded me
from such a perfidious world, had not the remembrance of my amiable
Narcissa preserved my attachment to a society of which she constituted
a part. The picture of that lovely creature was the constant companion
of my solitude. How often did I contemplate the resemblance of those
enchanting features that first captivated my heart! how often did I
weep over those endearing scenes which her image recalled! and how
often did I curse my perfidious fate for having robbed me of the fair
original! In vain did my imagination flatter me with schemes of future