The Book of the Courtier
show him who loves her every token of love except such as may imbue her
lover’s mind with the hope of obtaining something wanton from her. And
it is necessary to give great heed to this, for it is an errour
committed by countless women, who commonly desire nothing more than to
be beautiful: and since to have many lovers seems to them proof of their
beauty, they take every pain] to get as many as they can. Thus they are
often carried into reckless behaviour, and forsaking that temperate
modesty which so becomes them, they employ certain pert looks with
scurrile words and acts full of immodesty, thinking that they are gladly
seen and listened to for this and that by such ways they make themselves
loved: which is false; for the demonstrations that are made to them
spring from desire excited by a belief in their willingness, not from
love. Wherefore I wish that my Court Lady may not by wanton behaviour
seem to offer herself to anyone who wants her and to do her best to lure
the eyes and appetite of all who look upon her, but that by her merits
and virtuous conduct, by her loveliness, by her grace, she may imbue the
mind of all who see her with that true love which is due to all things
lovable, and with that respect which always deprives him of hope who
thinks of any wantonness.
“Moreover, he who is loved by such a woman ought to content himself with
her every slightest demonstration, and to prize a single loving look
from her more than complete possession of any other woman; and to such a
Lady I should not know how to add anything, unless to have her loved by
so excellent a Courtier as these gentlemen have described, and to have
her love him also, to the end that they may both attain their complete
perfection.”
58.—Having thus far spoken, my lord Magnifico was silent; whereupon my
lord Gaspar said, laughing:
“Now, in sooth, you will not be able to complain that my lord Magnifico
has not described a most excellent Court Lady; and henceforth, if such
an one is found, I admit that she deserves to be esteemed the Courtier’s
equal.”
My lady Emilia replied:
“I engage to find her, provided you will find the Courtier.”
Messer Roberto added:
“Verily it cannot be denied that the Lady described by my lord Magnifico
is most perfect: nevertheless, as to those last conditions of love,
methinks he has made her a little too austere, especially when he would
have her deprive her lover of all hope, by words, gestures and
behaviour, and do all she can to plunge the man in despair. For as
everyone knows, human desires do not spend themselves upon those things
whereof there is not some hope. And although a few women may have indeed
been found, haughty perhaps by reason of their beauty and worth, whose
first word to anyone who paid them court was that he must never expect
to have anything from them that he wished,—yet afterwards they have been
a little more gracious to him in look and manner, so that by their
kindly acts they have somewhat tempered their haughty words. But if this
Lady by acts and words and manner removes all hope, I think our
Courtier, if he is wise, will never love her; and thus she will have the
imperfection of being without a lover.”
59.—Then the Magnifico said:
“I do not wish my Court Lady to remove hope of everything, but only of
wanton things, which (if the Courtier be as courteous and discreet as
these gentlemen have described him) he will not only not hope for, but
will not even wish for. Because if the beauty, behaviour, cleverness,
goodness, knowledge, modesty, and the many other worthy qualities that
we have given the Lady, are the cause of the Courtier’s love for her,
the end of his love will necessarily be worthy too: and if nobility,
excellence in arms and letters and music, if gentleness and the
possession of so many graces in speech and conversation, be the means
whereby the Courtier is to win the lady’s love, the end of that love
must needs be of like quality with the means whereby it is attained.
“Moreover, just as there are divers sorts of beauty in the world, so too
there are divers tastes in men; and thus it happens that when they see a
woman of that serious beauty, which (whether she be going or staying or
joking or jesting or doing what you will) always so tempers her whole
behaviour as to induce a certain reverence in anyone who looks upon
her,—many are abashed and dare not serve her; and lured by hope, they
oftener love attractive and enticing women, so soft and tender as to
display in words and acts and looks a certain languourous passion that
promises easily to pass and be changed into love.
“To be safe against deceits, some men love another sort of women, who
are so free of eye and word and movement as to do the first thing that
comes into their mind with a certain simplicity which does not hide
their thoughts. Nor are there lacking other generous souls,
who—(esteeming that worth is shown in difficulty, and that it would be a
victory most sweet to conquer what to others seems unconquerable), in
order to give proof that their valour is able to force a stubborn mind
and persuade to love even wills that are contrary and recusant
thereto,—readily turn to love the beauties of those women who by eyes
and words and behaviour show more austere severity than the others.
Wherefore these men who are so self-confident, and who account
themselves secure against being deceived, willingly love certain women
also who by cunning and art seem to conceal a thousand wiles with
beauty; or else some others, who along with their beauty have a
coquettishly disdainful manner of few words and few laughs, with almost
an air of prizing little every man who looks upon them or serves them.
“Then there are certain other men who deign to love only those women who
in face and speech and every movement carry all elegance, all gentle
manners, all knowledge, and all the graces heaped together,—like a
single flower composed of all the excellences in the world. Thus if my
Court Lady have a dearth of those loves that spring from evil hope, she
will not on that account be left without a lover; for she will not lack
those loves that spring both from her merits and from her lovers’
confidence in their own worth, whereby they will know themselves to be
worthy of being loved by her.”
60.—Messer Roberto still objected, but my lady Duchess held him in the
wrong, supporting my lord Magnifico’s argument; then she continued:
“We have no cause to complain of my lord Magnifico, for I truly think
that the Court Lady described by him may stand on a par with the
Courtier, and even with some advantage; for he has taught her how to
love, which these gentlemen did not do for their Courtier.”
Then the Unico Aretino said:
“It is very fitting to teach women how to love, for rarely have I seen
any that knew how: since they nearly all accompany their beauty with
cruelty and ingratitude towards those who serve them most faithfully and
deserve the reward of their love by nobility of birth, gentleness and
worth; and then they often give themselves a prey to men who are very
silly, base, and of small account, and who not only love them not, but
hate them.
“So, to avoid such grievous errours as these, perhaps it was well to
teach them first how to make choice of a man who shall deserve to be
loved, and then how to love him; which is not needful in the case of
men, who know it but too well of themselves. And here I can be a good
witness; for love was never taught me save by the divine beauty and
divinest behaviour of a Lady whom it was beyond my power not to adore,
wherein I had no need of art or any master;[425] and I think that the
same happens with all who love truly. Hence it were fitting to teach the
Courtier how to make himself loved rather than how to love.”
61.—Here my lady Emilia said:
“Then discourse of this now, my lord Unico.”
The Unico replied:
“Methinks reason would require that ladies’ favour should be won by
serving and pleasing them; but by what they deem themselves served and
pleased, I think must needs be learned from ladies themselves, who often
desire things so strange that there is no man who would imagine the
same, and sometimes they do not themselves know what they desire. Hence
it is right that you, my Lady, who are a woman and so must surely know
what pleases women, should undertake this task, to do the world so great
a benefit.”
Then my lady Emilia said:
“The very great favour that you always find with women is good proof
that you know all the ways by which their grace is won; hence it is
quite fitting that you should teach them.”
“My Lady,” replied the Unico, “I could give a lover no more useful
warning than to look to it that you have no influence over the lady
whose favour he seeks; for such good qualities as the world once thought
were in me, together with the sincerest love that ever was, have not had
so much power to make me loved as you have to make me hated.”
62.—Then my lady Emilia replied:
“My lord Unico, God forbid that I should even think, much less do,
anything to make you hated; for besides doing what I ought not, I should
be esteemed of little sense for attempting the impossible. But since you
urge me thus to speak of that which pleases women, I will speak; and if
you shall be displeased, blame yourself for it.
“I think, then, that whoever would be loved must love and be lovable;
and that these two things suffice to win women’s favour.
“Now to answer that which you accuse me of, I say that everyone knows
and sees that you are very lovable; but whether you love as sincerely as
you say, I am very much in doubt, and perhaps the others too. For your
being too lovable has brought it to pass that you have been loved by
many women: and great rivers divided into many parts become little
streams; so love, bestowed upon more than one object, has little
strength. But these continual laments of yours, and complaints of
ingratitude in the women you have served (which is not probable, in view
of your great merits), are a certain sort of mystery to hide the
favours, contentments and pleasures attained by you in love, and to
assure the women who love you and have given themselves to you, that you
will not betray them; and hence also they are content that you should
thus openly display feigned love for others to hide their real love for
you. So, if the women whom you now pretend to love are not so ready to
believe it as you would like, the reason is because this artfulness of
yours in love is beginning to be understood, not because I make you
hated.”
63.—Then my lord Unico said:
“I do not wish to try again to confute your words, because I at last
perceive that it is as much my fate not to be believed when I say truth,
as it is yours to be believed when you say untruth.”
“Say rather, my lord Unico,” replied by lady Emilia, “that you do not
love as you would have us believe; for if you loved, all your desire
would be to please your beloved lady and to wish what she wishes,
because this is the law of love; but your thus complaining of her
denotes some deceit, as I said, or indeed gives proof that you wish what
she does not wish.”
“Nay,” said my lord Unico, “indeed I wish what she wishes, which is
proof that I love her; but I complain that she does not wish what I
wish, which is a token that she loves me not, according to that same
rule that you have cited.”
My lady Emilia replied:
“He who begins to love ought also to begin to please his beloved and
bend himself wholly to her wishes, and govern his by hers; and make his
own desires her slaves, and his very soul like unto an obedient
handmaid, nor ever think of aught but to let it be transformed, if
possible, into that of his beloved, and to account this as his highest