The Book of the Courtier
drink, and hold them for men of slight account, and would not love them
for all the gold in the world, thinking that to love them would be to
stand lower than all the other women who loved them not.
“Still others are so silly that for the purpose of bringing odium upon
some rival of theirs, they say in the presence of women: ‘So and So is
the luckiest man on earth; for although he is not at all handsome,
discreet or valiant, and cannot do or say more than the rest, yet all
the women love him and run after him;’ and thus showing themselves to be
envious of the man’s good luck, they incite belief that (although he
shows himself to be lovable in neither looks nor acts) he has in him
some hidden quality for which he deserves so many women’s love; hence
those who hear him thus spoken of are by this belief even much more
moved to love him.”
71.—Then Count Ludovico laughed, and said:
“I assure you that the discreet Courtier will never use these
stupidities to win favour with women.”
Messer Cesare Gonzaga replied:
“Nor yet that one which was used in my time by a gentleman of great
repute, whose name for the honour of men I will not mention.”
My lady Duchess replied:
“At least tell what he did.”
Messer Cesare continued:
“Being loved by a great lady, at her request he came secretly to the
place where she was; and after he had seen her and conversed with her as
long as she and the time allowed, taking his leave with many bitter
tears and sighs, in token of the extreme sorrow that he felt at such a
parting, he besought her to keep him continually in mind; and then he
added that she ought to pay his board and lodging, for as he had been
invited by her, it seemed to him reasonable that he should be at no
charge for his coming.”
Then all the ladies began to laugh and to say that he was quite unworthy
to be called a gentleman; and many of the men were ashamed, with that
shame which the man himself would have rightly felt if he had at any
time found wit enough to be conscious of such a shameful fault.
My lord Gaspar then turned to messer Cesare, and said:
“It was better to refrain from telling this thing for the honour of
women, than to refrain for the honour of men from naming him; for you
can well imagine what good judgment that great lady had in loving such a
senseless animal, and also that of the many who served her perhaps she
had chosen this one as the most discreet, forsaking and misliking men
whose lackey he was unworthy to be.”
Count Ludovico laughed, and said:
“Who knows that he was not discreet in other things, and failed only as
to board and lodging? But many times men commit great follies in their
excessive love; and if you will say the truth, perhaps it has befallen
you to commit more than one.”
72.—Messer Cesare replied, laughing:
“By your faith, do not expose our errours.”
“Nay, it is necessary to expose them,” replied my lord Gaspar, “in order
that we may know how to correct them;” then he added: “My lord
Magnifico, now that the Courtier knows how to win and maintain his
lady’s favour and to deprive his rival of it, you must teach him how to
keep his love affairs secret.”
The Magnifico replied:
“Methinks I have said enough; so now choose someone else to speak of
this secrecy.”
Then messer Bernardo and all the others began to urge him anew; and the
Magnifico said, laughing:
“You wish to tempt me. All of you are too well practised in love: yet if
you would know more, go read it in Ovid.”
“And how,” said messer Bernardo, “should I hope that his precepts are of
any service in love, when he recommends and says it is a very good thing
that a man should pretend to be drunk in the presence of the
beloved?[427] See what a fine way of winning favour! And he cites as a
fine method of making one’s love known to a lady at a banquet, to dip a
finger in wine and write it on the table.”[428]
The Magnifico replied, laughing:
“In those days it was not amiss.”
“And therefore,” said messer Bernardo, “since such a filthy trick as
this was not offensive to the men of that time, we may believe that they
did not have so gentle a manner of serving women in love as we have. But
let us not forsake our first subject, of teaching how to keep love
secret.”
73.—Then the Magnifico said:
“In my opinion, in order to keep love secret it is needful to avoid the
causes that make it public, which are many; but there is one chief
cause, which is the wish to be too secret and not trust any person
whatever. For every lover desires to make his passion known to his
beloved, and being alone he is forced to make many more and stronger
demonstrations than if he were aided by some loving and faithful friend;
because the demonstrations that the lover himself makes arouse much
greater suspicion than those he makes through intermediaries. And since
the human mind is naturally curious to find things out, as soon as a
stranger begins to suspect, he employs such diligence that he learns the
truth, and having learned it, makes no scruple to publish it—nay,
sometimes delights to do so; which is not the case with a friend, who
besides helping with comfort and advice, often repairs those mistakes
which the blind lover commits, and always contrives secrecy and provides
for many things for which he himself cannot provide. Moreover very great
relief is felt in telling our passion and unburdening it to a trusty
friend, and likewise it greatly enhances our joys to be able to impart
them.”
74.—Then my lord Gaspar said:
“Another cause discloses love more than this.”
“And what is it?” replied the Magnifico.
My lord Gaspar continued:
“The vain ambition joined with madness and cruelty of women; who, as you
yourself have said, try to have as great a number of lovers as they can,
and if it were possible would have all of these burn and (once made
ashes) after death return alive to die once more. And even although they
be in love, still they delight in their lover’s torment, because they
think that pain and afflictions and continual calling for death give
good proof that they are loved, and can, by their beauty, make men
wretched and happy, and bestow death and life, as they please. Hence
they feed only on this food, and are so eager for it that (in order not
to be without it) they do not satisfy or ever quite dishearten their
lovers; but to keep these continually in anguish and desire, they use a
certain domineering severity of threats mingled with encouragement, and
fain would have a word, a look, a nod of theirs esteemed as highest
bliss. And to be deemed modest and chaste, not only by their lovers but
by all the rest, they take care to make their harsh and discourteous
behaviour public, to the end that everyone may think that if they thus
maltreat those who are worthy to be loved, they must treat the unworthy
much worse.
“And in this belief, thinking they thus have artfully made themselves
secure against infamy, they often spend every night with vilest men whom
they scarcely know; and so, to enjoy the calamities and continual
laments of some noble cavalier whom they love, they deny themselves
those pleasures which they might perhaps attain with some excuse; and
they are the cause that forces the poor lover in sheer desperation to
behaviour which brings to light that which every care ought to be taken
to keep most secret.
“Some others there are, who, if by trickery they succeed in leading many
a man to think himself loved by them, nourish the jealousy of each by
bestowing caresses and favour on one in the presence of another; and
when they see that he too whom they most love is nearly sure of being
loved because of the demonstrations shown him, they often put him in
suspense by ambiguous words and pretended anger, and pierce his heart,
feigning to care nothing for him and to wish to give themselves wholly
to another; whence arise hatreds, enmities and countless scandals and
manifest ruin, for in such a case a man must show the passion that he
feels, even though it result in blame and infamy to the lady.
“Others, not content with this single torment of jealousy, after the
lover has given all proofs of love and faithful service, and after they
have received the same with some sign of returning it with good will,
they begin to draw back without cause and when it is least expected, and
pretend to believe that he has grown lukewarm, and feigning new
suspicions that they are not loved, they give sign of wishing to break
with him absolutely. And so, because of these obstacles, the poor fellow
is by very force compelled to go back to the start and pay court as if
his service were beginning; and daily to walk the earth, and when the
lady stirs abroad to accompany her to church and everywhere she goes,
never to turn his eyes another way: and now he returns to plaints and
sighs and heaviness of heart, and if he can speak with her, to
supplications, blasphemies, despairings, and all those ragings to which
unhappy lovers are put by these fierce monsters, who have a greater
thirst for blood than tigers have.
75.—“Such woeful demonstrations as these are but too much seen and
known, and often more by others than by her who occasions them; and thus
in a few days they become so public that not a step can be taken, nor
the least signal given, that is not noted by a thousand eyes. Then it
happens that long before there are any sweets of love between them, they
are believed and judged by all the world; for when women see that the
lover, now nigh to death and overwhelmed by the cruelty and tortures
inflicted on him, is firmly and really resolving to withdraw, they at
once begin to show him that they love him heartily, and to do him all
manner of kindness, and to yield to him, to the end that (his ardent
desire having failed) the fruits of love may be less sweet to him and he
may have less to thank them for, in order to do everything amiss.
“And their love being now very well known, at the same time all the
results that proceed from it are also very well known; thus the women
are dishonoured, and the lover finds that he has lost time and pains and
has shortened his life in sorrows, without the least advantage or
pleasure; for he attained his desires, not when they would have made him
very happy with their pleasantness, but when he cared little or nothing
for them, because his heart was already so deadened by his cruel passion
that it had no feeling left wherewith to enjoy the delight or
contentment which was offered him.”
76.—Then my lord Ottaviano said, laughing:
“You held your peace awhile and refrained from saying evil of women;
then you hit them so hard that it seems as if you were gathering
strength, like those who draw back in order to strike the harder; and
verily you are in the wrong and ought henceforth to be gentler.”
My lady Emilia laughed, and turning to my lady Duchess, said:
“You see, my Lady, that our adversaries are beginning to quarrel and
differ among themselves.”
“Call me not so,” replied my lord Ottaviano, “for I am not your
adversary. This contest has displeased me much, not because I was sorry
to see the victory in favour of women, but because it has led my lord
Gaspar to revile them more than he ought, and my lord Magnifico and
messer Cesare to praise them perhaps a little more than their due;
besides which, owing to the length of the discussion, we have missed
hearing many other fine things that remained to say about the Courtier.”
“You see,” said my lady Emilia, “that you are our adversary after all;
and for that reason you are displeased with the late discussion, and
fain would not have had so excellent a Court Lady described; not because
you had anything more to say about the Courtier (for these gentlemen