The Decameron of Giovanni Boccaccio
it hath flown away?' Quoth Calandrino, 'It is as I tell thee.' 'Good
lack,' repeated Bruno, 'can it be?' 'Certes,' replied Calandrino, 'it
is so, more by token that I am undone and know not how I shall return
home. My wife will never believe me; or even if she do, I shall have
no peace with her this year to come.' Quoth Bruno, 'So God save me,
this is ill done, if it be true; but thou knowest, Calandrino, I
lessoned thee yesterday to say thus and I would not have thee at once
cozen thy wife and us.' Therewithal Calandrino fell to crying out and
saying, 'Alack, why will you drive me to desperation and make me
blaspheme God and the Saints? I tell you the pig was stolen from me
yesternight.'
Then said Buffalmacco, 'If it be so indeed, we must cast about for a
means of having it again, an we may contrive it.' 'But what means,'
asked Calandrino, 'can we find?' Quoth Buffalmacco, 'We may be sure
that there hath come none from the Indies to rob thee of thy pig; the
thief must have been some one of thy neighbors. An thou canst make
shift to assemble them, I know how to work the ordeal by bread and
cheese and we will presently see for certain who hath had it.' 'Ay,'
put in Bruno, 'thou wouldst make a fine thing of bread and cheese with
such gentry as we have about here, for one of them I am certain hath
had the pig, and he would smoke the trap and would not come.' 'How,
then, shall we do?' asked Buffalmacco, and Bruno said, 'We must e'en
do it with ginger boluses and good vernage[383] and invite them to
drink. They will suspect nothing and come, and the ginger boluses can
be blessed even as the bread and cheese.' Quoth Buffalmacco, 'Indeed,
thou sayst sooth. What sayst thou, Calandrino? Shall's do 't?' 'Nay,'
replied the gull, 'I pray you thereof for the love of God; for, did I
but know who hath had it, I should hold myself half consoled.' 'Marry,
then,' said Bruno, 'I am ready to go to Florence, to oblige thee, for
the things aforesaid, so thou wilt give me the money.' Now Calandrino
had maybe forty shillings, which he gave him, and Bruno accordingly
repaired to Florence to a friend of his, a druggist, of whom he bought
a pound of fine ginger boluses and caused compound a couple of
dogballs with fresh confect of hepatic aloes; after which he let cover
these latter with sugar, like the others, and set thereon a privy mark
by which he might very well know them, so he should not mistake them
nor change them. Then, buying a flask of good vernage, he returned to
Calandrino in the country and said to him, 'Do thou to-morrow morning
invite those whom thou suspectest to drink with thee; it is a holiday
and all will willingly come. Meanwhile, Buffalmacco and I will
to-night make the conjuration over the pills and bring them to thee
to-morrow morning at home; and for the love of thee I will administer
them myself and do and say that which is to be said and done.'
[Footnote 383: _i.e._ white wine, see p. 372, note.]
Calandrino did as he said and assembled on the following morning a
goodly company of such young Florentines as were presently about the
village and of husbandmen; whereupon Bruno and Buffalmacco came with a
box of pills and the flask of wine and made the folk stand in a ring.
Then said Bruno, 'Gentlemen, needs must I tell you the reason
wherefore you are here, so that, if aught betide that please you not,
you may have no cause to complain of me. Calandrino here was robbed
yesternight of a fine pig, nor can he find who hath had it; and for
that none other than some one of us who are here can have stolen it
from him, he proffereth each of you, that he may discover who hath had
it, one of these pills to eat and a draught of wine. Now you must know
that he who hath had the pig will not be able to swallow the pill;
nay, it will seem to him more bitter than poison and he will spit it
out; wherefore, rather than that shame be done him in the presence of
so many, he were better tell it to the parson by way of confession and
I will proceed no farther with this matter.'
All who were there declared that they would willingly eat of the
pills, whereupon Bruno ranged them in order and set Calandrino among
them; then, beginning at one end of the line, he proceeded to give
each his bolus, and whenas he came over against Calandrino, he took
one of the dogballs and put it into his hand. Calandrino clapped it
incontinent into his mouth and began to chew it; but no sooner did his
tongue taste the aloes, than he spat it out again, being unable to
brook the bitterness. Meanwhile, each was looking other in the face,
to see who should spit out his bolus, and whilst Bruno, not having
made an end of serving them out, went on to do so, feigning to pay no
heed to Calandrino's doing, he heard say behind him, 'How now,
Calandrino? What meaneth this?' Whereupon he turned suddenly round and
seeing that Calandrino had spat out his bolus, said, 'Stay, maybe
somewhat else hath caused him spit it out. Take another of them.'
Then, taking the other dogball, he thrust it into Calandrino's mouth
and went on to finish giving out the rest. If the first ball seemed
bitter to Calandrino, the second was bitterer yet; but, being ashamed
to spit it out, he kept it awhile in his mouth, chewing it and
shedding tears that seemed hazel-nuts so big they were, till at last,
unable to hold out longer, he cast it forth, like as he had the first.
Meanwhile Buffalmacco and Bruno gave the company to drink, and all,
seeing this, declared that Calandrino had certainly stolen the pig
from himself; nay, there were those there who rated him roundly.
After they were all gone, and the two rogues left alone with
Calandrino, Buffalmacco said to him, 'I still had it for certain that
it was thou tookst the pig thyself and wouldst fain make us believe
that it had been stolen from thee, to escape giving us one poor while
to drink of the monies thou hadst for it.' Calandrino, who was not yet
quit of the bitter taste of the aloes, began to swear that he had not
had it, and Buffalmacco said, 'But in good earnest, comrade, what
gottest thou for it? Was it six florins?' Calandrino, hearing this,
began to wax desperate, and Bruno said, 'Harkye, Calandrino, there was
such an one in the company that ate and drank with us, who told me
that thou hast a wench over yonder, whom thou keepest for thy pleasure
and to whom thou givest whatsoever thou canst scrape together, and
that he held it for certain that thou hadst sent her the pig. Thou
hast learned of late to play pranks of this kind; thou carriedst us
off t'other day down the Mugnone, picking up black stones, and whenas
thou hadst gotten us aboard ship without biscuit,[384] thou madest off
and wouldst after have us believe that thou hadst found the magic
stone; and now on like wise thou thinkest, by dint of oaths, to make
us believe that the pig, which thou hast given away or more like sold,
hath been stolen from thee. But we are used to thy tricks and know
them; thou shalt not avail to play us any more of them, and to be
plain with thee, since we have been at pains to make the conjuration,
we mean that thou shalt give us two pairs of capons; else will we
tell Mistress Tessa everything.' Calandrino, seeing that he was not
believed and himseeming he had had vexation enough, without having his
wife's scolding into the bargain, gave them two pairs of capons, which
they carried off to Florence, after they had salted the pig, leaving
Calandrino to digest the loss and the flouting as best he might."
[Footnote 384: _i.e._ embarked on a bootless quest.]
THE SEVENTH STORY
[Day the Eighth]
A SCHOLAR LOVETH A WIDOW LADY, WHO, BEING ENAMOURED OF
ANOTHER, CAUSETH HIM SPEND ONE WINTER'S NIGHT IN THE SNOW
AWAITING HER, AND HE AFTER CONTRIVETH, BY HIS SLEIGHT, TO
HAVE HER ABIDE NAKED, ALL ONE MID-JULY DAY, ON THE SUMMIT OF
A TOWER, EXPOSED TO FLIES AND GADS AND SUN
The ladies laughed amain at the unhappy Calandrino and would have
laughed yet more, but that it irked them to see him fleeced of the
capons, to boot, by those who had already robbed him of the pig. But,
as soon as the end of the story was come, the queen charged Pampinea
tell hers, and she promptly began thus: "It chanceth oft, dearest
ladies, that craft is put to scorn by craft and it is therefore a sign
of little wit to delight in making mock of others. We have, for
several stories, laughed amain at tricks that have been played upon
folk and whereof no vengeance is recorded to have been taken; but I
purpose now to cause you have some compassion of a just retribution
wreaked upon a townswoman of ours, on whose head her own cheat
recoiled and was retorted well nigh unto death; and the hearing of
this will not be without profit unto you, for that henceforward you
will the better keep yourselves from making mock of others, and in
this you will show great good sense.
Not many years ago there was in Florence, a young lady, by name Elena,
fair of favour and haughty of humour, of very gentle lineage and
endowed with sufficient abundance of the goods of fortune, who, being
widowed of her husband, chose never to marry again, for that she was
enamoured of a handsome and agreeable youth of her own choice, and
with the aid of a maid of hers, in whom she put great trust, being
quit of every other care, she often with marvellous delight gave
herself a good time with him. In these days it chanced that a young
gentleman of our city, by name Rinieri, having long studied in Paris,
not for the sake of after selling his knowledge by retail, as many do,
but to know the nature of things and their causes, the which
excellently becometh a gentleman, returned thence to Florence and
there lived citizen-fashion, much honoured as well for his nobility as
for his learning. But, as it chanceth often that those, who have the
most experience of things profound, are the soonest snared of love,
even so it befell this Rinieri; for, having one day repaired, by way
of diversion, to an entertainment, there presented herself before his
eyes the aforesaid Elena, clad all in black, as our widows go, and
full, to his judgment, of such beauty and pleasantness as himseemed he
had never beheld in any other woman; and in his heart he deemed that
he might call himself blest whom God should vouchsafe to hold her
naked in his arms. Then, furtively considering her once and again and
knowing that great things and precious were not to be acquired without
travail, he altogether determined in himself to devote all his pains
and all his diligence to the pleasing her, to the end that thereby he
might gain her love and so avail to have his fill of her.
The young lady, (who kept not her eyes fixed upon the nether world,
but, conceiting herself as much and more than as much as she was,
moved them artfully hither and thither, gazing all about, and was
quick to note who delighted to look upon her,) soon became aware of
Rinieri and said, laughing, in herself, 'I have not come hither in
vain to-day; for, an I mistake not, I have caught a woodcock by the
bill.' Accordingly, she fell to ogling him from time to time with the
tail of her eye and studied, inasmuch as she might, to let him see
that she took note of him, thinking that the more men she allured and
ensnared with her charms, so much the more of price would her beauty
be, especially to him on whom she had bestowed it, together with her
love. The learned scholar, laying aside philosophical speculations,
turned all his thoughts to her and thinking to please her, enquired
where she lived and proceeded to pass to and fro before her house,
colouring his comings and goings with various pretexts, whilst the
lady, idly glorying in this, for the reason already set out, made
believe to take great pleasure in seeing him. Accordingly, he found