The Decameron of Giovanni Boccaccio
perversions of the names Ipocrasso (Hippocrates) and Avicenna.]
On this wise he bespoke him at one time and another, to enkindle him
the more, till one night, what while it chanced my lord doctor held
the light to Bruno, who was in act to paint the battle of the rats and
the cats, the former, himseeming he had now well taken him with his
hospitalities, determined to open his mind to him, and accordingly,
they being alone together, he said to him, 'God knoweth, Bruno, there
is no one alive for whom I would do everything as I would for thee;
indeed, shouldst thou bid me go hence to Peretola, methinketh it would
take little to make me go thither; wherefore I would not have thee
marvel if I require thee of somewhat familiarly and with confidence.
As thou knowest, it is no great while since thou bespokest me of the
fashions of your merry company, wherefore so great a longing hath
taken me to be one of you that never did I desire aught so much. Nor
is this my desire without cause, as thou shalt see, if ever it chance
that I be of your company; for I give thee leave to make mock of me an
I cause not come thither the finest serving-wench thou ever setst eyes
on. I saw her but last year at Cacavincigli and wish her all my
weal;[402] and by the body of Christ, I had e'en given her half a
score Bolognese groats, so she would but have consented to me; but she
would not. Wherefore, as most I may, I prithee teach me what I must do
to avail to be of your company and do thou also do and contrive so I
may be thereof. Indeed, you will have in me a good and loyal comrade,
ay, and a worshipful. Thou seest, to begin with, what a fine man I am
and how well I am set up on my legs. Ay, and I have a face as it were
a rose, more by token that I am a doctor of medicine, such as I
believe you have none among you. Moreover, I know many fine things and
goodly canzonets; marry, I will sing you one.' And incontinent he fell
a-singing.
[Footnote 402: _i.e._ love her beyond anything in the world. For
former instances of this idiomatic expression, see ante, passim.]
Bruno had so great a mind to laugh that he was like to burst; however
he contained himself and the physician, having made an end of his
song, said, 'How deemedst thou thereof?' 'Certes,' answered Bruno,
'there's no Jew's harp but would lose with you, so archigothically do
you caterwarble it.' Quoth Master Simone, 'I tell thee thou wouldst
never have believed it, hadst thou not heard me.' 'Certes,' replied
Bruno, 'you say sooth!' and the physician went on, 'I know store of
others; but let that be for the present. Such as thou seest me, my
father was a gentleman, albeit he abode in the country, and I myself
come by my mother of the Vallecchio family. Moreover, as thou mayst
have seen, I have the finest books and gowns of any physician in
Florence. Cock's faith, I have a gown that stood me, all reckoned, in
nigh upon an hundred pounds of doits, more than half a score years
ago; wherefore I pray thee as most I may, to bring me to be of your
company, and by Cock's faith, an thou do it, thou mayst be as ill as
thou wilt, for I will never take a farthing of thee for my services.'
Bruno, hearing this and the physician seeming to him a greater
numskull than ever, said, 'Doctor, hold the light a thought more this
way and take patience till I have made these rats their tails, and
after I will answer you.' The tails being finished, Bruno made believe
that the physician's request was exceeding irksome to him and said,
'Doctor mine, these be great things you would do for me and I
acknowledge it; nevertheless, that which you ask of me, little as it
may be for the greatness of your brain, is yet to me a very grave
matter, nor know I any one in the world for whom, it being in my
power, I would do it, an I did it not for you, both because I love you
as it behoveth and on account of your words, which are seasoned with
so much wit that they would draw the straps out of a pair of boots,
much more me from my purpose; for the more I consort with you, the
wiser you appear to me. And I may tell you this, to boot, that, though
I had none other reason, yet do I wish you well, for that I see you
enamoured of so fair a creature as is she of whom you speak. But this
much I will say to you; I have no such power in this matter as you
suppose and cannot therefore do for you that which were behoving;
however, an you will promise me, upon your solemn and surbated[403]
faith, to keep it me secret, I will tell you the means you must use
and meseemeth certain that, with such fine books and other gear as you
tell me you have, you will gain your end.'
[Footnote 403: Syn. cauterized (_calterita_), a nonsensical word
employed by Bruno for the purpose of mystifying the credulous
physician.]
Quoth the doctor, 'Say on in all assurance; I see thou art not yet
well acquainted with me and knowest not how I can keep a secret. There
be few things indeed that Messer Guasparruolo da Saliceto did, whenas
he was judge of the Provostry at Forlimpopoli, but he sent to tell me,
for that he found me so good a secret-keeper.[404] And wilt thou judge
an I say sooth? I was the first man whom he told that he was to marry
Bergamina: seest thou now?' 'Marry, then,' rejoined Bruno, 'all is
well; if such a man trusted in you, I may well do so. The course you
must take is on this wise. You must know that we still have to this
our company a captain and two counsellors, who are changed from six
months to six months, and without fail, at the first of the month,
Buffalmacco will be captain and I shall be counsellor; for so it is
settled. Now whoso is captain can do much by way of procuring
whomsoever he will to be admitted into the company; wherefore
meseemeth you should seek, inasmuch as you may, to gain Buffalmacco's
friendship and do him honour. He is a man, seeing you so wise, to fall
in love with you incontinent, and whenas with your wit and with these
fine things you have you shall have somedele ingratiated yourself with
him, you can make your request to him; he will not know how to say you
nay. I have already bespoken him of you and he wisheth you all the
weal in the world; and whenas you shall have done this, leave me do
with him.' Quoth the physician, 'That which thou counsellest liketh me
well. Indeed, an he be a man who delighteth in men of learning and
talketh but with me a little, I will engage to make him go still
seeking my company, for that, as for wit, I have so much thereof that
I could stock a city withal and yet abide exceeding wise.'
[Footnote 404: Syn. secretary, confidant (_segretaro_).]
This being settled, Bruno imparted the whole matter to Buffalmacco,
wherefore it seemed to the latter a thousand years till they should
come to do that which this arch-zany went seeking. The physician, who
longed beyond measure to go a-roving, rested not till he made friends
with Buffalmacco, which he easily succeeded in doing, and therewithal
he fell to giving him, and Bruno with him, the finest suppers and
dinners in the world. The two painters, like the accommodating
gentlemen they were, were nothing loath to engage with him and having
once tasted the excellent wines and fat capons and other good things
galore, with which he plied them, stuck very close to him and ended by
quartering themselves upon him, without awaiting overmuch invitation,
still declaring that they would not do this for another. Presently,
whenas it seemed to him time, the physician made the same request to
Buffalmacco as he had made Bruno aforetime; whereupon Buffalmacco
feigned himself sore chagrined and made a great outcry against Bruno,
saying, 'I vow to the High God of Pasignano that I can scarce withhold
myself from giving thee such a clout over the head as should cause thy
nose drop to thy heels, traitor that thou art; for none other than
thou hath discovered these matters to the doctor.'
Master Simone did his utmost to excuse Bruno, saying and swearing that
he had learned the thing from another quarter, and after many of his
wise words, he succeeded in pacifying Buffalmacco; whereupon the
latter turned to him and said, 'Doctor mine, it is very evident that
you have been at Bologna and have brought back a close mouth to these
parts; and I tell you moreover that you have not learnt your A B C on
the apple as many blockheads are fain to do; nay, you have learned it
aright on the pumpkin, that is so long;[405] and if I mistake not,
you were baptized on a Sunday.[406] And albeit Bruno hath told me
that you told me that you studied medicine there, meseemeth you
studied rather to learn to catch men, the which you, with your wit and
your fine talk, know better to do than any man I ever set eyes on.'
Here the physician took the words out of his mouth and breaking in,
said to Bruno, 'What a thing it is to talk and consort with learned
men! Who would so have quickly apprehended every particular of my
intelligence as hath this worthy man? Thou didst not half so speedily
become aware of my value as he; but, at the least, that which I told
thee, whenas thou saidst to me that Buffalmacco delighted in learned
men, seemeth it to thee I have done it?' 'Ay hast thou,' replied
Bruno, 'and better.'
[Footnote 405: A play of words upon _mela_ (apple) and _mellone_
(pumpkin). _Mellone_ is strictly a water-melon; but I have rendered it
"pumpkin," to preserve the English idiom, "pumpkinhead" being our
equivalent for the Italian "melon," used in the sense of dullard,
noodle.]
[Footnote 406: According to the commentators, "baptized on a Sunday"
anciently signified a simpleton, because salt (which is constantly
used by the Italian classical writers as a synonym for wit or sense)
was not sold on Sundays.]
Then said the doctor to Buffalmacco, 'Thou wouldst have told another
tale, hadst thou seen me at Bologna, where there was none, great or
small, doctor or scholar, but wished me all the weal in the world, so
well did I know to content them all with my discourse and my wit. And
what is more, I never said a word there, but I made every one laugh,
so hugely did I please them; and whenas I departed thence, they all
set up the greatest lament in the world and would all have had me
remain there; nay, to such a pass came it for that I should abide
there, that they would have left it to me alone to lecture on medicine
to as many students as were there; but I would not, for that I was
e'en minded to come hither to certain very great heritages which I
have here and which have still been in my family; and so I did.' Quoth
Bruno to Buffalmacco, 'How deemest thou? Thou believedst me not,
whenas I told it thee. By the Evangels, there is not a leach in these
parts who is versed in asses' water to compare with this one, and
assuredly thou wouldst not find another of him from here to Paris
gates. Marry, hold yourself henceforth [if you can,] from doing that
which he will.' Quoth Master Simone, 'Bruno saith sooth; but I am not
understood here. You Florentines are somewhat dull of wit; but I would
have you see me among the doctors, as I am used to be.' 'Verily,
doctor,' said Buffalmacco, 'you are far wiser than I could ever have
believed; wherefore to speak to you as it should be spoken to scholars
such as you are, I tell you, cut-and-slash fashion,[407] I will
without fail procure you to be of our company.'
[Footnote 407: Syn. confusedly (_frastagliatamente_).]
After this promise the physician redoubled in his hospitalities to the
two rogues, who enjoyed themselves [at his expense,] what while they
crammed him with the greatest extravagances in the world and fooled
him to the top of his bent, promising him to give him to mistress the
Countess of Jakes,[408]who was the fairest creature to be found in
all the back-settlements of the human generation. The physician