The Decameron of Giovanni Boccaccio
and said to his wife, 'Come, cover me well, for I feel myself sore
disordered.' Then, laying himself down, he despatched his water by a
little maid to Master Simone, who then kept shop in the Old Market, at
the sign of the Pumpkin, whilst Bruno said to his comrades, 'Abide you
here with him, whilst I go hear what the doctor saith and bring him
hither, if need be.' 'Ay, for God's sake, comrade mine,' cried
Calandrino, 'go thither and bring me back word how the case standeth,
for I feel I know not what within me.'
Accordingly, Bruno posted off to Master Simone and coming thither
before the girl who brought the water, acquainted him with the case;
wherefore, the maid being come and the physician, having seen the
water, he said to her, 'Begone and bid Calandrino keep himself well
warm, and I will come to him incontinent and tell him that which
aileth him and what he must do.' The maid reported this to her master
nor was it long before the physician and Bruno came, whereupon the
former, seating himself beside Calandrino, fell to feeling his pulse
and presently, the patient's wife being there present, he said,
'Harkye, Calandrino, to speak to thee as a friend, there aileth thee
nought but that thou art with child.' When Calandrino heard this, he
fell a-roaring for dolour and said, 'Woe's me! Tessa, this is thy
doing, for that thou wilt still be uppermost; I told thee how it would
be.' The lady, who was a very modest person, hearing her husband speak
thus, blushed all red for shamefastness and hanging her head, went out
of the room, without answering a word; whilst Calandrino, pursuing his
complaint, said, 'Alack, wretch that I am! How shall I do? How shall I
bring forth this child? Whence shall he issue? I see plainly I am a
dead man, through the mad lust of yonder wife of mine, whom God make
as woeful as I would fain be glad! Were I as well as I am not, I would
arise and deal her so many and such buffets that I would break every
bone in her body; albeit it e'en serveth me right, for that I should
never have suffered her get the upper hand; but, for certain, an I
come off alive this time, she may die of desire ere she do it again.'
Bruno and Buffalmacco and Nello were like to burst with laughter,
hearing Calandrino's words; however, they contained themselves, but
Doctor Simple-Simon[427] laughed so immoderately that you might have
drawn every tooth in his head. Finally, Calandrino commending himself
to the physician and praying him give him aid and counsel in this his
strait, the latter said to him, 'Calandrino, I will not have thee lose
heart; for, praised be God, we have taken the case so betimes that, in
a few days and with a little trouble, I will deliver thee thereof; but
it will cost thee some little expense.' 'Alack, doctor mine,' cried
Calandrino, 'ay, for the love of God, do it! I have here two hundred
crowns, wherewith I was minded to buy me an estate; take them all, if
need be, so I be not brought to bed; for I know not how I should do,
seeing I hear women make such a terrible outcry, whereas they are
about to bear child, for all they have ample commodity therefor, that
methinketh, if I had that pain to suffer, I should die ere I came to
the bringing forth.' Quoth the doctor, 'Have no fear of that; I will
let make thee a certain ptisan of distilled waters, very good and
pleasant to drink, which will in three mornings' time carry off
everything and leave thee sounder than a fish; but look thou be more
discreet for the future and suffer not thyself fall again into these
follies. Now for this water it behoveth us have three pairs of fine
fat capons, and for other things that are required thereanent, do thou
give one of these (thy comrades) five silver crowns, so he may buy
them, and let carry everything to my shop; and to-morrow, in God's
name, I will send thee the distilled water aforesaid, whereof thou
shalt proceed to drink a good beakerful at a time.' 'Doctor mine,'
replied Calandrino, 'I put myself in your hands'; and giving Bruno
five crowns and money for three pairs of capons, he besought him to
oblige him by taking the pains to buy these things.
[Footnote 427: _Scimmione_ (lit. ape), a contemptuous distortion of
_Simone_.]
The physician then took his leave and letting make a little
clary,[428] despatched it to Calandrino, whilst Bruno, buying the
capons and other things necessary for making good cheer, ate them in
company with his comrades and Master Simone. Calandrino drank of his
clary three mornings, after which the doctor came to him, together
with his comrades, and feeling his pulse, said to him, 'Calandrino,
thou art certainly cured; wherefore henceforth thou mayst safely go
about thine every business nor abide longer at home for this.'
Accordingly, Calandrino arose, overjoyed, and went about his
occasions, mightily extolling, as often as he happened to speak with
any one, the fine cure that Master Simone had wrought of him, in that
he had unbegotten him with child in three days' time, without any
pain; whilst Bruno and Buffalmacco and Nello abode well pleased at
having contrived with this device to overreach his niggardliness,
albeit Dame Tessa, smoking the cheat, rated her husband amain
thereanent."
[Footnote 428: _Chiarea._ According to the commentators, the
composition of this drink is unknown, but that of clary, a sort of
hippocras or spiced wine _clear-strained_ (whence the name), offers no
difficulty to the student of old English literature.]
THE FOURTH STORY
[Day the Ninth]
CECCO FORTARRIGO GAMETH AWAY AT BUONCONVENTO ALL HIS GOOD
AND THE MONIES OF CECCO ANGIOLIERI [HIS MASTER;] MOREOVER,
RUNNING AFTER THE LATTER, IN HIS SHIRT, AND AVOUCHING THAT
HE HATH ROBBED HIM, HE CAUSETH HIM BE TAKEN OF THE
COUNTRYFOLK; THEN, DONNING ANGIOLIERI'S CLOTHES AND MOUNTING
HIS PALFREY, HE MAKETH OFF AND LEAVETH THE OTHER IN HIS
SHIRT
Calandrino's speech concerning his wife had been hearkened of all the
company with the utmost laughter; then, Filostrato being silent,
Neifile, as the queen willed it, began, "Noble ladies, were it not
uneather for men to show forth unto others their wit and their worth
than it is for them to exhibit their folly and their vice, many would
weary themselves in vain to put a bridle on their tongues; and this
hath right well been made manifest to you by the folly of Calandrino,
who had no call, in seeking to be made whole of the ailment in which
his simplicity caused him believe, to publish the privy diversions of
his wife; and this hath brought to my mind somewhat of contrary
purport to itself, to wit, a story of how one man's knavery got the
better of another's wit, to the grievous hurt and confusion of the
over-reached one, the which it pleaseth me to relate to you.
There were, then, in Siena, not many years ago, two (as far as age
went) full-grown men, each of whom was called Cecco. One was the son
of Messer Angiolieri and the other of Messer Fortarrigo, and albeit in
most other things they sorted ill of fashions one with the other, they
were natheless so far of accord in one particular, to wit, that they
were both hated of their fathers, that they were by reason thereof
grown friends and companied often together. After awhile, Angiolieri,
who was both a handsome man and a well-mannered, himseeming he could
ill live at Siena of the provision assigned him of his father and
hearing that a certain cardinal, a great patron of his, was come into
the Marches of Ancona as the Pope's Legate, determined to betake
himself to him, thinking thus to better his condition. Accordingly,
acquainting his father with his purpose, he took order with him to
have at once that which he was to give him in six months, so he might
clothe and horse himself and make an honourable figure. As he went
seeking some one whom he might carry with him for his service, the
thing came to Fortarrigo's knowledge, whereupon he presently repaired
to Angiolieri and besought him, as best he knew, to carry him with
him, offering himself to be to him lackey and serving-man and all,
without any wage beyond his expenses paid. Angiolieri answered that he
would nowise take him, not but he knew him to be right well sufficient
unto every manner of service, but for that he was a gambler and
bytimes a drunkard, to boot. But the other replied that he would
without fail keep himself from both of these defaults and affirmed it
unto him with oaths galore, adding so many prayers that Angiolieri was
prevailed upon and said that he was content.
Accordingly, they both set out one morning and went to dine at
Buonconvento, where, after dinner, the heat being great, Angiolieri
let make ready a bed at the inn and undressing himself, with
Fortarrigo's aid, went to sleep, charging the latter call him at the
stroke of none. As soon as his master was asleep, Fortarrigo betook
himself to the tavern and there, after drinking awhile, he fell to
gaming with certain men, who in a trice won of him some money he had
and after, the very clothes he had on his back; whereupon, desirous of
retrieving himself, he repaired, in his shirt as he was, to
Angiolieri's chamber and seeing him fast asleep, took from his purse
what monies he had and returning to play, lost these as he had lost
the others. Presently, Angiolieri awoke and arising, dressed himself
and enquired for Fortarrigo. The latter was not to be found and
Angiolieri, concluding him to be asleep, drunken, somewhere, as was
bytimes his wont, determined to leave him be and get himself another
servant at Corsignano. Accordingly, he caused put his saddle and his
valise on a palfrey he had and thinking to pay the reckoning, so he
might get him gone, found himself without a penny; whereupon great was
the outcry and all the hostelry was in an uproar, Angiolieri declaring
that he had been robbed there and threatening to have the host and all
his household carried prisoners to Siena.
At this moment up came Fortarrigo in his shirt, thinking to take his
master's clothes, as he had taken his money, and seeing the latter
ready to mount, said, 'What is this, Angiolieri? Must we needs be gone
already? Good lack, wait awhile; there will be one here forthwith who
hath my doublet in pawn for eight-and-thirty shillings; and I am
certain that he will render it up for five-and-thirty, money down.' As
he spoke, there came one who certified Angiolieri that it was
Fortarrigo who had robbed him of his monies, by showing him the sum of
those which the latter had lost at play; wherefore he was sore
incensed and loaded Fortarrigo with reproaches; and had he not feared
others more than he feared God, he had done him a mischief; then,
threatening to have him strung up by the neck or outlawed from Siena,
he mounted to horse. Fortarrigo, as if he spoke not to him, but to
another, said, 'Good lack, Angiolieri, let be for the nonce this talk
that skilleth not a straw, and have regard unto this; by redeeming
it[429] forthright, we may have it again for five-and-thirty
shillings; whereas, if we tarry but till to-morrow, he will not take
less than the eight-and-thirty he lent me thereon; and this favour he
doth me for that I staked it after his counsel. Marry, why should we
not better ourselves by these three shillings?'
[Footnote 429: _i.e._ the doublet.]
Angiolieri, hearing him talk thus, lost all patience (more by token
that he saw himself eyed askance by the bystanders, who manifestly
believed, not that Fortarrigo had gamed away his monies, but that he
had yet monies of Fortarrigo's in hand) and said to him, 'What have I
to do with thy doublet? Mayst thou be strung up by the neck, since not
only hast thou robbed me and gambled away my money, but hinderest me
to boot in my journey, and now thou makest mock of me.' However,