The Decameron of Giovanni Boccaccio
wind) _instrument_, a sort of primitive violoncello with one string.]
[Footnote 433: "Your teeth did dance like virginal jacks."--_Ben
Jonson._]
Calandrino, hearing this, fancied himself already at it and went
singing and skipping, so overjoyed that he was like to jump out of his
skin. On the morrow, having brought the rebeck, he, to the great
diversion of all the company, sang sundry songs thereto; and in brief,
he was taken with such an itch for the frequent seeing of her that he
wrought not a whit, but ran a thousand times a day, now to the window,
now to the door and anon into the courtyard, to get a look at her,
whereof she, adroitly carrying out Bruno's instructions, afforded him
ample occasion. Bruno, on his side, answered his messages in her name
and bytimes brought him others as from her; and whenas she was not
there, which was mostly the case, he carried him letters from her,
wherein she gave him great hopes of compassing his desire, feigning
herself at home with her kinsfolk, where he might not presently see
her. On this wise, Bruno, with the aid of Buffalmacco, who had a hand
in the matter, kept the game afoot and had the greatest sport in the
world with Calandrino's antics, causing him give them bytimes, as at
his mistress's request, now an ivory comb, now a purse and anon a
knife and such like toys, for which they brought him in return divers
paltry counterfeit rings of no value, with which he was vastly
delighted; and to boot, they had of him, for their pains, store of
dainty collations and other small matters of entertainment, so they
might be diligent about his affairs.
On this wise they kept him in play good two months, without getting a
step farther, at the end of which time, seeing the work draw to an end
and bethinking himself that, an he brought not his amours to an issue
in the meantime, he might never have another chance thereof, he began
to urge and importune Bruno amain; wherefore, when next the girl came
to the mansion, Bruno, having first taken order with her and Filippo
of what was to be done, said to Calandrino, 'Harkye, gossip, yonder
lady hath promised me a good thousand times to do that which thou
wouldst have and yet doth nought thereof, and meseemeth she leadeth
thee by the nose; wherefore, since she doth it not as she promiseth,
we will an it like thee, make her do it, will she, nill she.' 'Ecod,
ay!' answered Calandrino. 'For the love of God let it be done
speedily.' Quoth Bruno, 'Will thy heart serve thee to touch her with a
script I shall give thee?' 'Ay, sure,' replied Calandrino; and the
other, 'Then do thou make shift to bring me a piece of virgin
parchment and a live bat, together with three grains of frankincense
and a candle that hath been blessed by the priest, and leave me do.'
Accordingly, Calandrino lay in wait all the next night with his
engines to catch a bat and having at last taken one, carried it to
Bruno, with the other things required; whereupon the latter,
withdrawing to a chamber, scribbled divers toys of his fashion upon
the parchment, in characters of his own devising, and brought it to
him, saying, 'Know, Calandrino, that, if thou touch her with this
script, she will incontinent follow thee and do what thou wilt.
Wherefore, if Filippo should go abroad anywhither to-day, do thou
contrive to accost her on some pretext or other and touch her; then
betake thyself to the barn yonder, which is the best place here for
thy purpose, for that no one ever frequenteth there. Thou wilt find
she will come thither, and when she is there, thou knowest well what
thou hast to do.' Calandrino was the joyfullest man alive and took the
script, saying, 'Gossip, leave me do.'
Now Nello, whom Calandrino mistrusted, had as much diversion of the
matter as the others and bore a hand with them in making sport of him:
wherefore, of accord with Bruno, he betook himself to Florence to
Calandrino's wife and said to her, 'Tessa, thou knowest what a
beating Calandrino gave thee without cause the day he came back, laden
with stones from the Mugnone; wherefore I mean to have thee avenge
thyself on him; and if thou do it not, hold me no more for kinsman or
for friend. He hath fallen in love with a woman over yonder, and she
is lewd enough to go very often closeting herself with him. A little
while agone, they appointed each other to foregather together this
very day; wherefore I would have thee come thither and lie in wait for
him and chastise him well.' When the lady heard this, it seemed to her
no jesting matter, but, starting to her feet, she fell a-saying,
'Alack, common thief that thou art, is it thus that thou usest me? By
Christ His Cross, it shall not pass thus, but I will pay thee
therefor!' Then, taking her mantle and a little maid to bear her
company, she started off at a good round pace for the mansion,
together with Nello.
As soon as Bruno saw the latter afar off, he said to Filippo, 'Here
cometh our friend'; whereupon the latter, betaking himself whereas
Calandrino and the others were at work, said, 'Masters, needs must I
go presently to Florence; work with a will.' Then, going away, he hid
himself in a place when he could, without being seen, see what
Calandrino should do. The latter, as soon as he deemed Filippo
somewhat removed, came down into the courtyard and finding Niccolosa
there alone, entered into talk with her, whilst she, who knew well
enough what she had to do, drew near him and entreated him somewhat
more familiarly than of wont. Thereupon he touched her with the script
and no sooner had he done so than he turned, without saying a word,
and made for the barn, whither she followed him. As soon as she was
within, she shut the door and taking him in her arms, threw him down
on the straw that was on the floor; then, mounting astride of him and
holding him with her hands on his shoulders, without letting him draw
near her face, she gazed at him, as he were her utmost desire, and
said, 'O sweet my Calandrino, heart of my body, my soul, my treasure,
my comfort, how long have I desired to have thee and to be able to
hold thee at my wish! Thou hast drawn all the thread out of my shift
with thy gentilesse; thou hast tickled my heart with thy rebeck. Can
it be true that I hold thee?' Calandrino, who could scarce stir, said,
'For God's sake, sweet my soul, let me buss thee.' 'Marry,' answered
she, 'thou art in a mighty hurry. Let me first take my fill of looking
upon thee; let me sate mine eyes with that sweet face of thine.'
Now Bruno and Buffalmacco were come to join Filippo and all three
heard and saw all this. As Calandrino was now offering to kiss
Niccolosa perforce, up came Nello with Dame Tessa and said, as soon as
he reached the place, 'I vow to God they are together.' Then, coming
up to the door of the barn, the lady, who was all a-fume with rage,
dealt it such a push with her hands that she sent it flying, and
entering, saw Niccolosa astride of Calandrino. The former, seeing the
lady, started up in haste and taking to flight, made off to join
Filippo, whilst Dame Tessa fell tooth and nail upon Calandrino, who
was still on his back, and clawed all his face; then, clutching him
by the hair and haling him hither and thither, 'Thou sorry shitten
cur,' quoth she, 'dost thou then use me thus? Besotted dotard that
thou art, accursed be the weal I have willed thee! Marry, seemeth it
to thee thou hast not enough to do at home, that thou must go
wantoning it in other folk's preserves? A fine gallant, i'faith! Dost
thou not know thyself, losel that thou art? Dost thou not know
thyself, good for nought? Wert thou to be squeezed dry, there would
not come as much juice from thee as might suffice for a sauce. Cock's
faith, thou canst not say it was Tessa that was presently in act to
get thee with child, God make her sorry, who ever she is, for a scurvy
trull as she must be to have a mind to so fine a jewel as thou!'
Calandrino, seeing his wife come, abode neither dead nor alive and had
not the hardihood to make any defence against her; but, rising, all
scratched and flayed and baffled as he was, and picking up his bonnet,
he fell to humbly beseeching her leave crying out, an she would not
have him cut in pieces, for that she who had been with him was the
wife of the master of the house; whereupon quoth she, 'So be it, God
give her an ill year.' At this moment, Bruno and Buffalmacco, having
laughed their fill at all this, in company with Filippo and Niccolosa,
came up, feigning to be attracted by the clamour, and having with no
little ado appeased the lady, counselled Calandrino betake himself to
Florence and return thither no more, lest Filippo should get wind of
the matter and do him a mischief. Accordingly he returned to Florence,
chapfallen and woebegone, all flayed and scratched, and never ventured
to go thither again; but, being plagued and harassed night and day
with his wife's reproaches, he made an end of his fervent love, having
given much cause for laughter to his companions, no less than to
Niccolosa and Filippo."
THE SIXTH STORY
[Day the Ninth]
TWO YOUNG GENTLEMEN LODGE THE NIGHT WITH AN INNKEEPER,
WHEREOF ONE GOETH TO LIE WITH THE HOST'S DAUGHTER, WHILST
HIS WIFE UNWITTINGLY COUCHETH WITH THE OTHER; AFTER WHICH HE
WHO LAY WITH THE GIRL GETTETH HIM TO BED WITH HER FATHER AND
TELLETH HIM ALL, THINKING TO BESPEAK HIS COMRADE.
THEREWITHAL THEY COME TO WORDS, BUT THE WIFE, PERCEIVING HER
MISTAKE, ENTERETH HER DAUGHTER'S BED AND THENCE WITH CERTAIN
WORDS APPEASETH EVERYTHING
Calandrino, who had otherwhiles afforded the company matter for
laughter, made them laugh this time also, and whenas the ladies had
left devising of his fashions, the queen bade Pamfilo tell, whereupon
quoth he, "Laudable ladies, the name of Niccolosa, Calandrino's
mistress, hath brought me back to mind a story of another Niccolosa,
which it pleaseth me to tell you, for that therein you shall see how a
goodwife's ready wit did away a great scandal.
In the plain of Mugnone there was not long since a good man who gave
wayfarers to eat and drink for their money, and although he was poor
and had but a small house, he bytimes at a pinch gave, not every one,
but sundry acquaintances, a night's lodging. He had a wife, a very
handsome woman, by whom he had two children, whereof one was a fine
buxom lass of some fifteen or sixteen years of age, who was not yet
married, and the other a little child, not yet a year old, whom his
mother herself suckled. Now a young gentleman of our city, a sprightly
and pleasant youth, who was often in those parts, had cast his eyes on
the girl and loved her ardently; and she, who gloried greatly in being
beloved of a youth of his quality, whilst studying with pleasing
fashions to maintain him in her love, became no less enamoured of him,
and more than once, by mutual accord, this their love had had the
desired effect, but that Pinuccio (for such was the young man's name)
feared to bring reproach upon his mistress and himself. However, his
ardour waxing from day to day, he could no longer master his desire to
foregather with her and bethought himself to find a means of
harbouring with her father, doubting not, from his acquaintance with
the ordinance of the latter's house, but he might in that event
contrive to pass the night in her company, without any being the
wiser; and no sooner had he conceived this design than he proceeded
without delay to carry it into execution.
Accordingly, in company with a trusty friend of his called Adriano,
who knew his love, he late one evening hired a couple of hackneys and
set thereon two pairs of saddle-bags, filled belike with straw, with
which they set out from Florence and fetching a compass, rode till