The Decameron of Giovanni Boccaccio
table, made for a stair that stood near at hand and under which, hard
by the stairfoot, was a closure of planks, wherein to bestow all
manner things, as we see those do every day who set their houses in
order. Himseeming it was from this that came the noise of sneezing, he
opened a little door that was therein and no sooner had he done this
than there issued forth thereof the frightfullest stench of sulphur
that might be. Somewhat of this smell had already reached us and we
complaining thereof, the lady had said, "It is because I was but now
in act to bleach my veils with sulphur and after set the pan, over
which I had spread them to catch the fumes, under the stair, so that
it yet smoketh thereof."
As soon as the smoke was somewhat spent, Ercolano looked into the
cupboard and there espied him who had sneezed and who was yet in act
to sneeze, for that the fumes of the sulphur constrained him thereto,
and indeed they had by this time so straitened his breast that, had he
abidden a while longer, he had never sneezed nor done aught else
again. Ercolano, seeing him, cried out, "Now, wife, I see why, whenas
we came hither awhile ago, we were kept so long at the door, without
its being opened to us; but may I never again have aught that shall
please me, an I pay thee not for this!" The lady, hearing this and
seeing that her sin was discovered, stayed not to make any excuse, but
started up from table and made off I know not whither. Ercolano,
without remarking his wife's flight, again and again bade him who
sneezed come forth; but the latter, who was now at the last gasp,
offered not to stir, for all that he could say; whereupon, taking him
by one foot, he haled him forth of his hiding-place and ran for a
knife to kill him; but I, fearing the police on mine own account,
arose and suffered him not to slay him or do him any hurt; nay, crying
out and defending him, I gave the alarm to certain of the neighbours,
who ran thither and taking the now half-dead youth, carried him forth
the house I know not whither. Wherefore, our supper being disturbed by
these things, I have not only not despatched it, nay, I have, as I
said, not even tasted it.'
The lady, hearing this, knew that there were other women as wise as
herself, albeit illhap bytimes betided some of them thereof, and would
fain have defended Ercolano's wife with words; but herseeming that, by
blaming others' defaults, she might make freer way for her own, she
began to say, 'Here be fine doings! A holy and virtuous lady indeed
she must be! She, to whom, as I am an honest woman, I would have
confessed myself, so spiritually minded meseemed she was! And the
worst of it is that she, being presently an old woman, setteth a
mighty fine example to the young. Accursed by the hour she came into
the world and she also, who suffereth herself to live, perfidious and
vile woman that she must be, the general reproach and shame of all the
ladies of this city, who, casting to the winds her honour and the
faith plighted to her husband and the world's esteem, is not ashamed
to dishonour him, and herself with him, for another man, him who is
such a man and so worshipful a citizen and who used her so well! So
God save me, there should be no mercy had of such women as she; they
should be put to death; they should be cast alive into the fire and
burned to ashes.' Then, bethinking her of her gallant, whom she had
hard by under the coop, she began to exhort Pietro to betake himself
to bed, for that it was time; but he, having more mind to eat than to
sleep, enquired if there was aught for supper. 'Supper, quotha!'
answered the lady. 'Truly, we are much used to get supper, whenas thou
art abroad! A fine thing, indeed! Dost thou take me for Ercolano's
wife? Alack, why dost thou not go to sleep for to-night? How far
better thou wilt do!' Now it chanced that, certain husbandmen of
Pietro's being come that evening with sundry matters from the farm and
having put up their asses, without watering them, in a little stable
adjoining the shed, one of the latter, being sore athirst, slipped his
head out of the halter and making his way out of the stable, went
smelling to everything, so haply he might find some water, and going
thus, he came presently full on the hen-coop, under which was the
young man. The latter having, for that it behoved him abide on all
fours, put out the fingers of one hand on the ground beyond the coop,
such was his luck, or rather let us say, his ill luck, that the ass
set his hoof on them, whereupon the youth, feeling an exceeding great
pain, set up a terrible outcry. Pietro, hearing this, marvelled and
perceived that the noise came from within the house; wherefore he went
out into the shed and hearing the other still clamouring, for that the
ass had not lifted up his hoof from his fingers, but still trod hard
upon them, said, 'Who is there?' Then, running to the hen-coop, he
raised it and espied the young man, who, beside the pain he suffered
from his fingers that were crushed by the ass's hoof, was all
a-trembling for fear lest Pietro should do him a mischief.
The latter, knowing him for one whom he had long pursued for his lewd
ends, asked him what he did there, whereto he answered him nothing,
but prayed him for the love of God do him no harm. Quoth Pietro,
'Arise and fear not that I will do thee any hurt; but tell me how thou
comest here and for what purpose.' The youth told him all, whereupon
Pietro, no less rejoiced to have found him than his wife was woeful,
taking him by the hand, carried him into the chamber, where the lady
awaited him with the greatest affright in the world, and seating
himself overagainst her, said, 'But now thou cursedst Ercolano's wife
and avouchedst that she should be burnt and that she was the disgrace
of all you women; why didst thou not speak of thyself? Or, an thou
choosedst not to speak of thyself, how could thy conscience suffer
thee to speak thus of her, knowing thyself to have done even as did
she? Certes, none other thing moved thee thereunto save that you women
are all made thus and look to cover your own doings with others'
defaults; would fire might come from heaven to burn you all up,
perverse generation that you are!'
The lady, seeing that, in the first heat of the discovery, he had done
her no harm other than in words and herseeming she saw that he was all
agog with joy for that he held so goodly a stripling by the hand, took
heart and said, 'Of this much, indeed, I am mighty well assured, that
thou wouldst have fire come from heaven to burn us women all up,
being, as thou art, as fain to us as a dog to cudgels; but, by Christ
His cross, thou shalt not get thy wish. However, I would fain have a
little discourse with thee, so I may know of what thou complainest.
Certes, it were a fine thing an thou shouldst seek to even me with
Ercolano's wife, who is a beat-breast, a smell-sin,[289] and hath of
her husband what she will and is of him held dear as a wife should be,
the which is not the case with me. For, grant that I am well clad and
shod of thee, thou knowest but too well how I fare for the rest and
how long it is since thou hast lain with me; and I had liefer go
barefoot and rags to my back and be well used of thee abed than have
all these things, being used as I am of thee. For understand plainly,
Pietro; I am a woman like other women and have a mind unto that which
other women desire; so that, an I procure me thereof, not having it
from thee, thou hast no call to missay of me therefor; at the least, I
do thee this much honour that I have not to do with horseboys and
scald-heads.'
[Footnote 289: _i.e._ a hypocritical sham devotee, covering a lewd
life with an appearance of sanctity.]
Pietro perceived that words were not like to fail her for all that
night; wherefore, as one who recked little of her, 'Wife,' said he,
'no more for the present; I will content thee aright of this matter;
but thou wilt do us a great courtesy to let us have somewhat to sup
withal, for that meseemeth this lad, like myself, hath not yet
supped.' 'Certes, no,' answered the lady, 'he hath not yet supped; for
we were sitting down to table, when thou camest in thine ill hour.'
'Go, then,' rejoined Pietro, 'contrive that we may sup, and after I
will order this matter on such wise that thou shalt have no cause to
complain.' The lady, finding that her husband was satisfied, arose and
caused straightway reset the table; then, letting bring the supper she
had prepared, she supped merrily in company with her caitiff of a
husband and the young man. After supper, what Pietro devised for the
satisfaction of all three hath escaped my mind; but this much I know
that on the following morning the youth was escorted back to the
public place, not altogether certain which he had the more been that
night, wife or husband. Wherefore, dear my ladies, this will I say to
you, 'Whoso doth it to you, do you it to him'; and if you cannot
presently, keep it in mind till such time as you can, so he may get as
good as he giveth."
* * * * *
Dioneo having made an end of his story, which had been less laughed at
by the ladies [than usual], more for shamefastness than for the little
delight they took therein, the queen, seeing the end of her sovranty
come, rose to her feet and putting off the laurel crown, set it
blithely on Elisa's head, saying, "With you, madam, henceforth it
resteth to command." Elisa, accepting the honour, did even as it had
been done before her, in that, having first, to the satisfaction of
the company, taken order with the seneschal for that whereof there was
need for the time of her governance, she said, "We have many a time
heard how, by dint of smart sayings and ready repartees and prompt
advisements, many have availed with an apt retort[290] to take the
edge off other folks' teeth or to fend off imminent perils; and, for
that the matter is goodly and may be useful,[291] I will that
to-morrow, with God's aid, it be discoursed within these terms, to
wit, OF WHOSO, BEING ASSAILED WITH SOME JIBING SPEECH, HATH VINDICATED
HIMSELF OR HATH WITH SOME READY REPLY OR ADVISEMENT ESCAPED LOSS,
PERIL OR SHAME."
[Footnote 290: Lit. a due or deserved bite (_debito morso_). I mention
this to show the connection with teeth.]
[Footnote 291: An ellipsis of a kind common in Boccaccio and indeed in
all the old Italian writers, meaning "it may be useful to enlarge upon
the subject in question."]
This was much commended of all, whereupon the queen, rising to her
feet, dismissed them all until supper time. The honourable company,
seeing her risen, stood up all and each, according to the wonted
fashion, applied himself to that which was most agreeable to him. But,
the crickets having now given over singing, the queen let call every
one and they betook themselves to supper, which being despatched with
merry cheer, they all gave themselves to singing and making music, and
Emilia having, at the queen's commandment, set up a dance, Dioneo was
bidden sing a song, whereupon he straightway struck up with "Mistress
Aldruda, come lift up your fud-a, for I bring you, I bring you, good
tidings." Whereat all the ladies fell a-laughing and especially the
queen, who bade him leave that and sing another. Quoth Dioneo, "Madam,
had I a tabret, I would sing 'Come truss your coats, I prithee,
Mistress Burdock,' or 'Under the olive the grass is'; or will you have
me say 'The waves of the sea do great evil to me'? But I have no
tabret, so look which you will of these others. Will it please you
have 'Come forth unto us, so it may be cut down, like a May in the
midst of the meadows'?" "Nay," answered the queen; "give us another."
"Then," said Dioneo, "shall I sing, 'Mistress Simona, embarrel,