The Interesting Narrative of the Life of Olaudah Equiano, Or Gustavus Vassa, The African
in the year cannot penetrate or dissolve. The sun now being on the
decline the days shortened as we sailed to the southward; and, on the
28th, in latitude 73, it was dark by ten o'clock at night. September
the 10th, in latitude 58-59, we met a very severe gale of wind and
high seas, and shipped a great deal of water in the space of ten
hours. This made us work exceedingly hard at all our pumps a whole
day; and one sea, which struck the ship with more force than any thing
I ever met with of the kind before, laid her under water for some
time, so that we thought she would have gone down. Two boats were
washed from the booms, and the long-boat from the chucks: all other
moveable things on the deck were also washed away, among which were
many curious things of different kinds which we had brought from
Greenland; and we were obliged, in order to lighten the ship, to toss
some of our guns overboard. We saw a ship, at the same time, in very
great distress, and her masts were gone; but we were unable to assist
her. We now lost sight of the Carcass till the 26th, when we saw land
about Orfordness, off which place she joined us. From thence we sailed
for London, and on the 30th came up to Deptford. And thus ended our
Arctic voyage, to the no small joy of all on board, after having been
absent four months; in which time, at the imminent hazard of our
lives, we explored nearly as far towards the Pole as 81 degrees north,
and 20 degrees east longitude; being much farther, by all accounts,
than any navigator had ever ventured before; in which we fully proved
the impracticability of finding a passage that way to India.
CHAP. X.
_The author leaves Doctor Irving and engages on board a
Turkey ship--Account of a black man's being kidnapped on
board and sent to the West Indies, and the author's
fruitless endeavours to procure his freedom--Some account of
the manner of the author's conversion to the faith of Jesus
Christ._
Our voyage to the North Pole being ended, I returned to London with
Doctor Irving, with whom I continued for some time, during which I
began seriously to reflect on the dangers I had escaped, particularly
those of my last voyage, which made a lasting impression on my mind,
and, by the grace of God, proved afterwards a mercy to me; it caused
me to reflect deeply on my eternal state, and to seek the Lord with
full purpose of heart ere it was too late. I rejoiced greatly; and
heartily thanked the Lord for directing me to London, where I was
determined to work out my own salvation, and in so doing procure a
title to heaven, being the result of a mind blended by ignorance and
sin.
In process of time I left my master, Doctor Irving, the purifier of
waters, and lodged in Coventry-court, Haymarket, where I was
continually oppressed and much concerned about the salvation of my
soul, and was determined (in my own strength) to be a first-rate
Christian. I used every means for this purpose; and, not being able to
find any person amongst my acquaintance that agreed with me in point
of religion, or, in scripture language, 'that would shew me any good;'
I was much dejected, and knew not where to seek relief; however, I
first frequented the neighbouring churches, St. James's, and others,
two or three times a day, for many weeks: still I came away
dissatisfied; something was wanting that I could not obtain, and I
really found more heartfelt relief in reading my bible at home than in
attending the church; and, being resolved to be saved, I pursued other
methods still. First I went among the quakers, where the word of God
was neither read or preached, so that I remained as much in the dark
as ever. I then searched into the Roman catholic principles, but was
not in the least satisfied. At length I had recourse to the Jews,
which availed me nothing, for the fear of eternity daily harassed my
mind, and I knew not where to seek shelter from the wrath to come.
However this was my conclusion, at all events, to read the four
evangelists, and whatever sect or party I found adhering thereto such
I would join. Thus I went on heavily without any guide to direct me
the way that leadeth to eternal life. I asked different people
questions about the manner of going to heaven, and was told different
ways. Here I was much staggered, and could not find any at that time
more righteous than myself, or indeed so much inclined to devotion. I
thought we should not all be saved (this is agreeable to the holy
scriptures), nor would all be damned. I found none among the circle of
my acquaintance that kept wholly the ten commandments. So righteous
was I in my own eyes, that I was convinced I excelled many of them in
that point, by keeping eight out of ten; and finding those who in
general termed themselves Christians not so honest or so good in their
morals as the Turks, I really thought the Turks were in a safer way of
salvation than my neighbours: so that between hopes and fears I went
on, and the chief comforts I enjoyed were in the musical French horn,
which I then practised, and also dressing of hair. Such was my
situation some months, experiencing the dishonesty of many people
here. I determined at last to set out for Turkey, and there to end my
days. It was now early in the spring 1774. I sought for a master, and
found a captain John Hughes, commander of a ship called Anglicania,
fitting out in the river Thames, and bound to Smyrna in Turkey. I
shipped myself with him as a steward; at the same time I recommended
to him a very clever black man, John Annis, as a cook. This man was on
board the ship near two months doing his duty: he had formerly lived
many years with Mr. William Kirkpatrick, a gentleman of the island of
St. Kitts, from whom he parted by consent, though he afterwards tried
many schemes to inveigle the poor man. He had applied to many captains
who traded to St. Kitts to trepan him; and when all their attempts and
schemes of kidnapping proved abortive, Mr. Kirkpatrick came to our
ship at Union Stairs on Easter Monday, April the fourth, with two
wherry boats and six men, having learned that the man was on board;
and tied, and forcibly took him away from the ship, in the presence
of the crew and the chief mate, who had detained him after he had
notice to come away. I believe that this was a combined piece of
business: but, at any rate, it certainly reflected great disgrace on
the mate and captain also, who, although they had desired the
oppressed man to stay on board, yet he did not in the least assist to
recover him, or pay me a farthing of his wages, which was about five
pounds. I proved the only friend he had, who attempted to regain him
his liberty if possible, having known the want of liberty myself. I
sent as soon as I could to Gravesend, and got knowledge of the ship in
which he was; but unluckily she had sailed the first tide after he was
put on board. My intention was then immediately to apprehend Mr.
Kirkpatrick, who was about setting off for Scotland; and, having
obtained a _habeas corpus_ for him, and got a tipstaff to go with me
to St. Paul's church-yard, where he lived, he, suspecting something of
this kind, set a watch to look out. My being known to them occasioned
me to use the following deception: I whitened my face, that they might
not know me, and this had its desired effect. He did not go out of his
house that night, and next morning I contrived a well plotted
stratagem notwithstanding he had a gentleman in his house to personate
him. My direction to the tipstaff, who got admittance into the house,
was to conduct him to a judge, according to the writ. When he came
there, his plea was, that he had not the body in custody, on which he
was admitted to bail. I proceeded immediately to that philanthropist,
Granville Sharp, Esq. who received me with the utmost kindness, and
gave me every instruction that was needful on the occasion. I left him
in full hope that I should gain the unhappy man his liberty, with the
warmest sense of gratitude towards Mr. Sharp for his kindness; but,
alas! my attorney proved unfaithful; he took my money, lost me many
months employ, and did not do the least good in the cause: and when
the poor man arrived at St. Kitts, he was, according to custom, staked
to the ground with four pins through a cord, two on his wrists, and
two on his ancles, was cut and flogged most unmercifully, and
afterwards loaded cruelly with irons about his neck. I had two very
moving letters from him, while he was in this situation; and also was
told of it by some very respectable families now in London, who saw
him in St. Kitts, in the same state in which he remained till kind
death released him out of the hands of his tyrants. During this
disagreeable business I was under strong convictions of sin, and
thought that my state was worse than any man's; my mind was
unaccountably disturbed; I often wished for death, though at the same
time convinced I was altogether unprepared for that awful summons.
Suffering much by villains in the late cause, and being much concerned
about the state of my soul, these things (but particularly the latter)
brought me very low; so that I became a burden to myself, and viewed
all things around me as emptiness and vanity, which could give no
satisfaction to a troubled conscience. I was again determined to go to
Turkey, and resolved, at that time, never more to return to England. I
engaged as steward on board a Turkeyman (the Wester Hall, Capt.
Linna); but was prevented by means of my late captain, Mr. Hughes, and
others. All this appeared to be against me, and the only comfort I
then experienced was, in reading the holy scriptures, where I saw that
'there is no new thing under the sun,' Eccles. i. 9; and what was
appointed for me I must submit to. Thus I continued to travel in much
heaviness, and frequently murmured against the Almighty, particularly
in his providential dealings; and, awful to think! I began to
blaspheme, and wished often to be any thing but a human being. In
these severe conflicts the Lord answered me by awful 'visions of the
night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed,'
Job xxxiii. 15. He was pleased, in much mercy, to give me to see, and
in some measure to understand, the great and awful scene of the
judgment-day, that 'no unclean person, no unholy thing, can enter into
the kingdom of God,' Eph. v. 5. I would then, if it had been possible,
have changed my nature with the meanest worm on the earth; and was
ready to say to the mountains and rocks 'fall on me,' Rev. vi. 16; but
all in vain. I then requested the divine Creator that he would grant
me a small space of time to repent of my follies and vile iniquities,
which I felt were grievous. The Lord, in his manifold mercies, was
pleased to grant my request, and being yet in a state of time, the
sense of God's mercies was so great on my mind when I awoke, that my
strength entirely failed me for many minutes, and I was exceedingly
weak. This was the first spiritual mercy I ever was sensible of, and
being on praying ground, as soon as I recovered a little strength, and
got out of bed and dressed myself, I invoked Heaven from my inmost
soul, and fervently begged that God would never again permit me to
blaspheme his most holy name. The Lord, who is long-suffering, and
full of compassion to such poor rebels as we are, condescended to hear
and answer. I felt that I was altogether unholy, and saw clearly what
a bad use I had made of the faculties I was endowed with; they were
given me to glorify God with; I thought, therefore, I had better want
them here, and enter into life eternal, than abuse them and be cast
into hell fire. I prayed to be directed, if there were any holier than
those with whom I was acquainted, that the Lord would point them out