The Interesting Narrative of the Life of Olaudah Equiano, Or Gustavus Vassa, The African
bible, he that offends in one point is guilty of all?' I said, 'Yes.'
Then he assured me, that one sin unatoned for was as sufficient to
damn a soul as one leak was to sink a ship. Here I was struck with
awe; for the minister exhorted me much, and reminded me of the
shortness of time, and the length of eternity, and that no
unregenerate soul, or any thing unclean, could enter the kingdom of
Heaven. He did not admit me as a communicant; but recommended me to
read the scriptures, and hear the word preached, not to neglect
fervent prayer to God, who has promised to hear the supplications of
those who seek him in godly sincerity; so I took my leave of him, with
many thanks, and resolved to follow his advice, so far as the Lord
would condescend to enable me. During this time I was out of employ,
nor was I likely to get a situation suitable for me, which obliged me
to go once more to sea. I engaged as steward of a ship called the
Hope, Capt. Richard Strange, bound from London to Cadiz in Spain. In a
short time after I was on board I heard the name of God much
blasphemed, and I feared greatly, lest I should catch the horrible
infection. I thought if I sinned again, after having life and death
set evidently before me, I should certainly go to hell. My mind was
uncommonly chagrined, and I murmured much at God's providential
dealings with me, and was discontented with the commandments, that I
could not be saved by what I had done; I hated all things, and wished
I had never been born; confusion seized me, and I wished to be
annihilated. One day I was standing on the very edge of the stern of
the ship, thinking to drown myself; but this scripture was instantly
impressed on my mind--'that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in
him,' 1 John iii. 15. Then I paused, and thought myself the unhappiest
man living. Again I was convinced that the Lord was better to me than
I deserved, and I was better off in the world than many. After this I
began to fear death; I fretted, mourned, and prayed, till I became a
burden to others, but more so to myself. At length I concluded to beg
my bread on shore rather than go again to sea amongst a people who
feared not God, and I entreated the captain three different times to
discharge me; he would not, but each time gave me greater and greater
encouragement to continue with him, and all on board shewed me very
great civility: notwithstanding all this I was unwilling to embark
again. At last some of my religious friends advised me, by saying it
was my lawful calling, consequently it was my duty to obey, and that
God was not confined to place, &c. &c. particularly Mr. G.S. the
governor of Tothil-fields Bridewell, who pitied my case, and read the
eleventh chapter of the Hebrews to me, with exhortations. He prayed
for me, and I believed that he prevailed on my behalf, as my burden
was then greatly removed, and I found a heartfelt resignation to the
will of God. The good man gave me a pocket Bible and Allen's Alarm to
the unconverted. We parted, and the next day I went on board again. We
sailed for Spain, and I found favour with the captain. It was the
fourth of the month of September when we sailed from London; we had a
delightful voyage to Cadiz, where we arrived the twenty-third of the
same month. The place is strong, commands a fine prospect, and is very
rich. The Spanish galloons frequent that port, and some arrived whilst
we were there. I had many opportunities of reading the scriptures. I
wrestled hard with God in fervent prayer, who had declared in his word
that he would hear the groanings and deep sighs of the poor in spirit.
I found this verified to my utter astonishment and comfort in the
following manner:
On the morning of the 6th of October, (I pray you to attend) or all
that day, I thought that I should either see or hear something
supernatural. I had a secret impulse on my mind of something that was
to take place, which drove me continually for that time to a throne of
grace. It pleased God to enable me to wrestle with him, as Jacob did:
I prayed that if sudden death were to happen, and I perished, it might
be at Christ's feet.
In the evening of the same day, as I was reading and meditating on the
fourth chapter of the Acts, twelfth verse, under the solemn
apprehensions of eternity, and reflecting on my past actions, I began
to think I had lived a moral life, and that I had a proper ground to
believe I had an interest in the divine favour; but still meditating
on the subject, not knowing whether salvation was to be had partly for
our own good deeds, or solely as the sovereign gift of God; in this
deep consternation the Lord was pleased to break in upon my soul with
his bright beams of heavenly light; and in an instant as it were,
removing the veil, and letting light into a dark place, I saw clearly
with the eye of faith the crucified Saviour bleeding on the cross on
mount Calvary: the scriptures became an unsealed book, I saw myself a
condemned criminal under the law, which came with its full force to my
conscience, and when 'the commandment came sin revived, and I died,' I
saw the Lord Jesus Christ in his humiliation, loaded and bearing my
reproach, sin, and shame. I then clearly perceived that by the deeds
of the law no flesh living could be justified. I was then convinced
that by the first Adam sin came, and by the second Adam (the Lord
Jesus Christ) all that are saved must be made alive. It was given me
at that time to know what it was to be born again, John iii. 5. I saw
the eighth chapter to the Romans, and the doctrines of God's decrees,
verified agreeable to his eternal, everlasting, and unchangeable
purposes. The word of God was sweet to my taste, yea sweeter than
honey and the honeycomb. Christ was revealed to my soul as the
chiefest among ten thousand. These heavenly moments were really as
life to the dead, and what John calls an earnest of the Spirit[V].
This was indeed unspeakable, and I firmly believe undeniable by many.
Now every leading providential circumstance that happened to me, from
the day I was taken from my parents to that hour, was then in my view,
as if it had but just then occurred. I was sensible of the invisible
hand of God, which guided and protected me when in truth I knew it
not: still the Lord pursued me although I slighted and disregarded it;
this mercy melted me down. When I considered my poor wretched state I
wept, seeing what a great debtor I was to sovereign free grace. Now
the Ethiopian was willing to be saved by Jesus Christ, the sinner's
only surety, and also to rely on none other person or thing for
salvation. Self was obnoxious, and good works he had none, for it is
God that worketh in us both to will and to do. The amazing things of
that hour can never be told--it was joy in the Holy Ghost! I felt an
astonishing change; the burden of sin, the gaping jaws of hell, and
the fears of death, that weighed me down before, now lost their
horror; indeed I thought death would now be the best earthly friend I
ever had. Such were my grief and joy as I believe are seldom
experienced. I was bathed in tears, and said, What am I that God
should thus look on me the vilest of sinners? I felt a deep concern
for my mother and friends, which occasioned me to pray with fresh
ardour; and, in the abyss of thought, I viewed the unconverted people
of the world in a very awful state, being without God and without
hope.
It pleased God to pour out on me the Spirit of prayer and the grace of
supplication, so that in loud acclamations I was enabled to praise and
glorify his most holy name. When I got out of the cabin, and told some
of the people what the Lord had done for me, alas, who could
understand me or believe my report!--None but to whom the arm of the
Lord was revealed. I became a barbarian to them in talking of the love
of Christ: his name was to me as ointment poured forth; indeed it was
sweet to my soul, but to them a rock of offence. I thought my case
singular, and every hour a day until I came to London, for I much
longed to be with some to whom I could tell of the wonders of God's
love towards me, and join in prayer to him whom my soul loved and
thirsted after. I had uncommon commotions within, such as few can tell
aught about. Now the bible was my only companion and comfort; I prized
it much, with many thanks to God that I could read it for myself, and
was not left to be tossed about or led by man's devices and notions.
The worth of a soul cannot be told.--May the Lord give the reader an
understanding in this. Whenever I looked in the bible I saw things
new, and many texts were immediately applied to me with great comfort,
for I knew that to me was the word of salvation sent. Sure I was that
the Spirit which indited the word opened my heart to receive the truth
of it as it is in Jesus--that the same Spirit enabled me to act faith
upon the promises that were so precious to me, and enabled me to
believe to the salvation of my soul. By free grace I was persuaded
that I had a part in the first resurrection, and was 'enlightened with
the light of the living,' Job xxxiii. 30. I wished for a man of God
with whom I might converse: my soul was like the chariots of Aminidab,
Canticles vi. 12. These, among others, were the precious promises that
were so powerfully applied to me: 'All things whatsoever ye shall ask
in prayer, believing, ye shall receive,' Mat. xxi. 22. 'Peace I leave
with you, my peace I give unto you,' John xiv. 27. I saw the blessed
Redeemer to be the fountain of life, and the well of salvation. I
experienced him all in all; he had brought me by a way that I knew
not, and he had made crooked paths straight. Then in his name I set up
my Ebenezer, saying, Hitherto he hath helped me: and could say to the
sinners about me, Behold what a Saviour I have! Thus I was, by the
teaching of that all-glorious Deity, the great One in Three, and Three
in One, confirmed in the truths of the bible, those oracles of
everlasting truth, on which every soul living must stand or fall
eternally, agreeable to Acts iv. 12. 'Neither is there salvation in
any other, for there is none other name under heaven given among men
whereby we must be saved, but only Christ Jesus.' May God give the
reader a right understanding in these facts! To him that believeth all
things are possible, but to them that are unbelieving nothing is pure,
Titus i. 15. During this period we remained at Cadiz until our ship
got laden. We sailed about the fourth of November; and, having a good
passage, we arrived in London the month following, to my comfort, with
heartfelt gratitude to God for his rich and unspeakable mercies. On my
return I had but one text which puzzled me, or that the devil
endeavoured to buffet me with, viz. Rom. xi. 6. and, as I had heard of
the Reverend Mr. Romaine, and his great knowledge in the scriptures, I
wished much to hear him preach. One day I went to Blackfriars church,
and, to my great satisfaction and surprise, he preached from that very
text. He very clearly shewed the difference between human works and
free election, which is according to God's sovereign will and
pleasure. These glad tidings set me entirely at liberty, and I went
out of the church rejoicing, seeing my spots were those of God's
children. I went to Westminster Chapel, and saw some of my old
friends, who were glad when they perceived the wonderful change that
the Lord had wrought in me, particularly Mr. G---- S----, my worthy
acquaintance, who was a man of a choice spirit, and had great zeal for
the Lord's service. I enjoyed his correspondence till he died in the
year 1784. I was again examined at that same chapel, and was received
into church fellowship amongst them: I rejoiced in spirit, making
melody in my heart to the God of all my mercies. Now my whole wish was