The Life of Lazarillo de Tormes
Thus I left my poor third master, and know not his unhappy fate.
Looking back at all that had gone against me, I found that I had
managed my affairs in a reverse way. Masters are usually deserted by
their boys, but with me it was not so. For my master deserted and fled
from me.
FOURTH MASTER
HOW LAZARO TOOK SERVICE WITH A FRIAR OF THE ORDER OF MERCY, AND WHAT
HAPPENED TO HIM.
I had to seek for my fourth master. He was a friar of the Order of
Mercy, who was pointed out to me by my girl-friends. They called him a
relation. He was a great enemy of the choir, and of having his meals in
the convent. He was fond of walking about, of secular business, and of
paying visits, so much so that I think he wore out more shoes than any
one else in the convent. The friar gave me the first shoes I ever burst
in my life. They did not last eight days. I could not endure so much
trotting about. For this reason, and some other little things I will
not mention, I left him.
FIFTH MASTER
HOW LAZARO TOOK SERVICE WITH A SELLER OF PAPAL INDULGENCES
My fifth master chanced to be a man engaged in the sale of Papal
Indulgences.[26] He was the most shameless and impudent distributor
of them that ever I saw or hope to see, nor do I believe that any one
else ever saw one like him. For he had and sought out his own modes
and methods, and very cunning inventions. Coming to the place where
he wanted to effect the sales, he began by making trifling presents
to the clergy, but nothing of any great value: a lettuce of Murcia if
it was the season, a couple of lemons or oranges, a peach, a couple
of nectarines, or some green pears. In this way he got them into good
humour for favouring his business, and inducing their parishioners to
buy his Indulgences.
[26] The “Pardoner,” or seller of Indulgences, was also
caricatured in Chaucer’s _Canterbury Tales_, a century and a half
earlier.
[Sidenote: Subtle contrivances of the seller of Indulgences.]
If they said that they understood Latin, he did not say a word in
that language, for fear of stumbling, but he resorted a gentle and
well-considered way of telling his story, with a most seductive tongue.
If he found that the clergy were of the reverend class, he talked to
them in Latin for two hours, at least what appeared like Latin, though
it might not have been so. When the people did not buy the Indulgences
freely, he sought how to make them do so by bringing trouble on their
village. At other times he tried cunning tricks. But as all his devices
would take long to relate, I will only recount one that was specially
subtle, and proved his sufficiency.
He had preached for two or three days in a village near Toledo, using
all his accustomed arts, but no one had bought an Indulgence, nor
was there any sign of an intention to do so. He had devoted them all
to the Devil, and was meditating what to do next, when he determined
to call the parishioners together the next morning and make a last
effort. [Sidenote: Sham quarrel between the seller of Indulgences and
the constable.] That night he and the constable,[27] after supper,
sat down to play at cards, and they began to quarrel over the game,
and make use of bad language. The seller of Indulgences called the
constable a thief, and the constable called him a liar. On this my
master took up a lance which was in the doorway. The constable put
his hand on his sword. At the row they were making the guests and
neighbours came and got between them. In great fury the combatants
struggled to free themselves and get at each other. But as the
place was full of people they saw that they would be prevented from
fighting, so they again resorted to abusive language. Among other
things the constable said to my master that he was a liar, and that the
Indulgences about which he preached were false. At last the people, as
they could not pacify the disputants, determined to take the constable
away. Thus my master was left in a great rage. Later on the guests and
neighbours entreated him to moderate his anger and go to bed, which in
the end we all did.
[27] A pardoner always had a sergeant or constable with him, to
help him in such houses as refused to pay for their pardons at
the appointed time.
When morning came my master went to the church to arrange about the
Mass, and about preaching the sermon to announce the Indulgences. The
people assembled, but they came murmuring at the Indulgences, saying
that they were false, and that the constable himself had found it
out. If before they disliked buying them they now detested the idea.
[Sidenote: The seller of Indulgences begins his sermon.] The commissary
or seller of Indulgences went up into the pulpit, and began his sermon
by urging the people not to fail in getting the benefit of such a
blessing and such Indulgences as the sacred Bull brought them. When he
was in the middle of his sermon the constable entered by the door of
the church, and when he had said a prayer, he got up and addressed the
people in a loud voice. “Good people,” he said, “hear one word from me,
and then listen to any one you like. I came here with this cheat who is
preaching to you, and he deceived me. He said that I should help him in
this business, and that we would divide the profits. Now see the harm
he would have done to my conscience and to your pockets. [Sidenote:
Sham denunciation of the Indulgences by the constable.] I plainly
declare to you that the Indulgences he is preaching about are false,
and that you should not believe in them nor buy them. I will not be a
party to it, directly nor indirectly. From this time I give up the wand
of office and put it on the ground. If hereafter this man is punished
for his falsehoods, you must be my witness that I am not a party to
them, and have neither aided nor abetted them. On the contrary, I have
undeceived you and exposed his imposture.” Then he concluded his speech.
Some respectable men wanted to take the constable and turn him out of
the church to avoid scandal. But my master raised his hand and ordered
that no one should molest him on pain of excommunication. He declared
that the constable must be allowed to say whatever he liked. When the
constable had finished, my master asked him whether he wanted to say
anything more. The constable replied, “I could say a good deal more
about your falsehoods, but this will do for the present.”
The commissary then knelt down in the pulpit, clasped his hands, turned
his eyes up, and said: “O Lord! from whom nothing is hidden, and to
whom all things are known, to whom nothing is impossible but all things
are possible, Thou knowest the truth and how unjustly I have been
accused. All that concerns myself I freely pardon, as Thou, Lord, hast
pardoned me. Look not at this man who knows not what he does or says. I
only pray for justice. Some who are present may perchance have intended
to take these holy Indulgences, and on hearing the false words of that
man they may have changed their minds. So I pray to Thee, O Lord, that
Thou wilt work a miracle in this way. [Sidenote: Sham miracle worked
on the constable.] If what my accuser says is true, that I am evil and
false, let this pulpit sink from me forty feet under ground, and never
appear again. But if what I say is true, and that man is persuaded by
the Devil to try to deprive those present of such great benefits, let
him be punished, that all may know his malice.”
Scarcely had my devout master finished his speech when the bad
constable fell to the ground with such a noise that the church
resounded. Then he began to groan and foam at the mouth, making hideous
faces, throwing about his arms and legs, and rolling about on the
ground. The noise made by the people was so great that they could not
hear each other speak. Some were astounded and terrified. Others cried
to God for help. A few, not without trepidation, took his arms and held
his legs, for there is not a mule in the world that could have given
fiercer kicks. So they held him for a long time, there being more than
fifteen men keeping him down, and to all he gave blows, and, if they
were not careful, kicks also.
All this time my master was on his knees in the pulpit, with hands
and eyes raised to heaven, transported by the divine essence. The
noise and disturbance in the church had no effect on his sacred
contemplations. [Sidenote: The people intercede for the constable.]
Some good men came to him, and, speaking loudly to arouse him,
entreated him to succour that poor creature who was dying. They
besought him not to dwell upon things that were past, and not to
consider his evil deeds, as he had been punished. They prayed to him
that, if he could do any good, he would deliver the man from his
sufferings for the love of God. They declared that they clearly saw the
sin of the culprit, and my master’s truth and goodness, but entreated
him to pray to the Lord not to prolong the man’s punishment. [Sidenote:
All the people pray for the constable to be forgiven.] The commissary,
like one awaking from a delicious dream, looking long at the culprit
and at those who were round him, then said: “My good friends, you have
interceded for a man on whom God has so signally laid his Hands. But He
has enjoined us not to return evil for evil, and to pardon injuries. We
may confidently pray that His goodness will pardon this offender who
has tried to put obstacles into the working of His holy faith. Let us
all pray for this.”
He then came down from the pulpit, and desired that all should pray
very devoutly to our Lord to pardon that sinner, and restore him to
health and sound judgment, delivering him from the Devil, if, for his
great sin, the Evil One had been permitted to enter into him. All went
down on their knees before the altar, while the clergy began to chant
a litany in a low voice, coming with a cross and the holy water, after
singing over it. My master raised his hands to heaven, and turned
his eyes up until scarcely anything could be seen but the whites.
[Sidenote: The farce is carried on to completion.] He then commenced
an address not less long than devout, which made the people weep as
they do over a sermon on the Passion delivered by a famous preacher. He
prayed to the Lord not to require the death of the sinner, but rather
to give his life back to one who had been led away by the Devil, that,
being convinced of his sin unto death, he might receive pardon, life,
and health, and that he might repent and confess. This done, he would
receive the Indulgence.
Presently the sinful constable began gradually to recover until he was
himself again. When he was well, he fell at the feet of the commissary
asking for pardon, and confessing that what he had said was by order
of the Devil, to do my master harm and to be avenged on him, but
principally because the Devil was very much annoyed at the good that
was done by the Indulgences being received. My master pardoned him,
and signs of friendship were passed between them. Then there was such
eagerness to buy the Indulgences that scarcely a soul in the place was
without one--husbands and wives, sons and daughters, boys and girls.
The news of what had happened soon spread to the neighbouring villages,
and when we came to them it was not necessary to preach nor even to go
to church. In ten or twelve villages of that neighbourhood where we
were, my master sold as many thousand Indulgences, without having to
preach a single sermon. When he performed this farce, I confess that
I was astounded and believed like many others. [Sidenote: Lazaro was
behind the scenes.] But afterwards I was a witness to the jokes and
laughter that my master and the constable had over the business. I knew
how it had been planned and arranged by the industry and inventive