The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg, and Other Stories
that the best way to find out would be to ask. So I did it. The girl was
so manifestly gratified by the question that I saw she had been aching
to have me ask it. She was suffering fully as much to tell as I was to
know. She snuggled confidentially up to me and said:
'Guess how much he is worth--you never can!'
I pretended to consider the matter deeply, she watching my anxious and
labouring countenance with a devouring and delighted interest; and when,
at last, I gave it up and begged her to appease my longing by telling
me herself how much this polar Vanderbilt was worth, she put her mouth
close to my ear and whispered, impressively:
'Twenty-two fish-hooks--not bone, but foreign--made out of real iron!'
Then she sprang back dramatically, to observe the effect. I did my level
best not to disappoint her. I turned pale and murmured:
'Great Scott!'
'It's as true as you live, Mr. Twain!'
'Lasca, you are deceiving me--you cannot mean it.'
She was frightened and troubled. She exclaimed:
'Mr. Twain, every word of it is true--every word. You believe me--you do
believe me, now don't you? Say you believe me--do say you believe me!'
'I--well, yes, I do--I am trying to. But it was all so sudden. So sudden
and prostrating. You shouldn't do such a thing in that sudden way. It--'
'Oh, I'm so sorry! If I had only thought--'
'Well, it's all right, and I don't blame you any more, for you are young
and thoughtless, and of course you couldn't foresee what an effect--'
'But oh, dear, I ought certainly to have known better. Why--'
'You see, Lasca, if you had said five or six hooks, to start with, and
then gradually--'
'Oh, I see, I see--then gradually added one, and then two, and then--ah,
why couldn't I have thought of that!'
'Never mind, child, it's all right--I am better now--I shall be over
it in a little while. But--to spring the whole twenty-two on a person
unprepared and not very strong anyway--'
'Oh, it was a crime! But you forgive me--say you forgive me. Do!'
After harvesting a good deal of very pleasant coaxing and petting and
persuading, I forgave her and she was happy again, and by-and-by she got
under way with her narrative once more. I presently discovered that the
family treasury contained still another feature--a jewel of some sort,
apparently--and that she was trying to get around speaking squarely
about it, lest I get paralysed again. But I wanted to know about that
thing, too, and urged her to tell me what it was. She was afraid. But I
insisted, and said I would brace myself this time and be prepared,
then the shock would not hurt me. She was full of misgivings, but the
temptation to reveal that marvel to me and enjoy my astonishment and
admiration was too strong for her, and she confessed that she had it on
her person, and said that if I was sure I was prepared--and so on and so
on--and with that she reached into her bosom and brought out a battered
square of brass, watching my eye anxiously the while. I fell over
against her in a quite well-acted faint, which delighted her heart and
nearly frightened it out of her, too, at the same time. When I came to
and got calm, she was eager to know what I thought of her jewel.
'What do I think of it? I think it is the most exquisite thing I ever
saw.'
'Do you really? How nice of you to say that! But it is a love, now isn't
it?'
'Well, I should say so! I'd rather own it than the equator.'
'I thought you would admire it,' she said. 'I think it is so lovely. And
there isn't another one in all these latitudes. People have come all the
way from the open Polar Sea to look at it. Did you ever see one before?'
I said no, this was the first one I had ever seen. It cost me a pang
to tell that generous lie, for I had seen a million of them in my time,
this humble jewel of hers being nothing but a battered old New York
Central baggage check.
'Land!' said I, 'you don't go about with it on your person this way,
alone and with no protection, not even a dog?'
'Ssh! not so loud,' she said. 'Nobody knows I carry it with me. They
think it is in papa's treasury. That is where it generally is.'
'Where is the treasury?'
It was a blunt question, and for a moment she looked startled and a
little suspicious, but I said:
'Oh, come, don't you be afraid about me. At home we have seventy
millions of people, and although I say it myself that shouldn't,
there is not one person among them all but would trust me with untold
fish-hooks.'
This reassured her, and she told me where the hooks were hidden in the
house. Then she wandered from her course to brag a little about the size
of the sheets of transparent ice that formed the windows of the mansion,
and asked me if I had ever seen their like at home, and I came right
out frankly and confessed that I hadn't, which pleased her more than she
could find words to dress her gratification in. It was so easy to please
her, and such a pleasure to do it, that I went on and said--
'Ah, Lasca, you are a fortunate girl!--this beautiful house, this dainty
jewel, that rich treasure, all this elegant snow, and sumptuous icebergs
and limitless sterility, and public bears and walruses, and noble
freedom and largeness and everybody's admiring eyes upon you, and
everybody's homage and respect at your command without the asking;
young, rich, beautiful, sought, courted, envied, not a requirement
unsatisfied, not a desire ungratified, nothing to wish for that you
cannot have--it is immeasurable good-fortune! I have seen myriads of
girls, but none of whom these extraordinary things could be truthfully
said but you alone. And you are worthy--worthy of it all, Lasca--I
believe it in my heart.'
It made her infinitely proud and happy to hear me say this, and she
thanked me over and over again for that closing remark, and her voice
and eyes showed that she was touched. Presently she said:
'Still, it is not all sunshine--there is a cloudy side. The burden of
wealth is a heavy one to bear. Sometimes I have doubted if it were not
better to be poor--at least not inordinately rich. It pains me to see
neighbouring tribesmen stare as they pass by, and overhear them say,
reverently, one to another, “There--that is she--the millionaire's
daughter!” And sometimes they say sorrowfully, “She is rolling in
fish-hooks, and I--I have nothing.” It breaks my heart. When I was a
child and we were poor, we slept with the door open, if we chose, but
now--now we have to have a night-watchman. In those days my father
was gentle and courteous to all; but now he is austere and haughty and
cannot abide familiarity. Once his family were his sole thought, but now
he goes about thinking of his fish-hooks all the time. And his wealth
makes everybody cringing and obsequious to him. Formerly nobody laughed
at his jokes, they being always stale and far-fetched and poor, and
destitute of the one element that can really justify a joke--the element
of humour; but now everybody laughs and cackles at these dismal things,
and if any fails to do it my father is deeply displeased, and shows it.
Formerly his opinion was not sought upon any matter and was not valuable
when he volunteered it; it has that infirmity yet, but, nevertheless,
it is sought by all and applauded by all--and he helps do the applauding
himself, having no true delicacy and a plentiful want of tact. He has
lowered the tone of all our tribe. Once they were a frank and manly
race, now they are measly hypocrites, and sodden with servility. In my
heart of hearts I hate all the ways of millionaires! Our tribe was
once plain, simple folk, and content with the bone fish-hooks of their
fathers; now they are eaten up with avarice and would sacrifice every
sentiment of honour and honesty to possess themselves of the debasing
iron fish-hooks of the foreigner. However, I must not dwell on these sad
things. As I have said, it was my dream to be loved for myself alone.
'At last, this dream seemed about to be fulfilled. A stranger came by,
one day, who said his name was Kalula. I told him my name, and he said
he loved me. My heart gave a great bound of gratitude and pleasure, for
I had loved him at sight, and now I said so. He took me to his breast
and said he would not wish to be happier than he was now. We went
strolling together far over the ice-floes, telling all about each other,
and planning, oh, the loveliest future! When we were tired at last we
sat down and ate, for he had soap and candles and I had brought along
some blubber. We were hungry and nothing was ever so good.
'He belonged to a tribe whose haunts were far to the north, and I found
that he had never heard of my father, which rejoiced me exceedingly. I
mean he had heard of the millionaire, but had never heard his name--so,
you see, he could not know that I was the heiress. You may be sure that
I did not tell him. I was loved for myself at last, and was satisfied. I
was so happy--oh, happier than you can think!
'By-and-by it was towards supper time, and I led him home. As we
approached our house he was amazed, and cried out:
'“How splendid! Is that your father's?”
'It gave me a pang to hear that tone and see that admiring light in his
eye, but the feeling quickly passed away, for I loved him so, and he
looked so handsome and noble. All my family of aunts and uncles and
cousins were pleased with him, and many guests were called in, and the
house was shut up tight and the rag lamps lighted, and when everything
was hot and comfortable and suffocating, we began a joyous feast in
celebration of my betrothal.
'When the feast was over my father's vanity overcame him, and he could
not resist the temptation to show off his riches and let Kalula see
what grand good-fortune he had stumbled into--and mainly, of course,
he wanted to enjoy the poor man's amazement. I could have cried--but it
would have done no good to try to dissuade my father, so I said nothing,
but merely sat there and suffered.
'My father went straight to the hiding-place in full sight of everybody,
and got out the fish-hooks and brought them and flung them scatteringly
over my head, so that they fell in glittering confusion on the platform
at my lover's knee.
'Of course, the astounding spectacle took the poor lad's breath away.
He could only stare in stupid astonishment, and wonder how a single
individual could possess such incredible riches. Then presently he
glanced brilliantly up and exclaimed:
'“Ah, it is you who are the renowned millionaire!”
'My father and all the rest burst into shouts of happy laughter, and
when my father gathered the treasure carelessly up as if it might be
mere rubbish and of no consequence, and carried it back to its place,
poor Kulala's surprise was a study. He said:
'“Is it possible that you put such things away without counting them?”
'My father delivered a vain-glorious horse-laugh, and said:
'“Well, truly, a body may know you have never been rich, since a mere
matter of a fish-hook or two is such a mighty matter in your eyes.”
'Kalula was confused, and hung his head, but said:
'“Ah, indeed, sir, I was never worth the value of the barb of one of
those precious things, and I have never seen any man before who was so
rich in them as to render the counting of his hoard worth while, since
the wealthiest man I have ever known, till now, was possessed of but
three.”
'My foolish father roared again with jejune delight, and allowed the
impression to remain that he was not accustomed to count his hooks and
keep sharp watch over them. He was showing off, you see. Count them?
Why, he counted them every day!
'I had met and got acquainted with my darling just at dawn; I had
brought him home just at dark, three hours afterwards--for the days were