The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg, and Other Stories
towards the Government benches: 'But in any case, gentlemen of the
Majority, make sure of this: henceforth, as before, you find us at our
post. The Germans of Austria will neither surrender nor die!'
Then burst a storm of applause which rose and fell, rose and fell, burst
out again and again and again, explosion after explosion, hurricane
after hurricane, with no apparent promise of ever coming to an end; and
meantime the whole Left was surging and weltering about the champion,
all bent upon wringing his hand and congratulating him and glorifying
him.
Finally he got away, and went home and ate five loaves and twelve
baskets of fish, read the morning papers, slept three hours, took a
short drive, then returned to the House, and sat out the rest of the
thirty-three-hour session.
To merely stand up in one spot twelve hours on a stretch is a feat
which very few men could achieve; to add to the task the utterance of a
hundred thousand words would be beyond the possibilities of the most of
those few; to superimpose the requirement that the words should be put
into the form of a compact, coherent, and symmetrical oration would
probably rule out the rest of the few, bar Dr. Lecher.
III.--CURIOUS PARLIAMENTARY ETIQUETTE.
In consequence of Dr. Lecher's twelve-hour speech and the other
obstructions furnished by the Minority, the famous thirty-three-hour
sitting of the House accomplished nothing. The Government side had made
a supreme effort, assisting itself with all the helps at hand, both
lawful and unlawful, yet had failed to get the Ausgleich into the hands
of a committee. This was a severe defeat. The Right was mortified, the
Left jubilant.
Parliament was adjourned for a week--to let the members cool off,
perhaps--a sacrifice of precious time; for but two months remained in
which to carry the all-important Ausgleich to a consummation.
If I have reported the behaviour of the House intelligibly, the reader
has been surprised by it, and has wondered whence these law-makers come
and what they are made of; and he has probably supposed that the conduct
exhibited at the Long Sitting was far out of the common, and due to
special excitement and irritation. As to the make-up of the House, it
is this: the deputies come from all the walks of life and from all the
grades of society. There are princes, counts, barons, priests,
peasants, mechanics, labourers, lawyers, judges, physicians, professors,
merchants, bankers, shopkeepers. They are religious men, they are
earnest, sincere, devoted, and they hate the Jews. The title of Doctor
is so common in the House that one may almost say that the deputy who
does not bear it is by that reason conspicuous. I am assured that it is
not a self-granted title, and not an honorary one, but an earned one;
that in Austria it is very seldom conferred as a mere compliment; that
in Austria the degrees of Doctor of Music, Doctor of Philosophy, and so
on, are not conferred by the seats of learning; and so, when an Austrian
is called Doctor, it means that he is either a lawyer or a physician,
and that he is not a self-educated man, but is college-bred, and has
been diplomaed for merit.
That answers the question of the constitution of the House. Now as to
the House's curious manners. The manners exhibited by this convention of
Doctors were not at that time being tried as a wholly new experiment.
I will go back to a previous sitting in order to show that the deputies
had already had some practice.
There had been an incident. The dignity of the House had been wounded
by improprieties indulged in in its presence by a couple of the members.
This matter was placed in the hands of a committee to determine where
the guilt lay and the degree of it, and also to suggest the punishment.
The chairman of the committee brought in his report. By this it appeared
that in the course of a speech, Deputy Schrammel said that religion
had no proper place in the public schools--it was a private matter.
Whereupon Deputy Gregorig shouted, 'How about free love!'
To this, Deputy Iro flung out this retort: 'Soda-water at the
Wimberger!'
This appeared to deeply offend Deputy Gregorig, who shouted back at Iro,
'You cowardly blatherskite, say that again!'
The committee had sat three hours. Gregorig had apologised. Iro
explained that he didn't say anything about soda-water at the Wimberger.
He explained in writing, and was very explicit: 'I declare upon my word
of honour that I did not say the words attributed to me.'
Unhappily for his word of honour, it was proved by the official
stenographers and by the testimony of several deputies that he did say
them.
The committee did not officially know why the apparently inconsequential
reference to soda-water at the Wimberger should move Deputy Gregorig
to call the utterer of it a cowardly blatherskite; still, after proper
deliberation, it was of the opinion that the House ought to formally
censure the whole business. This verdict seems to have been regarded as
sharply severe. I think so because Deputy Dr. Lueger, Burgermeister
of Vienna, felt it a duty to soften the blow to his friend Gregorig
by showing that the soda-water remark was not so innocuous as it might
look; that, indeed, Gregorig's tough retort was justifiable--and he
proceeded to explain why. He read a number of scandalous post-cards
which he intimated had proceeded from Iro, as indicated by the
handwriting, though they were anonymous. Some of them were posted to
Gregorig at his place of business and could have been read by all his
subordinates; the others were posted to Gregorig's wife. Lueger did not
say--but everybody knew--that the cards referred to a matter of town
gossip which made Mr. Gregorig a chief actor in a tavern scene where
siphon-squirting played a prominent and humorous part, and wherein women
had a share.
There were several of the cards; more than several, in fact; no fewer
than five were sent in one day. Dr. Lueger read some of them, and
described others. Some of them had pictures on them; one a picture of a
hog with a monstrous snout, and beside it a squirting soda-siphon; below
it some sarcastic doggerel.
Gregorig dealt in shirts, cravats, etc. One of the cards bore these
words: 'Much-respected Deputy and collar-sewer--or stealer.'
Another: 'Hurrah for the Christian-Social work among the
women-assemblages! Hurrah for the soda-squirter!' Comment by Dr. Lueger:
'I cannot venture to read the rest of that one, nor the signature,
either.'
Another: 'Would you mind telling me if....' Comment by Dr. Lueger: 'The
rest of it is not properly readable.'
To Deputy Gregorig's wife: 'Much-respected Madam Gregorig,--The
undersigned desires an invitation to the next soda-squirt.' Comment
by Dr. Lueger: 'Neither the rest of the card nor the signature can I
venture to read to the House, so vulgar are they.'
The purpose of this card--to expose Gregorig to his family--was repeated
in others of these anonymous missives.
The House, by vote, censured the two improper deputies.
This may have had a modifying effect upon the phraseology of the
membership for a while, and upon its general exuberance also, but it was
not for long. As has been seen, it had become lively once more on the
night of the Long Sitting. At the next sitting after the long one there
was certainly no lack of liveliness. The President was persistently
ignoring the Rules of the House in the interest of the government side,
and the Minority were in an unappeasable fury about it. The ceaseless
din and uproar, the shouting and stamping and desk-banging, were
deafening, but through it all burst voices now and then that made
themselves heard. Some of the remarks were of a very candid sort, and
I believe that if they had been uttered in our House of Representatives
they would have attracted attention. I will insert some samples here.
Not in their order, but selected on their merits:
Mr. Mayreder (to the President). 'You have lied! You conceded the floor
to me; make it good, or you have lied!'
Mr. Glockner (to the President). 'Leave! Get out!'
Wolf (indicating the President). 'There sits a man to whom a certain
title belongs!'
Unto Wolf, who is continuously reading, in a powerful voice, from a
newspaper, arrive these personal remarks from the Majority: 'Oh, shut
your mouth!' 'Put him out!' 'Out with him!' Wolf stops reading a moment
to shout at Dr. Lueger, who has the floor but cannot get a hearing,
'Please, Betrayer of the People, begin!'
Dr. Lueger, 'Meine Herren--' ['Oho!' and groans.)
Wolf. 'That's the holy light of the Christian Socialists!'
Mr. Kletzenbauer (Christian Socialist). 'Dam--nation! Are you ever going
to quiet down?'
Wolf discharges a galling remark at Mr. Wohlmeyer.
Wohlmeyer (responding). 'You Jew, you!'
There is a moment's lull, and Dr. Lueger begins his speech. Graceful,
handsome man, with winning manners and attractive bearing, a bright and
easy speaker, and is said to know how to trim his political sails to
catch any favouring wind that blows. He manages to say a few words, then
the tempest overwhelms him again.
Wolf stops reading his paper a moment to say a drastic thing about
Lueger and his Christian-Social pieties, which sets the C.S.S. in a sort
of frenzy.
Mr. Vielohlawek. 'You leave the Christian Socialists alone, you
word-of-honour-breaker! Obstruct all you want to, but you leave them
alone! You've no business in this House; you belong in a gin-mill!'
Mr. Prochazka. 'In a lunatic-asylum, you mean!'
Vielohlawek. 'It's a pity that such a man should be leader of the Germans;
he disgraces the German name!'
Dr. Scheicher. 'It's a shame that the like of him should insult us.'
Strohbach (to Wolf). 'Contemptible cub--we will bounce thee out of
this!' (It is inferable that the 'thee' is not intended to indicate
affection this time, but to re-enforce and emphasise Mr. Storhbach's
scorn.)
Dr. Scheicher. 'His insults are of no consequence. He wants his ears
boxed.'
Dr. Lueger (to Wolf). 'You'd better worry a trifle over your Iro's word
of honour. You are behaving like a street arab.'
Dr. Scheicher. 'It is infamous!'
Dr. Lueger. 'And these shameless creatures are the leaders of the German
People's Party!'
Meantime Wolf goes whooping along with his newspaper readings in great
contentment.
Dr. Pattai. 'Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You haven't the floor!'
Strohbach. 'The miserable cub!'
Dr. Lueger (to Wolf, raising his voice strenuously above the storm).
'You are a wholly honourless street brat!' (A voice, 'Fire the
rapscallion out!' But Wolf's soul goes marching noisily on, just the
same.)
Schonerer (vast and muscular, and endowed with the most powerful voice
in the Reichsrath; comes ploughing down through the standing crowds,
red, and choking with anger; halts before Deputy Wohlmeyer, grabs a rule
and smashes it with a blow upon a desk, threatens Wohlmeyer's face with
his fist, and bellows out some personalities, and a promise). 'Only you
wait--we'll teach you!' (A whirlwind of offensive retorts assails him
from the band of meek and humble Christian Socialists compacted
around their leader, that distinguished religious expert, Dr. Lueger,
Burgermeister of Vienna. Our breath comes in excited gasps now, and we
are full of hope. We imagine that we are back fifty years ago in the
Arkansas Legislature, and we think we know what is going to happen, and
are glad we came, and glad we are up in the gallery, out of the way,
where we can see the whole thing and yet not have to supply any of the
material for the inquest. However, as it turns out, our confidence is
abused, our hopes are misplaced.)
Dr. Pattai (wildly excited). 'You quiet down, or we shall turn ourselves
loose! There will be cuffing of ears!'