The Old Curiosity Shop
English grammar, composition, geography, and the use of the dumb-bells,
by Miss Melissa Wackles; writing, arithmetic, dancing, music, and
general fascination, by Miss Sophia Wackles; the art of needle-work,
marking, and samplery, by Miss Jane Wackles; corporal punishment,
fasting, and other tortures and terrors, by Mrs Wackles. Miss Melissa
Wackles was the eldest daughter, Miss Sophy the next, and Miss Jane the
youngest. Miss Melissa might have seen five-and-thirty summers or
thereabouts, and verged on the autumnal; Miss Sophy was a fresh, good
humoured, buxom girl of twenty; and Miss Jane numbered scarcely sixteen
years. Mrs Wackles was an excellent but rather venomous old lady of
three-score.
To this Ladies’ Seminary, then, Richard Swiveller hied, with designs
obnoxious to the peace of the fair Sophia, who, arrayed in virgin
white, embellished by no ornament but one blushing rose, received him
on his arrival, in the midst of very elegant not to say brilliant
preparations; such as the embellishment of the room with the little
flower-pots which always stood on the window-sill outside, save in
windy weather when they blew into the area; the choice attire of the
day-scholars who were allowed to grace the festival; the unwonted curls
of Miss Jane Wackles who had kept her head during the whole of the
preceding day screwed up tight in a yellow play-bill; and the solemn
gentility and stately bearing of the old lady and her eldest daughter,
which struck Mr Swiveller as being uncommon but made no further
impression upon him.
The truth is--and, as there is no accounting for tastes, even a taste
so strange as this may be recorded without being looked upon as a
wilful and malicious invention--the truth is that neither Mrs Wackles
nor her eldest daughter had at any time greatly favoured the
pretensions of Mr Swiveller, being accustomed to make slight mention of
him as ‘a gay young man’ and to sigh and shake their heads ominously
whenever his name was mentioned. Mr Swiveller’s conduct in respect to
Miss Sophy having been of that vague and dilatory kind which is usually
looked upon as betokening no fixed matrimonial intentions, the young
lady herself began in course of time to deem it highly desirable, that
it should be brought to an issue one way or other. Hence she had at
last consented to play off against Richard Swiveller a stricken
market-gardner known to be ready with his offer on the smallest
encouragement, and hence--as this occasion had been specially assigned
for the purpose--that great anxiety on her part for Richard Swiveller’s
presence which had occasioned her to leave the note he has been seen to
receive. ‘If he has any expectations at all or any means of keeping a
wife well,’ said Mrs Wackles to her eldest daughter, ‘he’ll state ‘em
to us now or never.’--‘If he really cares about me,’ thought Miss
Sophy, ‘he must tell me so, to-night.’
But all these sayings and doings and thinkings being unknown to Mr
Swiveller, affected him not in the least; he was debating in his mind
how he could best turn jealous, and wishing that Sophy were for that
occasion only far less pretty than she was, or that she were her own
sister, which would have served his turn as well, when the company
came, and among them the market-gardener, whose name was Cheggs. But Mr
Cheggs came not alone or unsupported, for he prudently brought along
with him his sister, Miss Cheggs, who making straight to Miss Sophy and
taking her by both hands, and kissing her on both cheeks, hoped in an
audible whisper that they had not come too early.
‘Too early, no!’ replied Miss Sophy.
‘Oh, my dear,’ rejoined Miss Cheggs in the same whisper as before,
‘I’ve been so tormented, so worried, that it’s a mercy we were not here
at four o’clock in the afternoon. Alick has been in such a state of
impatience to come! You’d hardly believe that he was dressed before
dinner-time and has been looking at the clock and teasing me ever
since. It’s all your fault, you naughty thing.’
Hereupon Miss Sophy blushed, and Mr Cheggs (who was bashful before
ladies) blushed too, and Miss Sophy’s mother and sisters, to prevent Mr
Cheggs from blushing more, lavished civilities and attentions upon him,
and left Richard Swiveller to take care of himself. Here was the very
thing he wanted, here was good cause reason and foundation for
pretending to be angry; but having this cause reason and foundation
which he had come expressly to seek, not expecting to find, Richard
Swiveller was angry in sound earnest, and wondered what the devil
Cheggs meant by his impudence.
However, Mr Swiveller had Miss Sophy’s hand for the first quadrille
(country-dances being low, were utterly proscribed) and so gained an
advantage over his rival, who sat despondingly in a corner and
contemplated the glorious figure of the young lady as she moved through
the mazy dance. Nor was this the only start Mr Swiveller had of the
market-gardener, for determining to show the family what quality of man
they trifled with, and influenced perhaps by his late libations, he
performed such feats of agility and such spins and twirls as filled the
company with astonishment, and in particular caused a very long
gentleman who was dancing with a very short scholar, to stand quite
transfixed by wonder and admiration. Even Mrs Wackles forgot for the
moment to snub three small young ladies who were inclined to be happy,
and could not repress a rising thought that to have such a dancer as
that in the family would be a pride indeed.
At this momentous crisis, Miss Cheggs proved herself a vigourous and
useful ally, for not confining herself to expressing by scornful smiles
a contempt for Mr Swiveller’s accomplishments, she took every
opportunity of whispering into Miss Sophy’s ear expressions of
condolence and sympathy on her being worried by such a ridiculous
creature, declaring that she was frightened to death lest Alick should
fall upon, and beat him, in the fulness of his wrath, and entreating
Miss Sophy to observe how the eyes of the said Alick gleamed with love
and fury; passions, it may be observed, which being too much for his
eyes rushed into his nose also, and suffused it with a crimson glow.
‘You must dance with Miss Cheggs,’ said Miss Sophy to Dick Swiviller,
after she had herself danced twice with Mr Cheggs and made great show
of encouraging his advances. ‘She’s a nice girl--and her brother’s
quite delightful.’
‘Quite delightful, is he?’ muttered Dick. ‘Quite delighted too, I
should say, from the manner in which he’s looking this way.’
Here Miss Jane (previously instructed for the purpose) interposed her
many curls and whispered her sister to observe how jealous Mr Cheggs
was.
‘Jealous! Like his impudence!’ said Richard Swiviller.
‘His impudence, Mr Swiviller!’ said Miss Jane, tossing her head. ‘Take
care he don’t hear you, sir, or you may be sorry for it.’
‘Oh, pray, Jane--’ said Miss Sophy.
‘Nonsense!’ replied her sister. ‘Why shouldn’t Mr Cheggs be jealous if
he likes? I like that, certainly. Mr Cheggs has a good a right to be
jealous as anyone else has, and perhaps he may have a better right soon
if he hasn’t already. You know best about that, Sophy!’
Though this was a concerted plot between Miss Sophy and her sister,
originating in humane intentions and having for its object the inducing
Mr Swiviller to declare himself in time, it failed in its effect; for
Miss Jane being one of those young ladies who are prematurely shrill
and shrewish, gave such undue importance to her part that Mr Swiviller
retired in dudgeon, resigning his mistress to Mr Cheggs and conveying a
defiance into his looks which that gentleman indignantly returned.
‘Did you speak to me, sir?’ said Mr Cheggs, following him into a
corner. ‘Have the kindness to smile, sir, in order that we may not be
suspected. Did you speak to me, sir’?
Mr Swiviller looked with a supercilious smile at Mr Chegg’s toes, then
raised his eyes from them to his ankles, from that to his shin, from
that to his knee, and so on very gradually, keeping up his right leg,
until he reached his waistcoat, when he raised his eyes from button to
button until he reached his chin, and travelling straight up the middle
of his nose came at last to his eyes, when he said abruptly,
‘No, sir, I didn’t.’
‘’Hem!’ said Mr Cheggs, glancing over his shoulder, ‘have the goodness
to smile again, sir. Perhaps you wished to speak to me, sir.’
‘No, sir, I didn’t do that, either.’
‘Perhaps you may have nothing to say to me now, sir,’ said Mr Cheggs
fiercely.
At these words Richard Swiviller withdrew his eyes from Mr Chegg’s
face, and travelling down the middle of his nose and down his waistcoat
and down his right leg, reached his toes again, and carefully surveyed
him; this done, he crossed over, and coming up the other leg, and
thence approaching by the waistcoat as before, said when had got to his
eyes, ‘No sir, I haven’t.’
‘Oh, indeed, sir!’ said Mr Cheggs. ‘I’m glad to hear it. You know where
I’m to be found, I suppose, sir, in case you should have anything to
say to me?’
‘I can easily inquire, sir, when I want to know.’
‘There’s nothing more we need say, I believe, sir?’
‘Nothing more, sir’--With that they closed the tremendous dialog by
frowning mutually. Mr Cheggs hastened to tender his hand to Miss Sophy,
and Mr Swiviller sat himself down in a corner in a very moody state.
Hard by this corner, Mrs Wackles and Miss Wackles were seated, looking
on at the dance; and unto Mrs and Miss Wackles, Miss Cheggs
occasionally darted when her partner was occupied with his share of the
figure, and made some remark or other which was gall and wormwood to
Richard Swiviller’s soul. Looking into the eyes of Mrs and Miss Wackles
for encouragement, and sitting very upright and uncomfortable on a
couple of hard stools, were two of the day-scholars; and when Miss
Wackles smiled, and Mrs Wackles smiled, the two little girls on the
stools sought to curry favour by smiling likewise, in gracious
acknowledgement of which attention the old lady frowned them down
instantly, and said that if they dared to be guilty of such an
impertinence again, they should be sent under convoy to their
respective homes. This threat caused one of the young ladies, she being
of a weak and trembling temperament, to shed tears, and for this
offense they were both filed off immediately, with a dreadful
promptitude that struck terror into the souls of all the pupils.
‘I’ve got such news for you,’ said Miss Cheggs approaching once more,
‘Alick has been saying such things to Sophy. Upon my word, you know,
it’s quite serious and in earnest, that’s clear.’
‘What’s he been saying, my dear?’ demanded Mrs Wackles.
‘All manner of things,’ replied Miss Cheggs, ‘you can’t think how out
he has been speaking!’
Richard Swiviller considered it advisable to hear no more, but taking
advantage of a pause in the dancing, and the approach of Mr Cheggs to
pay his court to the old lady, swaggered with an extremely careful
assumption of extreme carelessness toward the door, passing on the way
Miss Jane Wackles, who in all the glory of her curls was holding a
flirtation, (as good practice when no better was to be had) with a
feeble old gentleman who lodged in the parlour. Near the door sat Miss
Sophy, still fluttered and confused by the attentions of Mr Cheggs, and
by her side Richard Swiveller lingered for a moment to exchange a few
parting words.
‘My boat is on the shore and my bark is on the sea, but before I pass
this door I will say farewell to thee,’ murmured Dick, looking gloomily
upon her.
‘Are you going?’ said Miss Sophy, whose heart sank within her at the
result of her stratagem, but who affected a light indifference
notwithstanding.